A/N: At the beginning of season 8, Gibbs suddenly started calling Tim by his first name. Not all the time, but more often than he ever had in the past, probably more than he has in the rest of the series. It made me wonder why...and want to write a story about it. So I did. Warning: Minor spoilers for season 8, especially the first couple of episodes.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of NCIS, not now, not ever. I'm not making any money. Recognizable dialogue is the property of DPB and the NCIS franchise.
That's Your Name, Isn't It?
by Enthusiastic Fish
"That's good work, Tim," Gibbs said.
Tim looked up in surprise. It was the second time this week that Gibbs had done that. It hadn't been accompanied by a compliment last time, but still... It was unnerving. At NCIS, except for Ducky and Abby, no one used his given name unless something serious was going on.
Am I going to be fired soon?
...but come to think of it, Gibbs had been using Tim's given name fairly often for the last little while. When had it started?
"McGee?" Gibbs asked.
Tim looked at him, warily. "Yeah, Boss?"
"Something wrong?"
"No, Boss. Nothing."
Gibbs gave him an almost-quizzical glance but then moved on. Tim fell back to considering the strange occurrence.
After Paloma Reynosa was killed, he realized. That was it. It was the day after Gibbs had come back from helping his dad in Stillwater.
"Welcome back...Boss," Tim said, almost certain that he meant it. There had been moments when he wasn't sure that he wanted all that having Gibbs back could mean. Too much had happened in the recent and more distant past that made having Gibbs sometimes difficult to work under.
"Thanks, Tim," Gibbs said and sat down at his desk.
It was so simple, but Tim was floored. Not only had Gibbs thanked him, but he had also called him Tim. What was going on here?
"Hey, Boss, how's the store? Did you bring me any candy?"
Thwack!
"Thanks, Boss! Nice to have you back."
No one else had seemed to notice...but then, Tim reasoned, Gibbs had always called them by their first names. Tony and Ziva (and Kate when she'd been alive) were always Tony and Ziva (and Kate). The only time he used their surnames was when he was making a point. So...why would they care? Why would they notice that Tim suddenly had a first name?
Why do I care so much?
Tim didn't know. He just didn't get it and it befuddled him. Why did Gibbs now know and use his first name? There had to be a reason.
I have a terminal illness...that I don't know about? Stupid. I really am getting fired...and Gibbs feels guilty? Why would Gibbs feel guilty? He wouldn't. ...unless it was his fault. Maybe not even then. Someone found out about the hacking I did? That could be it. Vance is forcing him to? Why?
All through the day, Tim wondered...especially when Gibbs gave him an order, again introduced by his given name.
He still remembered the first time Gibbs had used his given name in a casual manner. It had been awkward. Very awkward.
"That lipstick on your collar, McGee?"
"Well..." Tim couldn't figure out why Gibbs was mentioning something that wasn't work-related...when they were working. If he had done that, Gibbs would have head-slapped him.
"Good for you, Tim. ...Good for you. Just don't ever get married."
That had been it...and it was so very awkward that Gibbs had never bothered with it again, not in casual circumstances. So why now?
Tim glanced over at Gibbs one more time. He couldn't see anything different, nothing to explain this new familiarity.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Gibbs had almost laughed the first time Tim's eyes nearly bugged out at being addressed by his given name...but after the third or fourth time, with Tim watching him warily, clearly wondering what was going on, it began to lose some of its entertainment value. Had he really used Tim's first name that seldom, so seldom that its relative frequency now led to something akin to shock in his agent? What in the world could worry Tim so much about his first name being used? It was his name. What was wrong with using it? He remembered using his name before. It hadn't been often, of course. That wouldn't be appropriate...but as soon as that thought passed through his mind, Gibbs had checked himself. If it wasn't appropriate, why had he used the given names of all his other agents, from Jenny to Stan through to Ziva, the most recent addition. Why was Tim the exception?
