A/N: So, I apparently have a thing for writing unconventionally. This is inspired by the Lion King. If it isn't obvious enough, it's the scene where Simba thinks his dad's death is his fault then realizing it's not later on. I hope you enjoy!
Quidditch League Fanfiction Competiton
Chaser 2: The Lion King
Inspiration: Scene - Simba thinks his dad's death is his fault. Scene- When he realizes it's not his fault
Optional Prompts:
8. (word) gamble
12. (word) kaleidoscope
15. (quote) 'The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.' - Mewtwo
Word Count: 1,102
Thank you lovely WolfWink, Caro, and Poke for beta'ing!
Disclaimer: Nope. Never Have, Never Will.
Gift of Life
"It's all your fault!"
She doesn't mean it, at least, that's what she always tells him. His grandmother's face falls in regret as soon as the words leave her mouth. The 'Ididn'tmeanit' plays like a broken record on her tongue, and it's one he's tired of hearing. A record that should've been thrown away years ago.
It's not like he can blame her. It is his fault for not having the ability his mother had in Charms or the skill his father had in Transfiguration. He's good with plants, and apparently, that's a lousy skill. Herbology just isn't as valuable to her. He wishes she would stop apologizing for her slip up and just tell him how she really feels. But, he guesses, she already has.
"Neville, dear, you know I don't blame you for the state of your father and mother," she hastily adds, her usual rough voice a soothing, gentle tone. One she only uses when this happens. He can tell by the tremble in her hands that she's thinking about his parents in St. Mungo's. It's evident by how she stumbles over her words. "It's not your fault they protected you. They were great parents and wonderful wizards. You-Know-Who reduced them to what they are now!"
Neville nods and stiffly wraps his arms around his gran, while she sobs for the loss of a son and daughter-in-law. And a worthless grandson, Neville thinks. Her crying and his consoling isn't an unusual occurrence. Those dreaded words reach his ears so often; he's already come to accept them.
It's all your fault.
Neville blinks his tears away as he holds onto his grandmother who is creates large wet spots on his shoulder. He should've been a great wizard like his father. He should've had the courage his mother possessed, but he doesn't have any of that. He's only Neville.
Only Neville who stood against his first friends to be.
Only Neville who was utterly defeated at duels.
Only Neville who was foolish enough to write down all the Gryffindor passwords.
Only Neville who was Imperiused by one of his parent's attacker.
"We'll see them tomorrow, don't worry." The words are muffled by his shirt. After a while, she tries to compose herself as she lets him go. She rubs her eyes, but it does nothing to help her running makeup. "They're still alive."
Neville nods stiffly, his grandmother smiles softly before she leaves to her room.
His parents are still alive; just without their sanity. He's reminded of this fact when he visits them again at St. Mungo's the next day. They only speak gibberish if they speak at all. His mother and father can't remember him, and it's all his fault for being born. They would've been more valuable to this ongoing war than Neville has been. Like his grandmother tells him; it's his fault.
If he'd never been born, his parents would've been safe and sound.
It's even worse when he encounters Ron, Hermione, and Harry (who already knew because of Barty Crouch Jr.) at St. Mungo's. He doesn't expect to run across them, and it makes him feel awful when they watch his mother. They didn't know his circumstances, and he didn't want their sympathetic looks. Their pity is bad enough at school when he can't perform a spell or brew a potion. It intensifies by a tenfold when his mother hands him an empty Droobles Blowing gum wrapper and he tucks it in his pocket.
(He keeps it despite his grandmother's suggestion of throwing it in the bin.)
He keeps all the wrappers she's given him. It's the only thing she can give him. They adorn his walls like a kaleidoscope of colors giving him the pieces of affection from his unstable mother while simultaneously haunting him of what he's done to both of them. What his existence reduced them to.
It's all your fault.
He can't wish being unborn, (not unless he had a timeturner to prevent himself from being born) but maybe he can act more like them and make them proud. Maybe he can make his grandmother proud to have him as a grandson.
That's why, when Ginny approaches him in seventh year to form Dumbledore's Army again, he immediately agrees. Harry is gone for the meanwhile and it's up to them to hold the fort down. It's not as easy as it seems. There are so many students, and he can't help all of them. However, he's making an effort to prove his worth. If not to himself, but to his parents.
That's why, when Voldemort mocks him, as he stands with all the courageous wizards and witches supporting him, his blood boils.
"It doesn't matter that Harry's gone. People die everyday. Friends, family. Yeah, we still lost Harry tonight. He's still with us, in here. So's Fred, Remus, Tonks... they didn't die in vain. But YOU will. 'Cause you're wrong! Harry's heart did beat for us! For all of us! It's not over!"
It bursts out of him like a glass of water that's been so close to spilling until it overflows and pours out. His feelings couldn't be contained any longer, and it's a breath of relief to him. The burden that's been hanging over his shoulders for a good amount of his life is gone. Neville realizes that no, it wasn't his fault, it's always been Voldemort's.
"Dumbledore's Army!"
Even as he's forced to wear the blazing Sorting Hat when Voldemort casts the Full Body-Bind curse on him, he finds himself relishing in the fact that it isn't his fault. Even as cries of pain find themselves escaping past his lips, he can hardly control his need for vengeance.
He regains control of his limbs by sheer will, and it's like all his strength is poured out, as he slices through Nagini's head. He didn't know what he would pull out of the Sorting Hat. It's a gamble that's paid off well. The immense relief he feels when the sword appears in his hand is like no other. Neville Longbottom is not a disappointment.
And he finally understands Albus Dumbledore's words of wisdom. It seems like so long ago as opposed to last year.
'The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."
He's thankful for Frank and Alice Longbottom for giving him the gift of life. For giving him the opportunity to fight on this day. What happened to his parents was a tragedy, but most importantly, it isn't his fault.
The broken record is finally thrown out.