Title: Fuck the Alpacas
Author: msbittersweets
Rating: PG-13 (some swearing and underage drinking)
Pairings: Kendall/Logan
Summary: Logan Mitchell had been known for two things back in Minnesota. First and foremost, Kendall Knight, and second, his never ending amount of genius, but that was always second to Kendall, even to Logan himself. Kendall/Logan.
Disclaimer: Big Time Rush, show or band, does not belong to me.
A/N: Right, well, I wrote this at 3 am on a Saturday but then didn't do anything with it for about two months, and I've finally decided to post it. I want to thank my lovely beta for making sure this wasn't 100% crap. Please do enjoy.
Logan Mitchell had been known for two things back in Minnesota. First and foremost, Kendall Knight, and second, his never ending amount of genius, but that was always second to Kendall, even to Logan himself.
It's a little embarrassing, but Logan remembers it, how he used to have a slightly unhealthy obsession with him when he was little, young and naïve (he still does, but he's been working on it).
Back when he didn't even know he was 'obsessed', or that it wasn't exactly right for him to be so engrossed in Kendall, so fascinated by his friend.
To be so dependent on Kendall and not care one bit, to be known as Kendall Knight's best friend, Logan Mitchell, and feel warm all over. To be a part of Kendall's life, and Kendall to be his life.
Logan knew that wasn't normally how best friends would be, but everything that Kendall did, everything that he was, was too great to be classified as simply normal. So Logan deemed it okay, nothing to worry about.
And how could he not be so captivated? How could anyone?
When Logan first met Kendall he was, frankly, blown away.
Kendall had just walked up to him, looked him straight in the eye and asked him to join the pee wee hockey team. Logan didn't even think twice before he agreed, which was really not like him at all (always weary of any new comers, careful and cautious at all times).
But it was odd, how the clouds parted and a ray of rare sunshine fell on Kendall, made his eyes shine mischievously, his smile to sparkle and a halo to form around his hair. It was even odder that Logan noticed such detail but it was too late by then. One look and he was already trapped in Kendall Knight's charm.
It wasn't until after he officially became part of the team that same afternoon that he learned Kendall's name and Kendall his. And it wasn't until Mrs. Knight picked Kendall up and invited Logan for dinner that Logan got to learn more about Kendall other than his name and his apparent natural charm.
Like how Kendall absolutely loathes green beans and loves dinosaur chicken nuggets. Or about his little baby sister, Katie, whose eyes shined with intelligence even at her three years of age. That Kendall wants to play professional hockey when he grows up, and take care of his family, support his baby sister and his mom (who's a great cook and an awesome mom).
And as the evening progressed, Logan got more and more enchanted by Kendall and his family.
When his mom picked him up and asked him about his day, about his new friend, Logan smiled so big his cheeks hurt and replied that his day had been great. Fantastic.
The next day went even better.
Logan met James and Carlos, Kendall's friends. They were both a little weird (James carried around a 'lucky comb' and Carlos wore a helmet for no apparent reason) but really kind to him and Logan took to them in no time.
The four of them stuck together like puzzle pieces and Logan felt his life was complete. Also, he got a nickname.
His very first nickname.
Kendall invited Carlos and James to his house to play some videos and then turned to Logan, who was, admittedly, looking at Kendall with hopeful eyes, and said:
"You too, Logie, wanna come over?"
Logie.
Logie.
Logan couldn't believe it, and he would freak out properly later, when Kendall wasn't waiting for a response.
No one had ever given him a nickname before, except for his mom, of course, but Logan wasn't sure that counted.
And all day long, Kendall or James or Carlos would call him 'Logie' and Logan would beam at them, and guard that memory forever.
Logie.
Logan had always been what his teachers would call 'exceptionally smart', which flattered Logan, really, but he didn't really ever pay much attention to it. At the ignorant age of ten, Logan couldn't really care less.
