A Degree of Hope

Sequel to Downcast

Warnings: Rated M for sexual situations, incest, self harm, language, yaoi, vague mention of drugs and alcohol.

Don't like? Don't read.

Again, I do not encourage self harm in any way and suggest that all who do it seek professional help.

Syrus awoke at 5:45 a.m. He stretched out in his bed and looked up at the ceiling, thinking of the events that had taken place the night before. He sighed and turned over on his side, wondering how his perfect evening was ruined so quickly.

~Flashback~

"Zane," Syrus moaned softly as his older brother kissed his soft and tender neck. Zane smirked and his gentle kisses quickly turned into slightly painful nips. The older boy couldn't help but enjoy seducing someone so shy and naïve… and his own little brother no less. Syrus shut his eyes tightly as he felt Zane push him to the wall and pin his wrists above his head, his movements becoming more and more frantic. "Zane," Syrus moaned again after feeling his brother's hands move from his wrists to his small, but well toned chest. He heard his mom coming up the stairs and tried to push Zane away but he only continued to kiss and caress his little brother. Their mother walked in and looked at her sons in disgust.

"Zane! Syrus! What the fuck do you think you're doing!" She screamed.

Zane immediately pulled away from Syrus and turned to face his mother.

"What is the matter with you two! Why would you do such a disgusting, vulgar thing!"

Syrus looked down, feeling ashamed, and sat quietly on his bed. His mom walked over to her half naked son and began to examine him. "Oh…" She said upon discovering the dark hickies on his neck.

"Mom... it was my fault. I-I forced him," Zane said.

"Yeah… I believe that. Your little brother is all bruised and scratched up," she pointed to the very light marks that Zane had left on his back earlier that afternoon.

"No! Zane didn't! I-I wanted to! I begged him to! He just doesn't want to see me get in trouble!" Syrus explained.

"I don't believe you, Syrus. Your brother… I always knew that he was capable of something like this. I didn't actually think that he would go so far as to rape his own brother though." She turned to look at her eldest son. "Go to your room, Zane. Don't even think of coming out until I call for you."

"Yes Ma'am," He turned and headed for his room.

"Zane!" Syrus called to him but got no response. "Mom! I promise it's not Zane's fault! I'll tell you everything that happened… just don't punish him!" Syrus cried.

"I don't know if I believe you. I need to discuss this with your father so we can figure out what to do with the two of you. Now stay here and don't come out." She turned and left the room to wait for her husband.

Syrus sat nervously in his room, feeling as thought the walls were closing in on him. The closer it got to 8:00 PM the more anxious he became. His father would be home soon and there would be hell to pay. His mother was usually a sweet and chipper woman, the easy going one… but his father on the other hand was a bastard and was not always the most pleasant person to be around.

It was 7:54 and Syrus heard his dad pull into the driveway and began to fear the worst. 'This is it…' he thought. 8:30 rolled around and still no punishment. '9:00... Come on, hurry up and punish us,' Syrus couldn't handle the suspense. Awaiting punishment was agony. Just then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Zane! Open this door!" His father said. Syrus scurried over to his own door trying to hear what was being said.

Zane opened his door, "Hello Father," he said nervously.

"You wanna tell me what the hell happened earlier?"

"I'm sorry, Dad. I never meant for things to get so out of hand. We were just goofing around at first… Syrus wanted tips on kissing, and then… I…" Zane said, "I couldn't stop myself. He just looked so damn cute and…"

"Ugh…" His father punched him in the face with all his might. "You sick son of a bitch! That's your little brother!" He punched him in the stomach and continued to yell, "Your mother and I didn't raise you to be a rapist! And we didn't have your little brother so you could have your own personal fucktoy!"

Syrus began to cry softly and rushed from his room to be by his brother's side. "Dad! Stop! It was all my fault! Zane wasn't trying to hurt me!" Syrus stood in front of his brother and Zane laid a hand gently on his shoulder. His father grabbed the small boy by the arm and tossed him to the floor.

