Note: I wrote this for the Harry Potter Mental health fest, to raise awareness. They have just revealed which authors wrote what piece so I'm posting it here to my fanfic account. I wrote this a little while ago and it's my first attempt at Dramione. The mental health issues I looked at revolve around depression in pregnancy, something that's all to real and common. It's an important issue and I used real experiences in this story. I hope that the story helps raise awareness and make people suffering realise they aren't alone. Depression is all too common and often overlooked by those that don't understand.
Title: The demons living within
Beta: historygirl1863
Prompt: Prompt 55 by darkcivet
Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
Word Count: 8960
Rating: T
Warnings: Pregnancy complications.
Summary: Hermione Malfoy was named the smartest witch of the era, then she found the one thing she couldn't do. With the strength of her husband, she soon finds out she's not alone in her troubles, but the magical world has been hiding a secret for years now. Prompt: Hermione misses a check-up with her Healer.
Author's notes: Dedicated to everyone that's been asked:
Can't you just take a pill or something?'
'Aww, you're blue today, is it your hormones?'
'Don't be dramatic, what have you got be depressed about?'
'You're just ungrateful, thousands of women would love to be in your position.'
THE DEMONS LIVING WITHIN
Hermione sank into the couch, her eyes full of tears and her nails bitten down to the very core. She felt the dread of what was to come in only a few hours' time. She knew it was silly to fear seeing her own child on a screen, but she couldn't shift the feeling that things weren't okay. She had already failed her baby before it had even been born and the medi-witch had basically told her so. Okay, so maybe that was exaggerating things, but that was how things came across to Hermione. She felt hopeless, a bleakness inside her ever since she'd sat through that first pregnancy appointment. To be truly honest with herself, the bleakness had started to build the moment she took the pregnancy test. Now, everything was slowly building up inside her, and she felt ready to burst with the stress she felt each and every day.
The whole wizarding world had been shocked the day Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy announced their wedding plans. They shocked everyone after hiding their relationship for two years, except from close friends and family. They had fallen in love; despite the hatred they had felt towards each other at Hogwarts. Draco had indeed changed and he set out to prove that to everyone once the Dark Lord had fallen. It had taken everyone a while to look at him and not see the death eater that he used to be.
Hermione was one of the first to give him a chance, encouraging her friends to do the same when he applied to the auror apartment, with Harry Potter being the man in charge of it. It had taken some prompting from Hermione, but eventually, Draco became part of the team and within his first year, shortly after his training, he caught his uncle Rabastan and took him to Azkaban. After a year as an auror he stepped down from the role, starting his own business. Since that day, Draco achieved the respect from most of the wizarding world, However, it was still a shock for everyone to learn that Draco wanted Hermione Granger, the Gryffindor princess, and a muggleborn, as his wife.
Despite the shock, the pair got married and had a wonderful two years of marriage. Then, just after their second anniversary Hermione found out she was pregnant. She had been taking her pregnancy prevention potion, but it wasn't a hundred percent, so she knew it had always been a risk. However, deep down Hermione had always struggled to see herself as a parent. She was so career focused that having kids hadn't even been on her life plan. Draco had never brought it up, but he had the longing look of a man wanting a family every time he spent time with Harry and Ginny's children. Still, he must have sensed his wife's fear because he never pushed her and he never brought the idea up. So, when she found out she was pregnant, Draco had been over the moon. He'd spun her around the room and they made love that very evening to celebrate.
As the weeks went by, Draco never seemed to notice her worries about the pregnancy and how hard she was struggling with it. He never seemed to notice he was the one to start up any conversation to do with the pregnancy or the baby. Hermione had tried to ignore it for the first few weeks, but once nausea had really kicked in there was no doubt a little Malfoy was growing inside her.
That was how she ended up sitting on the couch, sick with fear at two o'clock on a Monday afternoon. At her twelve-week scan, the medi-witch had informed her the baby was underweight and she needed to eat more. She'd told Hermione to rest more and work less because the stress wasn't good for her body. Draco hadn't been there at the time because Hermione had booked an appointment while he'd been travelling for work. Draco had come back from his travels devastated he'd missed the first appointment, so she had promised to inform him of the next one.
Except she hadn't.
Hermione was now eighteen weeks pregnant and her appointment for her next scan was in a few hours. She hadn't felt the baby kick and she knew her weight hadn't increased enough for the medi-witch to be happy. Work had been the same, long hours with barely any break. No matter how hard Hermione tried to get motivated to fix herself, she couldn't turn things around. She never felt very hungry, the food didn't interest her very much, and she was so fatigued but unable to sleep. Draco hadn't noticed, at least, Hermione was pretty sure the blond hadn't noticed her lack of interest in pretty much anything lately.
A few hours later Hermione was preparing to leave for the appointment when Draco arrived home, hanging his coat up and calling out her name.
Hermione felt a moment of panic. She didn't want him at the appointment for him to find out how badly she'd messed up as a mother already. She didn't want him to hear how underweight she was and how utterly pathetic she was at trying to care for his unborn child. "I'm in the bedroom," Hermione called, stashing away her appointment card behind the chest of draws.
