Title: Meow's the Time
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Author: Batsutousai
Rating: Teen
Pairings: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Warnings: Established relationship, Ed's potty mouth
Summary: Al needs someone to watch his cats while he's in Xing, and Ed is incapable of saying no.
Disclaim Her: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Arakawa Hiromu and various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: For RoyEd Week on tumblr. Today's prompts included such gems as Just this once and Pets.
This is intended to be post-series (Brotherhood, technically, but all references are minor enough.. *shrugs*), but one could probably read it as a modern AU, should one be that sort of person. :P
As with my A Clowder of Cats one-shot, Al's cats are based on some of the cats I know irl. Completely different cats from that fic, though, because I sit a lot of cats, okay.
You can also read this at Archive of Our Own, tumblr, or LiveJournal.
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"Brother, please," Al tried for the third time that day, having started by catching Ed on the way to the university that morning, and then between his morning classes.
"No, Alphonse," Ed said, refusing to look at his brother as he trailed him across the campus, because he knew one look would have him giving in.
"But they'll get so lonely without me!"
"Should have thought of that before you agreed to go back to Xing for three months," Ed returned, unmoved. "I'm way too fucking busy to watch your feline horde."
"Clowder," Al was quick to correct, as always.
"Whatever."
"And there's only two of them, Brother! It wouldn't be that hard!"
Ed snorted and stopped in front of his office, shifting the books in his hands so he could access his keys and unlock the door. Only after the door was open and he'd resettled his armful, did Ed reply, "Your flat is way too far out of my way, and you know it. And don't start with the 'quiet work space' bullshit, again."
Al cleared his throat in that way that meant he'd just been about to try that line. "Well, you could just bring them over to your place?"
Ed turned to give his brother a disbelieving look, and didn't realise his mistake until he'd already been caught by the wide, watery kitten eyes that Al had perfected during his recovery, for the sheer purpose of getting Winry to make him whatever food tickled his fancy right that moment.
"Fuck," Ed muttered, turning away so he could drop his armful onto his desk with a loud 'thump' and the flutter of loose papers. Then he turned back to Al and his kitten eyes and pointed an irritated finger at him. "Selling Roy on the idea is your fucking job–" not a hard one; Roy was a massive fucking pushover, as it turned out "–and if they damage the furniture or piss on any of my shit, I'm taking them to the shelter."
Al jumped forward and hugged him around the neck, calling, "Thank you, Brother!"
Ed sighed and hugged Al back. "You're such a fucking pain in my arse."
"You love me," Al insisted as he let go and stepped out of Ed's embrace. Before Ed could make a show of rolling his eyes, Al asked, "Can I borrow your phone?"
His phone? Oh. Ringing Roy. "I should make you walk up to Command and pester him in person," he muttered, even as he stepped around his desk and waved at the phone as permission.
Al snorted, because they were both members of the small group of civilians who had free reign in Central Command, so it wouldn't be near so hard for Al to get in to see Roy as it would be for any other civilian they knew.
Roy joked it was because Führer Grumman knew better than to expect anything as simple as a couple rules could keep Ed out – not wrong, to be fair – and Al was as likely to follow him inside, as he was to give a fuck about things like 'permission to visit the premises unaccompanied'. More likely, the permission was because Ed was retired military, and both he and Al were friendly with ranking members of the governments in Xing, Creta, and Aerugo. (Also, Ed was living with one of the only two three-star generals, who also happened to be the favourite for taking Grumman's position when he finally retired; Roy would have ended up giving him permission if Grumman hadn't.)
It didn't take Al long to get through the hoops necessary to reach Roy from an outside line, and he opened with, "General!" He was quiet for a moment, then coughed. "I was supposed to be on this morning's train, yeah, but my cat-sitter fell through on me, so I had to ask Brother."
"Gonna find that person and–"
"Yeah, he's making threatening noises under his breath," Al said far louder than should have been necessary to respond to Roy, and Ed glanced up to find his brother shooting him a flat look.
Ed shrugged in response, before ducking his head to hide a smirk at the helpless sigh Al let loose.
"Actually, about that," Al said, his tone going a bit uncertain. "I suggested that Brother and you could just keep them at your place while I was gone?"
Ed glanced up toward his brother and found he was holding perfectly still, apparently holding his breath. (He didn't laugh, but it was a near thing.)
And then Al let out his breath in one explosive burst. "Thank you, sir. I really do appreciate your willingness to help out." He paused for a beat, then let out a slightly helpless laugh. "I'll see what I can do about the trade agreement, I promise. Yes. Lovely, I'll see you tonight, then. Thank you."
