Prompt

Round 9 A very Potter Disneyland

CHASER 1: Alice in Wonderland

Characters/Pairing: Dolores Umbridge

Prompts:

5. (restriction) No dialogue

10. (song) 'Use Somebody' by Kings of Leon

12. (word) kaleidoscope

Word Count (-AN): 1089, MSW

Note: If it matters, I do not own Harry Potter in any form, except for the hard back copies of the books that sit on my shelf and they bring me no money. Nor do I have any possession of the song or lyrics used herein. There is some divergence from canon. Many thanks to the wonderful Lizzie for betaing my story for me. Lizzie, you are the best!

QLFC Round 9 What happens while Umbridge is in the Forbidden Forest?

An Uninvited Guest

Dolores Umbridge rocked slowly back and forth on the log she was sitting on-though she would have argued with anyone who commented on it that she was sitting on a rather comfy chair. Her body shook slightly as the cool air blew gently against muddy clothes that had been dampened by the dew. The first fingertips of dawn were beginning to push through the treetops when the tears that had streaked through the mud covering her pudgy cheeks gave way to laughter that rocked her body rocking hard enough to make her fall backward off her log-shaped chair.

The laughter paused for a moment as her head bounced off the ground, but her hysterical giggles resumed as her skull landed once more, hitting a rock in the process. The laughter continued to break the early morning silence of the Forbidden Forest as Dolores tried to shoo away the kaleidoscope of colors that danced before her eyes.

She knew that those brats were scheming the moment they'd started being helpful. She had known Dumbledore would never have hidden any weapon of his in a forest that was known to be inhabited by monsters and half-breeds. Still, it was her duty to follow up on any rumor of dissonance against the ministry, and a weapon-well, that would simply be the best present to deliver to Minister Fudge. So Dolores had chosen to follow Potter and Granger.

How dare they plot to lead her into a trap involving those…those…those half-breeds! She knew she was not well-liked amongst the members of Dumbledore's Army, but it had never occurred to her that they would try to kill her. It was a well-known fact that centaurs were highly antagonistic in their view of witches and wizards. As a matter of fact, it was that stupid need of theirs to prove their superiority to humans that had allowed Dolores a moment to escape. A disagreement among the herd had led to the one carrying her dumping her on the ground to chase after some of the more determined beasts. Really, it was rather stupid of them. She would see them all eradicated for attempting to kidnap a ministry employee. That would teach other beasts to mind their manners when in the presence of their betters-not that the beasts would take the time to recognize that the Ministry of Magic was truly superior to them. Their inability to do so was yet another sign of their lack of intelligence.

Dolores was grateful that she was wearing her robes as she crawled through the underbrush, doing her best not to dwell on just what the slimy substances she was touching could be.

And then…

And then she saw the lights. Three bright fairy lights, twinkling gaily in the forest as the fairies flitted about and chattered in a language that vaguely resembled-thank Merlin-English. A mixture of hope and curiosity had Dolores climbing to her feet and stumbling forward. Why, Dumbledore never mentioned there being fairies in the forest!

As she approached the fairy lights, Dolores saw that the three sparkling creatures were gathered around a table with enough place settings for ten. Dolores sighed in relief as she slid into one of the chairs. She attempted to communicate with the fairies, but she found she couldn't get a word in edgewise. The creatures were having the most absurd conversation she had ever heard; it appeared to be made up of mostly riddles, like a conversation those funny little Ravenclaw dears would have back at the castle.

Dolores gave up trying to interrupt the conversation she had no hope of understanding. There were plenty of empty cups on the table, and so she leaned over to help herself to a cup of tea from a pot that had "Drink Me" written on the side in blue script. If she had bothered to think at all, she might have remembered the lessons her mother had taught her about not drinking anything from a fairy table, but the truth of the matter was she was so grateful not to be alone that she was willing to forget that the three strangers at the other end of the table were dangerous magical creatures and that she was an uninvited guest at their tea party.

The time passed pleasantly regardless of the fact that her hosts were indeed strange ones. Once the favored had noticed a guest sipping tea at the end of their table, they had invited her to join them. Never mind the brief argument on manners and who was lacking them-her hosts were hosting a tea party in the forest in the middle of the night. Dolores could forgive them for forgetting their manners.

It was nice to be welcomed and included, even if she only truly understood every third word or so of the conversation that was taking place around her. Maybe Hogwarts could be saved after all, if only the professors could be half as intelligent and genial.

Dolores finally gave up her task of trying to bat away the pesky colors that tormented her vision. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the hard packed earth below her. She wondered for a moment why she was sitting on the ground, but the thought was soon brushed aside in favor of wondering where her fairy hosts had gone. She couldn't remember if she had thanked them for the pleasant evening, or whether she'd inquired as to their willingness to come and work with her. She truly could use someone like them. They were obviously more welcoming and agreeable than most of the professors at Hogwarts, and politeness was far more important than teaching.

When she opened her eyes, she didn't expect the sight that greeted her.

This time, it was a scream that tore through the forest instead of laughter. The filthy half-breed monsters had found her, and they were even more heinous now than they had been before, especially compared to the beautiful fairies. Dolores tried to fight the centaurs off as she was scooped off the ground and draped across the hind quarters of one of her kidnappers, but it did little good.

Watching the ground move from atop one of them was making her seasick, but it was better than being forced to look at their distorted and malformed upper halves. With a heavy heart, Dolores closed her eyes, slipping down into a rabbit hole of darkness.

Maybe she'd get to see the fairies again in unconsciousness.