Title: The Mathematics of Matchmaking

Rating: M

Pairing: Sheldon/Penny

Spoilers: The Cohabitation Formulation

Summary: Penny needs a suitable mate. Can Amy help?

A/N: This is pretty much my first attempt at writing fanfiction for this particular fandom. I find that writing Sheldon is a true challenge, and I really hope that I managed to do a good job. Thank you for reading and reviews, as well as constructive criticism, are always appreciated.

Sheldon handed Penny her tea and also a plate so that she could serve herself.

"I feel as if I missed something – why are you upset?"

"From what I understand, I would be in breech of the friendship code if I told you what has upset her."

"It's okay, there's really not much to say anyways. I just feel a bit upset that Leonard has moved on."

Sheldon shook his head. "Do you still have romantic feelings for him?"

Penny shrugged and leaned back against the sofa. "No… I just… Amy you explain it better than I do."

"Gotcha, bestie! Sheldon, the reason Penny is upset is not because she still harbors romantic feelings for Leonard, but rather because he is dating someone who is a more suitable mate for him. Penny has been forced to confront the fact that Leonard was, by far, the most suitable mate for her – at least theoretically he was, since all the attractive qualities he posses as a mate could not reconcile the fact that he lacked real chemistry with Penny."

"I hardly think they lacked chemistry – you should have heard them engaging in coitus. I had to buy noise canceling headphones!"

"You listened to us?" Penny sat up straighter, her cheeks red with embarrassment.

"Only the first time. The very next morning I purchased the noise-cancelling headphones. Besides – why should you care? You were practically dancing naked in our kitchen afterwards."

"Naked? I was wearing one of Leonard's shirt and underwear and either way – why should it upset you? You've already seen my ass!"

"That was before you slipped in the shower and I was merely trying to illustrate that being upset that I heard you engage in coitus with Leonard is rather moot when you're frolicking around in tight shorts and flimsy tops."

"Oh, please, like you don't enjoy it!" Penny barked back, her face growing redder for an entirely different reason.

"Excuse me?" It was his turn to sputter indignantly.

"You heard me! I've seen you checking out my ass on more than one occasion!"

"Well… clearly, you're delusional!"

Penny smirked and leaned closer, "I'm not stupid, I know when a guy is checking me out!"

"Name one single time!"

"Whenever we take the stairs together and you're conveniently behind me, when you insist I use the plates on the top shelf, when I'm clearing the table every Tuesday… do you want me to go on?"

"That's preposterous! Why would I even want to, as you so charmingly put it, check out your ass?

"You are an ass man."

Suddenly all eyes were once again on his laptop.

"Amy! I told you that in strict confidence!"

Shrugging, Amy looked back and forth between her best friend and friend who is a boy, but not her boyfriend. "I apologize, I was not aware that you had initiated the confidentiality clause of our friendship agreement. Although, I think I've come up with an even more effective way of comforting Penny."

Sheldon raised an eyebrow, "do pray tell."

"You and Penny should engage in coitus."

"What?"

"No!"

They both protested in unison – their faces aghast with horror.

"Amy, sweetie – are you crazy?"

"The suggestion does have its merits."

"I see absolutely no merit in pursuing such an endeavor!"

"Yeah," Penny chorused, "what he said!"

"I disagree, my suggestion has plenty of merit. Having sex will trigger endorphins, which will cheer up Penny, and if you're both sexually compatible, then you could be her new mate."

"Aren't you in a relationship with Sheldon?"

Amy shook her head. "In a way… yes, but by the end of the year I plan to marry my fiancé and move to the Middle East to continue my research."

"Oh yeah, the prince… he's cute, actually."

"He possess an inherit magnetism I find very appealing."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt all this female jibber-jabber, but how could you possibly think that Penny would be a suitable mate for me? We are mismatched in every possible aspect."

"What can I say? I firmly believe that opposites attract. Penny would be good for you and vise-versa. I have done math if you wish to see it."

Penny scooted towards the edge of her cushion. "So, you've been planning this for a while?"

"I have."

"Huh."

Turning towards him, she scooted closer. "Penny, you're violating my personal space!"

"Oh shut up, moon pie."

"I told you, no one can call me…" his protest was suddenly smothered by her lips on his, which went rigid with shock.

Pulling back, Penny frowned. "I felt absolutely no spark."

"In order to effectively determine if you two have any real chemistry, both parties must willingly participate."

Sheldon and Penny looked at each other and just when she was about to throw in the towel and head back to her apartment, he surprised her by swooping down and kissing her. This time around his lips moved against hers, albeit slowly and gently, his technique conforming that this was indeed his first real experience kissing. Keeping that in mind, Penny brought her hand up to his cheek and cupped his jaw comfortingly, her lips delivering a series of short and sweet pecks to his own.

Finally, pulling away from each other, they both turned to look at his laptop.

"So?" Amy asked, already feeling pretty positive about the results, but still needing to hear it directly from them. "Any sparks – is the cat alive?"

Sheldon nodded. "The cat is purring."

Penny shook her head in agreement and moved even closer to him so that she could whisper in his ear.

"Purr, purr, purr."

TBC