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TITLE: Not Again
RATING: T
SUMMARY: Everything was just getting back to normal, Edwards lips on mine never felt better. Then one little slip, and he's gone. Again.
TIMELINE: Early after New Moon, Pre- Eclipse
POV: Bella

Chapter 1

We were lying on my bed, just like any other night. I was wrapped up in an old afghan which Edward insisted upon. I'd gladly let my legs go numb from the colds as long as I got to feel his body along mine.

Wrapped up this way, me in his arms, his lips tracing my jaw, it was as if those past six months never even happened.

"Bella…" he breathed in my ear. I shivered at the sound of his voice. He pulled the blanket up around me further, misinterpreting the chill. His voice was full of longing, almost as much as I had in me. But of course, he had complete control as he began kissing my neck, my arms wrapped tighter around him.

It had been nearly a month since our little trip to Italy. I know I told myself not to hope, but he seemed so in control, and nearly every second of every day I would hear "I love you," or Bella, my love," and he would hold me every night, and the nightmares were completely gone now (only returning when Edward had to go hunting, hopefully he would never know, although he may suspect…). I was sure of him now, that he was just as in love with me as I was with him, that he could never leave me. But he did say he was a good liar… that scared me.

I shoved those thoughts out of my mind and concentrated on the feeling of his lips on my skin. The smell of his breath and sound of his voice.

"I love you Bella," he whispered again. My blood was racing, I knew he knew it, but I didn't worry. Edward claimed he was totally immune to it now, just simply enjoying the bouquet, after our little near death experience.

"Edward…" I manage to breathe out, an action that became more difficult with every passing second with his lips gently grazing my neck.

"Oh!" he gasped. That's when I felt it. The slight stinging on my skin, I didn't comprehend what it was at first. I heard a rush of wind and looked up. Edward was gone, my window left open.

"Edward?" I was panicking now. Where did he go? Why did he go? I just realized that the stinging was becoming worse. I grabbed my bottle of water off my bedside table and poured some in my hand, splashing it on my neck. It cooled it, and I went to the bathroom and washed my neck. The burn was gone now. What the hell? I didn't understand what happened. Then I looked at my neck. A small, almost invisible unless you looked for it mark, was left upon my neck. A scar. A scar that was a miniature version of the one that defaced my right hand.

In a matter of seconds it all clicked. The stinging, the instant crescent shaped scar. Edward almost bit me. Almost. He didn't, his teeth must have only brushed my neck for a millisecond or I would be feeling a much worse burning right now that couldn't be washed away.

Ok, he must have just gone to get Carlisle, or maybe Alice, right? I went back into my room, after checking to make sure Charlie's snoring resumed to normal. He wasn't there. He was gone. No, he wouldn't leave me. But if that was true why did that same, breath-stopping, chest-ripping, hole reappear in my chest?

"Edward?" I managed to choke out in a whispered cry. It was difficult with the chest tearing hole in me right now. I crawled back into bed, and laid there, waiting for him. It was a long night. When sleep finally overpowered me, the nightmares, and the screaming returned.

Chapter 2

I groggily woke up, and groaned. Memory began to kick in, and the hole was back. I shot up and looked around the room, praying that the reason for the nightmare was just a nightmare. It wasn't.

"Good morning." a bell voice sang out as my door swung open. In pranced Alice, a tray of the most amazing looking breakfast in her hands. It made my stomach churn. Edward should be here, what was Alice doing? Where do I start with the questions…

"Hey," she said solemnly. She didn't seem to know where to begin. She set the tray of food on my desk and came to sit next to me. He couldn't have left for good if Alice was still here, right?

"Let me see your neck," She brushed my hair back, I sensed that she was being more careful that usual. "Ahh, I knew it. No harm done. And you're obviously not writhing in pain, so he didn't break the skin." I looked up, tears in my eyes, knowing I didn't need to voice my questions. She could see them written all over my face. She could also probably see me asking them, stupid, talented vampires.

"He's just going to gain some control over himself, and if he sticks to his current decisions, hell be back by noon tomorrow." She explained, searching my face for my reaction. My face was flat, the only hint of emotions were the tears silently crawling down my cheeks. He would be back tomorrow, I told myself.

