Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara/Shugo Chara Doki.
Warning: Rated T for some slight sexual content.
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I Wonder
By: Aishitewu
As his breath, thick with the smell of alcohol, blows against my bare skin, I wonder.
Does she know that she's lucky? To be the reason he smiles so often nowadays? I see him smile and I smile too, but it never lasts long on my face, for it fades when I see that pink-haired girl by his side.
Does she cherish his embraces? Because they are much more than a boyfriend-girlfriend hugs. He wasn't one who cared to hug, but I know he'd willingly wrap his arms around her any day. She just had to ask.
Does she like it when he whispers her name? Because I'd never once heard him say mine that way. "Aishiteru, Amu-chan." Though a murmur, it plays in my head over and over again. And stupidly, foolishly, I substitute her name with mine. Though I know it's all futile, I can't help myself.
But "Aishiteru, Utau" just doesn't sound right, no matter how sweet it sounds.
Does she see how my eyes fill with tears as they torment me with their love? Does she know that it hurts me just to see them together, but that I just can't seem to look away? Because he certainly doesn't.
As his eyes, fogged in his lust, look over my body hungrily, I wonder.
And him. Why is he so oblivious? He knows how I feel, and yet he brings her home and cuddle on the sofa watching their movies. I can see her blush as he teases her like he always does, but it's a flattered kind of red. I think to myself, I should be the one with the flushed cheeks. I should be the one he complimented so constantly. A pat on my head was not enough to ease how I still felt, to…to resolve anything, really.
It was cruel, wasn't it? I was the one who'd tried – who'd fought so long for so much as an appraising glance in my direction, and she, a girl he'd only met a few years ago, was the one who shone with a light like the stars' in his eyes? (I'd heard him call her his "starlight".)
As his hands crawl down my arm and legs, vigorously seeking what he desired, I wonder.
If we weren't siblings, would I be that girl in his arms? Would my name be whispered like that? Would he say "Aishiteru" whenever I asked him to?
I already know the answer, despite the countless times I'd imagined myself as that incredibly fortunate girl. I already know that I can never be with him. Being blood-related was not the only reason. He had someone else, didn't he? He happily belonged to her.
As he showers my skin with his ravenous kisses, I wonder.
I still couldn't believe that I'd done it.
That I'd resorted to intoxicating my own brother for…for this bliss. The empty bottles of beer were scattered all over the floor of the room – reminders of my desperation.
"I love you…Amu." He sighed her name.
I smiled. "Yes. I love you too, Ikuto…" I admit it. I am a selfish whore.
But that is what love has done to me.
It was wrong, I knew. But even so, I couldn't push him away.
Lust is nothing like love, but…
I want to stay in this heated heaven for just a little longer…
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Note: Utau is slowly becoming my favorite character in Shugo Chara. I'm seeing that she's far more interesting than Amu is. I like Ikutau lots, even if it is incest. (Well whatever, they'd already let the two kiss in the manga and the anime so… :P) And I'm also starting to like Kutau too (I plan on writing a fluffy fic with that pairing~).
Thanks for reading! :) Reviews are muchly loved~