Moments later Draco appeared in the doorway, a smile on his face as he took in his wife. "You going out?" Draco asked, gesturing towards her buttoned up jacket and bag. "I got off work early knowing this was your day off. Thought I'd take you both out for food and a bit of baby shopping. It's about time I made a start on the baby's room."
"Don't start yet, it's too early," Hermione dismissed.
Draco walked up behind her, his arms circling her mid-section to rest his hands on her stomach. "I saw Pansy earlier, with Theo. She's two weeks ahead of you and you should see the size of her stomach. She must be growing a football team in there."
Hermione felt her heart sink at his words. "Every woman's different," Hermione told him, her gaze dropping down to where his hands were.
"I know," Draco said, but his tone was sad. "I just worry Hermione. You would tell me if everything was wrong, wouldn't you?"
"Nothing's wrong," Hermione countered, pulling his hands off her stomach and grabbing hold of one of them. "Now, let's go get lunch, you can even treat me to desert if you're so eager to fatten me up."
Draco pressed a kiss to her temple and led the way out of the door.
So Hermione missed her appointment, not that it mattered much. She knew what they would say. She wasn't doing it right; she wasn't a good mum. Hermione Granger Malfoy wasn't suited to being someone's parent.
Two weeks went by and Hermione had improved some. She had found a bit of an appetite, but she put that down mostly to the baby demanding the food than herself wanting to eat. She'd started to feel the baby move inside her and she couldn't put the butterfly movements in her stomach as gas anymore. It was definitely her baby. The fact that she knew it was okay put some peace to her mind, for Draco's sake more than anything else.
Draco was at home, packing for a trip away. It was his last before the baby was due to arrive. He didn't want to risk being away when she went into labour. Once he left Hermione was going to reschedule the appointment at the doctors. She might not have felt the connection with the baby, but she did want to make sure it was okay.
"Mrs. Malfoy," Hermione's receptionist, said through the intercom. "I have Mr. Withersome waiting here, he has a noon appointment, it's about the free wolfsbane act you're trying to get past."
"Let them in place Annalise, thank you," Hermione replied, leaning forward in her chair. It was an act she'd worked so hard on, wanting to get the potion free to any werewolf wanting to take it. It was an expensive potion, so she was trying to get it funded by St. Mungos. It was hard going and not many would listen to her. So, Hermione had taken her act to the people that sponsored so much money to the hospital, one of which her approving husband.
Just as she was gathering her papers, Hermione heard the bang of the office door. Hermione looked up, ready to argue with Mr. Withersome for nearly breaking her door until she realised she was staring into her husband's eyes. His furious grey eyes.
"Draco what's…" Hermione began, standing quickly to her feet.
"Don't," Draco growled, shutting the door just as loudly. "That old bloke has gone after I told him to take a hike. We need to talk, wife."
Hermione watched confused as he put his hand into his pocket, pulling out a card and he threw it on the desk between them. Her eyes widened in shock to see the appointment card she'd hide two weeks ago, the one for her baby scan and check-up at St. Mungos.
"Where did you get that?" Hermione questioned, her voice low. She looked up at him, the fear building at the pit of her stomach knowing she'd been caught in her deception. She hated lying to him. Hated it.
"I was packing when my wallet fell down the back of the draws. I pushed it out to find the card there," Draco said, his voice lowering but still just as angry. "I've tried everything to be a good husband and father for you. Yet you're doing everything to keep this child out of my life. Why? Do you think I'll hate it because it's half-blood? Or am I not the dad? It's got to be something."
Hermione felt her emotions building, the effects of pregnant, the stress and all the self-worthlessness that had been building up within her for the last few months. She couldn't keep on going out of her way to hide her tears, she couldn't go on every day struggling to see how she was going to get through the next day. So, in front of her husband, in her office she finally broke. Tears poured down her face so hard it took Draco by surprise. Hermione rarely cried, apart from a few happy moments or at a friend's death.
"Is the baby…" Draco asked, his pale skin going ghost white. "It he okay?" He stepped forward when she let out another sob, her eyes too blocked with tears to really seem him and her voice too choked up with emotion to speak. Draco encircled her with his arms, pulling her into him.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," Hermione sobbed through her tears. "I can't do this."
Draco smoothed a hand down her back, shushing and calming her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that. I know that baby's mine and if you're worried about how I'll be as a father, I can understand that concern. I was a bit of a prat at school."
Hermione gave a sobby laugh at his words but felt no better. She never felt any better. "Something's wrong with me."
Draco pulled back from her, his eyes on hers. He watched her for several heartbeats, he seemed to be searching for something, Hermione didn't know what that was. "Then we'll work together to fix it. Like you fixed me."
So, as Hermione sobbed in the arms of her husband, she knew she didn't have to explain. Somehow, in all the bleakness she felt she'd forgotten there had been a time in the sixth year when Draco had felt just like her. He'd felt worthless, useless and so much sadness.
He'd felt just as depressed as her.
That afternoon Draco had cancelled all of Hermione's appointments, put in a sick note to her work despite her protests and booked an emergency appointment with the maternity healers. He hadn't asked her many questions, except to confirm with her that the baby had moved and it was alright. He needed that knowledge to settle his own nerves, but he still seemed worried.
