A/N: Hi pplz!!!! So yes, I was very bored during History class ('cause my history teacher's just ew) , starting writing this down, and turned it into a fiction XD I will update Loathing as soon as I get decent amount of reviews!!
Disclaimor: I do NOT own Naruto!!! I'm a Korean GIRL, NOT a Japanese man with an amazing artistic talent that I do NOT possess...but if you ever come to see Sasu making out with Saku in the actual story, that means Naruto's ownership has been passed to me!!
Summary: Sakura puts up a message up on her homepage, complaining she doesn't like pairings- but fans start posting messages arguing!! And guess what? Sakura argues back:) (Making fun of Pairings XD )
If you don't want to read about all the pairings, I'll give you a list so you can skip down if you want-
1.Narusaku 2.KibaSaku 3.LeeSaku 4.NejiSaku 5.SaiSaku 6. ShikaSaku 7.ChojiSaku 8.ShinoSaku 9.SasuSaku 10.GaaSaku and KankuSaku 11. SenseiSaku and SaninSaku
Dear SakuPairing fans,
Hi, this is Haruno Sakura, you know, the pink-haired girl on team 7? With the weird green eyes? Okay, so yeah, been reading some fanfictions, and I'm actually quite impressed with all the great writings!! …until I came across the horror of…PAIRINGS.
Look, I know you guys just LOVE setting me up with other males characters, but let me make one thing straight- I am currently single, and loving it
Sincerely,
Haruno Sakura
--------------------------------------------
Dear Sakura-san,
Sakura-san, I get that you like being single, but you have to get married someday! And do you know who the perfect man is? None other than UZUMAKI NARUTO! You guys would make such an ADORABLE COUPLE!! –squeals- The future Hokage, he's SUPER strong and protective, so it's totally assured that he'll keep you safe, and he's CUTE!! Don't you love his mischievous side? And he's really enthusiastic, so he can totally make you happy!! He already loves you too, so it ALL WORKS OUT!! Really, imagine those cute, cute little girls and boys with pink and blonde hair, azure and emerald eyes running around with whisker marks!! KAWAII!!! BELIEVE IT!
Love,
FoxNCherryBlossom
Dear FoxNCherryBlossom,
If you have read or watched the series, you should know by now that what Naruto and I have is pure brotherly and sisterly love. Nothing more. GOT ITAnd really, you should know by now that Hinata likes Naruto, and they're totally meant to be!! Not me and him!! There should be lavender/blonde haired boys and girls running around with blue byakugan! And no, it doesn't all work out, 'cause if you are sane and not blind, you should've already seen me beatingthe crap out of Naruto because he's loud. Sure, I like that he's enthusiastic, but he needs to SHUT UP, and Hina-chan can teach him that. He's also too frivolous and stupid. Think about it. It's one thing your dear Naruto-kun can't do. 'cause I don't BELIEVE IT!
Love,
CherryBlosssom (?) a.k.a. Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-chan,
I totally agree that the stupid blonde Naruto is not fit for you. You should totally go out with Kiba-kun! Isn't he like, so hot? Really, I you've GOT to agree with me. The marks on his cheeks just..just..-squeals- Like, if you like the enthusiastic side of Naruto, then Kiba-kun's definitely the one for you!! He's enthusiastic, but he's actually strong, cool, and actually has a brain!!! And I don't see you beating the crap out of him. And there are no girls that are like, meant to be with him except for you!!! Kyahh!!!
Love,
PinkXDogs
Dear PinkXDogs (what the..?),
Yes, thank you for agreeing with me that Naruto's not the one for me, but no thank you for saying that Kiba's the one for ME!! Well, yeah, I guess he is cool, and his cheek marks are hot. And he actually thinks. But thinking is a natural part of a human, and other people can think waaay better than Kiba. Really. And you can't really say he's strong "unlike Naruto", 'cause Naruto beat him in the Chuunin exams, remember? And Kiba's too much of a player. If I ever get together with somebody, I want someone devoted, you know? It sounds more like you want to get laid with him, not me. And if you think there are no girls that are like, meant to be with Kiba, then I guess he was never meant to be with anyone.
Love,
Pink a.k.a. Haruno Sakura (I do like dogs, but er…pink dogs are just…not.)
Dear Sakura-san,
Looking for enthusiasm? Looking for fidelity and loyalty? Lee-kun is the BEST FOR YOU!!! Leesaku, leesaku, leesaku, don't you just LOVE how that word rolls off your tongue? Lee-kun is totally perfect for you!! He's affectionate, passionate, loyal, and honest! Not to mention great body..-drools- anyways, Lee-kun has already vowed to protect you, and he WILL!! HE'S AWSOME!!! He'll never let you DOWN!! YOSH!!