He couldn't be the exception. Gibbs knew that he'd used Tim's given name. He knew that he had. After all, when he'd noticed lipstick on Tim's collar, he'd pointed it out...using Tim's first name. When had that been? Gibbs thought back. Three years? It couldn't be three years ago, could it? ...but no, it seemed as though it was.
...and he remembered now that it had seemed really awkward. Not natural at all. He didn't even know why he had chosen to do so at that moment.
Regardless, it was almost irritating that Tim continued to be so surprised by it. So...worried. He shouldn't be worried by someone using his given name. It was his name, wasn't it? Yes, it was. Abby used it all the time. Ducky did as well. Even Tony did on occasion. He decided it was time to get to the bottom of it. This had been going on for a few weeks now. He needed to get at what was eating Tim.
...but when he looked around, he found that Tim had somehow managed to get out without his knowing it. They had no major cases going on right now, no reason to get permission to leave. They had all left, but he could have sworn that he was keeping a close enough eye on Tim to notice when he was ready to leave.
Tim had slipped out too stealthily...obviously trying to avoid Gibbs, no doubt. That decided, he stood up. Tim couldn't have left very long ago. He could still catch him outside.
It was only a few seconds before he was out of the building, but he didn't have far to look. Tim was standing, almost sheepishly on the sidewalk, clearly having decided to come back inside.
"Hey, Boss."
"Hi, Tim."
There it was again, that flash of confusion.
"Something on your mind?"
Tim's all-too-expressive face showed that he was considering. Gibbs could see the moment he decided just to let it out.
"Why are you calling me Tim all of a sudden?"
"It's your name, isn't it?"
"But you never use it. Here...at NCIS, the only time most of you use my given name is when something serious is going on, someone is dying, someone's in trouble...people just don't call me Tim...unless circumstances call for it. Why change that now?"
"Would you prefer that I keep calling you McGee instead?"
"It's not about what I prefer," Tim said, shaking his head. "I don't understand why you've changed the way things have been for...for the last eight years! Am I getting fired for something? Am I getting transferred, demoted? Is someone dying? There has to be a reason, Boss! What is it? What's changed?"
That was a home question for Gibbs and he was actually forced to pause and think about it himself. What had changed to make him address Tim more familiarly?
"Boss? What's different?"
Gibbs thought about it and then, he realized what it was. Tim had been one of the people in danger. Oh, Gibbs had worried mostly about his father and about Ducky and Abby, but inside, he had wondered what would happen if Paloma Reynosa had realized how much he depended on his team. ...and Tim was a part of that team. Tim had been a big part of stopping Paloma and Alejandro, and he had done it without much recognition.
...but there was more to it than that. There had been something about how Tim had acted around him. It had all come out, as it had to what with Paloma running around looking for revenge. Her motivations had been personal and it had been obvious...which meant that Gibbs' past actions had come to light among the team. There had been a moment during that stressful summer, a moment when Tim had looked at him with much the same expression he'd had after Gibbs had manipulated the law to get his mother-in-law off for cold-blooded murder.
Gibbs had fallen off the pedestal. In fact, the pedestal had crumbled. He'd never be back on there again.
...and while it was good in a way, Gibbs had realized just how much more formal he was with Tim. He had realized that there was a distance that was growing and it could lead to a loss of a member of his team if he didn't find a way to stop it. ...and so he had started trying to see Tim as more than just his computer guy. ...and doing that had led, rather naturally, to calling Tim by his first name.
...but how could he explain all that coherently?
"I'm different, Tim."
"Well, yeah."
Gibbs chuckled. "That's the best answer I can come up with."
"Why does that lead to my suddenly having a first name?"
"Because you're a member of this team, Tim, and you deserve to feel like a part of the team."
"I felt like a part of the team before," Tim said, furrowing his brow. "Are you saying I wasn't?
Gibbs sighed. Sometimes, explaining things to Tim was impossible because he wasn't satisfied with half answers. He needed to know and understand in order to accept it.
"I need coffee," he said.
Tim shrugged and they both walked to the food court. Not the best coffee, but it would do. They sat down in an empty corner and the conversation continued.
