Don't Stop Me
Chapter 1: Alone
Valentine's Day doesn't end as badly as she thought it would.
Santana stares at her plate as the patrons of Breadstix slowly begin to call it a night. It's late on Valentine's Day and New Directions just spent the night together. Of course, this is without the addition of the sick duo Finn and Quinn - whom the group did their best not to mention throughout the entirety of the night. After the Warbler's lovely rendition of Paul McCartney's classic, the Glee club took turns singing duets, solos or even mini group numbers. It's rare to hang out outside of the choir room but moments shared like these were always considered golden.
The Latina girl would deny it if you asked her up front but she enjoyed it. Everything about Glee club was liberating and every moment she shared in that choir room was one of the highlights of her life. As she had previously mentioned, it's the best part of her day.
Performing is a chance to get lost in the music, to show off her fantastic vocals and shake everything her mama gave her. It's a chance to forget about her current troubles, the stupid drama, her pathetic sexuality crisis, and her usually burning libido. Although sometimes it didn't help for that last point seeing as Santana is almost always absolutely turned on by a killer performance. She won't dwell on that thought for more than a couple of seconds though.
The Warblers are clearing out of Breadstix as Kurt says good bye to his two best friends. Santana watches carefully from her own table which is conveniently placed next to theirs. Her eyes flutter back and forth from her empty plate to the folks next to her. It wouldn't really be cool to get caught staring, now would it?
It's funny considering how Rachel and Kurt were enemies at the beginning; how Rachel and Mercedes were also rivals from the beginning and yet now they were the closest of friends. It must be nice – to settle differences and bask in the similarities. Santana sometimes wishes that she could have that kind of relationship, but at the same time she couldn't give a fuck.
She wouldn't dare to give a fuck. There was no way she could afford that.
"Bye Santana," Kurt says as well, offering the ex-cheerio a more or less than awkward hug.
Sure, Santana was there because she had nothing better to do, but Kurt was still a friend. It sometimes surprised her how he wouldn't think unkindly of her. She's been nothing but a bitch to him granted that she's a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes she would pick on him more than anyone else – why? She was jealous.
How can anyone be so fucking proud of being gay? It made absolutely no sense to her. He got ridiculed to the point that he had to move schools. Why would you be so proud of something that almost no one approved of? Their little town had too many narrow minded people for anyone to even consider being a little different. Look at Berry, she's not even gay – just plain different and didn't care.
Look at everyone in Glee club. It was a curse and a blessing all at once.
"Bye Kurtsie," she replies with a smirk, twinkling her fingers. She wouldn't say it out loud, like most of her thoughts, but she was going to miss him.
"Well I think I'll be heading home too," Mercedes mentions as she stands up from her place.
"Yeah, we'll get going too," Tina and Mike, otherwise known as Asian Fusion say. The Latina scoffs as they kiss, wondering why Mercedes and Rachel or anyone would 'aww' at that. Public displays of affection? Gross.
"Later Rach, bye Satan," and with that the proud Diva marches out of the restaurant.
"Bye you guys!" Tina repeats afterwards, Mike Chang offering a small nod. The boy had so much potential, Santana thought – if only he wasn't so shy. She even remembers a distant time when Brittany had a crush on the asian boy.
As they left, Santana contemplates a decision of whether she should leave yet or not. She turns to the table behind her to check if Sam was still there. As a part of her revenge she planned on convincing him to go out with her instead of Quinn which would be easy since the girl practically ran herself over by cheating with that big lug. It was moments like that where Santana would gain respect for Quinn since she had the guts to do such a thing but at the same time she was disappointed because Quinn was one of the only people she thought wouldn't be stuck fooling around like everyone else was.
It was really tiring.
Unfortunately, lady lips is gone.
"Damn, did he slip out?" she mutters to herself, returning her gaze back to her plate.
