To be alone
The little white hands crease the thin sheet covering her tiny curled body. I can't believe that this is the wailing baby I held in my hands less than two years ago.
And yet soo much has changed since then.
She has coped well, my little Sonea, without her mother. I imagine sometimes I see Sorcha in her. But no matter how hard I look I only see my face staring back. Maybe when she is older she will be like her mother; kind, compassionate and utterly loving?
Or maybe fate will punish me once again and she will be the stubborn daring fool that I am? It would only be fair justice for my lies. I drove her away, I deceived her, she died because of me.
But still I look upon that child of mine, breathing softly in her cot. She twists slightly, probably caught in another enfant dream of magic and delights.
Her little face with its pinched cheeks and pale skin, it has been a hard year for us all, is still strong. I can see it. I think my little Sonea will do well, I hope she will. If she has inherited anything from us both it will be our strength.
I bend down to kiss that feather soft cheek of hers and leave her to dream.
Sorcha and I, we could have withstood anything. The disapproval of my people, the hate of her family, even the outcry at my choices was nothing for us. The sea of hate and fear of the different was one we could sail over and come out smiling. Oh the strength of the young and naive. But I couldn't have done it without Sorcha and now she's gone...forever. Her only company the silent earth and the bones of those who came before her.
The wall of the corridor hits my back; I can feel the rough wood through my shirt as I slide to the ground. The cupped hollow of my hands seems a good place to despair once again but she always knew I was afraid of the dark.
The makeshift roof above me blurs as the tears come. They shouldn't. I am a man but without you I am nothing.
The world around me goes on but I am stuck in the same moment, barely a shadow in the present. I can't do it. I have to go. I have to run away from the memories, from the pain, from the responsibilities.
My legs are weak as I make my way out into the street but that is understandable. I follow the forbidden path and I know I am letting my daughter down, I am letting my wife down and I am letting myself down but what can I do?
The door opens before me.
"I need your help Jonna."