Harry Potter and the Ketchup-Stained Robe
Disclaimer: If you want to sue, first review! (
It was springtime at Hogwarts and there was definitely something in the air. Of course, Hogwarts always smelled of something-driven determination, bitter rivalry.hormones. But this spring seemed to be a time of fresh beginnings.
"Have you ever wondered what the Giant Squid eats?" asked Harry mindlessly as he lay on the lakeside banks. Surrounding him was his bitches, the famed Hermione Granger and the insufferable Ron Weasly. His younger sister was behind Harry while other Gryffindors frolicked in the water.
"I think it eats.. like.fish," said Ginny. She smiled brilliantly.
"It eats plankton," corrected Hermione. "Its in chapter four of Hogwarts, A History. Page 296-Non-Human Life at Hogwarts. "
Hermione was ending a difficult year. She dated Krum for most of the year; until she found out that sexual acts involving urine were not very good for your health. Bitter and intent on revenge, she hexed his kidney so it split and kept on cloning itself.
Desperate for money after she cashed in her insurance policy to buy a book, she became a topless dancer.
"Honestly," she told a customer once as he slipped a five-pound note in her little black thong, "I'm just moving in a rhythmical pattern to a seductive and strong beat." She adjusted her legs to better mount her pole. "It's really not that romantic."
"Enjoying the view, Potter?" asked Malfoy as he approached the group. "You won't for long.cause I'm going to.do something really bad," he finished lamely.
"Malfoy, you wouldn't!" sparked our gallant hero in horror. "Haven't you learned by now that you ought to embrace the life of the good and just?"
"My benefits are better," snickered Malfoy. "Plus.I'm rich! Have I ever mentioned that?" He turned to Goyle.
"I think you mentioned that in bed last night.," commented Goyle. He stepped back to admire his master. "Damn, those robes look great on you. They cling to your well-toned ass and those washboard abs. Uh!" He grunted. "Makes me just want to."
"Enough with the grunting," commanded Draco.
"I love it when he commands me," giggled Goyle. "Makes everything so much more kinky."
"I'm not kinky!" insisted Draco.
"Too bad. Just imagine what I could do to you," responded Goyle, a dazed glint capturing his eyes.
"I don't want to imagine that! Now go off and...shag someone," said Draco dismissively.
Goyle sat next to Harry. "Hey baby.you wanna go off somewhere?" He leaned into Harry's ear. "I can show you a real good time."
"GO AWAY!" shouted Draco. Goyle humphed and left. "I liked him so much more before he came out," he said in exasperation.
"That was a very.disturbing exchange?" commented Harry.
Ginny giggled and snorted. "Hee, hee, hee! You are too funny."
What? thought Draco. She laughs at POTTER'S JOKE? She giggles at that prat when there's a real man in her presence?
"That's it, Potter," shouted Malfoy. He rolled up the sleeves of his robes, "You're going DOWN." He took out his wand. "*Cruposit-"
"OH GOD NOT MY HAIR!" pleaded Harry on his knees. "God, no!"
Suddenly, Draco felt a stab of sympathy for the poor boy. He lowered his wand. "Alright," he said grudgingly. "Just this one-"
A vat of ketchup suddenly was emptied on his head. "YOU BITCH!" ranted Malfoy. "This is going to stain! It'll never come of my robes!" He dove into the cold lake in an effort to rinse them off.
"I told you," said the great Harry Potter as he cackled evilly with his friends. "Justice prevails."
(A/N-Thank you for reading! Please right a review. If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy a story posted on my other pen name, Echidne and Jyestha. The story is called "Harry Potter and the One-Eyed Lumberjack. There's a bunch of HP stuff there. Read and review!)
Disclaimer: If you want to sue, first review! (
It was springtime at Hogwarts and there was definitely something in the air. Of course, Hogwarts always smelled of something-driven determination, bitter rivalry.hormones. But this spring seemed to be a time of fresh beginnings.
"Have you ever wondered what the Giant Squid eats?" asked Harry mindlessly as he lay on the lakeside banks. Surrounding him was his bitches, the famed Hermione Granger and the insufferable Ron Weasly. His younger sister was behind Harry while other Gryffindors frolicked in the water.
"I think it eats.. like.fish," said Ginny. She smiled brilliantly.
"It eats plankton," corrected Hermione. "Its in chapter four of Hogwarts, A History. Page 296-Non-Human Life at Hogwarts. "
Hermione was ending a difficult year. She dated Krum for most of the year; until she found out that sexual acts involving urine were not very good for your health. Bitter and intent on revenge, she hexed his kidney so it split and kept on cloning itself.
Desperate for money after she cashed in her insurance policy to buy a book, she became a topless dancer.
"Honestly," she told a customer once as he slipped a five-pound note in her little black thong, "I'm just moving in a rhythmical pattern to a seductive and strong beat." She adjusted her legs to better mount her pole. "It's really not that romantic."
"Enjoying the view, Potter?" asked Malfoy as he approached the group. "You won't for long.cause I'm going to.do something really bad," he finished lamely.
"Malfoy, you wouldn't!" sparked our gallant hero in horror. "Haven't you learned by now that you ought to embrace the life of the good and just?"
"My benefits are better," snickered Malfoy. "Plus.I'm rich! Have I ever mentioned that?" He turned to Goyle.
"I think you mentioned that in bed last night.," commented Goyle. He stepped back to admire his master. "Damn, those robes look great on you. They cling to your well-toned ass and those washboard abs. Uh!" He grunted. "Makes me just want to."
"Enough with the grunting," commanded Draco.
"I love it when he commands me," giggled Goyle. "Makes everything so much more kinky."
"I'm not kinky!" insisted Draco.
"Too bad. Just imagine what I could do to you," responded Goyle, a dazed glint capturing his eyes.
"I don't want to imagine that! Now go off and...shag someone," said Draco dismissively.
Goyle sat next to Harry. "Hey baby.you wanna go off somewhere?" He leaned into Harry's ear. "I can show you a real good time."
"GO AWAY!" shouted Draco. Goyle humphed and left. "I liked him so much more before he came out," he said in exasperation.
"That was a very.disturbing exchange?" commented Harry.
Ginny giggled and snorted. "Hee, hee, hee! You are too funny."
What? thought Draco. She laughs at POTTER'S JOKE? She giggles at that prat when there's a real man in her presence?
"That's it, Potter," shouted Malfoy. He rolled up the sleeves of his robes, "You're going DOWN." He took out his wand. "*Cruposit-"
"OH GOD NOT MY HAIR!" pleaded Harry on his knees. "God, no!"
Suddenly, Draco felt a stab of sympathy for the poor boy. He lowered his wand. "Alright," he said grudgingly. "Just this one-"
A vat of ketchup suddenly was emptied on his head. "YOU BITCH!" ranted Malfoy. "This is going to stain! It'll never come of my robes!" He dove into the cold lake in an effort to rinse them off.
"I told you," said the great Harry Potter as he cackled evilly with his friends. "Justice prevails."
(A/N-Thank you for reading! Please right a review. If you enjoyed this, you might also enjoy a story posted on my other pen name, Echidne and Jyestha. The story is called "Harry Potter and the One-Eyed Lumberjack. There's a bunch of HP stuff there. Read and review!)