Sincerely,
LotusBlossomXOXO
Dear LotusBlossomXOXO,
…Yes, I am looking for enthusiasm. Yes, I'm looking for fidelity. And hell NO I'm NOT looking for Rock Lee. And no, the word "leesaku" does NOT roll off my tongue "just like that". I never really said I liked bubbly type, I prefer tall, lean, silent, mysterious, etc, you know what I mean. I guess Lee-san is quite nice, and he cares about me a lot. But things called "over the top" do exist in this world, and that's LEE. He does everything overly, and I still don't get his "youth" crap…really. And…hot body? (?!?!?!?!)-twitch twitch- out of all the letters I've received…you, LotusBlossomXOXO, has serious mental issues. I suggest you go see a psychologist right away. PLEASE.
Love,
Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-san,
Sakura-san, by what your preference in men is, if you are still waiting for that chicken-butt haired emo, don't waste your time!! Neji-kun's here for you!! Seriously, he's a silent & strong & mysterious type! You guys were FATED to be with each other! I mean, you totally want to feel his soft, LONG, silky brown hair, don't you? Seriously! ANY normal girl would die to feel that endless hair, and that sturdy- -drools- ehem, anyways, LONG LIVE HYUUGA SAKURA!!!
Sincerely,
PinkByakuganLuvR
Dear PinkByakuganLuvR, (having pink eyes would be freaky…and my eyes are green!)
I am NOT waiting for Sasuke-kun or am planning to go out with or just whatever, nor do I even love him. (I think) And Sasuke-kun is NOT an emo, so don't call him that, and he has duckbutt-haircut, not chickenbutt-haircut!! Also, you left out one of the most important criteria in my taste! I like silent & strong & mysterious AND DARK! Last time I checked, Neji-san isn't, and I barely know him! (been on a couple of mission with him, still calls me Haruno-san.) And no, he and TENTEN were totally destined to be together, and Neji-san's SO over that fate carp already. Once again, seems like you want to go with Neji-san rather than me being paired with him. –sweatdrops- And I prefer my name to be Haruno Sakura, thank you very much.
Love,
Haruno Sakura
P.S. Yes, I do want to know how Neji-san's hair feels- it's curiosity- it's okay. It killed the cat, that's all. And I can find out during annual physicals, anyways.
Dear Sakura-chan,
I totally understand your taste in men! Really, screw those other dickless idiots! You should go for Sai-kun! Totally, he fits your criteria!!! He's dark, mysterious, strong, and unbelievably HOT! He's basically like our old crush, except this one's not emo, and has a sensiblehair cut! I KNOW that Sai-kun can totally comfort you, and I KNOW he loves you! He just doesn't know how to express it, and YOU can teach it to him :) 'cause I KNOW you LOVE him deep inside!! –squeals-
Love,
ArtistNMedicMeant2B
Dear ArtistNMedicMeant2B, (your penname's quite long…)
Wow, you seem to claim you KNOW a lot of things, but I KNOW a lot, also! I KNOW that Sai is a girly freak who doesn't know how to do anythingexcept for how to mock others! He is NOT HOT. OKAY? Maybe on your scale. Not mine. He's not mysterious nor strong nor quiet. He's a bizarre, blunt weirdo who doesn't know when to speak and when to shut up. Oh yeah, sure he loves me, sure that he calls me "hag" because he doesn't know how to day the word "darling" or something. Sure when I punch him square in the face, it's a "love pat" to the extreme. Seriously, ArtistNMedicMeant2B (phew, a LONG name..), there are times when imagination needs to tone down.
Sincerely,
Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-chan
Yeah, Sai's too much of a jerk for you. 'cause it's SHIKASAKU ALL THE WAY! I mean, Shika-kun's actually intelligent, so you can actually have a sophisticated conversation! Really, Shika-kun's soo smart, and he's gotten pretty handsome after the time skip, no? And his hair's just so awesome!! It's just, so, like, PINEAPPLELY!! Don't you just wanna see him with his hair DOWN?! And he fits your criteria!! He's dark, mysterious, strong, (I mean, he KILLED Hidan! An Akatsuki member!!) and silent!! The medic and the strategist, the brain couple of Konoha! And he knows how to relax, also:) S and S, SHIKASAKU!!!!!
