Disclaimer: I do not own Tonari No Kaibutsu-kun.

"Please don't say you love me, 'cause I might not say it back.

Doesn't mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that.

There's no need to worry when you see just where were at.

Just please don't say you love me, cause I might not say it back."

- Gabrielle Aplin

Natsume walks quietly with the boy beside her. She sipped quietly on her juice, watching as the boy held his bike's handlebars whilst walking with her and talking about his baseball game. Her mind wanders off from time to time, and she wonders if the boy ever notices this too, since the boy almost knows her much than she ever does. Too much, yet she knows he will never truly understand her. Even so, she liked that part of him, she liked his pointy brown hair that is skewed ever more to his right, his deep dark green eyes that greets her back when she's talking, his bright smile that she thinks makes everybody feel warm… though she could never like him more. He's a boy after all, as different as he is, she noticed, from the others in that category she believed as enemies.

"You always laugh a lot. How do you do that?" Natsume pointlessly asked, noticing how stupid her question is.

The boy was as surprised as her after hearing her senseless question, mouth agape, and then answers with laughter. Natsume glanced at him, wondering how he could just answer her question with something so vague as laughter and everything would still make sense. She managed to smile, but only a little bit.

The two of them passed a group of boys who seem to be wearing the same uniform as they are. Sasayan abruptly waves his hinds above the air upon seeing them, and they too, return the gesture. Natsume wasn't surprised, they boy he's with now is quite popular at school. Her mind drifts to that thought again. As much as how she admired this about the boy, she admits she's jealous about this part of him.

Natsume was never really good at making friends. She's lucky enough that Mitty and Haru are there. And even though Mitty is not quite the responsive listener, and Haru is almost always too lost in Mitty, she finds herself to be thankful. And then there's Sasayan. Sasayan, who was another boy. Sure, Haru is a boy, and she can get along with him well since she knows that he would always think about Mitty, and not mind her at all. But Sasayan, she always ponders about how she came to the fact that she can walk with this boy to her house. How impossible the thing would be a few years past. He's Sasayan after all. He's different, and great like that. But he's a boy…

"I'm almost tired of walking." Natsume blurted.

"I noticed we've been walking a little bit too slow than what we normally do." Sasayan answered. If other people would be hearing their conversation right now, they might actually think that the two of them are stupid. Why, there's the bike wheeling in beside them, and it's pretty much available, why wouldn't they just ride it off?

Because only Natsume knows.

Only she knows that the boy likes it more this way, having have to converse with her while walking beside the river, watching as the sunset hides behind the massive walls of mountains, and feeling the orange hue that fills up the sky dim down. Only she knows that when they reach that road that steeps downhill will they ride off and slide down and feel the twilight breeze on their skins. The boy would laugh, and she could always hear that sound. And she, she would breathe in the scent of his hair as she sits behind his bicycle and wonders why it fills her with unsullied greatness.

She lingers on how good this actually felt. She leans on the back of the boy, closing her eyes while waiting before his voice pulls her back to her senses.

"Hey Natsume?" The boy said.

She hates how she still feels kind of startled whenever he does that, even though she's not entirely oblivious of his habit.

"Don't sleep." He added. She can see in her mind that he's smiling right now. She always seem to know when he'll smile.

"I know." She says. "You always tell me that." He would smile again. She would still see it even though she's on his backside.

"I like telling that to you." Sasayan says. "I wouldn't like you falling down my bike just because I let you lean on my back and think about whatever comes in your mind when you do that. Besides," he stopped pedaling, Natsume notices, though she doesn't know why. "If you're tired, you can just tell me. A little stop won't hurt."

She smiled. She turned to see the face of the boy looking back at her. "But I'm good. Why are we stopping?"

The boy managed a little laugh. "Exams are over. How about we have our own little celebration. Besides," he closed his eyes and breathed in a huge amount of air. "Everything seems nice today."

Natsume couldn't help but agree.

