Disclaimer: All Characters belong to their original owners.
Author's Note: I am Handicapped so please bare that in mind if my spelling is off. I use spell checker
Introduction
Castle has been heartbroken time and time again. A painful past. When he tells Kate to stop, choose between the case and him. When Kate says no. Castle decides the pain is too much and it was time to let Kate go so he leaves New York. He returns 5 years later and gets kidnapped. What is in his haunted past?
Prologue
"Goodbye", Castle says turning around on Beckett and walking out the door and not looking back
Castle leans against the wall of the building feeling his heart shatter again. He had done everything for her. But it was not enough. He had his own secrets. Every time he thought he could tell Beckett she does something to set him back.
He goes to his apartment and starts packing it was time to move on once again. He pulled out his phone and called Gina.
"Rick what do I owe this pleasure?" Gina asks
"I am just ringing to tell you I am retiring from writing. Nikki Heat Series will not be finished. I am done", Castle says
"You ca…"
"I will pay the fee. Expect my check in the mail. Goodbye Gina", Castle says hanging up
Castle goes to his safe and gets some papers that had his alias's on it. He decided to choose Alexander Rodgers. He picks up the phone and makes a call.
"Hi Dad", a male voice says
"Zander I am coming to stay with you. I am leaving New York", Castle says
"I will get the bedroom made up. What time to I expect you to arrive?" Zander asks
"In a couple of days", Castle says hanging up
"Richard your leaving", Martha states coming in, "What happened?"
"I am not ready to talk about it", Castle says, "I am going away from New York. I am not coming back. I am not Richard Castle anymore. I tried being him but it didn't work out"
"Are you going back to the Army or Police Force?" Martha asks
"I don't know yet. But I am done being here", Castle says picking up his suitcase and limping out of the room, "You can keep the Loft mother. I will contact everyone when I am settled"
With that he was out of the door.
"Oh Richard", Martha says a tear slipping out her eye
He bought a set to Seattle a place he normally went once a year. Once in Seattle he goes to his sons home and puts his bag in the spare room and leaves to the cemetery. Walking the familiar rows. He reaches three graves and traces the names on each. Tears run down his face remembering the time.
"I love all of you", Castle says kissing each grave
He walks to a bar and starts to drink and drink thinking of the betrayal, he loses everything. He gets so drunk he doesn't know where he is in the morning with a woman besides him. This had happened many times before.
"What to go for seconds", the woman asks
"Maybe another time", Richard says handing her his sons card and leaves
Richard continued this routine for two months his family was worried about him.
"Dad someone is here to see you", Zander says
Richard goes and sees the woman he slept with he couldn't remember how long ago.
"What are you doing here?" Richard asks
"You gave me your card. I am pregnant. I am pretty sure it is yours. I don't want the baby. I HATE children. But I am not a murderer. So I will carry this baby and you will take it after it is born and we will never see each other again"
Richard was stunned another child.
"Deal", Richard says
Richard decided it was maybe time to clean up his act. Again…
New York
It had been a week and Kate couldn't stop thinking about what happened. Castle hasn't been to the precinct since. Kate hadn't had the courage to go and see him.
"Yo Beckett listen to this", Esposito says motioning to the TV
"What is it?" Kate asks
"It's a press conference. The headline is about Castle", Ryan says
'Everyone thank you for coming. I have the sad news to break that Richard Castle has decided to retire from his writing. Unfortunately that includes not finishing the Nikki Heat series and his work with the NYPD', Gina says
The crowd goes wild. Kate felt sick. What had happened?
'Why did Mr Castle retire?' a reporter asks
'I honestly don't know. As of now Richard Castle is no longer a writer'
"Beckett did you know?" Ryan asks
"Why did he just leave?" Esposito asks
Kate tells them and they pale.
"How could you do it to him?!" Esposito says loudly
"I wasn't thinking", Kate says
"Why haven't you tried to fix this?" Ryan asks only just less angry then Esposito
"I was sure it would blow over. Anyway he betrayed me", Kate says
"You know that is bull. He has always had your back! What the hell were you thinking?!" Esposito yells
"I…", Kate starts
"Don't", Esposito says stalking away with Ryan just behind him
Kate knew she had to try and fix this. She tries Castle's number.
"The number you have dialled has been disconnected"
Kate picks up her jacket deciding she needed to see him. Something was wrong. Arriving at his Loft she knocks on the door. To her surprise Martha opens.
"Detective Beckett", Martha says coldly
"I came to speak to Castle. Is he in?" Kate asks
"Even if he was I would not let you see him. He left", Martha says
"Where too?" Kate asks
"That is not something I am going to tell you", Martha says shutting the door
Kate left her heart was racing was he really gone? Left New York? She allows tears to fall. She goes to the precinct and tries tracking Castle down but it was no good he had disappeared. She had to make this right but how could she find Castle?
Author's Note: What do you think? Please review and i'll update as soon as I can:)