John Constantine sat at a table in an upscale restaurant, picking at the remnants of his meal whilst other patrons laughed and discussed the day's events.
"Being normal must be fun, the biggest concern in life is whether or not little Ashley got into Harvard" John mumbled bitterly to himself.
Of course when your day to day life involves dealing with pure evil; battling demons exorcisms, and praying none of them get to you is a good day, then maybe he has a right to be bitter. After all, he had seen what an exceptionally bad day was and it involved deporting an upwards of twenty half breeds, performing an on the fly exorcism on a possessed woman, witnessing his apprentices death at the hands of a rogue angel, a face to face encounter with Lucifer, and Mammon nearly crossing over and turning the earth into another Hell. How long had it been since that whole ordeal? Six months? Maybe a year? Of course he had also lost Beeman and Hennessey in addition to Chas. Then there was the woman, Angela? Yes Angela, he had not seen her this entire time now that he thought about it.
"Why the fuck does everyone I touch end up damned"? He mumbled.
Of course being "normal" was no longer an option, he was too far in to turn back at this point. Forgetting his "gift" buying a house in the suburbs and having 2.5 kids and a wife that hauled them around in a minivan was not an option for him. John dwelled on this for a moment until the waiter handed him the bill, he looked up at the young man and saw a pair of wings.
"Here is your bill sir" the young man smiled at him, angels always smiled at him, as if they were trying to encourage him.
"Thanks" John looked for his wallet, wondering whether or not to tip the guy, he decided to go ahead and tip after all it's not angels went out of their way to bother him, well most angels didn't.
He headed out the door and onto the streets were he saw a billboard with a popular television personality holding a some kind of cocktail drink. She was from some "reality" show, one where slutty young women fought each other or something like that, not that he minded slutty young women. He switched his psychic lense and saw the models appearance transform, her bronzed skin turned an unsightly murky green color, her lush brunette locks turned into dry, gray, and straw-like, her hazel eyes turned into the eerie yellow most half breeds possessed and her face contorted into the worn down, almost skeletal caricature of a humans. The tight party dress she was wearing made the image just that much more repulsive.
"Holy shit" John said flatly.
He honestly wondered how long it would take the general public to figure out that half breeds had infiltrated most of the trash TV they watched.
"Well nothing attacked me in the streets tonight" he mused as he hung up his coat and looked around the apartment, checking for anything unusual.
His apartment was still the same rundown shithole that it was six months ago, only difference was in the bathroom, Angela's visit to hell had destroyed his old worn down bathtub, so now he was left with only an old warn down shower.
"Alone and I need a smoke", he thought as he looked for a piece of nicotine gum.
It had been months since he last smoked, but he still craved the real thing and not some half assed piece of gum.
"All for the better" he mocked as he looked for a bottle of liquor.
Damn it, he needed a drink he also needed to get laid. He needed sex, it had been seven months since he had last been with a woman, a real woman and not a half breed. He would never admit this to Midnite, and had a bloody hard time admitting it to himself, though he suspected Midnite has an idea of his predicament. Good grief, the man knew everything.
His last experience had not been ideal either; he thought a rat under the bed was a demon and ending up reading select bible verses whilst in his underwear. Needless to say the woman thought he was insane and didn't come back.
"I need sex, where the fuck is Angela? Wait I don't need Angela I just need sex" he mumbled.
He didn't need a real, long-term relationship, not even a "friends with benefits" set up, just steady sex with a real human woman, that it all he wanted was that so much to ask for? His last attempts hadn't worked out well. He had spent nearly a week with a beautiful woman doing the last thing he wanted to do, and it ended with him wanting to beat the shit out of Gabriel, well at least he gave the bastard a good slug to the face.
What the hell were his other options? Buying a prostitute? No, that may end up being a police stakeout, he had seen this on Cops, and the last thing he wanted was to be bought in on charges of soliciting a hooker. His license was already suspended and his public intoxication record wasn't necessarily spotless. Then there was the incident where he had been pulled over and booked for the holy shotgun. Another one and he may have to go to court
He could just try one of those hook-up dating sites, but he didn't own a computer, and he hated the cheery commercials these places had.
"Hello, my name is John and I am 36 years old. I am an exorcist working for the Catholic Church. I spent the better part of my twenties in and out of Ravenscar hospitals psychiatric ward. I have a long history of petty crimes and have been booked on multiple occasions. I can see demons and I once stopped the son of the devil from crossing over into our world" He mused to himself with a small laugh. His sense of humor was rather sick, maybe he could add that in his profile?