Title: Rogue Meets Sci-Fi (Or Gambit Is His Own Worst Enemy)

Fandom: X Men: Evolution

Characters/Pairings: Rogue, Gambit; Romy

Rating: PG-13

Dedication: For lithiumlaughter, based on a conversation we once had about Gambit's secret fandom obsessions.

Warning: Crack, pure and utter crack. Also some spoilers for a bunch of Sci-Fi shows.

Summary: Rogue discovers that her super-hot boyfriend is too good to be true.

Prologue (Or Childhood Trauma Really Does Last A Lifetime)

All in all, Rogue supposed that it was her own damn fault that she was in this predicament.

"It's not that bad," she said as she passed her companion a tissue, wincing as he blew his nose loudly. "I mean at least this way he never has to find out that she was planning on leaving him no matter what he did."

Strong arms wrapped themselves around her middle and a face burrowed it's way into her stomach.

"Oh no, you are not going to wipe your snot all over this shirt. No! Bad!" She smacked the man on the back of the head, which in turn caused him to cling tighter to her in rebellion. "Come on, you're too old to be behaving like this."

"Rogue?" A pathetic, snivelling voice pipped up.

"What?"

"You're not going to turn out to be my forgotten and long-lost twin sister, are you? Because we haven't just kissed, we've danced."

Rogue groaned. She wondered if anyone would notice if she killed him. She could even bury the body in a corner of the garden, right next to the gazebo where they'd almost gotten to second base many a time only to be 'stumbled' upon by Logan.

"For gawds sake, get a grip Gambit, it's just Star Wars!"

1. Farscape (or My boyfriend is a male version of Kitty)

It really had been her own fault. She should have known better. A guy as perfect as Gambit was had to have some massive hidden flaw. But she'd been too stupid and distracted by his pecs to do any further investigating into his hobbies.

It was only after they started sleeping together (unfortunately for them, it was still the early days of their relationship when her powers still insisted on being a bitch so sleeping really meant just sleeping), that she'd discovered the horrible truth.

Her boyfriend was the biggest geek alive.

Sure he hid it well behind the smirk, the dangerous black and red eyes, the tasteful, yet manly wardrobe and superior fighting skills. She might even have lived the rest of her days in blissful ignorance if he only he had had a slightly smaller Sci Fi collection. After all, there is only so long you can go before your girlfriend will notice the large collection of dvds, action figures, posters, and tie-in novels hiding under your bed (which was rather a genius move as who would expect a member of the New Orlean's Guild of Thieves to hide anything under his bed for safe keeping?).

Or Gambit's ultimate downfall could have been because of his girly squeals in the dead of the night that woke Rogue up to find him watching dvds on his laptop and gushing over the fact that his OTP was both canon and having a baby.

Things had gotten a little weird after that.

For one, he had to explain this whole squealing like Kitty thing. As if it weren't already hard enough to keep her concentration just so they could get in a few kisses, now she couldn't look at him without being horribly reminded that she had somehow wound up with a male version of her former roommate.

"I couldn't help it, Rogue," he said, after treating her to lunch at a small cafe across town, where there was no danger of any of their fellow house mates stumbling upon this chat. "John and Aeryn are going to have a baby. Together. Do you know how rare that is?"

Rogue took a large bite out of her sandwich and chewed slowly, her eyes fixed on his face. Gambit shifted in his seat. Rogue swallowed before taking a sip of her coke.

"What do you mean, rare?"

Gambit stared at her, his jaw falling slightly. "Do you not watch television?"

Rogue shrugged, and helped herself to more coke. "Mystique and Irene discouraged it. They thought it would give me ideas." She almost dropped the drink when Gambit grabbed her hand. "Shit, Gambit!" His mouth pressed against hers in a hot, hard kiss. He pulled back just as her powers began to pull.

"Oh Rogue." He cupped her face. "The ideas I'm going to give you."

***

"And this is the part where John's going to get a clone," Gambit whispered into her ear as they sat on their bed watching the weird show with aliens and puppets.

Rogue's eyes narrowed and she pulled her half of the head phone from her ear. "You've seen this before."

"Rogue, you're going to miss this part."

She poked him hard in the ribs. "You've already seen this."

"This part is kind of important."

"You already know what's going to happen."

Gambit grabbed the headphone from her and with his arm pinning her to his side, shoved the instrument back into her ear. "But you don't!" He hissed. "Now, watch this part, this is the part where Aeryn finds them." His breath hitches. "Do you think you could stop jabbing me with your elbow? This scene is hard enough to watch as it is."

"But you already know that they're going to get married and have a kid."

"But you don't!"

"Yes, I do."

"But you haven't seen it." Gambit shot her one of his cocky smirks. "There's a difference."

Rogue tried not to grin too hard when she jabbed her thumb into the one of the pressure points in the back of his neck. Digging her elbow into the back of his shoulders, she noted with some interest that the main characters were kissing again.

"Huh, so that's where he gets it from."