So they hopped off in their little transportation and sat down on the grass beside the road. The two of them looked up, and for a moment there was silence. Words couldn't seem to describe how vast and wide and beautiful the night sky is. They can do nothing but stare and marvel on what's above.

Natsume wonders how the stars could all fit in a single place, and be arranged so beautifully. Her thoughts weren't like that, she hates that. She couldn't even assemble the thoughts that come whenever the boy looks at her with jaunty eyes. She knows he's doing this very thing right now. His habit when both of them look at something marvelous. He would always break contact with the scene first, then turns his head slightly to her direction. She never know what comes in his mind when he does that, but she's careful not to look at him. She hates how she blushes whenever she stares back at those deep green eyes. She hates how he would laugh playfully whenever he notices her face was red. And up till now, she still couldn't assemble why she does feel warm inside when he does that.

"You're doing that thing again." She says. "The view up is way better."

"I beg to differ." He would say. "Why don't you face me? Don't you? Or can't you?" Then he would laugh. And she would turn to him after that in an attempt to push him.

But he was always smart when it comes to the things she was about to do.

"You're eyes are brighter and much more beautiful than the stars sometimes." The boy says, and so she couldn't muster up any thoughts to even push this boy, even if she just meant it to make him stop. She didn't even raise her hands and show her palms right before it hits the boy's chest.

She could only look down. Look down and blush. She hates how this boy always makes her do that.

"Why do you do this, Sasayan?" She asked wistfully.

She didn't see how the boys expression quickly change into something more serious, and apologetic.

"Doing what?" He says. "I'm sorry, I'm just joking. Yeah, you're right. Those stars are prettier."

"You don't understand." Natsume says, and for the first time since they sat on the grass, she looks at him straight in the eye. "You don't understand." She was close to breaking down now. She hates herself for being this fragile. And the look he was giving her wasn't helping her. She can see in his eyes that he thinks she will break any moment.

"Natsume. I- I'm sorry." He said, his voice a little quieter now. "And for the record, I completely understand. I know that you can never look at me straight without building up that bubble of doubt in your head."

She broke down. Not because she was insulted of what the boy said, but because he's completely right.

"I know that you can only see me as a friend. And even with just that, I know that you try so hard to put your trust in me." Sasayan was telling this all without faltering, like he knew all of this would eventually come.

Nobody said a word after that. The sound of Natsume's muffled cries were all that is heard underneath the starry sky. The boy just looked at her worriedly while the girl in front of him tried her hardest to fight back the tears. The boy could do nothing but put her arms around her, and she could do nothing but continue to cry, not minding at all if she gets his clothes wet. Not minding at all that someone was comforting her right now, and that that someone is the one who brought out her tears, and that that someone is a boy.

"Look. I know It's hard but" Sasayan stopped for a while, as if he forgot what he was about to say. "But you have to trust me. You're my friend, no matter if I'm a boy." He paused, looking to see if Natsume was still listening. "Haru's a boy too, and I would get really sad if you still look at him fine while you go on ignoring me."

"Sasayan." Natsume tried to say, but everything seems so hazy right now. She can't find the words to say.

"Natsume." The boy grabbed her shoulders and pulled her slowly away from him. He stared into her eyes. Natsume looked back. "You'll kill me that way." The boy continued, and after that, something clicked inside Natsume's head. She realized that she have been too selfish. Too selfish for her own good. Too selfish to even think about what Sasayan was feeling.

"I'm wrong. I thought I already know you. But I'm wrong." Sasayan says.

"You even know me better than I know myself sometimes." Natsume says, wiping her eyes. She swallowed a little bit of saliva. "I just need to think. I…"

The boy puts his index finger in front of her mouth, most usual, with the shushing sound.

"Don't cry anymore. It's terrible to cry underneath a perfect sky." And so she did.

He looked up the star once more. And so she did too. She couldn't help but think how awful she is to almost push him out when he's always there for her.