Yeah, he was smart. Yeah, he easily got better than good grades. Yeah, he was always the top of his class.
It didn't matter to Logan. It was just another boring thing that formed part of his ordinary life.
Then it changed.
Kendall had been acting weird. He hadn't stopped slapping his hands together in a clap (something he did when he was nervous), he kept mumbling under his breath and any mention of school got him to wince.
Not being able to contain his curiosity any longer, Logan asked Kendall what was wrong and that was all it took to get Kendall to spill.
It was his math class. He had failed his midterm exam and his grade had lowered to a C. They were going to let him take a redo test, but Kendall was sure he was going to do bad in that, too. And then he would fail the class, and his mom would get mad, and he would keep failing at math, and then he would start failing at his other classes, too, because it was all a chain reaction. And then they would take him off the hockey team and he would never be able to fulfill his dream.
Logan had to take a few minutes to process the information thrown at him. How Kendall managed to string everything up to come up with that conclusion amazed Logan. Snapping out of it, he offered to help Kendall study for his test. Kendall had looked at him hopefully, big green eyes shining with that ray of sunshine that seemed to follow him wherever he went.
They had a study date at Logan's house and Logan drilled mathematics into Kendall like a pro, making sure Kendall understood everything that would be on his redo. Logan even made a little example test for Kendall to take, and yeah, Logan was having fun playing teacher, but this was one hundred percent about helping Kendall out.
Kendall had been surprised at Logan's skill with math and everything academic, and Logan realized he had never mentioned it before. That he was good at school. He hadn't thought it was of any importance, but Kendall insisted that it was, that Logan being super smart and amazing was important.
Logan's whole body had warmed over despite the cold Minnesota weather, and he had felt himself blush. Kendall wasn't the first to compliment Logan, but he was the first Logan had taken to heart.
The next day, Kendall aced his math test.
He had run over to Logan, picked him off the ground and spun him around, all the while chanting a 'thank you, thank you!'
Logan had never felt quite the same. He was glad he was able to help Kendall, more than glad, really, but he couldn't put a name on the tight feeling taking over his body, making him feel light and full and warm and… Logan didn't really know, just that it made him throw his head back and laugh out loud.
From that day on, it became a habit. Kendall or James or Carlos would come to him for help. They would ask to study with him, ask him about this science question and that English essay. They would rely on him to help them with that.
Logan had felt a piece of himself slot into place when Kendall called him 'the brains' of the group, just like when he met Kendall and James and Carlos.
Logan realized that this seemed to happen a lot around Kendall.
Just like that, his life by Kendall's side began. He wasn't Logan Mitchell anymore. He was Logan Mitchell, best friend of Kendall, James and Carlos, nicknamed Logie and the brains of the group.
Where would you find Logan? Next to Kendall.
What would Logan be doing? Whatever Kendall was doing.
Sure, it seemed a little exaggerated, but it really wasn't. Kendall had become Logan's life, he was the Superman to his Lois Lane, the knight to his damsel in distress, the cheese to his tasteless macaroni, the Ken to his Barbie.
Kendall was the sun to Logan's rotating little planets.
Then, of course, came the inevitable intervention.
Logan's mom had sat him down and gently explained that she was getting a little worried.
By what?
He was spending too much time with Kendall, and Kendall was a great kid, but Logan was becoming far too dependent on him. Every detail of his life was somehow connected to Kendall, and it was scaring his mom.
Personally? Logan was fine with that. Why wouldn't he be? Kendall wasn't just a 'great kid,' he was a million things more than that. He was smart, and worked well under pressure, he always helped Logan in everything, never complained, and always came through in the end. He was funny and he made Logan take risks and he completed Logan.
So he blew his mom off. He smiled at her, told her not to worry and kissed her on the cheek before he went off to meet with Kendall.
It wasn't that that scared his mom, though. It wasn't that he was spending all of his time with Kendall. And really, Logan should've known better, but he couldn't have cared less then. He had Kendall and he was sure that whatever came, he'd be able to handle it. He was wrong, of course.
