A/n: Because it is physically impossible for me to do one project at a time because I'm insane like that. Not sure the pacing of the plot for this one yet, I'm playing it by ear. We'll see. Enjoy!

It was fairly normal for Tony to wake up at three in the afternoon after a long night of inventing and drag himself into the kitchen. What wasn't normal was for everyone to be sitting around the table at that time. What was downright scary was the serious expression on everyone's face. They didn't even all look like that the last time Dr. Doom attacked (given, he had decided to invade with giant fuzzy caterpillars, but that was another thing entirely).

They all turned to look pointedly at him. Sudden, cold fear raced down his spine. He wasn't concerned about Cap or even Banner, but the last time Natasha looked at anyone like that the poor bastard had his arm snapped off. He ran through a list of every remotely reprehensible thing he'd done recently as quickly as his brilliant mind would allow, adrenaline making up for his lack of caffeine. He couldn't come up with anything that deserved that. For God's sake, he'd been downstairs redesigning his suit for the past week!

It was then that Thor actually smiled at him. "Anthony, I am glad you've awoken," He said, and you knew that something was wrong when it was possible to describe Thor's speech with a word that wasn't "boomed" or "declared" or some magnanimous shit like that.

"I was actually about to go get you," Bruce said, "We need you to help with something."

Tony let out a breath he didn't notice he was holding. Help was good. Help meant that the stony-faced Avengers meeting wasn't his fault for once.

"At your service," He said cockily, strutting over to the coffee machine. Now that there was nothing to be afraid of, he would need something for when the adrenaline wore off. He poured himself a cup before turning back to his team. It was then he noticed the silver grapefruit-sized ball in the middle of the table. "What's that thing?"

"This, my friend, is the item with which we require your assistance," Thor answered. "I know not what they are, but they have been appearing throughout Asgard over the past fortnight. My father believed it best to use our mages to discover what we could, but they have had no luck unraveling its secrets. When my dear Jane told me they were appearing here on Midgard as well and they were becoming more and more numerous with each passing day, I realized further action had to be taken."

"So you got me a new alien toy? Damn, did I forget my own birthday again?" He grinned from ear to ear and set down his coffee so that he could pick up the ball to get a better look at it.

It was heavy for its size, but from the way the weight shifted it seemed to be full of some sort of liquid. He could see light grooves in the metal that came together like plates of armor. It was warm, but it didn't feel like a chunk of metal had been out in the sun or pressed against someone's body. It seemed like the ball was actually generating its own heat. Great, that meant there was magic involved.

"Do you know where they come from?" Tony asked, turning back to Mr. Magic.

"No. All we know is they are not of Asgard."

"Great. You know I'm a scientist right?"

"Engineer," Bruce coughed.

Tony just gave him a look before continuing on, "Magic's not really my thing."

"I know. But magic and science are intertwined throughout the other realms. Much of what you do I would call magic if I did not fear you would cause the house to douse me in cold water when I bathed. You are the wisest man I know of on Midgard. Please try."

"Well," He pulled out a chair and sat down, "You know, if Pep heard you talking like that, she might bean you herself for stroking my already-overinflated ego." Still, he turned to the ball and got to work.

The others looked at him intensely. Normally he would have enjoyed the fact that they were actually giving him the credit that he deserved, but his work had always been the only thing he was really private about. He didn't like being watched when he was in his shop. Even lab classes in school had made him uneasy. Still, this was his team and since Pepper left they were all he had. He needed to at least try.

He began to pick at it, examining the grooves more closely to see if there was some kind of obvious trick to getting the thing open so that he could see what was inside. He grabbed a fork and stuck it in what seemed to be the lowest plate, hoping to pry it off like a flower petal.

"Hey!" Steve cried out suddenly, "Don't you think you should make sure it's not dangerous first? We don't even know what it is or where it came from. It could be a bomb or poisonous or something."

Tony rolled his eyes. Of course, Captain stick-up-his-ass always objected to science at the table. You spilled mercury on his casserole one time.

"Steve," Tony said, letting out his best impression of Pepper's long-suffering sigh, "If you're worried it's poisonous, why did you let them put it on the table in the first place?" Still he stood and tucked the ball under his arm. "That's fine, though. I'll take it down to my workshop, have Jarvis run a few tests. Give me the rest of the day. I'll get it." He lifted his mug of coffee and made his way back downstairs.

