Live long
Live long….live long….those were his last words to me….live long….how? How could I when I didn't even feel like I could live on another five minutes. I still see it every time I close my eyes, those flames engulfing my home…burning away all that I love! I stared from the distance, holding tightly our new born son…waiting for my dearest one to emerge! He was so strong…so powerful, how could he be destroyed so easily? I had seen him take down hundreds of demons with one swing of his sword…fire, it always seemed so weak…so infantile in comparison to my wondrous love…and yet it took his life. I stood there for hours…watched as the fire began to die beneath the rubble, he did not appear…he did not appear…but I kept waiting, what else could I do? I watched and hoped, I prayed! Nothing came of it…nothing but more heart ache, more agonising pain! I wanted to die I wanted to bury myself beneath the rubble, burn within the dying flames and join InuTaisho in the netherworld!
…Inuyasha… "Inuyasha" I breathed aloud as I look upon him now, the beautiful creation of mine and his father's love…now my only reason to go on breathing. It was the only thing I had left of my beloved…the last piece of him on this earth that I could hold! I would treasure him…he was a gift! Inuyasha, though still just a tiny infant, was my saviour…if not for him…I would certainly have taken my life!
"Izayoi" calls a voice, interrupting my thoughts, it's only Megumi….she was also there that night…when Myoga found me…he could not get me to move, and so he sent Megumi…a kind older woman who served me well in my days as princess. She told me that my father had friends…willing to hid and protect me…somewhere I could raise my son in peace. I have been staying in the servant quarters…the servants themselves were not too pleased to share it with me or my "half-breed" son. They would steal my food away…so I was often left hungry and laugh that the "pretty princess" had fallen so far from her pedestal. What did I do to earn this torment? I fell in love with the greatest dog demon that ever lived and had a child, and though it has now left me alone…almost friendless, starving and ridiculed…I could not regret it. Megumi puts a blanket around my shoulders "my lady please…It's a very cold night, I this the third blanket I've brought you, but you keep giving it to your son…I assure he is warm enough, you have to look after yourself too, he's sleeping and so should you be".
"What if he wakes?" I whisper tiredly, my energy almost completely drained.
Megumi lightly chuckles and gently places a hand on my shoulder "Oh you'll hear him" she says "that you will…why not sleep?", I know she speaks reasonably…but I can't sleep, I know Sesshomaru is not pleased to have a half human brother…I have this horrible feeling that he will find us…he will hurt Inuyasha I know it! I had to stand guard, the thought of taking my eyes off him for even a moment terrified me! Plus…all I'll see when I close my eyes…is him, InuTaisho…I'll again relive every detail…I feel the pain in the place Takemaru had stabbed me. Megumi sees me clutching at something, tightly, and makes a small movement to take it "why not let me wash that for you dear?" she offers kindly.
For a moment…I lose my composure "no!" I practically scream, I quickly check to see that I had not woken my son, breathing a sigh of relief I face a startled Megumi. "Forgive me, Megumi….Please, I'll be alright…you need sleep too…please, I would like to be alone" I utter gently, with a look of understanding and a respectful bow, she leaves. It was his Robe of the fire Rat that she had attempted to take, I had not let go of it since that night…I bring it to my face…it smells of you…oh my dearest, I hold it to my body…your warmth…it lingers upon it! I feel like nothing more than a white, hollow shell merely carved into the shape of a woman, unless I hold both this red material…and my son. I swear Inuyasha still looks cold, I again place my blanket around him…what if he catches a cold? Then again…he has bigger things to be concerned with…I truly fear what will happen when he gets older…when he's aware of what cruel things they are saying…aware of what they think of him! How am to protect him? How can I possibly shield him from all that hate forever? I had considered this all before…but InuTaisho was always meant to be there with me, he would silence them with a single glare of intimidation…he always made me feel so safe and secure, now I feel so weak and vulnerable…it scares me! I touch the soft cheek of my baby and stroke his silver mane…please don't grow up…stay this way forever…let me be your shield…let me keep you unscarred! Fresh tears fall, my stomach tightens and despair again washes over me….of my dearest….come to me now…reach across the fabric of time…defy the laws between the living and dead…embrace me once again! It was as these thoughts, these deep desires circulated in my heart and mind that a cool breeze drifted in…making me shudder and the candle flicker. Arms…warm strong arms envelop me…I hold my breath for a moment…could it be?"
I turn to see if all my wishing had come to some use, only to find…it had! He was here…with me, holding me, his eyes…two golden embers, melting the frost…of a thousand Decembers. I was beginning to feel whole again…to feel complete, when a thought struck me…a thought that brought me sadness when I should have been overjoyed. "Are you real?" I breathe, brushing my fingertips across his cheek, his chiselled features mocked me with their perfection. With a brief smile that lightly touched his lips, he nuzzled into the base of my neck…kissing it, savouring it…his hot breath against my neck, the feel of his lips pressing there, it filled me with so much pleasure…and I had felt so numb before.
"Does it matter?" he whispered into my neck, pulling back my kimono to reveal my bare shoulder…his rough palm caressed it…before his kisses followed…my arm reached round, I gripped at his long hair with ecstasy. I was warned this would happen…Illusions from lack of sleep and even if this was just that, I didn't care…I could see him! I could feel him! Oh my dearest!