What had scared his mom had been heartbreak.
A seemingly inevitable heartbreak.
They had done it.
They had become an honest to god boy band. They had made James's dream come true and had managed to stick together through it all. They had gone to LA, danced and singed and got approved by Griffin and now they were recording songs and learning new dances and being a band, together.
Logan felt it couldn't get better.
Of course, if it couldn't get better, it could always get worse.
Much worse.
Jo Taylor is what happened.
Sure, Logan liked Jo. She was great. She was career-oriented, which he respected, she was smart and kind and strong. She was pretty, too.
Logan hated that he couldn't hate her.
She had just walked into his life and promptly tore it to shreds, burned them down to ashes and let the wind scatter them around.
They had been fine. Just the four of them. And then she came and stole Kendall.
Logan admitted it, it sounded petulant. It's not like she did it on purpose or with bad intent. She had just happened to walk in at the right time, just happened to be perfect.
Blond and eyebrows.
What a match.
Kendall wasn't even his to begin with. No, Logan was Kendall's. And Jo kind of stole his place.
Logan had been right there, by Kendall' s side from the start, and now he had to move back so that Jo could hold Kendall's hand and pose for the picture, 'Big Time Rush's Kendall Knight's Girlfriend.'
She got to have the blue smoothie, seat by the pool with him, go to the park with him, comfort him when he felt down, give him advice.
Jo had stolen Logan's place in his world, which was by Kendall's side. She had stolen his identity.
And to be completely honest, she also took what Logan had longed for, what he wished was his to be stolen, too.
Jo got to kiss Kendall, and touch him, and spend nights with him. She got to hug him for longer than necessary without making it look bad, like something that wasn't supposed to be. She got to hold his hand and have that stupid goodbye kiss that seemed to be their thing now. She got to seat in his lap, dance with him at the parties, whisper in his ear and laugh into his chest.
The heartbreak his mom had predicted and feared happened.
Logan got his heart ripped out of him and thrown into the garbage. He got bruised and scarred and now he didn't have Kendall to fix him back up.
Now he didn't have Kendall, period.
Logan had resigned himself to his ill fate.
To his life as Kendall's victim. Not that he blamed Kendall, not that he could. Or Jo for that matter.
He had simply been a victim of himself. He got what was coming to him.
He accepted that his place was no longer at Kendall's side. That was for Jo now. He would still be Kendall's best friend, he would still help him, but only when needed, only when Jo wasn't there to do it.
Because Kendall was Kendall, and Logan could never keep away for long.
And then, because life decided to be hard on Kendall, Jo moved away.
To New Zeeland.
Literally flew out of Kendall's life.
Kendall had been devastated, ruined.
Heartbroken.
So Logan helped. He picked him up off the ground, dusted him off, leaned him on Logan's shoulder and set off. To the movies, to the park, to the pool, to the smoothies. Anywhere, to take his mind off Jo and his heartbreak.
And it worked, because Logan was a genius, especially when it came to Kendall. Especially when it came to helping him and being there for him 24/7…
How could Logan not have seen it before? He was back where he belonged, back to being Logan Mitchell.
And it felt awful. Amazing, great, fantastic, but awful.
Kendall was still sad, still not over Jo. He had his heart broken and Logan could relate. He would keep trying, keep mending Kendall's heart together. He would stitch it back up, nurse it back to health and make sure there was no scar left behind.
And because Logan was a genius on everything Kendall, he did it.
Yeah, there was still that problem with his own broken heart, because unlike Kendall's, Logan still bore the scar that sometimes ripped open.
But that could wait. He could wait.
He could wait for a random party to get shit faced, apparently.
God, he knew he shouldn't have gone to that stupid party, should not have taken that first drink, or the second or the third and most definitely not the eleventh.
But he did. Because Logan was stupid like that sometimes.
