A/N: This one started as a joke... It's short and fun (at least I think so :P) and just a whole lot of fluff. Hope you enjoy it!
-Willow.
Disclaimer: As we all know, the characters belong to Rowling. :)
An Affair With Bacon - A tale of love, loss and deliciousness
Fred walked slowly down the corridor that led from the kitchens, savouring this moment alone with his prize. He held the package open in front of his face and breathed in deeply. Merlin that smelt good. If you asked Fred, there was just nothing quite as satisfying as freshly fried, crispy bacon. Sure, there was the bacon that was served up every morning with breakfast, but it just wasn't the same; that bacon just wasn't crispy enough for Fred's liking.
He had had the idea a couple of months ago to ask the house elves to fry him some especially and they had gladly agreed, almost jumping up and down with excitement at the prospect of being able to serve him. But then Angelina had found out. According to Angelina, too much bacon wasn't good for Fred; it would make him fat. He had scoffed at this, but the look in her eyes made him promise he wouldn't ask the house elves for bacon again. It was stupid of him, he knew it, but what could he do? Angelina could be quite scary when she pulled out the 'I'm-right-and-you-know-it' look. He was helpless against that look. So instead, Fred had been going down to the kitchens in secret. He hadn't even told George (who was also pathetically defenceless against Angelina). At first he had only gone once a week or so, but then Fred's longing for bacon had become more frequent. He knew his lean, muscular body was suffering for his new – ok, yes, he'll admit it – addiction to bacon, but he couldn't help it. Some people liked chocolate, others liked wine. Fred liked bacon.
Three Hufflepuffs turned the corner ahead and Fred quickly tucked the bacon package beneath his robe. He slid quickly past the Hufflepuffs and up the stairs into the Entrance Hall. Most of the school was still in the Great Hall eating dinner, so Fred hurried up the marble staircase before George or Lee or, more importantly, Angelina could spot him. He had been finding empty classrooms all over the castle in which to devour his delicious snack and today he decided to try the fourth floor. He snuck into the first classroom he came across and locked the door behind him. Sitting down at a desk, he took out the package and opened it, closing his eyes to savour the smell. Fred would have preferred to eat his bacon slowly, enjoying the crunch, the smokiness, the pure gloriousness, but if he wasn't back in the common room before Angelina, she would ask questions that would be difficult to answer. Fred finished the bacon quickly, popped a mint into his mouth (he hated to kill the bacon flavour, but Angelina had an uncanny sense of smell) and set off for the common room.
Fred was pretending to study when Angelina arrived back from dinner with Katie Bell. She spotted Fred and made a beeline for him.
"Where have you been?" she asked, taking the seat next to Fred.
"I've been working on the Charms essay that's due tomorrow. I've barely started it," Fred lied seamlessly.
Angelina shook her head. "You'll never learn, will you?" she laughed.
Fred grinned as Angelina gave him a quick kiss and went to join Katie on the couches in front of the fire.
… … …
The following Saturday, Fred had another hankering for bacon. He usually avoided going to the kitchens on the weekends, because it was harder to hide it from Angelina, but today his craving was too bad to ignore. He emerged from the kitchen with a fresh supply of bacon tucked in his inside pocket. He took a passage hidden behind Glanmore Peakes up to the sixth floor landing and was walking along a sixth floor corridor when he heard a group of girls approaching from around the corner. He recognised one of them immediately by their laugh: Angelina! Fred panicked. She couldn't find him with bacon in his pocket, she'd murder him! And she'd know straight away that he had it, with that nose of hers. He needed to get rid of it, fast! Fred spun around, frantically looking for somewhere to hide his bacon. He spotted a cabinet a few meters ahead on the right. It was a risk, as it would take him closer to Angelina, but it was the only option – besides vanishing the bacon, and Fred would never do that. He all but ran to the cabinet, yanked the door open and threw in his neatly wrapped package of bacon. He had just closed the door and turned around when the girls walked around the corner.
"Fred!" Angelina called. "What are you doing up here? I thought you were going to be in the library this afternoon?"
"I forgot something," Fred replied, acutely aware that he smelled strongly of bacon. "Got a lot to do, I'll see you later," he rushed, before speeding up the corridor before Angelina could say anything else.
He stopped when he rounded the corner, listening carefully to the sound of the girls' fading footsteps. When he was sure they would be out of sight, he chanced a peek around the corner and let out a sigh of relief when the corridor was deserted. Fred wasted no time in returning to the cabinet and wrenching the door open, probably harder than was necessary. For a full minute he stared at the floor of the cabinet. It was empty. Only the smell of bacon remained.
Merlin's pants! thought Fred. She found it! Now he was done for. Angelina would break up with him. Or worse, never let him near another piece of bacon. Fred sulked his way up to the common room, where he pulled out his books and tried to drown his sorrows in an essay for Snape.
Later that afternoon, when Angelina climbed through the portrait hole, Fred braced himself for the onslaught.
"Hi Fred. I'm just going to go grab my things and I'll join you," Angelina said as she passed by his table.
Fred nodded stiffly. He wouldn't be lulled into a false sense of security.
"Did you get a lot done in the library?" Angelina asked when she came back downstairs.
Fred nodded again.
"What's up with you today? You're acting strangely." Angelina peered at him.
Like you don't already know, Fred thought. "Nothing," he said. "I'm fine." Was it possible she hadn't found the bacon. "What did you get up to today?" he asked.
"Oh, just spent some time out by the lake practicing some of the Charms Flitwick said will be in our NEWT exam. You should try to get some practice in soon, we're running out of time."
"Did you notice anything unusual in the castle today?" Fred prompted.
"No…" Angelina looked suspicious. "What did you do?"
"Nothing," said Fred quickly. "George just mentioned that he thought someone might have been trying to pull a prank this afternoon."
Angelina laughed. "You mean George tried to pull a prank this afternoon?"
Fred laughed. He couldn't believe it. It really looked like Angelina had no idea about Fred's bacon tryst.
… … …
Borgin emerged from the back room of his shop when the bell above the door rang. He didn't trust any customers in his shop without supervision. The woman looked around, picked up a few items and left without so much as a nod in Borgin's direction. After the door banged shut behind her, Borgin went around the store and straightened all the objects the woman had touched. As he passed the large cabinet, he caught a whiff of something wonderful. He doubled back and opened the cabinet door to find a small package wrapped in butcher's paper. Carefully, Borgin removed the package and placed it on the counter. Ever weary of unknown objects, he stood at a distance and used magic to unwrap the package. The paper fell away to reveal a pile of hot, crispy bacon. Suspicion ran in Borgin's veins and it was only after a number of curse-revealing spells had been cast that Borgin allowed himself to reach out and pick up a piece of bacon. It smelled so good, he couldn't resist taking a bite. And then another and another. Before he knew it, all the bacon was gone and Borgin was feeling happier than he had in a long time. He even welcomed the next customer with a warm smile and a 'How are you doing today, Sir?', which had the customer glare at him and walk straight back out the store.