"No" I whispered back…every tender touch was so significant, because I knew this would be our last moment together. I leaned against his chest, sleep falling heavily upon me as my guard was coming down…even as a figment of my tired imagination, I felt safe with him. "I'm scared…my dearest I'm so utterly afraid! What if….what if I cannot do this, what if I fail him! Can't you just stay…stay with me here, tell me what to do. Look at me when no one else can see you, talk to me when no else can hear you…even if I'm driven mad by you…stay…because I cannot do this alone!" I pleaded, the tears that had dried again began to fall.
He took my chin gently between finger and thumb and gently raised my face to meet his, "such a woeful grace…such a sad beauty…like a cold day in spring…Izayoi" he paused, cupping my cheek and bringing his face closer to mine. "I am honoured to have loved you…I am overjoyed that you loved me…and I'm blessed to have fathered a child with you. When the sun rises I must go…but we will meet again…I will wait for you in the afterlife…Izayoi, do you understand? I will wait for you. You are strong, devoted and loving…a true born mother; you will not fail our son. Don't let them scare you…think of it, you're the only human who does not fear me…you tamed the great dog demon, you faced me…not with fear, but with kindness…will you really let those fools frighten you? Everything will be fine…our son…will be fine. Someday…he'll be a hero, because you raised him to be so."
I nestle into him…so warm, my body tingles from head to toe…how can he be dead? I thought death was cold…he feels as he always did .I was beginning to feel more at peace…he always had this incredibly soothing effect on me…for the first time since that horrid night, that took place not so long ago, I felt as though I could breathe easy. He lays me down upon the bedding, beside our sleeping infant and covers me with the blanket, I still clutch tightly to the robe of the fire rat. His fingers comb through my hair…his lips meets my temple, my eyes grow heavy. "Sleep Izayoi" he whispers sensuously into my ear, I shudder from the desire he fills me with.
"But…Inuyasha" I breathe sleepily…my vision beginning to blur, I'm so sleepy…but I need to watch over my baby.
"It's safe to sleep" he assures, his fingers caressing my cheek….he used to do this to get me to sleep when he was alive. "I'm watching over you…both of you".
I reach out for his arm and wrap it around me so that he lays at my side, he buries his face in my hair "Promise me…" I begin, my voice so small as weariness took me, "Promise me that you won't leave my side tonight…stay with us…at least till morning, promise me InuTaisho…promise me".
He snuggles in closer, I shift my body to fit in closer to him, we're safe now…. "I promise" he uttered, knowing that I would fall asleep in the shelter of his embrace, my son and I under his protection…I could finally sleep…my family…we huddle together…me in InuTaisho's arms, Inuyasha in mine.
The last words I hear him breathe before surrendering to sleep, Live long….
Next morning
I awake…Inuyasha, he slept through the night…as did I….I check behind me…he must have melted away with the sun…how I long for the moon to return. Was last night was a dream…no…it was real, it happened, he was here! He came and said goodbye and now I felt different, perhaps it's because I finally got some sleep…but I feel stronger…more alive, I can feel my heart beating again! When he left at sunrise…he left a part of him with us…his courage, his strength! Those traits are now a part of us…I felt them soaring through my veins and in the twinkle of my son's eyes as they fluttered open.
Wrapping him up warmly I proceeded to the dining hall where the servant's ate, we were greeted by silence, the moment we entered … they stopped speaking and laughing. Yesterday morning I would have cowered back to my chambers…still starved, not this time…this time, I hold my head high with the dignity of my royal heritage, I carry my son with pride. I find an empty space, the talking proceeds…I wait with an empty bowl, I wait for my ladle serving. The man who serves out the portions however passes me by.
"Excuse me!" I call firmly, many stop eating and again fall silent, the rice man looks over his shoulder and sneers, I glower back…my voice was no longer timid like before, "yet again you have passed me by….I'm sure it was a mistake" I hold out my bowl, "please see it is corrected".
He looks mockingly down upon me "is that an order? Who are you to order me?" he whacks the bowl from my hand, it clatters…Inuyasha whimpers at the sudden noise and I am only just able to sooth him. I did not flinch as I would have…I did not cower, he continued to sneer and snarl at me "who are you? A disgraced princess…defiled by a filthy demon….mother to a disgusting half breed!" as he ranted I had handed Inuyasha to Megumi and rose to my feet. My palm met his face, I struck him…leaving a burning red mark upon his cheek. There is a large intake of breath from on lookers.
"Who am I?" my voice echoes through the quiet…I feel their eyes upon me and feel no shame! I feel no shame! I recall some of the words my love spoke to me last night….are you really going to let these fools frighten you? They resounded in my mind. "Who am I?" I repeated "I am the Lady Izayoi! I am the wife of the great dog demon lord…ruler of the western lands! I have birthed his son…the heir to a noble heritage, Inuyasha! I have been honoured…I have been blessed! Who am I? I am luckiest woman in the world!" with that I retake my son, "Megumi" I address her pleasantly "please…will you bring me some food?"
The kindly older woman nods and I thank her with a smile…they part like the red sea, I hear them whispering amongst themselves. I smirk….his last words again resound as I leave…live long…
I will…for as long as I can!
That's is…sorry if it was bad
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