Naked Eye/You Lost Me

By: KellyCRocker59

I decided my next move with these two would be two separate but combined ficlets, one being the beginning and one the end of the relationship. I've been primarily focusing on Holden's point of view during my stories, so I decided to do these from Sean's. Both of these songs, by Kelly Clarkson and Christina Aguilera, respectively, really inspired the two separate parts, so I gave this two titles. Enjoy!

P.S. I need reviews to live!

Naked Eye

He was sneaking away from the locker room after a game when it happened. Sean had gotten word that he would be ambushed by several teenage fan girls. He was appreciative of their affection, but sometimes, well, all the time, it was overwhelming. So here he was, looking for sight of anyone around him, but no one was to be seen; he was taking the back way, after all, and the people who came to see the game were either leaving for the parking lot on the other side of the stadium or waiting near the locker room to get a high-five or signature from their favorite player. Sean was so busy looking around him that he hadn't looked directly in front of him.

He collided with another person, who upon contact seemed smaller but not insignificant. He immediately pulled away, the blow not meaning much to someone who was being thrown about constantly during their career. He looked down slightly to see who this person was, and felt his throat dry up.

The man before him was just an inch or so shorter then him, and was looking up at him, a bit dazed. He immediately caught Sean's attention; he wasn't about to acknowledge his sexuality in public, but he saw attractive men at every game. However, this guy was different. He held himself well, but it was obvious that his self esteem wasn't very high due to the way he looked just slightly away from Sean's gaze when he tried to hold it. Guys like him rarely showed up to football games; he was sophisticated, well-mannered.

Sean wanted him more then he had ever wanted a man, and it kind of freaked him out that he didn't understand why. He didn't even want him sexually, necessarily; he just wanted to be around this man, wanted to….he wanted to take care of him. He didn't even know if this guy was gay, and yet here he was practically mapping out their relationship in his mind. Maybe he was a bit arrogant. But he wasn't sure he had ever seen someone so intoxicating with his naked eye.

You Lost Me

Sean knew that he was falling apart. His performance on the football field had severely declined ever since that night, the night that he wanted to forget. For several nights after Holden had left, he would turn in bed, instinctively reaching out to pull the man beside him closer against his chest, only to realize that there was no one beside him. An ache was nearly constant in his chest; all he wanted to do was go and find Holden, but he couldn't just go driving around when football season was in full swing. Holden didn't return his calls and his texts went unanswered, and eventually, Sean just stopped trying. Maybe he would get over Holden if he could just hear him say that they were over one last time. Then again, he wasn't sure he could handle that. He was still attached to Holden, more then he had imagined he could be with anyone.

Even now, two months after Holden had left him, he felt empty. Like this piece of him wasn't there. He would leave his house unlocked when he left, would sit in the closed garage with the engine running. He would leave the stove on, unattended for hours. His mind was always on Holden, always going from seeing the other male's smile, the feeling of his skin beneath his fingers, to the look in his eyes when he had left him, the tone of his voice. The hurt that had been buried beneath the detached words.

Sean knew that this was his fault, too. He had neglected Holden, no matter how much he had tried not to. He would come home and would be tired, not wanting to bother with a long conversation or sex. Holden and tried, too. He had tried so hard to accommodate Sean's lifestyle, agreeing to not to linger outside the house due to paparazzi. And yet Sean didn't kiss him outside of quick good morning and good night kisses, and even in the moments as he lay beside Holden at night, he knew that he was lucky to have this man beside him, doing everything to wrap his life around Sean's.

In the end, he had given too little and taken too much. Holden's words just before he left still resonated in his ears.

If you love me, you'll know what to do.

And yet he didn't know what to do, and he could practically hear Holden speak it in his mind.

You lost me.