Razorblade Kiss

A Ville Valo Bam Margera Love Story

Part 1:

*In Love And Lonely*

Of course as usual Bam has women all over him. I don't know what it is that came over me but. I was hurt.

"Maybe I've been around Bam to long.", I thought to myself. But then again, there has always been something about him that I was attracted to. Bam and Jenn had just broken up finally. And I flew out here to spend time with Bam to help him drown out his sorrows. But he'd prefer to surround himself with women. Getting discusted I went outside for a smoke.

"Hey man why'd you come out here?", Dunn asked walking out the door. "It's frezzing cold."

"Heh. I'm used to it and I just needed some air.", I sorta lied.

"Soo.. You getting annoyed at Bam?", he asked.. He knew I liked Bam.. Dunn was always the first to pick up on these things. I nodded.

"Yeah.. I don't know but.. For some reason I just get jelouse when he is around women.", I said. Dunn nodded lighting a cig of his own.

"Yeah it's ok though man. I mean he is bound to figure out how you feel sooner or later.", he said. I giggled.

"Yeah maybe.. You know Bam as well as I do. He can be obliviouse about anything for long periods of time. I doubt he will notice anytime soon.", I said... Dunn nodded to that. While standing there finnishing our cigs Bam popped his head out the door.

"Ohh! There you are!", he sounded releaved. "I was looking for you two. I thought you both left."

"Nahh just came out for a smoke.", I said.

"Why it's freezing cold.", Bam said holding his arms.

"We wanted some air.", Dunn said. Bam nodded.

"Ok well when you're done just come back in and get me.", he said. We nodded. Bam went back inside as Dunn and I finnished our cigarettes.

"So Dunn,.. When do you think Bam will figure it out?", I asked. Dunn shrugged.
"I don't know.", he said. I nodded. "Of course I would get that answer." We went back inside and got Bam. And we left. Shockingly he didn't bring home any girls tonight. Dunn drove home as Bam layed in the backseat tired. Using my lap as a pillow I carefully moved Bam's hair from his face. Gently strokeing his cheek with my hand. His cheek soft on my fingers. His eyes slowly closed to my touch soothing him. I grinned to myself. We made it back to the house. Dunn turned off the hummer and got out to unlock the house to get in. I carefully shook Bam to wake him from his slumber so we could go inside. He stirred then noticed we were home. He got up and we got out of the hummer. I shut the door and we walked to the house.

"Night Bam. ", I said walking torwards my room as we got in.

"Ville wait.", Bam caught my arm. I turned to face him. A little shocked my face slightly flushed.

"Yeah?", I asked.

"Will you stay in my room with me please? I want to talk to you.", he sounded a little upset. Or even embarresed. I nodded.

"Uh yeah sure.", I was a little surprized. We walked up to his room. I took off my jacket and shoes, hat and other accesories. Bam just got undressed down to his boxers. I got undressed to my pants.

"Ville make yourself comfortable. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen you in your boxers before.", he made a point. I nodded. I took off my pants too and then sat on the bed.

"So what did you want to talk about?", I asked a little curiose. He let out a long sigh.

"I really don't know what's wrong with me anymore.", He started. His voice cracked. He was faceing the opposite way of me. Leaning forward face in his hands. I moved closer to him and sat next to him. He has tears slideing down his cheek. Something not even I have seen. "After catching Jenn, and all the bullshit she pulled, I don't know why I can't just, stop this." I was confused.

"Stop what?", I asked.

"Drinking binge, banging a girl every night, constant partying.", he named a few. "I can't even think strait to skate anymore!" he pointed out the window to his ramps outback.

"Bam, do you think you might regret it and still love her?", it pained me to ask.

"HA! Yeah fucking right.. It's many other reasons.", he mummbled.

"Like what?", I asked. He turned away. I didn't press it any longer. Seeing Bam in this state, I wanted so badly to kiss his lips. He sat there, it seemed as if he was hideing something from me. I placed my hand on his sholder. "Remember Bam I've known you for a long time. You can tell me anything" I grinned trying to help. He nodded giving a small smile.

"Yeah I know.. Well lets hit the sack huh?", he asked. I looked to him our gazes met. I nodded. We got under the covers and fell asleep. During the night I didn't notice but I turned and my hand lay across his chest. I swore I felt his hand hold mine for awhile.

The next morning:

I woke up Bam still asleep. I smiled and carefully got out of bed. I grabbed my cloths putting only my pants on and left the room. I went to my room took a shower and changed into clean cloths. Replaceing the beanie on my head I walked out of my room back to Bam's. I carefully walked in to see Bam gone, but the shower running. I walked in and shut the door. I walked over to the bathroom door and I heard Bam sobbing. I gently knocked on the door. He didn't hear.

