Just a really short one-shot between Retto and Frederic. I was bored... it was this or English homework, okay? *runs and hides* As always, comments and criticism are much appreciated! ^^;

I Hate That I Love Him

I hate him. I hate his stupid smile. I hate his indigo hair. I hate the way he's forever bowing and sweeping and pretending he's better than the rest of us. Mostly, though, I hate the way no one else hates him the way I do.

I guess no one sees through him the way I do.

Why does he put up those ridiculous airs: the obeisance and timidity and all that crap? What the hell is with the blushing and the stammered declines when someone asks him to play the piano? He's good. He knows he's good, and so do all of us, so why does he pretend otherwise? Everyone thinks it's adorable - courtly, they call it. Cultivated.

Not me; I think it's idiotic.

He thinks he's better than us. I mean, for God's sake, he insists were all just figments of some crazy dream he's having while 'in reality' he's dying in some world called Paris of some disease called Tuberculosis. How stupid does he think we are? He's just trying to mess with our inferior little heads.

Either that or he's just plain mad.

He sits up late into the night and volunteers to keep watch. Someday I'm sure he's going to kill us all in our sleep. I hate waking up in the middle of a dream to see him staring at me. I hate that I can't read his dark eyes the way I feel he can read mine. It's just like our conversations: one sided.

I can never think of anything to say.

I hate the way he pretends to worry about everyone and won't let anyone help him when he's hurt until he blacks-out face first and has to be carried. I hate the façade he lugs around. I hate the way he never looks at you when he smiles. I hate the way he fusses with the brim of his hat when he's nervous. I hate the way he won't quit apologizing even when I tell him there's no point. But you know what I hate most of all?

I hate that I love him, and he doesn't even know.

I hate that I'm never going to have the guts to let him know.