Love,
Troublesome Cherry
Dear Troublesome Cherry,
It says clearly in your name, the reason why I don't want to go out with Shikamaru. He's too troublesome to date, and he thinks I'm troublesome also, so yeah. We do have, er, "sophisticated" conversations at times…I go over to play shogi with him quite often. And you must be blind also, since you're actually calling the squinty-eyed pineapple head "handsome". Sure, he got Hidan, but guess what? I got Sasori!! And Shika can be a SERIOUS wimp at times…no screw that, he IS a WIMP!! He was just emotionally driven when he killed Hidan, k? Also, no he DOES NOT fit my criteria!! He's NOT dark, NOT mysterious and NOT quiet, he's just LAZY!!! God, he's too lazy for his own good and sure, I like relaxing, but he's SLUGGISH. RELAXING AND BEING SLUGGISH 24/7 ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Being too lazy, he doesn't care. I would like someone who CARES about my well-being. And by reading your letter, Troublesome Cherry, I suggest you learn something from Shika, because you seem to be in great need of what Shika has…BRAINS.
Love,
Untroublesome Cherry
P.S.
Shika and INO were made for each other, NOT ME. Though he says she's troublesome, he doesn't mean it.
Dear Sakura-san,
If you want someone who cares, then Choji's DEFINETLY the one for you!! He's a nice, caring guy, and he's got a round personality!! I think you guys would look so CUTE!! And Choji-kun's a BIG GUY, so he can totally protect you!! I heard rumors that you were EXELLENT at cooking, and I think Choji-san would love that!!
Sincerely,
Pink Butterfly
Dear Pink Butterfly,
I must agree that Choji's quite caring and passionate…for FOOD. Really, have you ever seen him without food? EVER? NO. And he's not only round in personality, but more PHYSICALLY. Choji and I don't WORK OUT. ESPECIALLY PHYSICALLY. He doesn't fit my criteria at ALL, and his headband looks like an upside-down diaper on his head. (No offense to him, though, 'cause he is nice…) And what's with everyone saying that "oh, they can protect you," and "oh, they're strong, they'll keep you safe"?!?! Look, I'm a full-fledged Kunoichi, HECK, you've seen me create craters, I can take care of MYSELF!! And about the cooking thing? …don't even ask, Pink Butterly-san…don't even ask…
Sincerely,
Pink Blossom, a.k.a. Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-san,
I think you and Shino-kun would make quite a great couple. He does fit your criteria, (or at least the ones that you have already mentioned above), and though he seems void of emotions, deep down he just does not know how to express in internal emotions yet. I believe with you, the most expressive, beautiful kunoichi in Konoha teaching him how to love, you two will eventually become inseparable.
Sincerely,
BlossomsAttractBugs
Dear BlossomsAttractBugs,
Wow, I'm quite impressed by your form of writing…everyone else's were quite colloquial, while you seem to have something none of the others had…intelligence. But despite your ability to argue formally and politely, I must say, your support is quite pointless and impractical. Oh, I've been in the same squad as Shino on missions, and I've tried to talk to him…tried. And failed. He just won't TALK BACK to me!! Let alone talk AT ALL!! I do enjoy my peace and quiet, but I'd like someone who actually responds, so I actually know that they are now dead. I've already given up on becoming friends with him, so I don't think as a "couple" would work out. AT ALL.
Sincerely,
Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-chan,
HOW CAN THOSE OTHER LI'L TRAITORS DARE TO THINK ABOUT PAIRING YOU UP WITH OTHER GUYS!! IT'S OBVIOUS that YOU should be, and will be with SASU-CHAN!! No one else fits you better, Sakura-chan!! Though Sasuke acted like and still acts like he doesn't care, but guess what? HE DOES!! Don't you remember him being so protective of you during mission? That's 'cause he LOVED YOU, AND STILL DOES!! He still has to "restore" his clan, remember? –wink wink- It's totally obvious that it's going to be with you!! The term "SasuSaku" sounds just soo PERFECT, and you guys look good together, too!! (Pink and blue look sooo pretty together!!) You're the only one that ever cared for him so much, and you CANNOT GIVE UP ON HIM!!! S.A.S.U.S.A.K.U. ALL THE WAY!!!
Love,
Uchiha Cherry Blossom
Dear Uchiha Cherry Blossom,
Thank you for your support, but IT'S NOT OBVIOUS!! Oh yeah, sure, it's so obvious that he "loves" me, when he called me frigg'n ANNOYING and WEAK ALL THE TIME!! What do you mean "no one fits me better"?!?! Would YOU want to live a life when you get MOCKED EVERY SINGLE DAY?! And where'd you get the "he still cares"? He was about to KILL me back at the sound base!! If it wasn't for sensei, I wouldn't be ALIVE right now! And he never cared anyways…really, yeah, Sasuke-kun cared about me sooo much, that he left me on a FRIGG'N BENCH!! WHERE I COULD POSSIBLY GET RAPED OR KIDNAPPED DURING THE NIGHT!! And sure, I use to love him, but I've got a thing called a reputation, and dignity, and I don't think I want to become a baby-machine for a missing-nin who betrayed his whole village to go slaughter the weasel thing (his so-called brother)…really. And you didn't seem to make much of an argument, anyways. You're just assuming, no actual proofs… sad, no?