"Hey kids," He said as the doors opened for him, "Daddy's home again already. We've got some work to do."

The bots rolled over to him, eager for work. He placed the ball on the only work bench without pieces of the armor on it.

"Jarvis, I need you to analyze the material. I want to know what it's made of as far down as you can get."

"Very well, sir."

"Alright, Dummy, go make a smoothie and then bring it here. It looks like I'm eating down here again today." Dummy rolled away a little too happily for Tony's tastes, so he added, "Butterfingers, make sure he doesn't mess it up. You, clean up around the toys. I'm not sure what we're gonna need to use to get this going."

He leaned on the bench and drained his coffee cup. Maybe if Dummy didn't ruin his breakfast he'd have him start a new pot.

"Analysis is complete."

"Lay it on me, baby," Tony said, lightly rolling the ball between his hands.

"It seems primarily to be a tin-antimony alloy. There are also significant amounts of Tellurium and Potassium."

"That's an interesting mix."

"Indeed. As far as I can tell, sir, those four elements are the primary structure inside as well, although they are somehow held in a primarily liquid state."

"Can you tell the pressure in there?"

"Approximately one-point-five atmospheres, sir."

"Liquid metal at fairly normal temperatures and pressures, huh? If it really isn't mercury I'd better get a Nobel Prize for this. If I don't I'm suing for real this time."

"Of course, sir."

"As it is, they should have given me one for you. I know I didn't program you with that much sass."

"I suppose I must have picked it up from one of the unsavory characters I am forced to interact with."

Happy to be bickering with Jarvis again, Tony picked up his welding equipment. Hopefully, that would be enough to cut her open and see what was inside. However, even giving it everything he had there was no reaction. He went up to the high-energy laser he used to make the cores for his arc reactor, but even that didn't scratch it. He didn't expect the sledgehammer to work, but it did make him feel better, so at least he had one success that day.

He threw the hammer to the ground with a groan of indignation and slumped down on the couch to try to melt the ball by glaring at it.

"Sir," Jarvis said, "Captain Rogers is at the door. Shall I send him away?"

"Let him in. He'll give me hell later if you don't."

"Very well, sir."

A moment later the doors opened and Steve stepped into the room. He was trying to look happy and failing miserably. "How's it going?" He asked.

Tony looked at him and groaned.

"That bad, huh?"

"I'm at a dead end. I've tried everything I have to get it open."

"Well then why don't you come upstairs? It's Monday, remember. The pizza's going to be here in fifteen minutes and Natasha has already dealt the first hand. Maybe a break will do you good."

"You're just saying that because it's easier for you to beat me when I'm distracted."

Steve smiled innocently, this time it looked more sincere, of nothing else for the mischievous glint in his eyes. "Would I do that?"

"Yes. Yes, you would. You hide behind that nice, wholesome shit, but I know better."

"You're just sore because I won your old hotrod two weeks ago."

"I should be. I fixed that car up with my own two hands."

"Well, then, you shouldn't have bluffed so hard on a pair of threes or else you should have offered a service or some cheep little thing like the rest of us do. Come on. Maybe if you're good I'll put it back on the table this week."

"You are a terrible, terrible man," Tony said, although he stood as he did so.

Steve just smiled and turned around, leaving Tony to follow him back up to the kitchen. At least he wasn't as cold and standoffish as he was a few weeks ago. Even if he was an evil, cheating, car-stealing bastard.

-0-0-0-

Steve was actually slightly successful that night. Pizza and poker distracted him for a good few several hours, but after that he was right back buried elbow-deep in his work, trying to come up with something, anything, to crack the shell. At that point it was a personal challenge and Tony Stark did not back down from a challenge. He worked for hours and hours until he finally collapsed onto the couch, not even caffeine able to hold off sleep any longer. Even then he refused to set down the ball, leaving it clenched in his hands all night.

He paid for his second all-nighter in a row when he woke up. His entire body ached and his head throbbed.

"Dammit, You're getting old, Tony," He thought to himself. He sat up and rubbed his back.

