Hey, everyone, it`s me. Yes, me, but it`s also Aislynn, aka, ScatterBrainedAislynn, her penname, and her nickname. This is something we came up with together, based on conversations we really had. We decided that what we came up with was worthy of a little ficlet, so here you go. MASSIVE CRACK. ITS WEIRD. IT MAKES NO SENSE.
Also posted on her profile. Go review that one too. It will help her self esteem.
BLAH BLAH BLAH CRACKFICS ARE FUN. READ AWAY!
Oh, goddess, my head... ow ow ow ow ow...
My head is pounding, and I feel nauseous- that much I can process. My eyes are definitely open, but all I can see is floating rainbows colours in strange, wiggling shapes. I can tell right away that I won't be able to move without feeling some serious pain, so for now, I don't push it. I practise simple things, like opening and closing my now clearing eyes, and moving my fingers. Every part of me seems to be working, except for my brain. I feel kinda stupid.
What I don't understand, however, is where I am. It's some sort of room (my finally clearing eyes tell me) - large, high-ceilinged and draped with banners for the wall. Surrounding me are hundreds upon hundreds of seats, in high rows and stands. Most the seats are not filled, but I see a few people, even ones I recognize. Ike, Mist, and the other mercenaries are there, save Soren. And- oh god, there's Micaiah and Edward! It's good to see their faces- this place is starting to freak me out.
I try and signal their attention by lifting an arm and waving, but they don't see, and it hurts too much to carry on much longer, so I let my arm fall. They seem to be watching something with rapid interest. They don't want to take their eyes off whatever it is, and so I lay unnoticed on b the floor.
I'm gathering a little strength, and I testily crane my neck. Unfortunately, I finally come across what everyone's staring at. Soren and Sothe, in a boxing ring. I was beside it, and it was elevated, so I had to crane my neck at an awkward angle. Grr. This wasn't working. I decided to stand fully, no matter how painful it would be, but I really found myself wanting to know what was going on.
I stand slowly and stretch, trying to ignore the fire in my limbs. I want to walk over to Micaiah and Edward, but my feet won't permit it. I guess that staying still for a while would be better, because if I try walking, I'll end up in my face again.
As soon as I stand up I am filled with the regret of my curiosity. I see that everyone is not only staring at them wrestling, but they're wrestling in their...boxers. Since when does Soren wear boxers with turtles on them? That's almost as interesting as the fact that Sothe wears boxers with frogs on them! Almost, but not quite. Try again next time Soren.
But...who are those other two dudes wearing black and green boxers? Who has black and green boxers? And why are they wrestling? Why is anyone wrestling? And...What. The. Hell. ARE THEY MAKING OUT? No, not Sothe and Soren, that would be disgusting. It's the other two dud-OH MY GOD IT'S KIERAN AND OSCAR! They wear black and green boxers? Matching black and green boxers? WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?
I tried to yell "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TWO WEARING MATCHING BOXERS WHILE YOU WRESTLE AND MAKE OUT?" but my voice wouldn't work. And that really, and I mean really pissed me off. I mean here I was all confused and I couldn't even ask a freaking questio-OH MY GOD KIERANS TAKING OSCARS BOXERS OFF! EVERYONE, CLEAR OUT!
(Line thing)
Suddenly I was aware of consciousness, even though my eyes were still closed. So it was all a dream. THANK YOU GOD! But...what happened to put me in such a state that I couldn't tell the difference between dreams and reality? I always know the difference between dreams and reality! OH NO FLASHBACK TIME!
I'm fighting, sending off arrows at lightning speed, knocking another to fill the empty space in an instant. I think Edward is injured again, the great moron. He seems to be injured a lot. I run over to help him, and that's when I finally realize I'm watching myself. This is NOT a normal flashback. How can I remember something I've never seen before? Either way, I- or, maybe him- you know what? Let's just call him/me Dream Leo.
Dream Leo rushes over to give Edward a vulnerary and helps him to swallow it. Dream Leo laughs about how Edward complains that they taste so bad, he's rather just die. He's helping Edward up when suddenly, Micaiah screams.
The bandit she was fighting has landed a blow with his fist on her, probably after losing his patience with her dodging his axe. She's on the ground, her body curled around itself to protect her newly broken jaw. I remember seeing that the first time, but not with the certain clarity and understanding of what was happening that I had now.
