A/N: I always wonder, why it took so much time until Edith finally talked to Sir Anthony about what happend at the garden party. I mean, the war lasted four years and there wasn't any possibility to talk before CS... Why? And how will Edith cope with her loss? Question after question. I try the find answers.
In this story I will use some of my drabbles, but most of it will be new material.
Last, but not least: This story is especially for Loveedith and Duchess. (Since you haven't an account, I can't answer you by PM. So, thank you for your lovely reviews!)
To Cope With
He just walked away.
Her eyes followed him. She was going to cry "No. Stay!", but she remained silenced.
Edith had been sure that she would receive Sir Anthony's proposal this afternoon. It was the perfect day for it. A sunny day, in the garden with all their guests around… But now he went away without any explanation.
Her heart seemed to stop beating. The world around began to spin. She felt losing her footing.
"You can't be leaving yet" she whispered again. In the next moment she spotted the exultant expression on Mary's face.
XXX
Edith was still haunted by this at the late evening. Lying in her bed with her head pressed into her pillow she cried desperately about what had happened, about what she had lost.
It had been supposed that Sir Anthony would propose this very afternoon. She had dreamt about this for weeks. The garden party had seemed to be the ultimate occasion with her finally for once in centre of attention. But he hadn't proposed. He hadn't spared any further word for her.
Edith hid her head deeper in the pillow. No one should hear her crying. Not, that anyone would notice how low she felt. Everyone was so full with thoughts about this war. Everyone seemed to worry.
War. What would this mean? Would there be fighting near by? Actually she had no idea how this war would effect her or her family. Germany was so far away. Of course, she read a lot about the current situation, about the sabre-rattling on the continent. She wasn't political like Sybil, but she was interested.
She turned over, lying on her back now, thinking. Since the assassination on the Austrian Archduke and his wife in June the world had turn around. Every nation seemed to be suspicious against its neighbours. Alliances were formed and claims were made.
Until now all this hadn't any effect on the Life at Downton. They did what they always did, lived their lives, made calls and dressed for dinner.
The day had been sunny and the night still hinted some of the warmth of daylight hours. Edith spotted the moon shining bright outside. She left her bed, drew the curtains and opened the window.
The peaceful silence outside let her wonder about the greatness of nature, which wasn't effected by the human's daily problems anyway. She leaned at the window frame. Her thoughts travelled far away. She tried to remember how it had been with her father away to war, but she had been too young at this time for more than deeply missing him.
Nevertheless there had been talk about a new war for several months. Edith found it hard to understand, why someone decided to call out a war against its neighbours. Kaiser Bill must have become completely mad.
Kaiser Bill, she thought smiling, it's how Sir Anthony use to call the German emperor. She had to ask him about his opinion on all this.
Her smile froze, when she recognized that her thoughts had travelled back to Sir Anthony again, and immediately tears flowed down her cheeks again. She closed the window and returned to her bed.
It was odd that thoughts about the war had distracted her from bemoaning her lot. She didn't know yet, what had happened, what had changed Sir Anthony's mind – apart from Mary's participation in this. Edith was sure about such an involvement, but it was obvious that Mary wouldn't currently tell her, what she had done or said. After Cousin Matthew had escaped once more, her sister was busy with her own things now.
The only way to find out was to talk to Sir Anthony and that was what Edith would do the next day.