CHARACTERS:
Damon-property of L.J. Smith Daegon-property of me(stef)
Edward-property of Stephenie Meyer
A/N: This is based on a dream that I had last night and I woke up laughing my ass off and felt the need to share it with you, heehee enjoy.
"Why are we here anyway? I'm bored." Damon complained as they walked through the bookstore. "I need a new book, besides why'd you come along anyway if you're just gonna keep bitching?" Daegon commented as he scanned one of the shelves before deciding there was nothing particularly interesting and moved on. "I thought something exciting might happen." He replied with a shrug. Daegon sighed as he kept looking for that perfect book and failed horribly. 'Ugh I've read all of these already.' He thought with a groan and headed over to the young adult section, maybe there'd be something interesting there he thought as he began scanning the shelves. Soon his eyes fell on the cover of "Twilight" and he picked it up and scanned the back cover before flipping the pages lazily. 'Looks pretty boring.' He thought with a dissapointed sigh before his eyes caught on a certain page and his eyes widened in shock. 'What the hell is this? This is a discrace! It's an insult to vampires everywhere!' He thought, his face still frozen from shock, the book falling from his hands. Hearing the thump, Damon looked over at Daegon with his frozen posture and his face contorted in horror and disgust, the discarded book laying at his feet.
He walked over with a smirk and bent down to pick up the book. "What's wrong Daegon? Too scrary for you?" He teased before reading the page where his companion had left off. When he was done reading the page, his face looked very similiar to Daegon's for a moment before his rage took over. "WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS CRAP?! VAMPIRES DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE!" He bellowed, causing almost everyone in the store to look up before a small group of girls angrily stomped towards the two vampires. "How dare you mock the all powerful Stephenie Meyer! You wouldn't know what a vampire was if it was right in front of you!" One of the girls practically yelled which caused both vampires to crack up hysterically. "I think it's the other way around my dear." Damon replied, his voice tinged with amusement and something more menacing. "I should get Eddy-kins to stomp you out of exsistence you, you....fucking idiots!" Another one of the girls retorted with venom in her voice and they couldn't help but laugh again at the humans. "Riiight, the sparkling pansy is going to come kick the asses of two REAL vampires, I'd like to see that." Said Daegon after he had sobered up.
"I'll show you what a real vampire is you imbecillic fools." Came a voice behind the girls, who turned around and squeeled annoyingly and gathered around the strange man. "Oh Eddy-kins it was horrible, those two guys were mocking your absolute perfectness and saying that they're real vampires!" One girl whined while clinging to him like a derranged monkey while another whined that he should go teach them a lesson for being such terrible liars. Both Daegon and Damon watched with bored amusement as "Eddy-kins" made his way over to them with the girls huddled around him.
Edward came face to face with Damon and looked him square in the eyes, his hair blowing around somehow in the non-exsistent breeze and his skin sparkling from the light that filtered in through the window. "So, I thought you were going to 'show' us what a 'real' vampire is." Daegon mocked when he got bored of the silence. "I am." Edward replied and suddenly whipped around and took off his shirt, making the girls that were still crowded around them squeal, causing both Damon and Daegon to clamp their hands over their ears. "SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!" Both incenced vampires yelled and Edward turned around with a satisfied smirk and came closer. "And that's how it's do-" "BITCH SLAP!" Damon yelled suddenly, cutting off Edward as he backhanded him into the opposite wall. "Now that's how it's done." Daegon said while Damon flashed a triumphant grin at the now teary eyed girls before Edward sat up in a pile of books holding his cheek looking like he was going to cry.
"Oh noes is poor wittle Eddy-kins gonna cwy?" Daegon teased in his best baby voice as he hovered over him and hauled him out of the pile by the back of his neck as if he were a cat and booted him in the ass over to Damon who kicked him back over to Daegon. They continued to do this for several more minutes delighting in Edwards pleas for them to stop and the fangirls sobbing while they watched their precious Edward being used as a makeshift hackey sack. "We'll stop if you say it." Daegon offered in a sing song voice, which made Edward look up from his self imposed fetal position. "Wh-what?" He asked as he looked back and forth at the two vampires. "You just have to say that you're not really a vampire, that you're just a sparkling man-slut that gives respectable vampires a bad name and then you're free to go back to your pathetic exsistence." Damon replied just low enough that the girls wouldn't hear them.
"Never!" Edward boldly declared and Damon just shrugged. "Alright suit yourself, hey Daegon you still got those reruns of the nanny? You know the one with that woman and that annoying laugh?" He asked his voice dripping with malice. "You know come to think of it I do." Daegon replied, a sadistic smile appearing on his face as they both watched Edwards face contort in terror. "Not the nanny! Please anything but that, I'll do anything just don't make me watch it!" He practically sobbed and the two vampires smirked in satisfaction. "Then say it." Daegon said almost encouragingly. Edward was about to utter the words when Damon cut in. "Say it out loud so that EVERYONE can hear." He said quite loudly so that about half the people in the store including the fangirls turned all their attention to the three of them. "No I'm not going to say it." Edward retorted, attempting to sound brave and failing miserably when he caught the looks on Damon's and Daegon's faces. "Alright Daegon go grab the nanny and some popcorn this is gonna be good." Damon called out to Daegon who was already heading out of the store while Damon hag flung Edward over his shoulder who was now flailing around like a brain dead fish and whining.
"OKAY I'LL SAY IT!!" Edward screamed after he figured out he couldn't get out of the stronger vampire's grasp. "Good boy." Damon said triumphantly and planted Edward back on the ground, gripping the back of his neck just in case he tried to bolt. Edward took a breath and called attention to himself. "Everyone I have something to say. I, Edward Cullen, am really not a vampire, just a sparkling man-slut who gives respectable vampires a bad name." He said, sounding like a spoiled child who'd been denied some candy. "YES!!" Screamed almost the entire store and crowded around Edward and his little followers and pointed at them while laughing cruelly as the girls sobbed, mortified that their precious Edward was such a spineless wuss.
A/N: Yeah I know this was random but like I said it's a dream and I have some pretty weird ass dreams, this one time I had a dream that I was on a never ending quest for jell-o but all I could find was pudding lol
Sooooo, comment, flame, whatever you wanna do.