Hello Earthlings. I am the Master. I have taken over the airwaves and broadcast myself onto your TVs to tell you that I am now in control and each and every one of you will obey me.
And because I have your undivided attention, I want to take this opportunity to tell you about a really great restaurant I know of called The Clucky Plucky Chicken restaurant. The Clucky Plucky Chicken serves up chicken right and believe me, I know. I've eaten there many times and always enjoyed their chicken. In fact, I would eat seven whole chickens in one sitting if they'd let me.
In addition to mouth watering food, the interior has plenty of room, clean and the staff is friendly and accommodating and believe me, I'm a very finicky person when it comes to my restaurants.
So where is this fabulous restaurant so I can sample their cuisine? Why, it's in Croydon, right in the midst of three other shops that have also earned my personal stamp of approval, Snoop Doggy Dogg's Thug Wear, Curl up and Dye Hair Salon and Petsmart. So if you're in the area, come and try the best chicken you ever had in your life and if you're not in the area…go now and eat there on pain of death, your Master commands you! And if I were you, I'd hurry and go there before all of you become like me…oops, said too much, I'm rubbish when it comes to keeping secrets.
Oh…and if anybody happens to see a tall, scrawny geek wearing a suit and a trench coat…please kill the bastard for me, will ya? I have a busy enough schedule as it is without tracking that wanker down and eliminating him. Better yet, bring him to me if you find him so I can personally humiliate him before I take him apart one atom at a time…but be sure to eat at the Clucky Plucky Chicken before you even think of looking for him because like I said, soon all of you will be just like me and since I've already eaten there, you won't experience the thrill of going for the first time and eating your fill of tender, juicy chicken.
Anyway…Nice chatting with all of you. Gotta get back to work now, busy, busy, busy…plus…I'm hungry again. I just can't seem to keep my tummy full this time around. Damn that traitorous wife of mine. Too bad the bitch died, I could have had some fun taking apart both the Doctor's and her DNA and combining them together to see what kind of she male they'd make. But that's just wishful thinking since she's dead and he soon will be. I don't wanna bore you lot with my Doctor/Lucy she male fantasies or any other fantasies that involve me and the Doctor, because believe me, I have some pretty vivid fantasies about Geek Boy, especially one involving him, butter and a melon…Mmmmmm, buttered up Doctor…Oh yeah, I can just see that git tied up in my bed, greased up like a prized gornak at the Gallifreyan funfair…OH! Sorry, drifted off into fantasyland there for a moment. Anyway, this is your first and only warning to get your arses over to the Clucky Plucky Chicken, home of the Clucky Plucky Platter. Obey me and good eatin'!