Chapter 1
"Max." The figure in front of me says. "Hey, Max. Are you okay? Are you hurt?". Past the figure is blue tile, dirty mirrors, and off-white sinks.
I hear a man say, "She was hurt pretty bad," He walks over to the sink, "yeah, we've arrested Nathan Prescott. The girl is on the way to the hospital, ambulance arrived a bit ago. I should be coming back pretty soon." I hear his footsteps on the cold tile and a tinny voice on his phone, "Apparently she saw Chloe Price get shot, then ran inside the school to the bathroom. She's been there since we arrived." He pauses.
"No, I don't think she'll be able to give us any information. Jesus Barret, the girl just saw her friend get shot, she'll be lucky if she doesn't need years of therapy." I can hear him pacing back and forth, "I understand, I'll get someone to take care of her. Okay. Bye."
More footsteps echoing on butterfly blue tile. "Hi, I'm officer Jeremy Briggs. Do you know her parents phone number?" The man in blue says to the girl in front of me.
I feel hazy and pulled back into the dark depths of my head. Like my eyes are holes in a mask and I'm seeing the black edges of the mask. I barely begin to register that the girl in front of me is touching my arm. My eyes move of their own accord to the highlights in her blonde hair.
I hear her say, "No, I don't really know her that well. I'm pretty sure she just moved here though."
"Hey, it's Maxine right?" He scratches his arm.
I want to say something but I can't seem to. The words form in my head but just don't fully translate to speech.
"Do you know your parents phone number?" Jeremy says slowly. I still can't speak. He looks over at the blonde next to him and asks, "Did her parents move here as well?"
"Um...", she furrows her eyebrows, "I don't think so, I vaguely remember that she said she moved here alone when she introduced herself to the class."
"Well uh-" Jeremy gestures as though missing the girls name.
"Victoria."
"Victoria. Thank you for your help. Could you make sure Maxine is okay? Maybe find someone who knows her parents phone number and get them to call me." Officer Jeremy pulls out a notebook and scrawls on it. He tears it out and hands it to Victoria.
The officer leaves. Victoria sits with me in the corner of the bathroom. Her arm is around me but I barely feel it. "Hey, I know what it's like. I've seen things that I'd never be able to tell anyone. They just wouldn't understand." she says.
I look over at her, and I feel like she really does understand from the look she gives me. Her bright green eyes betray a deep sadness, though she smiles.
Victoria begins to sing softly,
"So wake me up when it's all over,
when I'm wiser and I'm older.
All this time I was finding myself and I,
didn't know I was lost.
So wake me up when it's all over,
when I'm wiser and I'm older.
All this time I was finding myself and I,
didn't know I was lost."
Time passes, I don't know how much, but I start to feel present. It feels like her arm has gained more weight. I smell her sweat mixed with sweet vanilla. Everything seems clearer and more focused like a tilted lens.
I feel embarrassed to be so close to her. My heartbeat increases, my stomach swirls. No this is wrong. Chloe is dead, I shouldn't be allowed to feel like this, but still I feel it. I feel safe, protected, and cared about. I hug her and she is unsure of what to do, so she simply wraps her arms around me.
To me this is such a strange thing. Victoria Chase is not my friend. She is most definitely not even an acquaintance. Victoria is my enemy. Since I moved here she has relentlessly teased me about everything. My appearance, my clothing, my interests, and my photographs. All of these things have been insulted and picked apart by her. I can't even begin to comprehend why she is being so nice to me now.
I feel her phone buzz in her pocket. Once, twice, five times. She rubs my back lightly and I let go of her. She takes her phone out and taps it several times.
"Shit. It's Taylor." Victoria says. She taps out a rhythm with her fingers. It's almost soothing, anything other than what just happened is soothing.
Victoria looks over at me, "Hey, I'm going to take you to your dorm, then I have to go do some things. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah. Thank you." I say feeling my face heat up.
Maybe Chloe's still okay. I mean I hear the police officer say that they brought her to the hospital. I stare at the ceiling of my room. I pick at the blanket on top of me. Anything to avoid thinking about the fact that Chloe was shot by Nathan.
Maybe I should phone the hospital or go there. I don't know. I asked Victoria about Chloe and she didn't really say much. I haven't talked to her since I moved away. Ugh, I feel awful. I'm sweaty all over and my muscles feel achy. There are too many questions I need answers to. So I lay on my bed in my room because Victoria said she would be back later.
For now school has been cancelled. Most of the students have been taken back to their parents homes because families are worried. I'm only here because my parents don't live in the same postal code. I still don't know what to think of her. She tried to comfort me, but why? Maybe so she could spread rumours later about me.
I think of Victoria and being close to her. My heart races as I remember the way she smells. Her singing so calm and clear. I imagine moving closer to her, for a kiss. There is no way I have a crush on her.
I hear a knock at my door. It's probably Victoria.
I get up and quickly fix my appearance in the mirror on my wall. The knocking continues, it's light and barely audible. I open the door and Kate is standing there.
"Hey Kate. Sorry, I forgot to have tea with you today." I say to her. She's holding a basket of chocolates and cookies.
Kate looks like she hasn't been crying lately. That's good at least. I was worried about Victoria bullying her but maybe she's stopped. "Hi Max," she closes her eyes and smiles, "don't worry about having tea with me, we can do it some other time." Kate holds the basket up, "I brought these for you. I was worried about you, are you okay?"
I wipe sleep sand from my eyes. "Yeah, just a little sleepy. Come in," I say stepping aside, "thanks for the basket."
I sit down on the couch beside her. "I'm surprised you're still here, I figured you would go home."
"I'm here because my parents don't live in Arcadia. They got security to guard the dorms. I don't know why, it isn't like Nathan's going to come back." Kate says.
"M-My...My parents-" I stutter and an image of Nathan with a gun flashes in my mind. I try to shake the image but it slowly envelops my vision. It's like I'm back in the alley. I want to help her but I can't. I don't know what to do. I wish I could stop it from happening. The gun goes off and I hear Chloe slide to the ground and say, "Oh my god, you actually shot me." Then I leave her. I left her. Why?
"Max. Max are you okay?" I hear Victoria's voice. I come to realize that it's actually Kate speaking. I feel her hug me and rub my back. "I can stay if you want."
"It's fine." I hug Kate back. "Victoria should be back in awhile to check on me." Every word has such weight, because it takes so much to even speak.
I'm sweating again. I feel that fog in my brain, almost lighter this time than before. My muscles are tense again and wow do they ever hurt. I wish Victoria was here; even though I can't believe I would ever want her to be here. I just wish she was.
"I'll go make you some tea." Kate gets up. She brings me a blanket, carefully draping it over me, and then leaves.
Kate comes back with a large pot of tea and some biscuits. We drink our tea. Kate asks which movie I want to watch, I can only mumble. She picks "Before Sunrise", a movie that is largely made up of two people walking through Vienna. It's basically porn for artists and directors; food porn would be in a similar category. We watch the movie and she makes comments about it. I respond a couple times to her questions about the references the characters make about classical literature. I can't keep my eyes open so I rest them, just for a minute. Is this what it feels like to die?