"Jarvis, make a note-" He stopped. Maybe it was just in his head, but his voice sounded… odd.

"Erm, yes, ah- Sir?"

That was odd. Jarvis sounded unsure. Jarvis was never unsure. He tried to get to his feet, but the ground seemed further away than it had been before. When he did actually stand, he realized eye-level was lower than it had been the night before. Something was wrong, it was very, very wrong. He looked down at himself. Were those- No, it just wasn't possible. He placed his hands on his chest. God, they sure felt real.

There was only one way to tell for sure. He unbuttoned his jeans and peeked beneath the band of his underwear. Well, that settled that. He reminded himself that it could have been worse, that at least this time he wasn't in a cave and hooked up to a car battery.

"God I hate magic," He said to himself. He cleared his throat to speak to Jarvis. "Check my vitals. I need to know if anything's wrong. Other than the obvious, I mean."

"Right away. Would you prefer me to call you-"

"Jarvis, I don't care what I look like below the belt, if you call me ma'am I will yank you out of there and have dummy run the tower."

"Of course, sir. Shall I inform the others?"

Tony shook his head, "No, just tell them to come to the kitchen."

"The others have all been alerted. My sensors indicate that other than an elevated heart rate, which we can likely attribute to shock, you appear to be within normal parameters for a-"

"Good enough," He didn't want to hear it.

He went to the bathroom to try to make himself at least half-way presentable. "Dammit," he said, eyeing his reflection, "I'm not even hot."

He looked- Well, to be honest he still looked like himself. His jaw line was a little softer and his facial hair was gone, but everything else seemed about the same. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to feel relieved or disappointed at that. If he fluffed up his hair a little more it almost looked like something a woman would wear if she was one of those tough mechanic chicks, which he guessed he was technically one of now. His breasts weren't very impressive, but he had the feeling that Steve would be scandalized unless he put something on that was a little less low-cut than a wife beater. Besides, maybe covering his arms would be a good thing. His muscles were a little too big for a female body, and the hair was off-putting. Man, why couldn't he have just turned into some bombshell with long, perfectly tousled hair? And fewer wrinkles. That would have been nice too. Still, the rest of the team would be waiting for him, so he tugged on a sweatshirt and went up to meet them.

Clint saw him first, partially because he was fucking Clint and partially because his chair was at just the right angle. He just laughed and said, "Damn! Here we all thought Stark was being productive last night and he just had some chick over." He laughed again, "And could you get any more egotistical? She looks just like him!"

"Barton," Tony growled as he stepped into the room, "One more word and you're never getting a new arrowhead again."

"Tony," Bruce said slowly, "Is that you?"

Tony sighed and sat down, "What ever would I do if you weren't on this team?"

"But how is this possible? Was it the sphere or…"

"That's all I have to go on right now, but there wasn't any weird radiation coming from it last night."

"Maybe it somehow gave you female hormones?" Bruce asked, "Your scanners might not have picked up on that."

"It can't be. It's not just like it gave me a dose of estrogen. It's all different."

"Perhaps it has awakened latent magical powers within you?" Suggested Thor, "My brother is able to take many forms, a fair number of them female. I have several nieces and nephews from-"

"I do not want to know about your brother's creepy kids," Tony said.

"They are not creepy."

"We'll keep that in mind," Steve said, obviously trying to diffuse the situation, "But let's not get your brother involved unless we have to. He'd probably try to trick us into doing something to make the situation worse. We might be better off just seeing if it wears off."

"If?" Tony demanded, "I don't want to put my money on if. I want my body back."

Steve gave him a look he couldn't identify, so Tony turned to Bruce.

"Look, we need to run some tests, to see what we can find out about- about this." He gestured to his entire body.

"What do you want the rest of us to do?" Steve asked.

Tony sighed, "I don't know, cap. I don't know if there's anything that you can do. I just wanted you all to know that I'm gonna be out of commission for a while."

"What?" Natasha asked, snorting, "Is having a vagina an excuse not to fight now?"

"No, but my armor isn't going to fit. I'm too short now. I'd have to make some serious modifications, which I won't because this isn't permanent. I'm gonna fix this if it kills me." He stood and left the room, hoping that Bruce was following him.