The bandit is looming over her, his axe raised, and my adrenaline kicks in. I try to move, but I can't- a seemingly common recurrence now. Before I can find a way to make myself move, two nearly invisible arrows shoot right past my face, and bury themselves into the bandit's skull. He keels over, dead before he hits the ground. Dream Leo is walking- no, strutting- I don't strut, do I? I mean, I walk with purpose, but I don't strut! Who do I think I am, Adam Lambert? Anywho, Dream Leo is WALKING (BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BELIEVE I STRUT- THIS IS AN ISOLATED INCIDENT) over calmly, and kneels beside her, coaxing her up. Sothe has appeared out of nowhere. Even though this is my second time seeing this, I can't figure out how he got there. Edward is finishing off the last bandit and Nolan has gone off to assist him.
This is the part I missed earlier- the bandit stunning the two by pulling off some sort of trick, and disarming Edward. He uses that second of shock to knock him out with the hilt of his spear, and turns to Nolan. Nolan's lost his momentum and is struggling to counter all the rapid attacks. His takes a slash to the side, and falls. The bandit is not going for the kill; he just wants to get out of there. Sothe picks up on the situation at the last minute, seeing Nolan collapse, and shoots upright. Dream Leo has an arrow strung loose at the moment, but I can aim and fire those things in half a second. They move the block a now unconscious Micaiah, poised and deadly. The rogue stares unflinchingly, and waits for the first attack. When it doesn't come, the waiting game ensues.
The three of us know that once one makes a move, we all do. The bandit tests our reflexes, and launches the spear right into Dream Leo's head.
Oh, hey, the flashback's ending!
(line thing)
So that's what happened... it makes sense now. Obviously, I'm not dead, because I'm thinking right now... but how could anyone survive a spear to the head? Maybe I am dead, and I'm thinking. Dead people think right? Or maybe I'm a ghost. Maybe I'm not thinking. Let's try.
How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol hoards got bored?
Okay, I must be alive. So...I open my eyes. DUH! What else would I do?
Suddenly, out of nowhere I hear "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEONARDO!"
I look around a see Micaiah, Nolan, Edward, Soren, Sothe, Kieran, Oscar, Aran, Laura, Jill, That angel dude who looks like a girl, forgot his name...but no Meg! How dare Meg not be here!
Uh, wait a minute. Did they say happy birthday? What the hell. "It's my birthday? I woke up from a coma on my birthday?" Oh look, I can talk again.
It was Oscar who spoke up first. "Well, um. Actually your birthday was about a month ago, but since you were unconscious, it wasn't much of a party and we didn't really want to waste a party so..."
"How'd you know I'd wake up today?"
"Uh," he replied. "We didn't. We've actually been here with the balloons and presents and cake for the past month. You know, didn't wanna waste an opportunity for a good party! But, uh, you might not wanna eat the cake. It's about three months old."
"But I thought my birthday was a month ago?"
"It was. We just like cake so...we ate your original cake so we're using the leftovers from Soren's cake."
Well don't I feel loved.
"Uh Leonardo?" Edward said. "I kinda forgot to get you a present."
"But you had an extra month to get me one!"
"Yeah, well, uh. Yeah."
Seriously!
Leonardo looks at everyone with a 'You know what to do' look on his face. Groaning and moaning about how they were gonna have no time left for the party afterwards, everyone left. Apparently Edward managed to get everyone to miss an opportunity for a party. Well this truly is a miracle.
He skipped over happily and smiled expectantly looking at me from time to time. I looked down to see what he was looking at and aw the most retarded blanket EVER wrapped around me. "What's with the faggy blanket dude?"
His face fell. "Uh...IT WAS SOREN!"
Sure it was. "What's with the frogs?"
"Uh, they're not frogs actually. They're, um, turtles." Edward replied.
"What's the difference?"
"Well, you see, one is a frog, the other is a turtle."
"But a frog is basically a turtle without it's shell."
"No it's not! You just got out of a coma, so I give you a week to realize you're wrong before I smack you upside the head!" he said, obviously slightly mad. You know, just a smidge.
"Yeah, whatever dude. I'm tired, I'm gonna get some sleep."
"No dude! Don't go towards the light!" Edward cried dramatically, roughly shaking the archer's shoulders.
"Stop shaking me! And there is no light! Only darkness! Endless, eternal darkness... cold, black empty abyss of nothingness. That's where I'm going."
"Woah, want some black eyeliner, emopants?"
"An emo with a froggy blanket?"
"TURTLES!"
So I smacked him. He didn't need to cry. But he did. I barely touched him, and now Micaiah's lecturing me on hitting people. All I wanted was some sleep! Some nice, peaceful sleep... but who knows, I could possibly have another dream about underwear wrestling.
Oh, no.