;warning: oocness likely abounds. this is just a preliminary attempt to get into leon's head. please tell me how i'm doing, because i really want to get him right! i may just make this fic a series of stomping grounds on the different aspects of leon, in particular. dunno.

"What are we, Leon?"

He looked to the side. Up, then down. Memories of a time long gone meandered through his thoughts, flashes of a yesteryear with a young woman's hopeful smile and silently pleading eyes seared into his consciousness like the walls of Leon Karnak were.

Leon wasn't sure he wanted to do this, not now. Not when the unspoken autumn air between them was thick with tension and she was getting that look on her face that meant that whatever she wanted was going to happen and it was night with nobody to chaperone them, no one's presence to prevent her from bringing it up and forcing him to drop his act. Because it was an act, they both knew. They were very good actors- they had to be, when Karnak still pressed in around him like a suffocating vice and empty whiteness greeted his guiltily closed eyes and when she had nothing to go on but her initial reactions to the world around her to hint at what she used to be and a dragon that was as lost as she was.

But he had no choice; he'd dallied too long, convinced himself that it was just another game that he could stop at any time. He hadn't realized how wrong that assumption was until it was too late and he found himself wanting.

He dragged his unwilling gaze to her firm, unyielding stance and considered. Considered, because his belated realizations still managed to make guilt gnaw at the corners of his mind and reach outward with long, stretching fingertips into his body and take control of his actions, his words, his thoughts.

Maria.

Some hint of his automatic flinch was caught by her, and she inched closer. Like a wolf greeting another of its kind, but ready for anything- including a fight. "Leon," she said, softly, but the steel underlying was omnipresent. There was confusion somewhere in there, too. That was expected. He was confused too. "You can't pretend to ignore... this... any longer."

And she was right. He hated how right she was, if he was honest with himself.

Because she had been the first person he'd seen, the one to wake him from the nightmare, to personally see to his initial adjustment into this new world. There'd been something right from the start. They'd connected on some level immediately. They'd seen right through each other, even if she chose not to acknowledge that most of the time.

Because his pulse had taken to picking up and his heart skipped a beat whenever he caught her scent on the wind, and he would always always tease the living daylights out of her in an effort to forget the feeling.

It was ineffectual.

She was damnably cute. She brought him grilled fish every other day after she'd learned how much he liked it. She'd taught him so many things- how to care for another human being so deeply was just one of them.

And when (because it was inevitably a when) he couldn't forget, he'd go and mess with Forte's brain a little, then maybe Vishnal after that, and then Doug and Dylas because they were an infinite source of amusement. Or he would slink out of the town gate and into the surrounding areas, sometimes to fish like his job required (although that left far too much time to think), but mostly just to escape for a little while. It was easier not to think when one's mind was consumed with the flurry of stabbing and dodging and jabbing and tossing spells every which way. He ignored that the spear he wielded was one she had forged for him.

"I know," he decided, keeping his gaze firmly on the tree next to the one she was backing him up against. This was hard. "...I shouldn't. But... I decided long ago... that I would never marry. Thus, we cannot be. You..."

He fell silent again, thoughts a tangled mess, heart pounding in his chest. She surprised him yet again by reaching out and placing her hands on his shoulders- his gaze snapped to hers as she stared back evenly, so oddly calm in comparison to his innermost self. "Me?"

"You," he murmured. His ears flattened. Must she always push him to speak like this? Perhaps it was the elusiveness of his sincerity that made her pursue it so. "It isn't... I could never hate you. You... deserve better than that." Deserved more than a boyfriend who would never marry her no matter how much he...

How much he loved her. He swallowed.

He...

"Is that what this is about?"

The familiar half-smirk was but a paltry imitation of its usual mischief. "Parts of it, yes."

A huff of breath, the only sign of her irritation. For all her innocence and easy blushing, when she entered into this particular mode, he couldn't read her. Battle wiped the slate as blank as it had been the day she arrived in Selphia and kept her focused on her goals and not her problems. It was a way of coping, as much as anything else was. "Leon... what's the rest?"