"I don't want to do this," Hermione told him as they sat outside the maternity outpatient's room, waiting for her name to be called. "I don't need to do this because I'm going through a bit of the baby blues. Emotions are common in pregnancy Draco."
Draco turned to her, his eyes full of emotion. "Asking for help doesn't make you any less strong in my eyes. You're still that strong woman for getting through this and making that confession earlier in the office to me." His hand covered hers and he brought it up to his lips to press a kiss along her knuckles. "You'll always be that beautiful, strong witch that broke my nose as a girl, despite whatever your minds tell you."
More tears fell at his words, but Hermione didn't have the chance to reply as the healer had just called her name. Draco helped her up and shakily, she made her way to the office with her husband. Hermione didn't want to go, but with her spouse by her side whispering words he knew would help, she felt the strength to get through the day, for him and her baby.
"It's lovely to see you both, especially you, Mrs. Malfoy," The healer greeted once the door was closed. "I've been worried when you didn't respond to my phone calls the last two weeks. Do you want to get ready and onto the table and I'll go get some paperwork? There's a few things I want to go through with you both, but let's check on baby first, shall we?"
Hermione nodded, making her way towards the table as the healer left them. It was an exam table with a blue piece or roll spread across it. She lifted up onto the side of the table, her legs hanging over as Draco came to her side. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then helped her onto the exam table. His slim fingers undone the buttons on her jeans and pulled her shirt up.
"My beautiful girl," Draco whispered into her ear, his hand went to her shirt and pulled it up to reveal the small baby bump. His hand careful traced it, stroking her skin before he moved closer to her side and grabbed her hand. "I love you."
"Even like this?" Hermione asked, feeling the emotion fill her. It was the first time in weeks she felt something other than sadness, she felt hope. Telling someone about her feelings lifted so much weight off her shoulders.
"More and more with each passing moment," Draco informed her. It was a very soppy thing for Draco Malfoy to say, something that sounded so unlike him, but he knew the feelings battling inside her. He was aware that how worthless and sad she felt about herself. Draco knew how much she needed to hear those words each and every moment of the day.
Hermione didn't reply but swallowed the sob that threatened to escape just in time for the return of the healer.
The healer asked them a few questions, not saying much or asking how Hermione was feeling. Her questions were based on the baby for the moment, but Hermione knew Draco had been on the phone with her for quite a while when he'd booked the appointment earlier that day. At some point, he'd left the room and had spoken softly down the phone to the healer, not noticing Hermione had followed and heard every word. He'd listened off all the things Hermione had been doing when she'd thought they'd gone unnoticed. Her feelings of worthlessness, lack of sleep, lack of appetite, lack of interest or pleasure in doing anything and the lack of interest in the baby.
Despite the fact Hermione had thought she'd hide everything so well, Draco had started to pick up on things. He'd been putting things together for quite a while.
"This might be cold," The healer warned, squirting the gel onto Hermione's exposed stomach. Then, she placed the handheld device called the probe on her stomach. The healer moved it around, searching for the baby as the screen came on.
After a moment, there was a flicker on the screen and Hermione could see her baby. It had a heartbeat, a healthy and strong heartbeat.
"A little underweight, but we're going to sort that so don't worry about it too much Mrs. Malfoy," The healer said gently. "Would you like to know the sex of the baby? I can tell from the way the baby's lying."
Draco couldn't tear his eyes from the screen, he squeezed Hermione's hand in encouragement and sighed loudly at the relief of his baby being okay. "I think we should Hermione, it's your choice but it might help," Draco suggested.
She knew why he wanted to know, to put a name to the baby growing inside her, to help her better connect with the baby she didn't feel much for. Things weren't that simple though and they both knew it.
"Yes," Hermione agreed, for Draco.
"That there," the healer said, moving the probe and pointing to something on the screen. "Proves that you're expecting a little boy, Congratulations, the both of you. I'm just going to take a few measurements, then we can all sit down and talk. Is that alright?"
Hermione nodded, her eyes focused on the screen. The baby, her son moved, his hand slowly moving to look like it was waving at her. She felt some empty feeling inside her at the sight of her baby. She knew it was meant to be happiness and excitement that she was supposed to be feeling, but those emotions had left her weeks ago.
"Can we have pictures?" Draco asked. "Several copies please."
The healer got them copies of the scan and wrote down all her measurements. Then, Hermione had gotten off the table with Draco's help and redressed, wiping the gel off her stomach with a piece of the blue roll.
After turning off the sonogram machine, the healer sat them both down and went through a serious of questions with them. She asked Hermione closed questions to start with, asking her if she'd felt empty, worthless, etc. and to begin with Hermione tried to lie, but Draco had squeezed her hand and asked for the truth. So, Hermione had told them the truth. She tried to hold back, not wanting to shock them with how empty she felt, but the healer seemed to suspect just that. She had listed off symptoms and Hermione had checked off nearly ever thing she had said.