"Eat," Alice commanded, handing me my tray, "you'll be sleeping at my house for the night, I already talked to Charlie." I ate carefully, trying to distract myself from any thoughts that would bring on the pain I had experienced in the beginning of those past six months. It wasn't the same. He was coming back. An emergency hunting trip. Yea, just think of it like that: an emergency hunting trip. I let out a humph, yea, I wish, I thought.

It was a Saturday and that meant that a whole weekend without him. I didn't even school to distract me.

"We could go shopping," Alice suggested, clearly seeing the pain and sorrow and worry and fear I was trying to hide. "Or go to the movies in Port Angeles." She was pulling at very thin threads. Nothing could distract me from the emotions rolling through my head and heart right now.

"Do you think I could call him, maybe?" I asked, unsure if that was even the right thing to do right now.

"He left his phone at home, I'm sorry Bella. That was the first thing I tried when I saw-"

"Wait," I cut her off, "You saw this? You saw him nearly…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. That he nearly bit me. "You saw him leave? Alice… I…" I was loosing control, close to bawling my eyes out now. I knew I shouldn't be angry with her, it wasn't her fault.

She just pulled me in and I wrapped my arms around her. I thought I felt her tearlessly sobbing with me. Oh no, now I just feel ten times worse. I'm horrible; I shouldn't let her feel bad for any of this. "I'm sorry Alice, I know it's not your fault, I just…"

"No," now she was the one to cut me off, "I'm sorry. I had the vision only milliseconds before it happened, I couldn't do anything in time. But I promise you. He will come back. And if he thinks he won't or can't then there are seven very pissed off vampires ready and willing to drag him back here by his toes if he doesn't" she laughed, sounding just as musical through her sobs. "Now, get dressed. You're coming home with me."

Chapter 3

"Bella, so good to see you," greeted Esme as she hugged me the second I was through the door. I looked to Alice, about to ask if the rest of the Cullens knew, knowing what I was about to ask, she just nodded a yes before I could even phrase the question. "Are you hungry?" Esme interrupted my thoughts before the pain could hit me all over again.

"No, I'm fine, Esme. I ate before I came."

"Well if you need anything let me know."

I managed to get out a "thank you" before Alice pulled me up the stairs, and into the one place I knew I couldn't be without breaking down. We were in Edward's room. I saw his bed, his massive CD and book collections, and most of all smelled his scent the second we walked in. The aching in my heart increasing in proportion of the reminders of him. Relax, you're being silly. He'll come back. I chastised myself. I just had to make it till noon tomorrow. Noon tomorrow, I could handle that. Suddenly a wave of calm came over me and for the first time in noticed the Cullen siblings in the room with Alice and I. Jasper clearly felt the pain I was going through.
"Sorry Jasper. And thanks." I felt my face heat up.

"It's okay Bella." I felt reassured. I have to admit Jasper's ability came in handy sometimes. The room was very calm, not even Rosalie was giving me an evil glare or giving off the tension or coldness I normally receive.

"What's going on?" I questioned. Was it normal for the Cullen siblings to have little meetings like this in Edward's room when he wasn't here?

"Well, little sis, what do want to do today?" Emmett surprisingly asked. Huh?

Alice spoke up next. "Well Bella, we certainly aren't going to let you get down over Edwards little," she hesitated, "vacation." Hah, cute way to put it Alice. "So, do you want to play Monopoly or LIFE?" she asked, jumping up and grabbing some board games from out of nowhere. I just looked at her incredulously. She clearly wasn't gonna give up.

"LIFE please." I said, glumly, giving up. So the four vampire teenagers and I sat in a circle on the floor and began to play.

This game could not get more boring! With Emmett's obsessive competitiveness, and Alice's seeking the future and congratulating us on things that hadn't happened yet, you would think that this would be a little more entertaining. What time was it? I looked at the clock on the nightstand, 1:13pm. Alice had only dragged me here about two and a half hours ago! It felt like tomorrow would never come.

"Bella, relax. You're anxiety levels are through the roof. And we can play a different game if this one isn't as fun as you'd like? We have them all." Stupid, emotion sensing vampire.

