Title: I Could Stay Away Forever
Chapter: 1/1
Author: ohemgeeitscoley
Rating: T
Summary: She could stay away : I don't own the characters, they belong to L.J. Smith, Kevin Williamson, and Julie Plec. I also don't own the song "I could stay away forever" by Snow Patrol
A/N: I haven't written anything in about five years, so to say I'm rusty would be a huge understatement. This is also my first time writing TVD, so I'm sorry for the OCC that I know is going to happen. This takes place about a year after the Klaus situation is done and over with. Please review, constructive criticism is appreciated, but please no flames.
Enjoy J
I could stay away forever…
You would think that after everything we've been through together, that my stomach would stop flipping every time I saw him. You would think that after two years of dating his brother (..) I would have successfully managed to convince myself that I wasn't in love with him because there is absolutely no reason for me to be. I should love Stefan,. I wish my heart would just get Stockholm syndrome and forget about Damon, I know it won't though.
I know he knows. A part of me wishes he'd stop being such a coward and make me admit it, to take all the guilt away. He won't. I know he won't. I think he loves watching me squirm, loves watching the guilt of loving him eat at me. It's sadistic and cruel. I know I'll never make him stop doing it though. I'll never admit that I love him, even if I know he'll never stop punishing me for it.
The truth is, I deserve it.
The glass shattering next to me doesn't even phase me, neither does Damon pushing me against the wall, he's face morphing into something from little girl's nightmares. I'm not sure what's worse; the fact that I'm almost positive that he is about three second away from snapping my neck or the fact that I don't care if he does.
At least then I won't have to chose. I won't have to deal with the guilt of loving him, of wanting nothing more than to pick him over Stefan. I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of not being with him. The guilt of picturing him every time I'm with Stefan would go away. I'd be free of them, of this stupid love triangle that isn't in a triangle anymore.
'Cause who am I trying to kid? It's not Stefan, It'll neverbe Stefan.
It's been three weeks, four days, and 16 and a half hours since I'd last seen Damon.
Not that I'm counting on anything like that.
The rain was pouring down as I attempted to run away from the boarding house. I didn't get very far before his hands were on my shoulders stopping me. It was a stupid idea really, trying to outrun a vampire but I couldn't do it anymore. Every time I'm near him I feel like I'm falling apart all over again. I hate him. I hate the control he has over me, I hate the fact that he has ruined every single guy that I could have ever loved. That he is the only reason I can't be happy with Stefan. That he is the reason why I am just like Katherine.
I hate that he doesn't seem to care. His flippant attitude and his stupid fucking comebacks are tearing me apart. He knows. He always knows. The smirk on his face as he watches the tears start to fall down my face, the way he grabs my wrists before I can even think about hitting him. The way he pulls me closer to him. I hate myself for being so weak for letting him see me like this. If he didn't know before he knows now.
"I hate you." I whispered against his chest, trying to force myself to believe it.
He doesn't, he just kisses the top of my head holding me even tighter to him, "If that's true, you really suck at it."
For the first time in months I laugh because it's true. It's so damn true.
Stefan and I lasted three more weeks after that. It's longer then I thought we would last honestly. He was so understanding when I broke up with him, a part of me just wanted to take it all back. Take every word that was spilling out of my mouth back and say that it was all a joke and that I loved him and not Damon.
I didn't. I just kept letting the sounds come out of my mouth, hoping they were making actual words and that I wasn't really ramballing like an infant because that's how I felt. I couldn't really be doing this, I couldn't be actually telling Stefan the truth, but I was. He knew. He didn't say he did but I know he did.
I think that hurt more than anything.
It's been three years since I've seen either Salvatore brother. My life is so boring without them in it. So simple and mundane. No doomed love traingle or crazed vampires out to kill me. Just school and work.
It's funny, the entire time I knew them all I wanted was my life to be normal. To be in a normal relationship with a normal boy. Go off to a normal college and do normal college things. Get married, have kids, live in a house with a picket fence out front. Normal. Normal. Normal.
Just for those keeping track, there is nothing great about normal.
It doesn't surprise me when he shows up at my apartment. He doesn't look any different, I don't know why I thought he would, but I did. Stupid really, he's a vampire, he was cursed to look so gorgeous for the rest of his existence.
He on the other hand seems surprised when I greet him without worse, but instead with my lips. I'm not sure I've ever felt that whole in my life, that loved but I do know that after feeling that I was never going to be able to turn away from him again.
I didn't want to stay away from him, I wanted to give in to be his forever. I've spent the last five damn years staying away from him, from denying every single feeling that I had felt for him.
I didn't look at him when I pulled away, I just stood there with my head down staring at his shoes. As much as I loved him, as much as I wanted to be with him. I couldn't. I wouldn't be her, even if what I was about to do was the biggest mistake of my life, I was still doing it.
I stepped back into the safety of my apartment, with an invisible wall he would never be able to cross and shut the door.
If I tried…