"I believe what you're feeling at the moment is depression, Mrs. Malfoy," The healer informed her. "It's really common, not just in pregnancy. A lot of people go through it and your husband mentioned on the phone he's been through it so that's why he was concerned about you. Usually, I would discuss your options because we have medication that can help with that. With the baby, I think we should try other routes that can help."
"What do you suggest?" Draco asked, his hand never leaving Hermione's.
"I recommend taking some time off work, both of you. Spend time together, trying to engage in activities. Swimming is safe for pregnancy and the activity is known to help with depression. You need to make sure you eat more than you are, even if you don't feel like it. Mr. Malfoy here can help with that. You need love and support and I think getting involved with some of the maternity classes we hold here could help," the healer explained. "We have a counsellor that can speak with you too. He's privately funded so I'm afraid that will cost you. Or you can go the muggle route and use their counsellor, although I hear there is a bit of a waiting list with them."
"Money isn't an issue," Draco waved off, then his eyes went to his wife. "What do you think Hermione? What do you want to do?"
Hermione had her eyes fixed on the floor, not wanting to make eye contact with either of them. "We can try it," So spoke, her eyes lifting to Draco. "Together?"
"Every step of the way," Draco promised her pressing a kiss to her cheek.
Part 2
Four weeks later
Twenty-six weeks pregnant.
Once they'd left their appointment, four weeks ago, Draco had gone onto his phone to talk with people at his work and put in some personal leave. It was his business, working with a lot of different branches of business within the magical community. He'd asked the managers just below him to step up and hold the fort for a while, stating he needed a few months off to help with his family. Then, after that, they had gone home and put a plan together. Planning things out made Hermione feel a bit like her old self, which Draco had quickly encouraged.
As the weeks passed, they had done everything the healer had suggested. Hermione had an appointment with the counsellor twice a week, one session by herself and the other with Draco. Harry and Ginny visited, although it was hard for them to do with the kids being so young and needing most of their attention. Holding Draco's hand, she finally admitted to them the problems she was having. That night, with friends, Harry broke down and confessed to suffering the same problems over the years. He was still struggling with it in secret, something his wife had thought he was well over. With Hermione's support she encouraged Harry to see a healer about it, to talk to someone other than family or a friend. It was then that Hermione truly realised how much the wizarding lacked information on mental health. Their physical healing was far advanced, but they knew next to nothing on mental health problems.
Draco and Hermione wanted to work through their problems together, so they did. It was slow progress, but slowly Hermione was finally able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. She knew it would take a long time to overcome, months if not years to get over the depression, but finally she able to see a reason why she needed to work towards making her life better. Hermione had a caring husband, a baby boy on the way and the most supportive friends she could ask for.
"This programme is disgusting," Draco complained. He was sat on the couch, Hermione lying across it with her head on his lap. He'd soon discovered the wonders of a muggle television when he'd started dating Hermione years ago. He had never been that keen on it, only watching it when she wanted too. Draco preferred to read a book rather than stare at strangers on a black box.
"It's helping prepare us for the baby," Hermione scolded, her gaze fixed on the screaming woman on their screen. They were watching 'one born every minute', which had become a weekly tradition. "If you faint when I go into labor I will never forgive you."
"Seeing my son born will be a miracle, but watching another woman pop out a kid really does nothing for my entertainment," Draco argued. "My father accused me of watching that port stuff last week when he popped over and heard nothing but screaming from this black box."
"It's called porn," Hermione corrected. "Maybe you should be focusing on how your father knows that word. I can't imagine your mother's family introducing him to muggle televisions."
Draco grunted, clearly disgusted with the way the conversation had gone. He didn't speak, but slowly trailed his hand down to Hermione's expanding stomach. She was putting on weight, a good amount of weight to fill her out a bit more. Despite Hermione's lack of appetite to start with, she had tried eating everything Draco had cooked and put in front of her. To start with the meals had been small and often, slowly building up her appetite and food intake. Of course, she had been eating before, but not enough to provide for herself and her growing baby. Now, she was able to eat good healthy meals as well as a few treats. Only last week, Draco had nearly had his fingers bitten off when he tried to grab the last chocolate chip cookie.
"How did you know?" Hermione asked, randomly.
"About porn? Theo showed me some video," Draco answered. "I swear it was the only time I've ever…"
"Not that," Hermione interrupted and slapped his thigh. "That you were depressed when you were a teenager. You've never really talked about it."
Draco released a sigh and drew his focus from the television. "When I saw the sorrow on Potter's face. I knew something had to be wrong with me to see something other than constipation on that boy's face. Of course, moments later he had tried to kill me."
"Tell me the truth," Hermione insisted, her tone turning serious. "Draco…"
"Fine," Draco huffed. He moved his hand to the bottom of her shirt and pulled the material up to expose her stomach, then his hand went back to her waist. "It was that time in the bathroom with a particular professor who'd gone through years of it. He spotted the signs, took me to the healers that very evening after stitching me back up. Of course, I didn't go to the counsellor until much later, after the Dark Lord had fallen. I can't imagine him agreeing to give me the evening off being evil and wicked to go speak about my feelings to a counsellor."
"So it went on for a long time?" Hermione asked, her voice low. She wasn't surprised by the confession of Snape, to be honest, it wasn't surprising, considering everything the potions professor had gone through. "It took you years to get through?"
