"What's going on with Sirius?" Peter asks James.

James looks perplexed and shrugs. "What do you mean?" he answers.

Peter knows that James has been wrapped up in Lily lately, but he can't believe that James hasn't noticed the problems with his best friend. Sirius has been avoiding Peter and James, broke up with his on-again-off-again girlfriend Mary, hasn't been flirting with anyone (highly unusual for Sirius who has a reputation for being a serious flirt) and has been provoking fights with Remus.

Peter starts to explain, but he can see that his words are not being taken in by James who is gazing towards the Quidditch pitch watching the Hufflepuff team practice. Peter trails off mid-sentence and James doesn't even notice.

"Sirius hasn't been himself for over a month," Peter mutters as he walks away, leaving James free to daydream.

"Sirius," whines Peter, "whatever's going on, we can fix it. The four of us, marauders forever."

"I don't want to talk about it," insists Sirius.

He stalks past Peter and pushes his way out the portrait hole. Peter sighs wondering if he should talk to Remus. He's spoken to everyone else. But Remus is busy writing a charms essay and anyway, Peter doesn't want to be brushed off by another one of his friends.

In potions class the next morning Remus is paired with Lily as he has been ever since she fought with Severus. Remus turns to ask Lily for the armadillo bile. Lily, however, is staring at something on the other side of the dungeon. Following her gaze Remus can see that she's watching Severus gently explain something to his potion's partner Peter.

Upon noticing Remus looking where she's looking Lily explains, "that's how I remember him. Smart and nice. I miss him. He's not always like that anymore."

Remus nods. Not because he agrees that Severus used to be nice, but because he understands missing a friend who appears to have changed. Remus remembers how close he and Sirius were not that long ago. Now Sirius hates him and he doesn't know why.

Sirius just wants to be alone. In a castle this big it should be easy, but everywhere he turns there are people. Everybody expects Sirius to be the popular party guy at the centre of it all, but for the last few weeks that isn't who he has felt like being. He ignores them all. When he reaches the front door of the castle he breaks into a run. His heart pounds and his calves burn and he feels great. He really can outrun his troubles. When he reaches the other side of the lake he flops down in the grass and all his troubles catch up. He can feel tears start to roll down his face. He remembers every cruel thing he said to Mary when they broke up, every nasty thing he said to Remus. All of the times he brushed off Peter and his other friends and even some of the teachers, like McGonagall, who are starting to worry. Sirius has never felt so out of control before.

He falls asleep hating himself. Three hours later when he's rousing himself from his slumber it's Remus who finds him. The tear tracks are visible on Sirius's face, the exhaustion fear and regret are equally hard to miss. Remus smiles sadly at him. Sirius watches Remus lie down in the grass besides him and open the book he brought with him. Remus will always look out for Sirius, even if sometimes he's not sure whether Sirius likes him at all.

Eventually Sirius asks Remus, "why are you here?"

There's no venom in the tone of voice, Remus thinks it just sounds as though Sirius is tired and bored.

"I saw you on the map."

"Yes, but why did you come? To me?"

Everything that has been yelled across the common room or the dormitory hangs between them. Every curse shot surreptitiously in a hallway of the great hall.

Remus shrugs. "Running is normal for you. Sitting still for three hours; that's not normal behaviour. I was just... You were my friend Sirius"

"I'm sorry Remus."

Remus just nods. "I hoped you would be eventually."

Sirius asks himself how he could have possibly fought with Remus. Remus never provokes a fight and rarely engages in one. He's the dependable one, the one Sirius depends on.

"I'm so sorry," whispers Sirius. A tear rolls down his cheek.

"It's ok," mumbles Remus as he wraps an arm around the other boys shoulder.

Sirius pulls away sharply. More tears roll down his stubble covered cheeks. When Remus starts to haul himself to his feet, to get away from the boy who has always made him happy, Sirius calls him back.

When Remus has gingerly sat down Sirius asks him, "do you want to know why Mary and I broke up?"

Part of Remus wants to say no, because he's not sure if Sirius is still his friend and anyway he never like to hear about Sirius's dodgy relationship with Mary. He says yes, because Sirius wants to tell him and also because he is curious.

"Sex," states Sirius.

"What, it wasn't good enough? Or there wasn't enough of it?" Exasperated laughter escapes Remus. "Well, you're single now. Go sleep with one of the girls who throw themselves at you."

"There wasn't enough sex for her," continues Sirius in a low voice. "There was none."

Remus is surprised, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"Mary really wanted to. So we decided we would. One night in the room of requirement we stripped off."

"I'm not sure I want to hear this," murmurs Remus as he screws up his nose.

Sirius glances at him but give no other indication of having heard.

"I didn't know what to do with her. Those big, heaving, bouncing breasts and the soft wetness between her legs. I didn't desire any of it. My penis hung limply like a worm between my legs and then I-"

Sirius stares at the ground pulling up clumps of grass, raking sticks through the powdery dirt.

"And then I thought of a naked man. With a muscularly hard chest and a hard penis, hairy balls, someone who I-"

Sirius begins to pace, never once meeting Remus's eye.

"I was embarrassed and mortified. I got dressed. I said some horrible things to Mary. The most nasty things I could think of and then I asked her to leave. I haven't spoken to her since. I've barely spoken to anyone since.

Remus stands up as well. When he smiles at Sirius, Sirius feels one hundred times better.

"Apologise and tell her the truth. You owe Mary."

Sirius nods and smiles weakly back. He hopes Mary understands, but if she doesn't Remus's understanding will almost be enough. There's just one more thing he needs to confess, but he's not ready to do it yet.

At breakfast the next morning Sirius is nowhere to be found, but his owl flutters down and drops a note on Remus's pancakes.

To Remus,

The reason I was so mean to you the last few weeks is because it was you that I thought of when Mary was standing naked in front of me. I'm in love with you. I blamed you for that. I hope you don't think too badly of me, but I fear that you will.

You're advice yesterday was excellent. You're excellent.

From Sirius.

Peter, who is sitting next to Remus, looks across at Lily and James who are laughing softly. Their hands are gently intertwined. He looked at the parchment clutched in Remus's fist. "From Sirius," is all he sees. It's all he needs to see to make him feel alone. Utterly and completely alone.

They are all in potions class once again. Sirius is talking incessantly to James, adamantly avoiding Remus's eye.

Peter and Severus are talking quietly in the corner again.

"You were tight Severus," breathes Peter softly. "They are leaving me behind."

"You'll make new friends," Severus whispers. "I did."

Peter nods.

When the bell rings Severus lead Peter into a disused classroom.

"Peter this is Malfoy, Avery, Mulciber, Reg and Bella Black, McNair and Goyle. Everyone this is Pettigrew. He wants to play with us now."

Regulus shuffles over to make room for Peter who smiles gratefully in return.

After class Remus chases Sirius down the corridor. When he catches up he realises that he doesn't know what to say. They watch each other as everyone else in the class heads down the corridor out of sight. It's completely silent before Sirius opens his mouth.

"I'm so-"

Remus cuts him off with, "sorry."

"Well I am," says Sirius.

"I wish you weren't quite so sorry. I miss the Sirius who knew he could always get what he wanted."

Sirius lets his eyes rake hungrily over the other boy. "You don't know what I want."

"Oh don't I? I think you made it reasonable clear what you want," says remus, pressing his lips against Sirius's.

When they pull apart Remus is grinning. Sirius grins automatically in response. When Remus is happy he is happy. He pulls Remus against him. His own hands grope Remus's buttock and thighs, his tongue thrusts into the other boys mouth. Remus's hands thread their way into Sirius's hair.

Right now this is exactly where they both want to be.