Safe and Kind
My follow up to Episode 5.3 dealing with Rusty and Sharon B.
The cry of an infant woke Rusty from his sleep. He looked over in his bed surprised that Gus wasn't there. He had stayed over, maybe he had gotten up to check on the baby. No, the baby was still crying. The soft cry was getting louder as Rusty made his way into the living room. He turned on the small desk light and was confused by what he saw. There were boxes of half eaten takeout and other dishes laying across the table, empty beer cans littered the floor, and there was the unmistakable scent of pot in the air. What was going on? The continued shriek of a baby made Rusty take notice again as he made his way to the small crib to pick it up, promoting the bigger question, "Why is there a baby here to begin with?"
"Isn't your sister a beauty? Hopefully, she won't be as big of a pain in the ass as you are." Rusty heard Gary's all too familiar voice from behind him.
"Why are you in my home Gary? And why is there a baby here?" Rusty asked trying to keep his voice calm to not further bother the infant who was still crying.
"We are all family now Rusty, you, me your moms, your mom's boyfriend, oh and I guess your boyfriend too. " Gary said with a slight laugh.
"No Gary you are not part of this. You never will be." Rusty said bouncing the baby that he now realized was his sister in his arms.
"That's where you are wrong, your mom chose this Rusty, she's had this baby because she doesn't want to be free of me, remember she chose me over you Rusty and she always will." Gary said leaning in closer to him.
"Rusty, Rusty, wake up." Gus said shaking Rusty slightly. Nightmares were not unusual for either of them but Rusty seemed to be having them more often lately.
Rusty sat up quickly, Gary's voice still fresh in his mind, "Sorry" he told Gus quickly.
"It's all right, do you want to talk about it?" He asked rubbing his back.
"It was the baby and Gary…" Rusty said his voice trailing off as looked at the time on his phone, "I'm going to take a shower, I have an early appointment this morning.
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"So, do you think that's what this means if your mom has this baby then she has chosen Gary over you again?" Dr. Joe asked Rusty who was pacing his office.
"I don't know, I don't feel like it should still bother me, her leaving choosing Gary over me, but this makes me feel all of those things all over again."
"Of course it does Rusty, those issues, that feeling of abandonment and rejection are never going to go away." Dr. Joe explained.
"Then why have I been in therapy with you for three years?" Rusty asked in frustration flopping down on the couch.
"So that you can do exactly what you are doing now, recognize your feelings and try to deal with them in a way that is safe and healthy."
"Dr. Joe, am I wrong if I don't want to have a relationship with the other Sharon and this baby? I just don't know that I can do it." Rusty asked him honestly.
"No, Rusty it isn't wrong. The other Sharon has hurt you and betrayed you many times and you get to decide without judgement from anyone else if you want to allow her and her child into your life." Dr. Joe said quietly.
"Then why are my Mom and Gus pushing me so hard on this? I feel like they think I am cold and heartless because I don't think Sharon Beck is a good mother and I'm not sure that I want to be dragged into her life with another child. She has never had a responsibility that she didn't bail on and I'm afraid it will be Sharon or myself left with her child when she does."
"Rusty, you have to remember the people in our lives are not perfect they often bring their own issues out when telling us what they think we should do." Dr. Joe explained to him.
"You mean, because Gus lost one sister and can't see his other one he can't understand why I'm not excited about this?" Rusty asked.
"I can't speak to what is going on with Gus, but yes something like that."
"So why is my mom pushing it so much?" Rusty asked.
"That sounds like a good question to ask your mom, since our time is up." Dr. Joe explained with a grin before adding, "Rusty, remember two things, ultimately you get to decide what is a safe relationship for you nobody else does, but also remember you can be kind to those around you when making those decisions."
Rusty nodded and smiled, "Safe and kind, I think I've heard that before."
Rusty left Dr. Joe's office he went to Sharon's. The murder room was relatively quiet and it looked like most everyone was still coming in for the day. Sharon of course was already in her office.
"Hey, do you have a minute?" He asked her knocking on her door.
"Yes, of course." She told him with a smile.
Rusty took a deep breath, "Mom, why is it so important to you that I rebuild my relationship with the other Sharon and now her child?"
Sharon look at him for a minute surprised to hear him voice that, "Well, I guess I just don't want to see you close any doors you might regret later. I think anytime we can forgive and rebuild a relationship it is good not only for the other person but for ourselves. Especially if the other person is trying like Sharon seems to be. "
Rusty nodded, "I hear you Mom, I really do but right now, trying to rebuild a relationship with the other Sharon doesn't feel safe to me. It's too much the thought of her and this baby and what if she does to my brother or sister what she did to me. It's not that I don't think she can change it's just too much too soon. I'm not saying that I'm closing that door altogether but I need to put some space between her and myself for a while, and I need to know you don't think I'm a terrible person for doing that."
Sharon nodded, "Rusty, safe and kind is all I have ever asked of you. If you aren't ready to go down this road with the other Sharon I will support you, but you need to tell her what you just told me."
Rusty rolled his eyes, "Somehow I knew you were going to say that. I already called her and told her I wanted to take her to lunch."
Sharon smiled at her son, "I love you and I'm proud of you."
"I love you too." He said picking his bag up as he left to meet the other Sharon.
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Sharon Beck was already sitting at a booth in the restaurant when Rusty walked in, she was early, that was certainly different than the woman he grew up with.
"Hey Mom." He said nervously as he sat down.
"Rusty, I was so excited you called, I have been so worried, not knowing if I have you to support me in this."
Rusty took a deep breath, "Mom, I want to apologize for telling you to put the baby up for adoption that's not my place."
"Thank you Rusty, I was hoping you had come around. You are going to see how I'm going to do this right this time, I promise. I have a doctor's appointment next week if you want to come."
"Mom, just wait a minute. I need to tell you that I can't be your support system for this, it's not healthy for me to do that. I need a little space and time to work through all of this. I'm sorry mom." Rusty explained.
"So that's it we are done you don't want to know your brother or sister?" She asked him in that tone she fell back into when she wanted him to feel guilty over something.
"No Mom, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying you can't make me your support person and that you have to give me a little space." He explained again.
Sharon nodded, "I understand."
Rusty stood up to leave and took a package and handed it to Sharon, "Bye Mom, I promise I will call soon."
Sharon watched him walk out and then opened the package and found a book about healthy pregnancy and a baby's first year. She opened the cover are read where Rusty had written inside," Mom, I really am rooting for you and despite everything I so believe you have the ability to be a good mother."
The End
A/N: It's no secret I'm a huge fan of Rusty, mainly because I love the fact the show writes him dealing with his issues in such a real way. One does not overcome childhood abuse and abandonment all at once and it would be unrealistic to think Rusty would just instantly accept Sharon B and her baby back into his life. If they are ever going to rebuild a relationship they are both going to have to honestly address their past.