Draco's hand paused on her stomach, then began moving in circles again a few moments later. "Yes, although I couldn't actually work on overcoming it until after the dark lord had fallen. I'm still not over it. It still creeps up on me every now and then and I have to try hard to fight it. I remember what I have, the future I'm going to have and the reasons why my life's worth living."
"And it helps?"
"Sitting here with you always helps me."
"Really?"
"Sitting here with you Mrs. Malfoy, not this disgusting program," Malfoy clarified, in case Hermione had been in any doubt about what he meant.
0o0o0o0o0
Three weeks later
Twenty-Nine weeks pregnant.
Hermione continued to work on her depression, focusing on the things she had and putting a positive spin on all the dark things that came into her mind. It was a tough thing to do and some days were worse than others. She felt more connected to the baby too. Draco had been going to antenatal classes with her, which put her in a good mood from the start. Draco loved the baby, but hate everything to do with socializing with other pregnant women. He couldn't understand the point in half of it.
"I don't know about you Hermione, but if you haven't mastered how to breathe properly at twenty-five years of age we have a major bloody problem," Draco stated loudly during one of the classes. "Besides, one of the first things you'll be doing is breathing hard enough so you can get the breath to shout at me for causing this problem." Draco jokily gestured towards the problem, Hermione's abdomen where baby Malfoy was currently kicking her in the ribs.
"It's supposed to help me calm," Hermione growled back, annoyed at how much attention he was drawing from the other couples. They were all sat on a mat, facing an instructor who was taking all the partners through different birthing techniques. "You focus on breathing and work through the pain."
"How about I stab this instructor in the eye and she can breathe through that pain," Draco grumbled.
"How about I pull off your balls so this problem doesn't arise in the future?" Hermione snapped back, shocking her husband. In the last few weeks, her hormones were taking her for a spin. She was happy one moment, crying the next, and then suddenly furious. The sad teary moments really hit home, affecting the depression and she struggled to come out of those emotions, so Draco happily encouraged the others. He seemed to enjoy getting her angry.
"You would never do that to me," Draco dismissed, but he made sure to edge away slightly from his loving wife. "Fine, I'll take this seriously. But you are not giving birth to the Malfoy heir in some swimming pool. I'll do birthing classes, I'll do muggle swimming classes and muggle doctors. I am not seeing if my son will sink or swim upon his arrival into this world."
Two hours later, Hermione agreed upon a water birth with the healer and a grumbling Draco.
A few days after the birthing classes, Hermione went back to work. It was only for a few hours three days a week, but it was a good start to get her back into things. It felt good to get back into a routine and Draco also returned to work. They got on with their work days, but Draco always made sure to call every break to check up on her. If it hadn't been for him, Hermione was fairly certain she wouldn't have made it through the pregnancy, depression or anything else in her life. She was finally starting to feel whole again, feel human and happy. She had full days were dark thoughts didn't enter her mind, not even for a moment.
Later that week, on a Wednesday afternoon, Hermione was just bending over to pick up a piece of paper on the floor when she felt a sharp stab in her abdomen. The baby was constantly moving now and she knew the difference in the pains. It wasn't the baby and she felt instantly worried for the safety of her child.
Over the next hour the pain started to increase, radiating down her back to the bottom of her pelvis. When it hurt to sit, she knew it was time to finally do something about it. Quickly, Hermione asked her assistant to fire call Draco and to let him know she was on her way quickly to St. Mungos. She didn't want to linger and the longer she waited around for Draco to answer her fire call, the longer it was until a healer helped her baby.
At a quickly pace, or as quick as a twenty-nine-week pregnant witch could walk, she made her way through the minister and used one of the safe pregnancy floos the ministry had set up. It was specifically for pregnant witches; although they could use the normal floos. The pregnancy floos had more safety features and were highly encouraged for the pregnant employees at the ministry.
Hermione made her way through St. Mungo's and reached the reception desk which didn't appear very busy apart from a few witches scattered around the waiting room. "I need to see a healer, please. There's something wrong with the baby," Hermione told the witch on reception, tears filling the Gryffindor's eyes at the thought of something being wrong. She was so silly to let the pain drag on, hoping that it would fade away to nothing, but a bad back from carrying a growing baby.
"I'll get one of the emergency healers right away for you," The witch at reception said, pressing a button under her desk. Moments later a man in a white robe came out, heading straight for Hermione. He looked about Hermione's age, stubble on his handsome face and had an encouraging smile on his face.
"Mrs. Malfoy!" The man said, making his way to her side. "I'm Healer Shaklee, shall we get you into my exam room and take a quick look at baby?"
Hermione nodded, her voice too caught up with worry to speak. Slowly and with the healer's support, he helped her into the exam room. Healer Shaklee helped her onto the table and Hermione undone the buttons on her maternity jeans and pulled up her top up. Hermione went through a serious of questions with the healer, answering about the location of the pain and how severe it was. He waved his wand above her stomach and took a few internal prints of what was going on with the baby and Hermione. After a few moments, Draco burst into the room, just as the Healer was placing the probe onto Hermione's stomach.