...Wasn't this unfair?

"Maria-" His mouth snapped shut, and there was a long moment of silence before he tried to move out of her grasp. He hadn't meant to say that. Hadn't meant to bring that can of worms out into the open. But she didn't spend all that time fighting and farming for nothing- her strength held, her eyes somehow more intent in the sudden shimmer of the moonlight that had crept through the clouds while they spoke.

"Maria?"

Yes. This was definitely unfair. "...Yes."

His eyes searched for an escape, but there wasn't one. It was the reason why they'd stopped here, in this little copse of trees. Neutral ground. Dark forest. And while his sight was far better than any natural human's, he didn't want to leave Frey to walk home alone- she'd lost her Escape spell somewhere in the fights that had preceded this little talk. Didn't matter how good she was at taking care of herself. Knowing her- knowing her- she would push on past the sun's rising and stumble back into her room at the castle without anyone being the wiser to it except maybe Venti.

"Leon..."

"...Don't look so sad." He couldn't bear the look on her face- the idea that he was the one causing her sorrow. Couldn't she see that this was for her? That he was looking out for her? "Do you understand now? You should forget about me. Please."

"How could I?" And then so softly that he probably hadn't been meant to hear it- "...I don't want to."

And that was what he had been afraid of. Because he knew- he knew- for as long as he lived, he would never forget her. Even as he watched her fall in love with someone else, watched her walk down an aisle, watched her raise a child- his waking thoughts would be of her. Of her wellbeing. Leon did not love lightly. Not even Maria had evoked this feeling in him.

A lance jolted through his heart, as always, at the mere idea of Maria. And he was reminded of the reason why this would never work.

"Leon," she said, insistently. Her hands had found her way to his face- when had that happened? "Leon. Leo. Listen to me. We don't have to get married."

Immediately his thoughts rebelled, even if his heart (traitor) did not. Even he could see just how unfair that was; but he'd voiced it once and not again, thank you very much. And for the second time he realized just how far she was willing to go for love. No matter the kind or the cost. It was a dangerous way to look at life, but then, he couldn't talk. Not when he acted the way he did. "...Are you really okay with that?"

"Completely."

Leon reeled at the sincerity there. He managed to hide it well enough. And because it was really getting to be all too much, because he'd really already decided and just needed her to not poke at the wounded parts of him- "You really are something, you know."

"...Huh?" Ah, there was the crack.

"You really are amusing." His teasing grin re-emerged, and the only warning she had before he moved was the mischievous twitching of his ears. She yelped as he ruffled her hair vigorously, moving her hands from his face to protectively cover her hair. Not that it stopped him.

"H-hey! Stop messing with my hair!"

"Why?" He smirked. Because- putting his misgivings to the side- this particular venture was bound to be oodles of fun. She always reacted so well. "After all, we're lovers now."

A blank face greeted his pronouncement. He stifled a chuckle and tilted his head to the side, his usual unholy glee finding its way back into his countenance. "What, would you rather not?"

"Of course I do!" Frey protested, a hint of red seeping onto her cheeks. "I'm... really looking forward to it."

He took a breath, searched his lingering uncertainties, and- made the plunge. "As am I." He watched her eyes widen and wondered if maybe, someday in the future, maybe-

But... no. Leon had promises to keep. There was a line that they could never cross, and he just had to trust that she knew that. And Frey- ah, Frey- still not knowing everything, and yet still teaching him new things day after day. Like just how adorable she didn't realize she was. "...Thank you."

"Huh?"

He smiled, then, a smile that was just a little bit sad. Because however observant she was, there were just some things that weren't transparent. "Nothing." And he wrapped his arms around her to confirm it. She squeaked quietly, but returned his embrace with a strength that belied her frame.

Maybe (maybe) they could work.