I just want to apologize if the translation of Malice Mizer's "Madrigal" is a bit off—I love this song, and I hate to see it blasphemed with a bad English translation. I know "Kimi ni aitai" means I miss you, but the translation is a bit off in this English version of the lyrics. I wish I could translate it myself, but I don't exactly know Japanese, though my plan this summer is to begin to learn. But anyway, hope you enjoy this songfiction. I've been on a songfic craze nowadays—I figure if I do enough of them, this small writer's block slump I'm in will subside. Anyway, here I go . . . (By the way, this is written about Setsuna before he goes to Hell . . . literally lol)

Setsuna knew he should have gone—left his school, if only for Sara's sake. At the very least, ignore her. What he had for his sister was sinful—there were no two ways around it. If he told her how he felt about her, then she would feel that she'd sinned and that God had forsaken her. As for Setsuna, he hadn't looked to God in a long while. He was much more jaded than Sara would ever be.

Only the words told over and over again scar my heart, "I want to see you again"
I'm only staying because I want to be the only one

He still remembered Sara when she'd been a little girl; she'd always been adorable, though he'd been mean to her. But no matter how harsh a tone he took with her, Sara always smiled. Her childish smile somehow knew something. Something that even she wasn't aware was within her range of knowledge. Setsuna remembered when he had taken her to the fair, and bought her the ring that she wore now. He hadn't been able to buy something he'd been saving up for with a month's allowance, and complained thoroughly about it.

The ring had been a little big on her young finger, but now he guessed that it would fit perfectly. Even as he remembered that happy event for his young sister, he remembered the moment when his mother had driven away recklessly. She had separated them because she had seen how much Setsuna loved Sara—more than any other brother loved a sister. Their mother had taken Sara away to protect her; she had never really loved Setsuna, and left him to his own devices. That was usually okay with Setsuna—except when his old memories haunted him.

Look back for the precious smile that was always there
I don't even know the end of this season
If I had a little courage, I could have been nicer
Now I know the preciousness of the things I lost

Close my eyes and I will wish
The words I mumbled...

Just once again look at the footsteps that disappeared in the sunlight

Call for the truth in the sunset when the shadows grow
I couldn't erase the troubles in the breath of the night

But Setsuna was surprised with himself; no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't deny what he felt. He was generally a hard-faced kind of guy, and wasn't swayed so easily by emotion. But with Sara . . . it was different. She'd shared more with him . . . been through more with him. He'd lost her . . . and she was back now. Would he tell her how he felt . . . even if it meant destroying her faith?

Only the words told over and over again scar my heart, "I want to see you again"

I'm only staying because I want to be the only one

He'd heard her say vaguely that she'd be leaving soon. Her . . . their mother would probably arrange a marriage for her. Someone dependable, reliable. A rich man, probably. Someone who would make Sara a good Christian wife.

Setsuna could taste the wind on his breath. Something was calling to him. He knew if he didn't act now, he'd lose Sara forever. But it was for her sake, right? He couldn't do that to his little sister . . . his little sister that he loved so much.

But would he be okay? Would he be able to live his life that way, asking himself what could have been, and to never see his sister's smile again?

Setsuna felt a searing crack in his heart. He knew, despite everything, that he couldn't. He might be a tough guy, a guy without attachment, or whatever else his teachers, parents, and the kids at school said, but he couldn't live without telling Sara how he felt. He couldn't live without knowing her touch or taking in her beauty. What would faith to Sara be if her faith in love let her down? To Setsuna, it was a damned-both-ways situation. . . . but only one option leads to the breaking of his heart for the rest of his life. That seemed the worse option in Setsuna's eyes.

I thought it was fine if it broke when I held it tight
I'll say good bye to the past

Only the words told over and over again scar my heart, "I want to see you again"
I'm only staying because I want to be the only one