"Merlin, sorry," He apologized, going to her side. He looked whiter than normal, a look of panic on his face. "I was in a meeting at another office, took a few goes for my assistant to find me." Draco raised her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss there before he turned to the screen.
The baby came onto the screen, it's steady heart beat relaxing everyone. They knew it was still alive and that it was okay. Hermione felt more tears slip down her face at seeing her baby, seeing the heartbeat. She could feel the movements as he rolled in her stomach, kicking his legs with excitement as if he knew his parents were watching.
"He looks good," Healer Shackle promised. "I've read through your notes and I can see weight has been a bit of an issue. He's looking stronger, put a good amount of weight on, although I want you to keep up with your higher calorie diet. You're both a smidge under the weight bracket we like this far into the pregnancy. You're looking a lot better, at least from the physical side of things compared to last time."
"And the pain?" Draco asked.
The healer sighed, "You've got a tear in your placenta. Now, I'm sure you know that provides the oxygen and the nutrition for your baby so it's quite serious. However, as this is the magic world, I have a potion that will heal that right up without us having to wait and hope the tear heals. It will take a few hours so we need to keep you in to keep an eye on baby's heartrate. Do you have any objections with staying the night?"
"No, she doesn't," Draco answered, ignoring the scowl directed his way from Hermione. She would stay either way, but he didn't have to be such an overbearing father about it all. Gosh, he was an overbearing father already.
"No, as long as the baby's okay," Hermione replied.
The Healer nodded at them and left to get the potion. It was only a small tear and he had explained that there was no known reason for the problem.
When they were finally alone, Draco cupped Hermione's face and brought her lips to his. The kiss was gentle, but full of the passion they still felt for each other. They had always had an attraction, ever since they started dating. In school, they were programed to hate each other and never saw each other in another light. Now, they were truly in love. Their sex life wasn't great with Hermione being pregnant. She also lost any attraction she felt for herself, so sex had been pretty much off the table for a few months after finding out she was pregnant. Now, things had started heating up and they couldn't seem to keep their hands off each other.
"You and my son had me worried for a few moments there," Draco told her, drawing back from their kiss. "I ran in here not knowing what to expect."
"I was so scared," Hermione told him, her face still shining with her tears. "I didn't want to lose him, I love him."
"You love him?"
"How could I not?" Hermione asked, then gave a dry chuckle. "He's going to have me twisted in as many knots as his father does. I think I've loved him from the start, but it was hard to imagine I was worthy of such a tiny little thing. I don't think I can be a good mother." Hermione's tone lowered at the confession, her eyes drawing back to the baby moving about on the screen.
Draco laughed, which instantly snapped his wife's attention back to him. "Sorry love, I'm not laughing at you, just at how unbelievable that sounds coming from you. Out of everyone we went to school with, you're the best mother, a natural mother. You had Snotter and his ginger mate doing their homework, early to bed and keeping out of some trouble. I know they had you running in circles, but they managed to scrape by at school. You kept them out of trouble and cared for them. You've had two idiots as children from the moment you met them. Now, at least, you're going to have a child that's cute."
Hermione laughed, smacking her hand against Draco's chest. "Don't say things like that about them." There was silence for several heartbeats before her head turned to him. "You really think that?"
"Hermione, I think some people are born to have kids and others just aren't. Most people in my family shouldn't have ever had children, you, though, you need a herd of children just to make it somewhat of a challenge at keeping them all in line."
"Thank you, Draco."
"Besides, every mother has a bit of Lion in them."
"Did you just confess that your mother is part Gryffindor?"
"I'll deny every word if you ever tell her I said that."
0o0o0o0o0
Eight weeks later
37 Weeks pregnant
The placenta was fixed by the potion and after three days in Sr. Mungo's, Hermione was allowed to leave. She went back home with Malfoy and things went very well over the next eight weeks. Hermione kept up with her classes and groups for the pregnancy and the depression, which helped a lot. She was finally feeling like her old self and together with her husband, she was overcoming things.
At 37 weeks pregnant, Hermione took her maternity leave. She wanted to hold out for a few more weeks, but Draco had insisted. They didn't need the money and Hermione needed to rest after everything she had gone through. Reluctantly Hermione agreed, but after three days of maternity leave, Hermione was unbelievably bored. As the weeks went past, she started working on a book, talking about the depression and the pregnancy. It was a topic rarely talked about in the wizarding world, but something they all needed to be more aware of. Anyone could suffer with it and Hermione wanted to get the word out.
"If your child grows anymore, I'll have to be rolled to the hospital," Hermione complained the moment she saw her husband walking out the floo.
"My child?" Draco smirked, walking over to her. He leaned down to press a kiss to her lips, then moved down to her stomach, pressing a kiss to her expanded waist. "Ignore your moody mother son, she loves you really."
"It turned into your child when I couldn't see my feet."
"It's been my child for a very long time then," Draco mused, moving as Hermione threw a cushion his way. "Joking Mrs. Malfoy, you look as beautiful as ever."
