Disclaimer: I do not own Uragiri Wa Boku Namae Wo Shitteiru
Note: the words in italic are the thoughts of the characters
Title: I desperately need you
Inspired from a video from youtube Desperately-shuusei/hotsuma by Yanny333
Pairing: Hotsuma X Shuusei
In the dark abyss
Only you can pull me out of it
Cause' I desperately need you…&
You will never know…
I will always be beside you
Until you don't want me anymore…
It is a sunny day at the twilight mansion. It is considered to be a normal day for everyone except for Shuusei. Hotsuma almost can't believe what he saw too.
"Shuusei…" Before Hotsuma could say any further, he stopped. For what he had saw had surprised him. Shuusei was sleeping at the couch near the window where they usually sat at while star gazing.
Being careful, he crept over to Shuusei, afraid of waking him from his deep slumber. Without much thinking, he moved a strand of hair out of his face and took the book from his hand as gentle as he could. His face softened as he marveled at Shuusei's delicate features. How I wish you are a girl again…I never ask why you choose to become a guy as I know that you have a reason doing so…yet I can't help but wish that you can be a girl again…
Placing a soft kiss on Shuusei's forehead, he took a seat beside Shuusei. Caressing his face, a pang of pain hit him for Shuusei looked really tired and pale. A sense of protectiveness overwhelmed him…Deep down, he swore. I will never leave you, Shuusei…never.
Worried that Shuusei would be cold, Hotsuma placed Shuusei in front of his chest and continued to caress his face. Feeling blissful that he had him in his arm, he felt a sense of satisfaction so strong that he felt like smiling.
Shuusei's POV
I thought I was sleeping…Yet all of it seemed so real, like a fragment of my memories.
I was standing in the rain. Looking at my appearance, I was wearing a white gown. From what I derived, I assumed that it was a memory of that past life that I seemed to have no recollection of. That life when I was a girl.
Despite having no memory of that life, I felt a pang of despair in me. A sense of despair so strong, that it felt as though it was tearing my heart into millions of pieces. I could even feel a stinging feeling in my eyes as though I was crying. Bewildered with the feeling I had, I looked up. At that moment, I could feel my blood froze and I finally comprehended the feelings that had just run through me.
Under the rain, there were two figures hugging. It was Hotsuma hugging Yuki. I knew that it was just a normal hug… Yet, I couldn't help feeling the sense of betrayal and despair in the "present" me. I had always known that he had a strong liking towards her, probably more than me. Nonetheless, it still hurts…
Turning away from the scene that stung my eyes, I ran as fast as I could, away from my beloved. Till I had no more energy to move on anymore, that I sat down on the cold, hard floor. I couldn't even be bothered to figure out where I was. Everything was a blur to me. Without him, my life would always be blurred. For it was because of him that I found a will to live. My heart hurt terribly and I dreaded going back to the Twilight Mansion for I couldn't face him in my weakened state.
The rain hit onto Shuusei without mercy, soaking her from head to toe. Despite of the chilling cold and rain, Shuusei sat there, oblivious to the surrounding. Her mind, body and soul would always be with him. Numbed to any feeling, she repeated all over to herself over and over again, like a chant. I need to be alone. I have to… I can't always rely on him. I cannot be his burden…
For what seemed like eternity, Shuusei stood up slowly and walked in the direction that she came from, hoping that it would eventually lead her back to the Twilight Mansion. She had decided to stay with him for as long as possible, till he no longer needed her as she needed him, desperately.
After a long and arduous walk, Shuusei had finally reached the Twilight Mansion. Just as she was about to open the door, the door opened.
"Shuusei, where have you been? Are you okay? Do you know how worried I am! I was just about to…" It was Hotsuma. It took him one night to realize that I was gone…
The realization only made my heart ache and seeing Yuki standing behind him, it made it even more unbearable. It hurt so badly that I wished that I could disappear. Before I could speak any words, I felt my head spin and darkness filled my vision, pulling me into a dark abyss. A darkness that I would more than welcomed. At least, I felt contented with the last word I had heard before the darkness took me. It was him calling my name. It was only when he called my name, that I felt that I was alive in this world…
"Shuusei! "Before Shuusei fell to the ground, Hotsuma caught her and tried to shake her awake. Anxiety squeezed his heart for her body was cold, dead cold. Without hesitation, he carried her wet body in bridal-style and dashed for her room. A frown lined his features as he realized that she was way too light. It pained him to realize how weak she was actually, despite her strong façade. While seeing that her room was near, he quickened his pace.
Placing her on the bed, he struggled with himself whether or not he should remove her soaking wet gown. With her health as priority in mind, he swiftly removed her gown, revealing her ivory cold skin. He felt hot while gazing at her body. Chiding himself for having such unhealthy thoughts about Shuusei, he pulled the blanket over her.
Before he could finish his act of covering her with blanket, Yuki came in. Realising what Hotsuma had done, she shooed him out of the room. He should have waited for a girl to help her change…despite that she was his partner…
Hotsuma refused to leave her, despite knowing the fact that she was fine and would come around soon.
Standing at her side, Hotsuma had come to a decision while looking at her pale form. He knew that the bond between them was much stronger and lasting than any couple in a marriage. However, he wished and wanted to marry her. He knew that he had not done so in any of their past lives. Yet, he hoped to do so in this life. At least once…
Caressing her face lightly, happiness engulfed him as he thought of their lives together. Not as Zweilt Guardian, but as husband and wife.
After a while
Shuusei's eyes fluttered as he gained consciousness…The first face she saw was Hotsuma and his name blurted out of her mouth, "Hotsuma…" It was him. He was lying on her side, sound asleep. A smile crept up her lip as she watched him sleeping. It was only happiness she felt, when she was with him.
~to be continued