This is my first fanfiction, and it's really just an experiment. I have written other things before, but always my own self consciousness would get the better of me and I would refuse to publish it on a site such as this. But now I've decided to get over myself and publish something. Any and all feedback would be highly appreciated.

I would like to continue this all throughout the events of ME2, and possibly even ME3 (though changing some of the details of how certain things play out), but that depends on if anyone is interested in my writing. So please, give me as much feedback as you can muster.

It had been roughly an hour or so since she was rescued from Haestrom. She could still remember how the heat of the planet felt. It was terrible. She was glad to be off that planet. But now she wondered what she should do. She had practically upgraded half of the engines systems already, and she wanted to leave some work left undone, so she would have something to do later. Shepard had told her he would come by and check up on her, but it had been quite some time since she arrived and there was still no sign of him.

She was worried about him. She had always been, but now his condition seemed to be worse since the time of the first Normandy. He tried to hide his pain, and he did a good job of it. But she was an expert on body language, and his was riddled with grief. The galaxy had been rough on him, and he did not forgive it.

She remembered the trip back to the Normandy on the shuttle.

Shepard was staring at the floor, his face not giving any emotion away. But she could see it in his eyes. A deep pain that crawled its way to the surface.

She wanted to try to brighten his mood.

"Well Shepard, you seem to make a habit of saving my life. You're starting to make me look bad."

He continued to stare at the floor a moment longer, before lifting his head, with a slight smile on his face.

"We could always turn this thing around, drop you back off in front of a swarm of Geth. Maybe you could salvage your reputation?"

They both chuckled with each other. It felt like they were back aboard the old -Normandy-. But it didn't last. Soon the smile faded from Shepards face and he dropped his head again. Tali continued to watch him, hoping for a sign that just maybe she had brightened his mood. It seemed, however, that the moment had past, and he was again recalling whatever memory that pained him earlier. Tali dropped her head with guilt. She tried desperately to think of a way to cheer her Comander up.

She lifted her head again and looked to Garrus, searching for a sign that she was not alone in her concern. When she met eyes with the Turian, it was clear that he felt the same way that she did. He too could sense Shepard's pain, and wanted to do something about it. Now was his turn to try to brighten the mood.

"Well, if we did turn around," He began, "The only one who would need to repair their reputation is you John. You let a failed C-Sec officer get a higher kill count than you." He said with a light laugh. "I'm starting to worry that Cerberus messed something up when they rebuilt you. Well, other than your face, that is."

This got an immediate laugh from the Commander, who then proceeded to lightly punch the Turian on the shoulder.

"Of course I let you get a higher kill count. I felt you needed the moral support, you know. After all those times I saved your ass from the fire, and stole all your money at poker." He added with a wide grin.

"That's just because of your damn human rules. It makes it too hard to bend the game in my favor."

The two continued to laugh some more, but again the mood died and Shepard dropped his head once more. Garrus looked at Tali and shook his head. But now was not the time to talk about it. Tali decided that she would go to see Garrus after settling back in on the Normandy.

A few minutes later, Tali heard the hiss of the door to engineering open, though she pretended not to notice it.

Okay, here he comes. I hope he's not feeling too bad. Oh keelah, what should I say? Perhaps...

"Tali?"

The voice from behind her startled her. She knew he was coming, but she got lost in the rambling of her own thoughts. She turned around to face him, and found that his condition was relatively the same as when he was on the shuttle. This, again, worried her.

"Oh, hi Shepard. I was wondering when..."

She was interrupted by the raising of his hand.

"Please, Tali. You're a good friend of mine. Call me John."

She was surprised with herself. Why had she been calling him Shepard this whole time? It's not like she didn't consider herself his friend. Was it out of respect? But then something hit her.

He called me a friend.

Again, the idea was not foreign to her, but to hear him say it made her feel...good? Yes...good. She had always enjoyed his company.

He has such a wonderful smile. I wish he would show it more often...

Shepard cleared his throat, interrupting her train of thought. It was then that she realized that she had been silent for a while.

"Oh, sorry...John." She continued nervously.

Why am I feeling nervous? What is wrong with me today?

"Was there something you needed?"

He tilted his head slightly as he asked, "How are you holding up? Things got a little tense down there."

She nodded her head in agreement as she remembered the events on Heastrom. She had lost a lot of people down there, and all for some simple data of a prematurely aging star. She wanted to right personal letters to the family of each of the people who lost their lives, but she didn't know what to say.

"Many good people died down there, but I'm glad you were able to save Kal. At least I didn't lose everybody..." she breathed as she dropped her head in guilt.

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. It surprised her at first, but soon it's warmth calmed her. She raised her head to look Shepard in the eye. His voice was incredibly soft as he spoke, and his eyes more so.

"You did everything you could. Don't blame yourself."

She continued to make eye contact, getting lost in his gaze. Her guilt fadede from her, as she started to believe him.

-Perhaps I should broach the subject of his own pain. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't try to help him.-

"To be honest," She began, "I...I'm more worried about you."

His hand stiffened on her shoulder, and he tilted his head quizzically. He held that pose for a second, then dropped his hand and took a step back.

"Why do you say that?" He asked. His voice had grown a little stern.

Have I upset him. Oh keelah, I hope not. But I have to see if he'll open up to me.

She pressed on.

"Shep...John. I can see it in how you carry yourself...h-how you act. I...I can see it in your...eyes."

She was growing more nervous by the second, and she started fidgeting her fingers with one another.

"I...I want to help you."

Now all she could was wait, to see how he would react. But all he did was stare at the floor, seemingly lost in thought. He stayed this way for some time. A small frown had formed on his face, and she could see his pain find its way in his eyes. She desperately wanted to help him, for him to open up to her. But he remained silent.

Suddenly he lifted his head and said matter-of-factly, "It's nothing."

her heart sank at his refusal to talk to her about it. But she was stubborn and would not give in easily.

"Please, John..."

But she was interrupted.

"It's nothing."

"I only want to..."

"I said it was nothing."

"But..."

Suddenly his face grew contorted with anger, and a fire spewed up in his eyes. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"I said it was nothing!" He screamed.

Tali felt herself quiver in fear. She had never seen him like this before, and to see his anger directed to her was one of the scariest things in her life. But worst of all, it deeply saddened her. She felt a lump in her throat and her eyes began to moisten.

"I...I'm sorry, Shepard. I...I just wanted to...help."

Almost immediately the rage faded from his face, and was replaced by grief, guilt, and self loathing. He dropped his hands from her shoulders and looked to his right. Both Ken and Gabby were staring at him with confusion on their faces, but they quickly turned away when he looked at them. He looked at Tali one last time, a deep frown formed on his face. She could see on his face that he had not meant it, that he immediately regretted what he had done.

Before she could say anything though, he briskly walked our of Engineering and to the elevator. Tali looked down at her hands and saw that she was trembling. She did not know what to do. A small part of her was thankful that he had left, but an even bigger part of her wished that he had stayed. She did not hold a grudge against him, and she wanted to tell him that. She knew that he didn't mean it, that he was sorry, but she had lost her chance.

She looked over at Ken and Gabby again, and again they quickly turned away from her when she looked at them. She needed someone to talk to, and there was only one person who would understand. She quickly entered the elevator and hit the button for deck 3.