"Stop lying," Hermione grumbled, wrapping her arms around her own waist to cradle the bump. "I can't wait to see my feet, paint my nails and just put on a pair of jeans that aren't elastic waisted."
Draco smirked, as he walked out of the door towards the kitchen, "I can't wait to see those boobs go another cup size bigger. Theo says they go up in size if you breastfeed. Sounds like a good thing for you to do, to bond with the baby of course."
"You and Theo are pigs," Hermione pointed out. "I've already decided to breastfeed, which means they will be off limits to you. I bet Theo didn't mention that one to you, did he?"
"He's a terrible friend," Draco grumbled.
Hermione relaxed back, closing her eyes as she felt the roll of her child in her stomach. The baby had started to move around a lot less lately, but that was mostly down to the fact there wasn't much room for him. Now, he'd turned and was upside down, which meant it had to be close to his delivery.
Just as Hermione was about to roll onto her side to nap, she felt a light trickle run down her leg and a stabbing pain in her stomach. Fear instantly gripped her about her placenta, worrying something was wrong again. However, a quick glance down proved her waters had broken and the pain eased.
She was in labour.
"Draco!" Hermione shouted, trying to move from the couch. It was hard to do, with so much weight being on the front. Moving wasn't the easiest thing for Hermione.
Draco ran from the kitchen and his gaze went straight to the wetness between her legs. "Is wetting yourself another perk of being pregnant? Because if it is, I didn't sign on for that."
"My waters broke, stop pratting around," Hermione growled, heaving herself off the couch.
Draco went to her aid, helping her walk to the floo. He disappeared briefly to grab her maternity bag that stood in the hallway. Hermione had packed the bag the week she'd gotten out of the hospital, several months ago. She was always prepared.
Draco flooed with her to St. Mungo's, practically carrying her as she bent over in pain from the contractions. Slowly, they made their way to the reception desk who quickly called a healer to take them to the assessment suite. Hermione was in a lot of pain and Draco had to lift her onto the bed for the healer's assessment.
Scrunched over in pain, the healer stepped forward and took some scans of Hermine's stomach with his wand, as Draco undone the buttons on Hermione's maternity pants and pushed them down her legs.
The healer was examining Hermione as another contraction hit.
"I'm afraid the placenta has started to come away from the lining of the womb. It's quite serious and I'm going to have to give you a potion to increase the speed of this birth. Baby looks fine and isn't in much distress. I just want you to prepare for a quick birth, okay Hermione?" The healer said, pulling back from her examination with some blood on the glove.
"Will the baby be okay?" Draco asked.
"When the placenta comes away from the inner wall of the womb, it can deprive the baby of oxygen and nutrition. My tests show baby is still getting oxygen, but we need to get him out quickly in case that changes, okay? We will keep a close eye on the baby and make sure you're both okay. We'll do everything we can for the baby," The healer promised.
The healer went for the potion and returned a few minutes later with a small vial of black potion. It had a disgusting taste and Hermione struggled to keep the potion down. It worked though and it quickly sent Hermione into full blown labour. The healer had explained that in the muggle world Hermione would have probably had a caesarean. However, the magical world had a great advantage over the muggles.
The labour was hard and agony for Hermione. She screamed out in pain and almost broke Draco's hand when she gripped it so tightly.
The labour was two hours, which was a few days less than what some woman went through.
"One last push and he'll be out," the healer encouraged between Hermione's parted thighs.
Draco pressed a kiss to her cheek and made his way down the bottom of the bed to see a tiny head with a crop of blond hair between Hermione's legs. Draco saw his son. The head and shoulders were out and with a final scream Hermione pushed her baby all the way out and sobbed in relief.
The healers quickly picked up the baby, minding the cord as they rubbed away the fluids from his face and cleared the baby's lungs. Draco and Hermione waited dreaded seconds in silence before their baby let out a call of kitten cries.
Everyone sighed in relief.
"Would you like to cut the cord?" the healer asked.
With help, Draco cut the cord and the healer cleaned the baby up, wrapped him in a blue blanket and passed him to Hermione.
"He's beautiful," Hermione said, tears running down her face. "My beautiful boy."
Draco nodded in agreement, moving closer to look at his son. He didn't speak, the emotion filling him. Looking at the baby, he saw how wrong his beliefs had been as a child, how wrong his parents were about pureblood's being special. That little boy, his son, was the specialist thing Draco had ever seen. He was perfect, blood status included.
0o0o0o0o0
"My parents are downstairs," Draco said softly, perched on the edge of the bed next to Hermione, who was feeding their son. "They want to see Caelum."
Draco kept in contact with his parents, but Hermione had a hard relationship with her in-laws. They rarely saw each other and Hermione tried her best to avoid them. She didn't want to be near them because she knew deep down they didn't think she was good enough for their son.
"Okay," Hermione said, her tone light as she watched her son feed. They wanted until Caelum was finished and then Hermione buttoned up her shirt and got up from the bed, heading towards the stairs. When they got to the living room door, Hermione passed Caelum to Draco, allowing him to go first.
When they entered the room, Narcissa and Lucius were sat side by side on the couch, both looking nervous and a bit excited as Draco walked in. Their faces lit up at the sight of their grandson.