"Disgraceful!" He yelled. "Get the fuck out of my house Zane! Go stay somewhere else. And don't come back unless it's to get your things!"

Zane only nodded as he quickly packed a change of clothes and other necessities. Syrus watched from the window in horror as Zane walked down the driveway and eventually out of sight.

"As for you Syrus… go to bed. I'll deal with you in the morning," his father went back downstairs for the night, hardly wanting to be in the same house with either of his sons.

He went to his room and locked the door behind him, crying silently. "Zane…" he whispered, "I'm sorry…" Syrus got up and went over to his closet, fumbling through a pile of clothes that were on the floor. He found the hunting knife that his dad had given him when he turned twelve. Quickly, he placed the blade to his forearm, just below his wrist, and made a small, but deep cut. He began to cry as he gently put an old t-shirt over the wound. Syrus shoved the knife under his bed and held his arm tightly until the bleeding stopped.

~End Flashback~

Syrus looked down at the bed and realized that his sheets were covered in blood. He hurried to the bathroom, so no one would know that he was awake. He turned on the faucet and put his arm under the cool stream of water. It was so painful but was too afraid to make a sound. If his parents saw what he had done he would be in even more trouble than he already was. He grabbed a bottle of rubbing alcohol and poured it over the wound. It burned so badly, he couldn't even see straight. The stinging pain of the alcohol was more than he could take, it hurt him worse than the pain of the cut itself. Tears formed in his eyes as he turned the water on once again to rinse the wound. He held a small towel over the cut, dabbing lightly to make sure that he didn't reopen it. Syrus went back to his room, pulled the sheets from his bed and went downstairs to put them in the washing machine. 'At least mom and dad aren't up yet,' he said to himself, knowing that he would have at least a half hour before they got up.

He hurried back to his room to try and contact Zane. "Hey Zane. Where are you? Are you ok? I love you," he whispered aloud as he texted then went back downstairs to eat.

"Syrus," his mother began as she entered the room, "You're up early."

"I couldn't sleep anymore," he responded bitterly, hinting that it was because of her.

"Look, your father will be down any minute. Try not to look too upset."

"Mom, how can I not be upset? You threw my brother out of the house…"

His father entered the room and began to speak, staring harshly at his son, "You understand why we had to do that, don't you? It was for your own good. It's pretty obvious that Zane needs help… we can't allow him to stay here knowing that he's been hurting you."

"He hasn't been hurting me!" Syrus snapped. "Zane is my older brother and he's always protected me, always had my best interest at heart…"

"He is your older brother, so he should know better than to molest you," his father said.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe I am the one to blame for all of this? That maybe I manipulated Zane into fucking me?"
"Watch your mouth!" His mother yelled.

"Well if that's the case I can't allow you to see Zane under any circumstance. Now go upstairs so your mother and I can discuss what we're going to do with you," his father ordered and called the pastor of their church for advice.

Syrus went upstairs and immediately checked his phone but there was no message from Zane. "I don't mean to keep bothering you. I'm just really worried. Please respond," he said aloud as he typed another message. He decided that it was best not to sit around and wait for a response, so he took a shower and made his bed with the sheets he'd washed earlier.

"Syrus, honey," his mother said, "I have something to tell you and you might not like it."

"What! Is it about Zane!"

"No. Your father and I have decided to send you to a treatment center so you can get the help you need."

"You're sending me to a mental hospital!" Syrus said angrily.

"It's nothing like that. It's a Christian based facility that deals with troubled teens. I really think you should keep an open mind to this, otherwise your time there isn't going to be pleasant."

"It won't be pleasant anyway, Mom!" Syrus yelled with tears in his eyes.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but your father and I don't know what else to do. Please try to see things from out point of view," she said, trying to make her son understand.

"Whatever. I guess I should pack my bags. Knowing Dad he'll be sending me away as soon as possible."

"They'll be coming for you tomorrow morning."

"Fantastic," he said sarcastically.

~End~

I know it sucked but please review anyway. Next chapter coming soon.