"Sorry Jasper. I just feel bad, there is no way on earth that you guess can find playing board games with a lame little human, whose true love ran away for a day, fun," okay, the emotions were overflowing now, and it wasn't Jaspers doing. "I just… I just am gonna go home. You guys don't need this." I blubbered and went to run out the door. I was surprised when I made it out to my truck and was about to clime in when five vampires blocked my path. They were all lined up, and there was clearly no way I was going to get through that.

"Don't even think about it!" Alice commanded. What, was she Edward now? "Bella, you're not going anywhere. There is no reason to go home and mope. Edward will be back. He can't leave you again. This," she brushed my neck, "is not going to keep him away. He's just hunting right now, that's all-" she cut off in the middle of her speech, a blank, glassy stare, coming over her face.

"Alice…?" Jasper questioned.
She snapped out of it and quickly said, "Bella, I'm going to fix this. Go to Edward's room

"Oh, okay" I hesitantly said, not seeing how to argue with her, and trudged up the stairs. What the hell? What did she see? I sat on the bed, curling into a small ball, and let the panic, worry, fear, and pain, overtake me.

Chapter 4

A while later – I'm not sure how long it actually was – I felt a cold pair of hands start to rub soothing circles on my back. I felt the weight of someone crawl into the bed with me, and kiss the top of my head gently. I heard a very familiar velvet voice whisper,

"Bella…"

I slowly opened my eyes, took a deep breath of his honey scent, and looked into the golden orbs that were Edward's eyes. What was he going to say? Was he going to leave again? What has he been doing and where has he been doing it? I couldn't even speak. Partially because my throat was so sore from crying, and partially from not knowing which question to ask first.

"Let me explain, please, love." He begged. I saw the hurt in his eyes, the pain knowing he caused me pain. I knew it was there, he couldn't keep up any pretenses in this state. "I am so sorry and I will never leave you again. I swear. I just, I kept pushing my limits with you and not hunting since, well, since Italy. I thought I was totally in control. That each time I could push myself further. And it was working, until the other night. I became arrogant and cocky. Thinking, well, not thinking really, that I could handle anything, that I was invincible. I know you know how black my eyes were and that I reassured you it was alright. I gambled with your life and I never meant to put you in danger. I am such a monster.

"I was just going to kiss your neck, really that is what I was consciously doing I didn't even realize… I could have killed you. Please Bella, my love, is there any way in this world, that you could forgive a monster like me?"

Well, how could I not? I love this man – this vampire. I understand that he has to control himself around me. I understand when he has to go hunting to control himself around me. I wasn't mad at him for that, for nearly killing me when I thought about it. I nearly kill myself on a daily basis for crying out loud! But, he broke his promise. He hurt me more that venom, or draining me of my blood ever could. Again. He left me. Again.

For that I had no words. I did not know how to respond of course I loved him and wanted him forever still, but that trust I had so willingly given him after the first time, was gone. Again.

"Please, Bella, answer me. I love you so much, I'm sorry, I…" If he could cry he would be.

"Don't." was all I could get out. "I know. I understand. I forgive you for the… the bite." I wasn't sure how do this, or phrase this. Now the hard part was coming "But, you left me. Again." Short, simple phrases seemed to work the best. Direct, to the point. "You broke your promise." Suddenly, a waver of anger that I never realized I was holding back surfaced. I must have just been too distracted by the sadness and separation to notice. But now, I was kinda pissed. I propped myself upright onto the pillows and looked straight into my love's eyes.

"You left. After you promised you wouldn't. Again!" I was yelling now, jumping out of the bed, I turned to face him. He was sitting there, speechless for once. I had never been angry at Edward before, I had never yelled at Edward before. But now that this was here, I needed to get this anger off. "HOW COULD YOU! You said you loved me. Then, the second something goes wrong with whatever little plan you have in your head, you RUN! There was venom on my neck Edward. You knew that too, and you still ran. It doesn't matter that it wasn't enough to hurt me, it was there!" I was pacing around his room now, sobbing and screaming, sobbing and screaming. "I love you Edward, but you can't do this anymore. You're either going to run or your going to stay, but I need to know. Because this SUCKS Edward! I hate feeling this way. Like a desperate baby who needs you and your family to be here for me." I was mostly sobbing now, and exhausted from my frantic pacing and my yelling. I collapsed on to the floor. Nearly whispering this last part I ended my monologue: "I love you to much. I don't have the strength to leave you or to tell you to leave me, so you need to decide for us."

