Is That Even Possible?
Summary: Edward should be more careful with his extra hearing. TORCHWOOD crossover. Post BD. Rated T for innuendo. Slight Crack!fic
Author's Note: For those of you who don't know what Torchwood is (TV show, Doctor Who spin-off), you need a basic understanding of the character Captain Jack Harkness to get the complete idea behind this fic. As my friend put it, "Captain Jack Harkness is a time-traveling, immortal man-whore." And she means that in the most loving of ways. This isn't really a Jack/Edward story. I just thought because Edward is kind of prudish, that it would be fun to write an "Edward overhears Capt. Jack Harkness's thoughts; this is how he reacts" fic. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated.
Timeline: Post Breaking Dawn in the Twilight world. Set at the tail end of "Meat" in Season 2 for Torchwood. Canon pairings for both.
Disclaimer: All Twilight stuff belongs to SM. All Torchwood stuff belongs to whoever owns it, i.e. not me. I have taken some direct quotes from Torchwood and used them here. The only thing that is mine is the concept.
Sitting at an outdoor café at a wharf in Cardiff, Emmett asked, "Carlisle… Why are we in Wales, again?"
Edward zoned out for this conversation. He had already picked the answer from Carlisle's head, and this was the fifth time Emmett had asked this question.
Edward sighed.
They were waiting on the lovely British Isle for Bella and Renesmee to return from Italy. As for Wales specifically, there was an up and coming young doctor running a conference today that Carlisle wanted to attend. Edward let his mind wander. He often made a point to listen to local people whenever he visited a foreign country. However, the Welsh were just like everyone else as far as people's thoughts went.
Wales, Edward decided, was boring.
"Have you ever eaten alien meat, Jack?" a woman asked.
What?
The voice caught Edward's attention from across the square. Now, aliens weren't generally something that interested Edward, but he had caught an image of the man being questioned from the woman's mind, and this Jack, whoever he was, was strangely attractive.
Married! You are married! And he's male! And you are straight! A voice shouted in Edward's head. Still, it couldn't hurt to see how this conversation played out. Besides discussions about aliens, albeit ridiculous (everyone knew aliens didn't exist), could be entertaining.
"Yeah."
Okay, that was an unexpected answer. Who are these people?
"What was it like?"
"Well, he seemed to enjoy it."
Huh? Oh my god! Edward's mind was assaulted with a volley of images in that moment. Images that he would have rather gone through all eternity without seeing. If he had had any blood, he would be blushing. Was that…? No, it couldn't be. It was! A tentacle! Oh good god. Is that even possible?! Edward thought in a state of shocked hysteria. Being a vampire and having superior, well, everything, Edward was afforded more flexibility than humans, but even he didn't think he could manage to bend that way.
Wanting to see the source of these disturbing images, Edward whipped around before he could stop himself.
Walking on the other side of the square were a man, Jack, and a woman. The man certainly was attractive. Straight! Married! He caught Edward's eye, gave him an appraising look, and then grinned, winking suggestively. This Jack and his friend continued walking, but that did not prevent Edward from receiving another torrent of rather explicit images, only this time they involved Edward himself, man named Ianto Jones, and a stopwatch.
Shuddering, Edward turned back to the table. Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett were looking at him oddly. Carlisle reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, "Edward, are you alright?"
Edward shook his head to clear it. "Yeah, fine, just… well… yeah, fine." He felt that he might never recover. He wished Bella and Nessie would get back so that they could go home.
Wales, Edward decided, was not somewhere he wanted to return.
~FIN