Weird little oneshot based on a t-shirt slogan.
Disclaimer: I won nothing pertaining to the lord of the rings, or the t-shirt.
'And so, Frodo,' Elrond droned, 'in recognition of the great service you performed for Middle Earth, it is my great pleasure to award you... this t-shirt.' He held up the aforementioned article of clothing.
'A t-shirt? A t-shirt?' Frodo stared around the room in disbelief. 'I was chased from my house-'
'Really, Frodo, you agreed to leave,' Gandalf said irritably. Frodo ignored him.
'Stabbed by a wraith-'
'You did put the Ring on, therefore drawing the attention of the wraith,' Merry pointed out.
'Assaulted by a mutant octopus-'
'It wasn't an octopus, it was the Watcher,' Legolas said with an air of wisdom.
'Speared by a troll-'
'Which completely failed to injure you,' Aragorn interjected.
'Stalked by a creepy little man-'
'From what I've heard, it was your idea to go off with Gollum,' Pippin put in.
'Drawn into a corpse-filled swamp-'
'It was the safe paths, my precious, my love. Master wanted to go on safe paths, so we shows him safe paths,' Gollum (who had been miraculously resurrected) hissed.
'Poisoned by a giant spider-'
'With all due respect, Mister Frodo, if you hadn't sent me away, I could have protected you,' Sam said.
'Rendered unconscious-'
'Better than being dead,' the ghost of Boromir muttered.
'I even lost my Ring-'
'That was the whole point of the journey!' Everyone yelled.
'And all I get is this lousy T-SHIRT?!' Frodo's voice rose to a shriek on the last word.
'It's not just any t-shirt,' Bilbo added hastily. 'It's made from 100% organic cotton.'
'I DON'T CARE!' Frodo ran out of the room, sobbing. Arwen sighed.
'I told you we should have got him that ticket to Valinor, but no, it had to be the t-shirt...'