A.N: Idk what I'm doing anymore.

He stared sometimes.

It wasn't intentional. His thoughts just became blissfully silent when a black haired man was silently glowing in the low light streaming in from the sinking sun past the large windows on their own. If his mother could see him she would say that Sjofn herself had come down and cursed him. Dark skin bathed in orange and wild black hair that shined.

He was cursed to be ignored in all the ways he wanted to be acknowledged. But the one he was watching just laughed when he caught him gazing. His blue eyes crinkled and dimples showed on the sides of dark cheeks. "Cloud, you're staring again. I know I'm irresistible but you've been super quiet lately." He clicked on the controller buttons loudly, music from the TV becoming faster and tense. He gave Cloud a side glance, earning the avatar on the large screen a slash from a Grand Horn's claws.

Cloud shrugged, ignoring how the light that was now hitting lagoon blue eyes made them the richest shade of searing green. Cheap games and movies stood out from the cabinets, dated fonts with long or misleading titles shouting at him. "I'm fine." The concern from the other didn't disappear but he turned back to the video games regardless.

"Right." His voice was uncharacteristically quiet. "We're fine."

A string of guitar notes kicked up, startling Cloud just as he was about to slip back into his own mind. He blinked at the screen, watching the avatar pull of a visceral attack that sent particle effects flashing across the scene. "Sure you don't want to play?" Zack asked as the music died down, wind instruments replacing an energetic tune and a village coming into sight on screen.

"Yeah." I'm suffocating.

His eyes snapped over to Zack, a series of high pitched notes coming from his PHS in one of the large pockets of his dark blue uniform. The game was paused with an eager button press and with inhuman speed it was to his ear in an instant. "Hey Aerith."

Cloud's throat seized up and his mouth felt impossibly dry.

"No, I'm not busy right now." He grinned, the widest Cloud had ever seen. Zack sat silently while the woman spoke from the other blond ducked his head with a frown, staring down at his socked feet with an incurable itch spreading on his skin.

Zack was his only friend. And they were only friends.

"Sure babe, we can go on a date tonight." Zack nodded enthusiastically, something that made his heart tear itself up even though he knew better. The one sided chatter continued, Zack bouncing his leg as they sorted out the details together on the phone.

Cloud stood. Zack didn't look up. He moved to the door without a sound.

"One sec. Cloud," the man was now staring at him, phone pressed to the knit fabric of his sleeveless turtleneck. "Where are you going?"

"Back to the barracks." His mouth twitched into a frown despite his best efforts to school it into something neutral.

His thin brows drew together at the answer. "Why? Purgatory was pushed back and you were supposed to sleepover… " His eyes widened and he gave Cloud a pout. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. it's fine." He turned back to the door, turning the knob but Zack was already moving and had a hand on his before he could open it. Please don't torture me like this. "You need to get ready for your date." He didn't turn to look at him, but the taller no doubt noticed how tense his muscles were.

"I can cancel."

"Don't. You never get to spend time with her."

The older gave him a pitiful look, lips pressed into a thin line. "Won't you stay and help me pick out some stuff?"

Cloud shifted, funneling his restlessness with that one action, and pushed the door open, the motion making Zack's hand slide off his. "Not interested." He forced himself to speed down the hallway, escaping off a side corridor that lead to the stairs without turning back.

It was a long jog off the middle floors of Shinra Headquarters, 70 stories of dark steel and the green wisps of mako surrounded by thick power lines it was an imposing building. The stairs were no less endless and winding as his boots clattered down them. He let out a shuddering breath, reaching the bottom. His body shook, and he hoped people would pass off his wobbly steps for exhaustion rather than the tempestuous pang of his heart each time it pounded in his chest on the long walk to the train station. He had to get ready for drills tomorrow.