"Bam.", I called gently.

"Y-yeah! hold on a second.", he said trying to hold in sobs. "Whats wrong?" I thought. He calmed down and let me in. I walked in and sat on the counter of the sink. Bam's shower curtain being see through I could almost see him. I blushed a little and started to get hard. I tried to block it out of my mind. I wanted to know why Bam is so depressed.

"Bam.... I know you were..", I stopped..

"Ville please.. Don't tell anyone you heard that.", he said..

"I'm not.. But.. I would appreaciate it if you would let me in.", I said "I mean.. You've been keeping me in the dark about everything.. And I'm so worried."

"Because I don't want to burden you. It's my problem. Not yours.", he said. I knew this but still it hurt.

"I know but I would at least like to try and help. Bam you know I've always been here. I've always helped you. Why aren't you letting me now?", I asked a little frustraited.

"Ville please just leave it alone.", he was stern. "I don't want to talk about it so just shut it up." I was a little hurt. I got up and walked out. I slammed the door and went downstairs and outside. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit one while walking to fast eddy's casino.

Bam's POV:

Every question Ville was asking me.. I couldn't answer.. He is just my friend.. And probably would never understand how I feel. I don't want to ruin our friendship we have. Every question, the reason I was crying, is all because of him. I hate myself for surrounding myself with girls. I hate going out every night, and I especially hate that I can't have him.

"I know but I would at least like to try and help. Bam you know I've always been here. I've always helped you. Why aren't you letting me now?", he asked. I could hear some of the frustration in his voice. That beautiful voice sent shivers down my spine. I thought to myself "Because it's about you!"

"Ville please just leave it alone!', I was trying not to break. "I don't want to talk about it so just shut it up." I was acheing to say that. I knew he was hurt because he slammed the doors when he left. I fell to my knees crying.

"I wish I could have you, have you in my arms.", I sobbed. "And I'm sorry for being so weak." I sat in the shower for awhile calmed down and had to put on my game face. The guys would be waiting for me. Today I didn't want to drink. I got out and dressed and went down to the living room to see everyone but Ville.

"Did Ville go for a drive?", I asked.

"No all of the cars are here.", Franz said. I thought a moment. "Where else would he go?"

"Hmm.. Ok well Franz you and the guys just film some stuff till I get back. I'm going to look for Ville.", I said.

"Oh Ville! I saw him walking towards the woods to the Casino.", Rake said.

"How long ago?", I asked.

"Uhmm about a half an hour ago.", he said.. I nodded.

"Thanks.", I said and started out the door. I started for the woods. Going strait for Fast Eddies. I got there to see Ville sitting in the room looking out one of the windows. I walked up and in the room. He looked to me. His eyes looked puffy, like he'd been crying, and like he knew I was comming. I walked over and sat across from him. He avoided eye contact looking out the window still.

"Look Ville I'm sorry. I really am I didn't mean to treat you like that. You know your one of my best friends.", I said. "I'm truely sorry."

"I know.", he said. His voice husky as he exhailed the smoke. Sent chills up my spine. "And I understand. If it's difficult to even talk about to me. I should leave it alone. But remember I'm always here." He gave a strong grin. I smiled back glad to be forgivin. But I was curiouse.

"Ville question.", I started. He looked to me. I was looking down. "Were you crying before I got here? Just wondering cause your eyes look a little puffy."

"Oh that.", he giggled "I'd gotten something in my eye and it hurt I started to tear up but I got it out." he grinned to me. I knew he was lying. His eyeline would've been a little smeard. I let it go. But I was still wondering why he was crying.

"Well are you comming back to the house or not?", I asked. he nodded and put out his cigarette. We walked back together to get ready for the day.

Ville's POV:

As soon as I told bam I had something in my eye I could tell he knew I was lying. But I couldn't tell him the true reason. We walked back to the house to find that Franz and the boys were makeing a muck of things as usual. Soon after Bam and I joined in. Surprizingly we didn't go to the bar today. Or drink anything alcoholic. Well till Rabb wanted to go out drinking.

"Hey.. Let's go to the bar. I wanna drink!", Rabb called.

'I'm in.", Rake called.

"ARRRHHGGG RAARRHHGG ME MAYTEE WE RRRR OFF TO THE BARRR UUHAARRRUUARR!", Dico called in his First Mate costume.

"Hahaha god Dico you're not wearing that are you?", Rabb asked..

