Chapter Six

Olivia is the first to wake up thanks to the unforgiving sun screaming through the half closed blinds of Alex's one and only huge bedroom window. A groggy morning voice whispers to Olivia "Hey....good

morning...." and the follow up is a sweet and tender kiss from Alex. This feels so good....so right.....but it can't be. Olivia although so very happy, is plagued by a daunting fear that Alex will hurt her. She has never

ever allowed anyone to come this close to her heart strings.....male or female. If she can't trust herself with her emotions, how on earth will she trust someone else with them? For christ sake she has been alone

for so long she's forgotten how to feel in a sense. Although a tough street cop, Olivia is fragile....so very fragile, and she is not sure now if she is ready for this. Was it just the lust that got the better of the both

of them? She needs to talk to Alex and let her know of her reservations. Not wanting to kill the moment, but realizing for her own sanity, she must get this off of her chest before she moves any further. She

gently releases herself from Alex's arms and sits up in bed crossing her legs staring at the beautiful blond ADA under the covers. She reminds Olivia of an angel...the pink blush of her cheeks, long golden strands

of hair spilling around her pillow like a halo....deep azure for eyes....'God I love this woman'......"Alex......Alex, honey....wake up....I need to talk to you". Alex is smart, she has been around Olivia enough to realize

it when she hears it; the slight panic in her voice that she is trying desperately to conceal. "Of course Liv....." wiping the sleep from her eyes, she sits up in bed, crosses her legs and faces Olivia. "What is it.....you

can tell me anything". She grabs Olivia's hand and caresses it tenderly in her own. This sets Olivia more at ease and locks eyes with Alex who seems to be looking straight into her soul. "I.....I love that I am here

with you at this very moment....I loved last night, more than you know.....I.....I'm scared Alex". She put it out there, plain and simple wasting no time. "Scared of what Liv?" Alex's voice starts to quiver as she

struggles to hold back the tears that start to well up in her suddenly sullen eyes. Dammit! Don't cry, please don't cry...ugh I didn't want it like this....I don't want to hurt her.....That's it....that's exactly it. How selfish

to think maybe Alex was scared too of Olivia hurting her. "Oh God Alex...I'm sorry....please....hear me out....." Alex lets go of Olivia's hand and gets up off the bed. She goes into the bathroom slamming the door

behind her. Olivia can hear her sobbing over the faucet that she turned on in hopes of drowning the sounds of her sorrow. "Alex....Alex....please open the door and let me in....please let me explain......" "Go away

Olivia. I can't do this.....I won't be hurt by you.....it took everything I had....every bit of courage...every last nerve to let myself go with you.....to finally allow myself to be what I thought was myself with you." Olivia

rests her head against the door and literally feels her heart aching listening to poor Alex spill her guts. "Alex....I'm....I'm so sorry....please come out or let me in so I can explain". Suddenly the door rushes open