As Al hung up, Ed said, "You do know I don't have time to go out to your flat with you to pick up the fur-balls, right? Not today." Very politely, he didn't say, 'Not ever.' Mostly because Al would probably kill him.
Al rolled his eyes and held out a hand. "Keys."
Ed made quick work of detaching his house keys from his keyring and passed them over. "I'll see you for dinner, then?"
"Yup! Bye, Brother! And thanks!"
Ed drooped against his desk, as the door to his office fell shut behind his brother, and moaned. Only Al could make him agree to take care of his bleeding cats for three months.
And then he caught sight of the time and jumped to his feet, cursing; he had ten minutes before his next class, and he still needed to eat!
(And his students thought they had it rough.)
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Al's two cats spent the first couple of days hiding while Ed was home, which didn't surprise him, because it had taken literal months of his sporadic visits – back when he had free time and wasn't expected to either be in his office to help students, or trapped in a classroom with said students – to get them to the point that they'd come out and greet him. They were definitely eating and shitting, though, because the food he left out in the mornings and when he went to bed was always gone when he checked later, and there was always something stinking up the corner Al had set up their litter box in.
Princess Butcherface was the first of the two to crawl out of her hole that first weekend. She was a grey tuxedo, by Al's description, who had an unfortunate habit of flopping down and crying for pets while she was well out of reach. (Of course, as soon as you got up to provide, she'd then jump up and scamper away; Ed really didn't know what his brother saw in her.)
"Which one is that, again?" Roy asked when she flopped down in the middle of the floor, perfectly in the middle of the space between where Ed was grading papers at his desk, and Roy was avoiding doing work on the couch, and too far from either of them for pets.
"Princess Butcherface," Ed offered after a quick glance over.
"And what is Al's name for her?" Roy asked, amusement in his voice.
Ed huffed, but obediently offered, "Garnett."
"Far more suitable a name for such a lovely lady."
Ed turned to give his idiot of a lover a flat look. "Roy Mustang, if you're attempting to charm that cat, I'll–"
"Have to kiss me senseless so I completely forget about anyone but you?" Roy suggested with his charmer's smile. "Pre-emptive measures may be in order, my sun."
"I'll pre-emptive your face with my fist, bastard," Ed shot back, hoping he wasn't blushing again. (Fucking Roy and his fucking pet names. Ugh.)
"You always say the sweetest things to me," Roy commented, deadpan.
Ed rolled his eyes and turned back to his grading, because he knew Roy knew better than to expect lovey-dovey bullshit from him. "Just remember that bestiality is illegal, and you're sleeping on the porch if I catch you doing any weird shit with the cats."
Roy, of course, laughed. And then proceeded to spend almost twenty minutes trying to get Princess Butcherface to let him pet her.
Ed was too busy laughing to get much grading done for a while.
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Murderclaws – who Al called 'Pickett', for some reason – made his appearance that evening, while Roy was molesting Ed on the couch. (Not uncommon, and ending with them stumbling up to their bedroom as often as it did on the couch.)
Ed saw orange out of the corner of one eye, turned to look, and then immediately shoved Roy back from where he was doing sinful things to his collarbone, insisting, "No fucking way."
Roy backed off, looking confused. "Ed?"
"Murderclaws is watching," Ed hissed, pointing at where the orange and white tabby was sitting on the edge of his desk, staring at them.
Roy just sort of stared at the cat for a moment, then turned back to Ed, eyebrows raising. "Really? It's a cat, Edward."
"I don't want him watching us!"
"If this is about that bestia–"
"Think about how close my knee is to your dick," Ed warned.
Roy's mouth snapped shut and he offered Ed a nervous smile.
"Bastard."
"Bedroom?" Roy suggested as he got up. "And closing the door behind us?"
"And locking it," Ed insisted as he let Roy pull him up off the couch.
"Edward..."
"Do not underestimate how clever they are!" Ed warned, shooting a glare at Murderclaws as he passed him. "Al's been training them for years."
"You're ridiculous," Roy informed him, slowing and catching Ed around the waist before he could start up the stairs. "I'm insane for loving you."
Ed rolled his eyes and agreed, "Moron," then kissed the bastard.
As Roy let him go so they could start up the stairs, Princess Butcherface raced up the stairs, closely followed by Murderclaws, and both vanished into their bedroom.
Roy coughed, then offered, "So, couch?"
"I'm going to kill them both before Al gets back," Ed snarled.
Roy laughed against his temple, breath puffing warmly against Ed's skin, until Ed turned to kiss his moron of a lover.
They did end up on the couch, and if their clothing and the throw pillows ended up all over the room because Ed tossed the nearest thing to hand at any cats he saw, well.
Roy spent a lot of time laughing as they cleaned up.
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