"Yeah.. Why?", he asked already getting the pegg legg ready. Rabb laughed looking down then over to Bam and I.

"So are you guy's comming tonight?", Rabb asked.

"No thank you Rabb.", I lifted my hand. "No drinking for me tonight."

"Yeah same here..", Bam said..

"Alright we'll see you guys later then.", Fanna said as they were walking out the door.

"AND DON'T TRASH ANY OF THE CARS!", Bam yelled.

"COURSE NOT!", Fanna yelled back. I giggled and sat on the couch. I pulled out my Mp3 player looking through songs.

"Ville I have a jukebox filled with like everything.", Bam laughed. I giggled.
"I know. I was checking something was all.", I said and got back up. "So why didn't you go drinking?"

"It's getting boreing, and I need to cut back.", he said.. I laughed.

"I had a reason to have to cut back.", I said.

"Yeah and if you did die I woulda killed myself.", he said. "You're my bestest friend. Always been there for me. And one of the greatest songwriters I've ever met!" He giggled at himself. "Not to mention madly in love with you." I'd thought.

"Bam.. Dear Bam, I chose life and living what I love over death anyday.", I said. He looked to me.

"And where do I come in?", he asked giggling.

"You're part of my life and what I love to do.", I said. I noticed it sounded so dirty and started laughing and blushing at the same time.

"What's funny?", he asked. I also noticed he didn't notice what I had just said.

"What I love to do. Think Bammi.", I said.. He noticed and started laughing.

"Oh man.", He fell to the floor laughing. After the small laugh-fest I was wondering what to do.

"Sooo.. Bammi.. What are we going to do?", I asked "The guys just left for the bar.. and neither of us feel like drinking today."

Bam's POV:

As soon as Ville asked me my mind went blank. "What are we going to do?" I thought to myself. I sat there thinking of something but nothing came to mind.

"Bam... You said you couldn't focus on skateing much right?", he asked. I looked over to him and nodded.
"Yeah...", I said.

"Then why don't you try skateing? I'll skate a little with you even though I haven't skated in a while." he laughed. I thought of Ville skateing and started to giggle.

"Yeah sure alright.", I said and got up, "Lets go out back then." He nodded and got up with me. We went outback to the ramps and right where I left it my board, it lay on the ground. I was so frustraited that day, when I chucked it, it landed next to the house. I picked it up and headed up the trail, Ville close behind. As we got to the ramp the other boards of course layed across the top. Ville ran up and grabbed one. I smiled watching him. I started a warm up first. Then tried what I was doing the other day before. I noticed Ville watching me intently sitting on the board he had picked. Rolling side to side I almost lost concentration. But of course the slight loss made me fall.

"Whoa!", I yelled and fell.

"Bam!", Ville called. I looked up to see him slideing down and running towards me. "Are you alright?" he asked breathless. He was lifting me up. I sat up fully after being pulled up.

"Yeah.", I said looking around for my board. Ville looked releaved.

"God Bammi I swear you're gonna give me a heartattack one of these days.", He laughed. "What distracted you?"

"You...", I'd thought. "I don't know. I saw something and for that split second I fell." I laughed lying. "I wonder if he noticed I was stairing at him." Ville nodded.

"Hmm well.. Just try it again you were doing great!", He said. I blushed a little.

"Y-yeah.", I said. I got up and Ville handed me my board and then ran back onto the top of the ramp. He took His place again and I nodded. I dropped in starting my line and continued. As I looped back around to the same spot I crashed I made it. Looking at Ville the whole time I was shocked. Ville stood clapping.

"Yeay Bammi!", He called giggling. I came to a stop and started laughing looking up to him. He smiled his smile that always made my day.

"So you gonna drop in anytime soon?", I asked. He looked at me.

"Remember it's been awhile.", he said. I nodded,

"I know.", I said. He got the board set up and dropped in. He came down and stopped right next to me.

"Ready for some random skateing?", he asked.

"Heeyy that's my line!", I called. He giggled and started ahead of me. We skated for awhile not getting bored of it. The whole time I thought. "What if he feels the same?... What if I can tell him and he won't look at me different?" We finnished the line then went back to the house. Ville was right about one thing, After skateing my mind was cleared. And I was able to practice again. As we made it back to the house, everyone was still out. We went and took showers then went to talk some more.

"So Bam from earlier... I was wondering.. Could you give me some sort of insite?", he asked. I sighed. And I thought a moment. "No don't bring it up. Just leave it be."

"Ville I think everything has resolved itself.", I smiled. Though I could hear my heart breaking.