and Alex's hurt shifts quickly to anger. Damn....this is the Alex Olivia doesn't like.... the 'Ice Princess' I'm about to slay you like a dragon Alex, coming out of the woodwork. Furious and embarrassed, Alex pushes past Olivia and throws herself face down on her bed. "Alex.....there is something you need to know....something I should have told you months...no...probably years ago. If you listen to me....just please listen to me, for one second, then maybe you will understand why I'm freaking out a little here....." Olivia knows she's not the one over reacting at the moment, but she lets Alex take control and allows her to vent first. Alex screams at Olivia through streaming tears "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE GROWING UP KNOWING THAT YOU WERE DIFFERENT! KNOWING YOU FANCIED GIRLS OVER BOYS? AND NOT HAVING A SUPPORT SYSTEM....PARENTS THAT IGNORED WHO I WAS WHEN I TOLD THEM....HEARING OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT IT'S JUST A PHASE, THAT I SHOULD MARRY A DOCTOR, A LAWYER, A POLITICIAN LIKE MY FATHER....AND THAT IT HAD TO BE A HARVARD GRADUATE LIKE THE REST OF US. WELL...... FUCK THAT!" Olivia has never heard such vulgarity from Alex before and knew she must really be at her wits end to be using it. "SO INSTEAD, I BECAME ANDROGENOUS IN A WAY AND FELL IN LOVE WITH THE ONLY THING THAT WOULDN'T DISAPPOINT ME.... MY CAREER......NOTHING ELSE.....UNTIL......I MET YOU! GOD DAMMIT OLIVIA!" Olivia struggles to keep back her own tears listening to the sheer anguish coming from Alex. "Alex...I know all about growing up different." This catches Alex's attention as she pushes herself away from her pillow and glares at Olivia. "You see.....gosh this is hard....the only other person that knows about what I'm going to tell you is Elliott....Alex...what exactly do you know about me...about my past?" Alex grabs a tissue wiping her nose and eyes "What do you mean Liv? I'm confused...." Olivia feeling a fire start in the pit of her gut gets a bit more stern, "Alex what have you heard about me....don't you think I know people talk?" Alex over the years has heard grumbles here and there that Olivia was possibly the product of a rape, but never ever brought the subject up with her friend in fear that it was just a terrible rumor. "Um...I really don't..." She's cut off by Olivia whose fuse is growing shorter by the second "JESUS Alex! What did you hear?" "OK....about a year ago I heard Munch and Fin talking about you....that your mother was raped and as a result became pregnant....." Goddamn you two.... Olivia cuts her off again "What else Alex?" "That's it Liv, I swear to God...I....I walked away because I felt it wasn't any of my business to be listening any further and hoped maybe one day you'd......wow....I'm an asshole....." The two women sit on the bed exhausted staring at each other, recounting just what the hell happened before either one of them speaks again. Olivia knowing she needs to make this right reaches for Alex's hand and grabs it "Alex....I'm sorry....so so sorry....I never will doubt you...or us....ever again....I promise.....you see, when I was just 5 years old, my mother in a drunken rage told me how I came into this world. She was a college student at NYU in the late 60's. She lived and worked on campus in the law library. Well this one night, late... she was walking back to her apartment and she was grabbed from behind, beat up and raped. As a result, she became pregnant. Scared and not knowing what to do, she had me......I've shied away from forming relationships my entire life Alex.... partly because I felt I never deserved anyone and partly because I've been afraid of being..... abandoned....I shut myself off from the world....that is counselor until I met you....I think we're a lot more alike then we think....." Alex throws herself at the Detective wrapping her arms around her, letting it all go....."I'm sorry Liv....I had no idea....that was really selfish of me". In a way it was, but Olivia is in no mood for a pissing contest. She just wants things on the mend and to be able to pick up where they left off, making passionate love, spending quality time doing whatever, getting to know each other in this context....as a couple...no longer as friends. "Sweetie it's ok.....it's ok....I'm sorry too....sorry you've been forced to live in the closet your whole life practically with no one to turn to." Alex with swollen eyes pleads to Olivia "Can we put this behind us? I need you to know that I am 200% committed to you....to us....you can trust me Liv....I'd never hurt you, I want this relationship more than anything I've ever wanted before." Olivia can barely contain herself "Yes Alex it's behind us and I feel the same way....I want this too in the worst way, and I promise you my undivided loyalty, honesty and devotion from this day forward". Letting her comedic side poke through and break the ice a little, Alex sheepishly looks at Liv... "Well, we've done a lot in the last 24 hours....we've slept together, we've had our first and hopefully last fight....now all that's left to do is buy a house, get a dog and paint the picket fence white....can we fit all that in before Monday morning ya think?" There's the quirky Alex Cabot Olivia loves so much. "You cheese ball..." Laughing hysterically, Olivia playfully whacks Alex in the side of the head with an overstuffed goose down pillow. "Oh you're gonna get it detective...." Olivia springs out of bed and runs into the living room with Alex only an arms length away. Just as Alex grabs the back of Olivia's academy T-shirt slamming her onto the couch, the faint ring of a cell phone is heard some where. "Shit...my phone....where did I leave it Al?" "Ohhh it's her Liv...under our clothes....." They both giggle like two kids at a sleepover and Alex throws the still ringing phone to Olivia who like a champ catches it with one hand.....with a smile on her face she answers "Benson......" Her playful expression quickly fades and the serious look tells Alex it isn't good.... whatever it is. "I'll be there in 15 minutes....Thanks Cap." "What's going on Liv?" "Another rape victim, same M.O. as the Grayson girl....except this one's dead. I gotta go meet Elliott in 15 minutes in the squad room." "I'll give you a ride Liv...." "Thanks Alex, I appreciate it". Alex winks at Olivia and the two get dressed. Olivia puts back on what she was wearing the night before for her birthday celebration at O'Malley's, and knows she's going to have to explain herself to Elliott.... but she'll deal with that later....much later if she can help it. It's 5 minutes to 9 and Olivia is pouring herself into the front seat of Alex's black Mercedes. "Nice ride Counselor". "It gets me from A to B". Olivia loves her modesty and teases back "I bet....don't make me pull you over and give you a speeding ticket". "Oh my Detective......how would I ever get out of that?" Olivia laughs throwing her head back slightly and this act of candidacy drives Alex crazy. Unable to help herself, she grabs Olivia by the collar of her leather jacket and pulls her in for a kiss. "Am I going to see you later?" Alex asks this in a low sultry voice that creates such a burn in Olivia's groin, that it literally makes her squirm in her seat. "If I have my way Alex, there will be later and then some.....I'll call you when I know what we've got going on. Who knows, we might need a warrant". Alex speeds away and gets Liv to the 1-6 just as Elliott, Fin and Munch are arriving. "Oh my Liv.....what are we going to tell these guys?" "Let's worry about that later ok? All in due time Alex....but I want Elliott to be the first. We'll talk about it later." "Ok Detective.....I Love You....be careful out there". "I love you too Alex.....oh, and thanks for the birthday flowers." Alex grins and puts her head down....."Your welcome....Hibiscus....they're you're favorite....see you later". With those words exchanged, they were both secure and adult enough to know that they wanted this to work. Alex watched as Olivia did her thing, joining the other detectives, and knew in her heart that Olivia was officially "hers".

TBC….