2. The X Files (Or Patience is Not a Virtue)

Rogue was not in a sulk. No. And she was not muttering a string of curses under her breath as she ripped apart a biology textbook. She most certainly was not upset that her damn powers had decided it would be great fun to flare up and stop her from having sex with her boyfriend. And she was not watching these BBC period dramas (loaned from Kitty) just so she could find somebody to sympathize with.

Her mood had not improved after Gambit had showed up in their room after a training session, with his hair plastered against his forehead and sweat dripping off his muscles. Of course, her mood had only worsened when he'd gone and had a shower in their a-joining bathroom, only to return with only a towel and wet.

He'd settled down beside her on the bed and run his hand down her back, his eyes on the laptop.

Rogue dug her hands into her pillow. It was when Mr. Darcy asked Elisabeth to dance that Gambit spoke up.

"You are the Scully to my Mulder."

Rogue processed this statement. She paused her movie and turned her head to level Gambit with a look.

"What the fuck?"

"You're the Scully to my Mulder." Gambit repeated as if she were dense. "It took them about six years to get together." He leaned over the bed and pulled out a box labelled X Files. "We had to wait six seasons before they got together. They managed to survive on just sexual tension."

Rogue twitched. "I think you should leave me alone with Mr. Darcy."

"They ended up having a baby too!" Gambit's smile dimmed. "Of course, they ended up giving it away. But they did have one."

Rogue got up and grabbed her boyfriend by the arm, dragging him toward the door.

"Rogue - calling you the Scully to my Mulder is a compliment."

She swung the door open and shoved him out into the hallway. "I WANT ALONE TIME WITH MR. DARCY!" She slammed the door in his face, locked it, then shoved a chair under the handle.

"Rogue..." The voice came through the door. "The sexual tension between Mr. Darcy and what's her face has got nothing on the UST between Mulder and Scully, I'm just saying."

Rogue gritted her teeth. "Gambit, I am alone in the room with your collection, and I am angry."

Silence greeted her.

Fifteen minutes later, he'd climbed up to their third story window in only his towel and was now processing his massive collection to make sure that none of the dvds had been scratched.

Needless to say there was no sex or cuddling that night.

3. Star Trek (Or Mysterious Red Shirts in the Back of One's Closet Should Be Left There Or Why Gambit Will Be Going for a Haircut Very Soon)

It was supposed to be a nice fancy dinner to mark their anniversary. It'd been one year since he'd drugged her and tossed her in the back of a train. Gambit liked to refer to it as the time he'd gotten his ass kicked by a girl half his size. Little known fact: Gambit liked being dominated by her in the bedroom.

However, Gambit didn't have any nice clothes. No, that was a lie. Anything that Gambit put on looked nice, sexy even. But one did not go to a fancy dinner wearing torn jeans and a wife beater, so Rogue found herself forced to go through Gambit's closet in search of something appropriate.

After a moment, she pulled out a bright red sweater that had been hidden in the dark reaches of the closest. Rogue had never seen her boyfriend wear this article of clothing before and was curious to know why not. Perhaps because the red of the sweater was a shade that would emphasize the colour of his own eyes.

It was at that moment that she noticed that weird pin.

She bit her lip, closed her eyes and counted backwards from thirty-six.

The door of their bedroom opened and Gambit walked in with several clothing items. "Did you find anything? If not, Summer's has a shirt I can borrow." He lifted the hangers to show her his options.

With a large glare, Rogue marched over and draped the red sweater across his chest. She eyed him warily. Took stock of his god-awful haircut.

"You look like Spock."

"Rogue." Gambit dropped Scott's clothes and grabbed her hands. "You know Spock."

"Kurt likes him." She informed her boyfriend, just before smacking him across the face. "Go get a haircut."

They did not celebrate their anniversary that night. Rogue went to the bar with Logan for some father-daughter bonding, threw darts and drank herself under the counter. Gambit got a hair cut.

4. Firefly (Or Gambit Learned Everything He Knows From Television)

"Rogue?"

"Is this why you always serve me tea before sex?"

"..."

There was no sex that night. Or tea.

5. Doctor Who (Or Men With Accents Are Hot, But Only Some Men Or Some Things Really Do Need Saying)

"I like this show. The men have hot accents." Rogue turned her head to shoot her boyfriend a look. "Why don't you have a hot accent?"

Gambit narrowed his eyes back at her. "This accent, this? This is sexy," he said, drawing out the words.

"Not as sexy as his."

"Rogue -"

"Shh! The Doctor is talking."

"He's not that great. He's 900 years old."

Rogue snorted. "So? He doesn't look it. Now shut up."

"My accent is incredibly sexy."

"Uh huh."

"Women fall all over me because of this accent."

"That's nice."

"Men too."

Rogue tilted her head up and pressed a kiss against his chin. Gambit tightened his arm around her shoulder.

"You know I love you," she said. "Unsexy accent and all."

He glared.