So let's talk about this whole super hero thing. It sucks let's be honest I mean you bust your ass off wear a tight outfit that let's be honest doesn't let the boys or girls depending on you gender breathe. You put your life on the line and end up fucking screwed over if just one little thing goes wrong. Now listen some of you may know me as Grant Ward oh but oh you don't even know the whole story and trust me it's a page turner.

I want you to imagine being a regular mercenary that kills whoever is unlucky enough to okay you get the idea one day after going straight to set a better example for your kids you get diagnosed with cancer and nothing fucking works… okay wait, hold on got to check on something. You can't see it but I'm currently checking the cupboards and every nook and cranny you can imagine why you ask? Because I keep fucking expecting Captain Shit Lord to throw his SHIELD (see what I did there?) while screaming language! If you've seen the HISHE (that stands for How It Should Have Ended) for my Fox movie where yours truly is played by Ryan Reynolds you know why I am constantly looking over my shoulder.

Anyway yeah I'm Grant Ward and well not really before I was Grant Ward I was Wade Wilson before that I was in car wreck with my family as a child. I don't remember much besides getting into argument with my older sister. I think her name was Jessie you know what doesn't matter all I know after that is I suffered brain damage couldn't remember much and ended up being raised in a top secret facility where I was trained to be a killer we had a game we like to play involving who would die in training called it... a deadpool. Ultimately I escaped and became a mercenary.

Here let me give the cliff notes I was part of the winter Soldier Program along with Bucky signed up because a mother fucking ass hole! Fucking! Ugh! Sorry real touchy subject but anyway… I got stabbed in the back by the head of the program John Mother Fucking Garrette. He and a purple suit wearing man child Zebediah (I know I know his first name is Kevin in this universe but trust me this will make sense eventually I think) okay look the writer is making this shit up as he goes let's not judge him to harshly.

Any who Purple Man or whatever wanted information on some shitty parents of his and well if you've seen Jessica Jones on Netflix you know how that ended. Hey wait Jessica Jones why is that name so familiar?

Oh who cares long story short Zebediah (okay I can't hold it back his full birth name is Zebediah Kevin Thomson! Ha! Ha! Can you believe that? I got that out of a former goon of his he, he also… Ha! Ha! He also got Kilgrave from a video he liked playing as kid) made me kill my wife and kids then John Garrette used his evil science to wipe my memories thus was born his teachers pet (is that how you say it?) Grant Ward! Now you're probably wondering why? Well Garrette didn't want any loose ends… also super villains tend to be ass holes so yeah…

Any way they wanted a better Winter Soldier one programmed with the desire to be Hydra's poster boy. See where this is going? They wanted one that could regenerate and when they thought they failed they fucked up my life and put me to work any way bottom line I'm the best soldier they ever made and yet they only wanted me to be some slug's meat suit.

Little did they know their little regeneration experiment worked. After a long while after I died but yeah it worked. I regenerated from some pieces of flesh that got blown off of Hive. Far out right? When I reformed I looked hideous and I had to deal with my real memories flooding back which was a barrel of fun (note sarcastic tone) yep fun! Fun! Fun!

On to happier subjects everyone I want dead is well dead except for Zebediah who somehow got a healing factor after making his powers stronger he's been raising all sorts of hell in the criminal underworld of New York. Which brings me to what I'll be doing killing that British man child! Who probably has the world's tiniest penis! Also I got a job as a mercenary again and have a new girlfriend she's… drum roll please… the Scarlet Witch!

I mean yes she doesn't know she's my girlfriend yet but she will be! I mean you have to be optimistic in this line of work. Granted I've taken some photos without her consent or knowledge but! I have hope she'll warm up to me. In this story you'll find important answers to some BIG questions like! Who is that weird old guy that keeps popping up in the movies and in Season 1 of the show? What happened to the rest of the team? Did the old team lose their funny bone for good and can the real hero get it back or will they be doomed to forever be humorless schmucks with sticks up, their asses? Will justice triumph? Will Deadpool join the Avengers before Quake forever proving that boys rule and girls drool? Will this obscenely long rambling ever end so you the reader can finally continue on to the story well I don't know!

Okay how do you end these things? Seriously this is like my first time do this prologue or introduction thing. Um not really sure what I'm supposed to say I guess I should spill some secrets okay first May you know her badass Asian chick okay don't tell her I said this but she likes cuddling and spooning. Okay let's see what else do I know you might like, okay Coulson has a secret My Little Pony collection that he only ever showed me, and as for Skye or Daisy okay you guys get ready she is a hard core Fifty Shades of Grey fan she confided in me fantasizes about

Okay Deadpool that's enough! I'm supposed to be narrating and now you have me writing in this font so we don't confuse the readers!

"Okay chill man. Hey! What is this shit? I'm not done with the prologue!"

Deadpool I think it would be best if you let me take over narration. Besides I think the readers…

"My words will not be contained!"

Okay I think that's its best if for now we skip to the featured scheduled content everyone please enjoy.