"Oh Draco," Narcissa sobbed, standing up and moving towards the baby. She held her hands out to hold him, but Draco looked towards Hermione for permission. Hermione was very attached to Caelum and was anxious with anyone holding him. Her over-protective mothering instincts had kicked in.
Hermione nodded, her eyes fixed on the baby as Draco passed his son to his mother.
"Oh Luci, look at him," Narcissa said, taking a seat beside her husband and leaning over. "He's beautiful, isn't he Lucius? What a handsome little boy."
"The first half-blood in the Malfoy line," Lucius said. Draco cast him a dark look and his mother did the same. The elder Malfoy didn't seem to care though and turned to Hermione. "I know it's difficult for you to accept us, but if you allow us to be part of our grandson's life, he'll be as precious to us as Draco was."
"Hermione," Narcissa said, addressing the new mother. "I would die a thousand deaths if it would make up for the hurt I ever caused the mother of my beautiful grandson. I know we've never really accepted you in the past, but I would like to try to be a family. I've had too much hurt in my life already to live out the rest of it causing more pain."
Hermione took a few moments to think about the woman's words, then, slowly she made her way to Draco's side. She would try to be part of their life, for Draco and her son. She knew how much Draco loved his mother and how well she had protected him during the war. Narcissa would care deeply for the baby and her husband, well, Hermione would just have to wait and see how he really took to the baby.
0o0o0o0o0
Five years later…
The depression came and went over the years that passed, for both Draco and Hermione. However, this time around they had other people to help support them through it. They had a reason to get up each and every morning. They had a family around them that loved them.
Her pregnancy and birth with Caelum had been traumatic and everyone feared about Hermione's mental state after the birth, but she did a lot better than everyone expected. She loved her son and it was the love for him that got her through the 'baby blues'. It was Caelum and Draco that got her through the terribly sad days she went through and the hardship of motherhood. As the years went by, Hermione began to embrace her past, love herself and her family. She released books on depression in pregnancy, on the hardship of it and how common it was. She squashed the stigma of being a pregnant woman afraid to speak out about feeling low during a happy occasion.
Having depression didn't make anyone less of a person. It didn't make them weak or broken. Depression meant that the person more than ever was strong. It meant they were getting through each day despite the emotions and self-doubt they felt. Depression meant they were strong, a fighter that needed their family and friends more than ever.
"Mummy!" Caelum called, running towards his parents who were in the kitchen, both preparing breakfast. "Arabella stole my toy again and won't give it back."
Draco smirked at Hermione before he placed the butter knife down and bent down to his son's level.
"Arabella is your little sister," Draco told his son. "As her big brother you've got to look out for her, protect her. That might mean lending her a few of your favourite toys. You're a big boy now, you need to learn to share with her, okay? Play with her for a little while then breakfast will be ready. If you and Arabella are both good, mommy and I might take you to Grandma and Grandpa's later."
"Can I see the pretty pony at Grandpa's?" Caelum beamed with a huge grin on his face. "Grandpa says that in a few years I can start real riding lessons on him! Ride him all by myself, isn't that cool daddy?"
"Very cool," Draco agreed. "Now, go play with your sister and I'll finish off breakfast. Alright, Cael?"
Caelum nodded and rushed off to the living room to play with his sister.
They had grown close to Draco's parents. The mansion had been remodeled to hide away the memories of what had once happened in there. They had offered Draco and Hermione a wing of the house to live in, but they had refused. Both of them still held memories, even if the place was unrecognizable.
Lucius and Narcissa had changed too. They adored Caelum and the beautiful little Arabella when she came along two years later. That pregnancy had been a lot smoother then Caelum's. The depression hadn't returned, despite Hermione's fear there hadn't been any problems with the placenta like last time.
Draco turned back to his wife, his arms going around her waist. "Are you happy?" Draco asked his wife, pressing a kiss to her neck.
"More and more every day," Hermione replied with a smile.
They were silent for a moment, before Draco asked, "Do you want another one?"
"So soon?" Hermione asked, "You don't think our hands are full as it is?"
"Ara will be turning three soon, she's not a baby anymore and I'm still part time at work," Draco told her. "Just one more to finish up our little family. If you don't want to though Hermione, I'm happy with the family I have. I would never complain about what I have right now."
"I don't want one more baby, Draco," Hermione told him, certain. "I'm sorry, Draco."
"It's okay love," Draco replied. His tone told her he was disappointed, but he wasn't going to push the issue. He had accepted the fact long ago that he was only going to have one child, especially after the problems Hermione encountered in Caelum's pregnancy and birth. Hermione had been the one to bring up another child, resulting in Arabella.
"I'm afraid you're going to have to accept that you will never have three children," Hermione told him, turning in his arms. She grabbed Draco's hands, placing them on her stomach. Draco frowned, confused at her words and the gesture she was making.
"I'm okay with having Ara and Cael," Draco countered, defensively.
"You're not listening Draco," Hermione repeated. "You're going to have to accept the fact you will never have three kids."
"You're saying…?"
"Twins," Hermione confirmed. Then, she squealed as her husband picked her up and spun her around the room.
The End.
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