Love,
Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-san,
It's so clear now that no one in Konoha fits you perfectly. But think on the bright side- there's still SAND!! The one perfect for you is GAARA-KUN!!! He's already an uber-strong Kazekage (unlike Naruto), he's passionate for his village safety (which with a li'l work, all that passion will be towards you!!) and he's HOT!!!! Don't you totally agree? His messy, unkempt red hair's just so HOT AS THE DESERT SAND!!! Or, if Gaara-kun's not really your type, there's still Kankuro!!! He's awesome, too!!!
Love,
Desert Blossom
Dear Desert Blossom,
Nope. You know, this is getting quite old…all of you just don't make a strong point at all…you're all just like, "oh, he's HOT!" or just, "oh, he's totally cool!!" …it's not going to get me anywhere, and I'm getting bored now. No, I don't want to go out with Gaara…though he's a really great friend, and a very nice person, I think we're better off as "friends"… and he wears MASCARA. I SWEAR HE DOES!! I mean, he says it's natural, but I don't believe it!! Same thing goes for his absence of eyebrows. As for Kankuro, hm…dunno WHERE you got HIM, from, but he has GOT to loose the face paint.
Love,
Haruno Sakura
Dear Sakura-chan,
I SWEAR, I WILL ACTUALLY MAKE A POINT HERE. Look, you've got to get settled sometime, right? So, if none of the guys your age fit you, why not the SENSEIS? KYAHH!!!! I mean, Kakashi-sensei would be TOTALLY willing, and he's a stable man with a high-ranking job, and he's SEXY!!! Same for Asuma-sensei- he's BUFF!!! YAY!! And as for Iruka-sensei, he's such a nice guy, you should totally shoot for him!! And if you prefer older guys, then why not Jiraiya-sama or Oro-sama? KYAAA!!! XDXDXDXD
Love,
Aged Cherry
Dear Aged Cherry,
0o;;…YOU are SICK. No comment on ANYTHING ELSE. Okay, how old is Kakashi-sensei again? TWICE MY AGE?!?! Asuma-sensei's dead, (no offense to him, though), and with Iruka-sensei is just WRONG. And I don't know who to call the pedophile…YOU or Jiraiya/Oro. THEY are OVER 50, I am BELOW 20, and YOU ARE TWISTED.
Sincerely, (not really)
Haruno Sakura
-------------------------------------
Dear SakuPairing Fans,
If even Jiraiya-sama came up as my pairing, I know people are going to put Akatsuki members on here. You know, I've never met half of them, I don't even know half of them EXISTS, and they don't know ME, EITHER!!! (They'll probably kill me beforehand, anyways.) As for the "popular" ItaSaku, look, Itachi is a sadistic idiot who wants to get killed by his brother's hand so badly, and he looks like A GIRL. And Sasori, I killed him. Deidara? Never met him. Everyone else? I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR FRIGG'N NAMES!! So don't pair me up with people I don't know that exists, and I AM STRAIGHT, thank you very much, so don't even try sending a letter to me trying to argue about this, 'cause I'm NOT going to bother responding. Just don't go there.
Love,
Haruno Sakura
-The next day-
Sakura's Homepage:
Message Inbox:
Dear Sakura-san From Sharingan Blossom DELETED
Dear Sakura-chan From SharkNCherry DELETED
Dear Sakura-san From ExplodingLove DELETED
Dear Sakura-san From PiousNProud DELETED
Dear Sakura-chan From Cherry Puppet DELETED
etc...
"-sigh- these people just don't know when or how to give up…" –Sakura-
So yeah, a bunch of randomness once again
I'm actually thinking about making a sequel, so if you REALLY enjoyed the story, please REVIEW!!
And for those who didn't like this, don't even bother FLAMING, 'cause it's not worth my time or yours...
If you really liked this, feel free to check out my other one-shots..the funny ones, that is...
This fiction is dedicated to all those who reviewed for my story Video Camera!!!!
hiddenleafscherryblossom, wintafaeriy, WingsRider, SasuSakualways, Sony89, Sonya, Sasukelova, Mariegurl, Oyuki, Ur2tRoUbLeSoMe90, JadeMesmerizedByOnyx, SakuraUchiha4, Kitomi21, TightropeDancing
Thank you soo much for reviewing!! And for those who has reviewed for Which one's my Future self?, don't worry, a fic dedicated to you is own its way!!!
REVIEW or I'll send DRUNKEN AND FURIOUS TSUNADE AFTER YOU!! (mreaning she'll crack more than a bone, and annihilate everything on her path :) have fun lol, j/k j/k) (though I might...who knows -shrugs-)