She wants to look at Brittany, hoping that she was there but at the same time she didn't. Jealousy wasn't a good feeling and loving feelings in general just didn't suit her. Every time she looks at the blonde there were nauseous feelings that she'd rather not get caught up in. Her eyes don't have to look for the couple walk by her instead, Brittany giving a wave to her best friend and Artie a nod.
"Night, San! Happy Valentine's Day, I love you!" she blows a kiss and wheels her boyfriend out of there.
"Love you too, B...ugh, fuck that," Santana whispers the second the couple step out. Moments like the ones they just had fill the Latina with nothing but regret. Stupid, ridiculous gay panic...not that she was gay anyhow. That night just did something to their relationship that cannot be undone. At least, Santana couldn't do anything. She wouldn't do anything. She just can't.
"Did you say something, Santana?"
Oh yeah, Berry was still around.
"Nothing, Berry. You're just hearing things," the bitterness in her tone is harsher than she expects. She would apologize but Santana fucking Lopez does not do apologies. And it's not like Rachel didn't expect anything less.
It's Puck and Lauren's turn to leave now.
"Come on babe, just a little squeeze?"
Santana rolls her eyes; what the hell does he see in that Lauren chick? Sure, she was badass, not any more badass than Santana was of course but badass enough for Puck. But what else was there? She had absolutely no sex appeal and she spent most of her time wrestling with guys. How is that appealing at all? How could he abandon her for that?
Their romantic relationship never really exists though, or existed to be honest. However the thought of being completely alone always haunted Santana no matter how real her loneliness was. The two of them were fuck buddies – warm bodies used only for relieving sexual desire.
Sometimes they were friends – they've known each other for so long after all. But things were just too complicated right now. Santana was obviously suffering from something and Puck just didn't know what to do. He figures she's a tough girl anyway, right? He figures she'll be fine while he goes off and does his own thing. He won't admit he's running away. He never will because hey, he's a teenage boy and he'd rather just spring forward.
Their relationship was never so firm after all. Nonexistent but existent.
"Later S," Puck says as he and the white rhino leave the restaurant together.
Her favourite restaurant just doesn't seem as epic as it usually does when she's just sitting there.
"Santana?" Oh yeah, Berry was still around.
"What do you want, Berry?" she retorts, crossing her arms and turning to the petite girl.
"I-I was just going to inquire as to when you will be leaving."
Santana rolls her eyes, "I'll leave when I wants to leave, what's it to you?"
There is obviously a bit of fear in Rachel's eyes. Even though the two just sang a duet together openly about an hour ago didn't mean that she and Santana had instantly become friends or anything remotely close to friendly. The ex-cheerio doesn't call anyone a friend that easily, especially not the person she used to call Tubbers, Man Hands and RuPaul.
"Oh, well, I was just wondering..."
Why was she even talking to her? Last resort, right? That was the usual case, after all.
"Just spit it out, Berry."
"My dads are not home currently and I...I am admittedly too afraid to walk home on my own."
Oh God, how old was she? Santana recalls walking home during the late points of night since she was 10 year old – no, even earlier than that. What is there to be afraid of? The darkness is a wonderful place.
"You have got to be kidding me," she groans. Why was she even considering it? That look Rachel was giving her obviously had no effect. But...she is bored. It's 1AM and she doesn't feel like sleeping at all. Seeing Rachel Barbra Berry, loud mouth, full of it Diva who thought she was the next Barbra Streisand absolutely shaken to simply walk home alone was a fully entertaining thought. This would be potentially worth it in the end.
"Please, Santana? Despite the fact that I do carry pepper spray, a rape whistle and a cell phone I cannot possibly feel safe going out at such a late time alone. You must understand, Santana! I need –"
"What's in it for me?" there's no harm in trying to get something out of it in return, right?
"Oh, I guess I should pay you for your services as my temporary bodyguard. Let me think, perhaps I can tempt you with another dinner at Breadstix? From what I observed during our duets competition you have a sort of strong affinity for those stale pieces of bread."
"Don't insult the sticks, okay?"
"I apologize."
And Santana isn't sure what spirit is possessing her but, "I'll accept that offer."