BPOV

It was dawn and I was in the arms of my angel. One last night before his long journey of hunting with Jasper. He would get a week off and even while he was there with me, I felt my heart overwhelmed with pain and longing.

I could not contain my thoughts that if we were equal it would not have let me. I could be by your side on these trips, we could play like I always wanted, we could live together forever.

My 18th birthday was next week and I had a secret hope that with my age, Edward felt more comfortable with the idea of making me yours forever. Since he always claimed that I was too young to be sure of what I wanted for my life, words that always hurt me more than he could imagine. The fact that he had 107 years and can read people's minds, had made it extremely arrogant regarding the emotions and personalities who surrounded him. And since he could not read my mind, it was annoying how he downplayed my feelings for him.

I lived thinking of ways to make him understand the enormity of my love. But while I thought that if my actions day by day with him were not enough, nothing could do it. Since the truth was that I would rather die than be with anyone else. No drama or sentimentality, was the naked truth.

- What are you thinking? - Edward looked at me trying to read my mind through my eyes.

- As much I love you. - Nothing but the truth of my thoughts.

He touched my lips with his, in a chaste way that he always did. Enough to start the race from my heart and I forget to breathe.

Do not know if my thoughts were previous oppression to know that it would be one week away, the longing of the things I did not know if I ever would, but suddenly that kiss was very little. I climbed on his lap and started kissing him with all the hunger I had. The desire to consume it, to impregnate me with your smell, your taste.

Edward seemed shocked by my actions, he was always very clear with the limits of our physical relationship and that single space of seconds, I had disregarded all.

He gently grabbed my wrist, taking my hands that ran down her hair and pulled me out of his lap.

- Bella ... I thought it had been clear ... We can not, I can not ... I could kill you.

My face felt hot tears now flooding my eyes. I felt alone, lost, humiliated. I lowered my face, unable to respond.

- Bella? Why are you crying? - He sighed frustrated - I thought you understood ...

- You'll never turn me right? - I cut. I simply could not have this conversation again.

He turned his head not wanting to face my eyes, responding with a dark voice:

- No Bella, I will not! I will not condemn her to this life. I shall take your soul. You will marry someone who will make you happy, have children, grow old. That's gotta be, you know it.

So all the anger, frustration, fear, everything exploded inside me. How could he trivialize my love for him that way? He could really imagine myself in bed with another man that was not it? That's what he said to love me? What we were doing together then? Passing time until this hypothetical father of my children appeared in my life? Then the epiphany hit me like a brick wall. Edward would leave me. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or next year, but at some point he would leave me so I could go to meet the future he had chosen for me.

Because it was so, he had chosen my future, without giving me a chance to opine, without considering my feelings or desires. On behalf of what he thought was right. Again he thought I was immature to make my own decisions.

I could not continue with that, I loved him with all my heart and I knew it would be the only man I could ever hope to have by my side. No man could kiss me again, to touch me again. I would never be anyone, although he did not believe it, my life was his. But I could not go by your side seeing my baby being despised, always living on the edge, waiting for the day he would simply disappear. I had to take the reins of my life. I would leave.

And now was the perfect time, he would be out for a week. I was doing 18 years and could officially live alone. Charlie would not be happy, not Renee, but I think they understand. I needed to be alone.

I took a deep breath, trying to hide the turmoil that went through my mind. I did not intend to tell my decisions for Edward, as I knew the day he resolved to leave me he would not be honest with me. He would go without an explanation or tell a lie, again minimizing the feelings we had for each other.

- Edward, please, go away. I need to be alone.

He looked scared reading my eyes for a long time. Something he saw must have left him really scared.

- Why Bella? What? Talk to me? - His voice was a whisper. He held me tightly, almost like I was disappearing in front of you.

Trying to contain the tears began to fall I said,

- Go to your trip, it's alright ... I just need to think.

- Thinking about what? No, I will not leave it there. Please forgive me, I did not want to be harsh or insensitive, I just need you to understand ...

- Edward I understand everything, more than you can imagine. Now please go! When you come back we can talk. - Saying those words hurt so much because I had already made my decision to be far away when he returned.

I had made my decision. I only needed to speak with Alice, because for the first time in my life, I would ask someone for help.

- Are you sure? I can stand, I can postpone the trip. Can I go after her birthday. I do not want to get away from you now. - I could feel the desperation in his voice. I think subconsciously he knew what was going on in my head.

- I'm sure Edward. I really want to be alone. Do not worry about me. You can ask Alice to come see me if this will make you calmer. Now please, you gotta go.

He stayed for a long time looking into my eyes, trying to see what I was hiding, trying to understand my emotions.

Then he led slowly, kissing my forehead:

- I love you Bella! Please never doubt it! I'll be thinking of you every second.

With that he walked to my window. Before he left for the night I replied:

- I love you too! Goodbye!

Wish I could tell you that anyone who doubted the strength of our love and it was not me.