"You don't like what I did, do you."
Tim's expression became blank. "I don't know what you mean."
"You don't like that I got revenge."
"I understand why you did it."
"That's not what I said."
Tim looked down at his cup and began playing with the lid. "No, I don't. It was wrong."
"And you don't like what I did last year with my mother-in-law, do you."
"No."
"Does it bother you still?"
"Sometimes."
"Enough that you want to be on a different team, work elsewhere?"
"Sometimes...not enough that I've ever done anything about it."
"That's why."
Again, that furrowed brow.
"Because you're a hypocrite?" Then, his eyes went wide at what he'd just said. "That's not what I meant, Boss! I–"
Gibbs smiled. "Yes, it is. You been wanting to say that for a while?"
Tim's face went red. "Yeah."
"I can't justify the decisions I made to someone like you, McGee."
"Someone like me?"
"Someone who likes to follow the rules."
"I've broken plenty of them."
"But you like to follow them. I don't."
"Then, why are you working as a person whose job is to enforce the rules?"
"Good question. One I can't answer, though."
"I still don't understand why this results in you finally learning my first name. I mean, you don't seem bothered by using it now. When you tried before, it didn't fit. You don't mind now. Why?"
"I...guess I finished some unfinished business and...finished a story...but you've been pulling back from the team a bit over the last few months, and I've noticed it. It's because of me, isn't it?"
"I guess."
"I don't want to lose you as a part of my team."
"And you think you can keep me here by using my first name?" Tim asked, still not following.
Gibbs couldn't blame him. There was a reason he usually chose to let his actions speak for him. The words weren't going so well.
"No, Tim. It's...because I started thinking about you as more than a member of my team and I started thinking of you as someone with your own...identity."
"You didn't before?"
"Not to the same extent," he said honestly. ...and he couldn't blame Tim for looking momentarily hurt by the admission. "You don't need me, McGee, not like Tony and Ziva do. Not like Abby does. It's easier to keep it on a professional footing when you're not needed. ...and I realized that I can't keep doing that with you because it doesn't fit with how I treat everyone else. It makes what should be the rule the exception. Can't say I'm all that good at it, but I'm trying."
Tim was silent for a moment, digesting what Gibbs had said...the wheels turning it all over in his mind. Then, he looked Gibbs straight in the eye, as he hadn't done for a while.
"You don't need to do it, Boss. Really. I'm a part of the team no matter what name you guys use. I don't like some of the things you did...but I don't like some of the things I've done in the past either. I guess the difference is that I regret them. I don't think you do. ...but even if you don't, I can't give up my dream job...and I can't give up my friends. My time in Cybercrimes cemented one thing for me: I don't want that life. I want the life I have...and I'd be stupid to give that up. You don't need to force yourself to call me by my name. You don't need to try and be more familiar."
"That's just it, Tim. It's not that it's hard to do. It's more breaking a habit. It's something that came out of how I've changed. I'm not forcing it...and you've noticed that already. Does it bother you?"
"Not now that I know I'm not getting fired," Tim said, smiling a little. Then, the smile faded. "Boss, don't you regret your choices at all?"
"With the Reynosas? No, can't say that I do."
Tim nodded and was silent.
"You're not going to ask the next question?"
Tim shook his head. "I don't want to know the answer to that one, Boss."
"Okay."
Tim finished his coffee and stood up. Gibbs followed suit.
"Feel any better about it?"
Tim looked at him with a gaze that was almost disconcerting.
"Yeah...believe it or not. I do."
"Good."
"See you tomorrow, Boss."
"See you tomorrow, Tim."
Tim smiled and nodded and then went his own way. Gibbs watched him leave and realized that he himself felt better just having cleared the air a bit.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim was working at his desk. If he was quieter than usual, no one commented on it.
"Tim, get me the phone records for Lt. Lambry."
Tim looked up, met Gibbs' gaze for just a moment and nodded. "On it, Boss.
FINIS!