He didn't really know what compelled him to drink, he never really liked alcohol.
Okay, so he wasn't kidding anyone, he knew damn right what made him down shot after shot of colorful alcohol. He had been talking to Guitar Dude, about something to do with guitars, and had turned around only to see some skank flirting with Kendall, who was looking all cool and smooth leaning against a wall. His scar had ripped open again, and Guitar Dude had offered that first drink and he took it.
Several more brain cells killed and Logan found himself puking half his guts out.
Stupid Kendall and his stupid face and stupid ray of sun.
He said that last part out loud apparently, because several people looked at him weird.
He didn't care, couldn't they see he was miserable here?
Stupid Kendall and his stupid eyes and stupid mouth.
He stumbled on his own feet and made contact with a wall. One that could talk.
Stupid Kendall and his stupid smiles and his stupid laugh.
He grabbed said wall and used it to straighten himself up. He patted the wall's face in thanks and attempted to walk back to the bar.
Stupid Kendall and his stupid hands and stupid touch.
The wall grabbed him and pulled him back. He tripped and fell backwards, falling once again on the wall, this time his back to the wall's chest.
Stupid Kendall and his stupid body and nipples. Haha, nipples.
The wall steadied him and asked him if he was okay. Of course he was okay! What are you talking about wall?
The wall looked at him in worry and a little anger.
Don't be angry, wall. Logan's sorry.
The wall's face softened and pulled Logan against it, supporting his weight.
Where was he? Oh, yeah. Stupid Kendall and his stupid nipples. Oh no, wait, he already said that.
That wall started pulling him along, and where are we going, wall?
The wall answered something about home and Logan wanted to answer that they were going to Kendall then, right? But he accidentally swallowed his tongue.
Stupid Kendall and his stupid collarbone and stupid hips.
A door closed and Logan floated towards a bed. Oh no, the wall was carrying him. The wall placed him on the bed and tucked him in, and thank you, wall. Logan really appreciated it.
The wall smiled, hesitated and then kissed Logan on the forehead.
Logan looked up at the wall's green eyes and laughed. Silly wall, didn't he know he loved Kendall?
The green eyes widened and then everything went black.
A pounding head ache, a dry mouth tasting of vomit, and burning eyes were what welcomed Logan back into the world.
His body seemed to give his brain a break as it directed Logan towards the bathroom. And since when had Logan started thinking of his brain and body as separate entities?
Logan took three aspirins, brushed his teeth twice and drank two glasses of water before he started thinking again.
It looked to be about one in the afternoon, and he seemed to be the only one awake. He settled down on the couch and tried to remember anything about the night before. Piece by piece, it all came back to him.
The skank, the alcohol, more of the alcohol, half his guts flushed down, stupid Kendall, the wall and… oh, shit.
Oh, fuck.
Why? Why?
Logan had seriously thought he was smarter than that. Now he was screwed.
Now Kendall knows, now Kendall will feel uncomfortable around him, and nothing will ever be the same again.
It was decided then. The only thing left for Logan to do was move to Bolivia and raise alpacas for a living.
Logan went to his room, got out a duffel bag and started packing. No time to waste.
He was halfway done with arranging his socks by frequency of wear when he heard the front door open and close. He winced and started looking around the room for a good place to hide.
Quick, the closet!
Logan ran as quietly as he could and shut himself inside the closet. He closed his eyes, lowered his breathing and tried not to panic.
Light shined into the closet but Logan kept his eyes closed. Maybe they wouldn't notice him.
"Logan?"
So much for that.
Logan opened one eye, saw Kendall, and then reluctantly opened his other eye.
"Uh, hey Kendall. Wassup?"
Kill him now.
"What the hell are you doing?" Kendall demanded and before Logan could speak, Kendall looked pointedly at the half full duffel bag on Logan's bed, as if Logan hiding in the closest was nothing out of the ordinary (ha! Hiding in the closet…).