And with that, I let my emotional and physical exhaustion overcome me. I blacked out.

Chapter 5

My brain was done. Officially fried. To many emotions, to much, to fast. I knew I was alive, but unconscious. I knew what dying was, and this wasn't it. So that left me unconscious. I was in blackness. That's the only real description. Just sitting in the dark. Alone. Thinking.

Then I started hearing voices. Oh no, not again. I thought. But then I realized, those voices weren't in my head. People – no- vampires, were talking.

"Why didn't you come straight to us Edward?" Carlisle, I knew it.

"Like I said, I wasn't thinking!" my angel replied angrily.

"You're just lucky I saw that or who knows what she would have done yesterday!" Alice, shot back. "We heard everything she said to you last night Edward. We know how much pain you've caused her. Do you?" I heard her light footsteps walk out of the room.

So it was Sunday now. I'd been unconscious a full day. Having a sense of time and place was slightly comforting. But that wasn't the point. Alice was sticking up for me. Her question, "do you?" still hung in the air.

"Edward, I know you didn't mean to bite her, but you should have stayed or come straight to me at the worst."

"I wanted to. But as soon as my teeth felt her neck… I… I took off and took down a deer, without thinking. And I didn't know how to go back after that. So I kept hunting. I figured, if I was doing that, there would be a purpose to why I was gone. When I wanted to be with her so bad, but was afraid of what she'd think, or say, or do. Turns out I just made it worse." Upon hearing that, I knew I had to break through into consciousness again. The pain and regret in his voice was unmistakable. I loved Edward. I forgave him. He did want to be with me.

"I'm proud of you, my son." Carlisle simply stated.

"What? Proud? How could you be?" Edward fought back.

"You left, at the point when it really mattered, as thirsty as you were, as good as Bella smells to you, as close as your teeth came to that artery, you did stop. You didn't think because you knew you could not hurt her, and that you aren't supposed to. You have shown great restraint and courage and strength my son. And for that, I am proud of you." I could practically feel the pride and faith Carlisle was giving off. I had to break through this. Come on, consciousness.

"I should have come back."

"Yes, you should have. And you did. It just took a little longer than either of you would have liked." Carlisle are you sure you're not a carpenter, because you just hit the nail on the head. I heard him walk out of the room, leaving, I assume, only me and my love. Where is that consciousness? I'm ready now. I want to be with my Edward.

"Bella, I'm so so sorry. I hope your hearing all of this. I love you. Until the day I die, Bella. I want you, always." I started to feel cold circles being traced on my palm. Wait- I can feel my palm.

"Bella, my love… Come back to me," and cool breath on my cheek. Come on pull through. I felt more conscious by the second. I felt him near me. And, lastly, I felt his cool, solid lips on mine. And I broke through.

Chapter 6

We both knew the second I was fully conscious. I threw myself into the kiss with as much passion as I could muster, and he put in just as much as he could without breaking me. It could have been minutes or hours later when we broke for me to breath.

"I'm never leaving you, Bella."

"Okay," I whispered. It was all I could manage. There wasn't complete trust. Not yet. That could take for ever to build. As if he could read my mind he looked me directly in the eyes and vowed:

"If it takes all of eternity to get you to believe me, then I will spend forever proving that I love you and that I can never leave you again."

I liked the sound of that.

Epilogue:

So Edward was back and after a long, long, talk once I was conscious, and done kissing Edward of course. Alice had seen Edward coming back early in her vision and made Carlisle come home early from work, where the seven of them trapped Edward before he could get to me. Apparently, they – especially Alice – chewed him out pretty good. I was unconscious all Saturday night and most of Sunday. Jasper (who, with the rest of the family heard my embarrassing, though Alice said well deserved, tantrum) said my emotions were just building up and going haywire, until they peaked and I fell into unconsciousness. Carlisle explained my mind needed to really rest and protect itself.

After all of this, with Edward's vow – "promise" was not a strong enough word anymore, he said – and the family's support when he was gone. I felt so whole, and complete, a true part of the family. They cared about me. And all of them loved me as much as I did them.

As for Edward and I, we couldn't be more together, or more dedicated to each other or more happy.