"Oh, that, um, well, you see… I'm moving to Bolivia to raise alpacas?"
Was it just him or did that sound a lot like a question?
"No, you're not."
"Okay." Logan winced at his immediate submission.
He was pathetic. He was also pretty sure love wasn't supposed to reduce people to sad excuses of what they used to be. Maybe that only happened with Kendall. He had a way of making Logan pathetic.
"Listen, Logan," and now Kendall looked conflicted, his eyebrows bunching close together, his eyes falling to the ground and his hands coming together in a clap. Logan didn't like seeing Kendall like that.
"It's okay, I'm sorry. I was being drunk and stupid and irresponsible-"
"Logan, shut up-"
"No really, it's okay, Kendall. It was just me and my big mouth, it was nothing-"
"Nothing?"
Logan winced and tried not to falter.
"I-It was a mistake. We can just act like it never happened and we can move on and-"
"Logan. It was not nothing, and it was not a mistake. You told me you loved me."
Logan flinched and looked down at his naked feet. A fierce blush working its way to his face and his eyes started stinging suspiciously.
"I… I know. And really, I'm telling you, it's okay, it's fine. We'll forget about it and move on-"
"No."
Logan jumped up and made the mistake of looking Kendall in the eye.
"No, we will not forget about it and move on. No it's not nothing and no it is not fine."
Logan was really panicking now, his voice a frantic rush of 'I'm really sorry, Kendall. I'm sorry,'. He seriously ruined things now.
He was shut up, though, when two warm lips pressed against his. Cutting him off and knocking the wind out of him. Logan just stood there, mouth slack and unreasoning, his brain shutting down and his heart taking off before it could get hurt.
Kendall ended the kiss and looked at him, a flash of something uncertain and un-Kendall like in his eyes before it was gone just as quickly.
"You… you love me. And I'm really close to loving you, too, Logan. Please don't move to Bolivia and raise alpacas. Stay. With me."
Logan felt his eyes moisten and he hoped he wasn't crying, because that was just exceptionally pathetic and embarrassing.
A rough hand cupped his face and thumbed off a wet path on his cheek. Great, he actually cried. But he could worry about that later, when his brain stopped melting into a puddle and his heart stopped doing back flips and cartwheels and other dangerous things.
Logan snapped out of it and grabbed Kendall's shoulders, slammed him against the closet wall, stood on his tiptoes and kissed Kendall to his heart's content, which was now also melting into a puddle.
Kendall returned the kiss with the same fervor, grabbing at Logan's waist and pressing him close, so close, as he licked his way past Logan's lips.
His heart preoccupied itself in rushing blood to a part of Logan that really didn't need any more encouragement, and Logan grabbed two handfuls of Kendall's hair as he pressed himself closer and turned the kiss into something more gentle. Sweet and intimate.
They both parted for oxygen when it became apparent they still needed it to live.
"Fuck the alpacas," Logan exhaled, giddy that alcohol had proven to be such a good friend to him.
Kendall smirked at him, which did things to Logan that he was still not ready to admit, slipped a hand into Logan's back pocket and proceeded to cut off oxygen and blood supply to Logan's brain.
James, who said he just didn't want to walk in on anything, and Carlos, who made a face as he pictured what exactly James didn't want walk in on, were not impressed but couldn't seem to hide their grins.
Mrs. Knight squealed and said something about a wedding cake, and Mrs. Mitchell laughed through the phone and proceeded to embarrass them. Bitters handed Katie money who looked at them and said that it was about time they got it over with.
Camille shrieked and slapped them both, later apologizing about getting so excited, and Jo congratulated them through the phone. The rest of the Palmswood exploded in cheers, applause and catcalls when they walked out of the elevator holding hands.
Logan watched Kendall as he threw his head back and laughed, the ever-present ray of sunshine illuminating him, and Logan couldn't help but fall deeper into the spell Kendall put on him.