Zero is a fucking ninja who fucks bitches and gets money. He's also a fucking loser weeaboo. By night, he breaks people's backs! By day, he's a chiropractor. He does sexy dances for children at the orphanage. And when he's done, he burns down the orphanage and locks all the doors. And sometimes he'll gas furry conventions. Not because he hates furries, but because he is a furry and he doesn't want competition. Even though he's still the hero of our time, he likes to play the legend of Zoroldo and is in love with the main character who's name is Danky Kang. One day, Zero was jerking off to Boku no Pico when his videogame system magically turned on. "It must be the Jews!" Exclaimed Zero, "I talk in Haikus!"And then he was sucked into the world of Zalado...
He was very confused, surrounded by grassland and some pretty sick jams by Slipknot. When his dank meme indicator was going off, Zero noticed his OC Sanac the Heghog was standing by the side. As he was mystified by this breakthrough, Zero got erect. He jumped on Sanac and forced his face into the ground when out of the corner of his eye gangster dinosaurs were eyeing him down. They were all chanting, "Manass manass manass."
Mohammed jumped from the sky and proclaimed that he was a big fucking faggot. Then he stuck a stick up his ass, slapped his buttcheeks and flew off. Zero was astounded by this breakthrough in flight technology and committed sepuku like in his animu and mangos. He was then transported to a world far beyond his ability to understand what was going on around him; it was most likely the second dimension. His vision finally came to an end when he realized it was not the second dimension but actually the rape dungeon of his uncle's. He was actually transported back in time to when he was a small child. He tipped his fedora to all the pictures of his child-self naked on the wall when his uncle bust through the door, drunk and laid down next to him and went to sleep. Zero proclaimed, "This is some bullshit/ I was expecting some sex/ That dumb ass nigger."Zero looked up into the sky and roared a mighty roar, "I WANT A DIVORCE!" His uncle woke up and said, "Fine. I was cheating on you with Shrek anyway." Zero slapped his hand to his face like that kid in Home Alone. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He screamed like that kid in Home Alone.
Fast Forward Five Months into the Future!
-In the court room-
Phoenix Wright said, "Zero, we're just about to wrap up court date. You have half of your uncle's possessions." Zero slapped his hands up to his face and screamed like that kid in Home Alone. But this was a happy scream this time! :D But then the crippling realization came to him that his uncle owned only a bed and he did a sad scream. So the judge had to saw the bed in half and give one half to Zero and the other to his uncle. But then Zero had to give his half of the matress to Phoenix Wright to pay off his debts to the dino mafia.
Fast Forward Five Months
Zero is running home to his fish pimp. When he was half way there, he realized he was two hundred miles under the ocean and he could not actually breathe water. He took out a fish bowl and put it on his head. But he accidentally put it on inside out and it let the water in. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow zero is such a mary sue this story is so ghey) As the water flooded into his inside-out fish bowl, he started to lose consciousness. He woke up on a beach in Israel where a Jewish mermaid was giving him mouth-to-face mask. Zero awoke to say, "Milady." As he tipped his fedora to the lady with the big nose. The Jew mermaid said, "Oi vey! Saving lives does not come free. You're gonna have to pay me a couple of sheckles to look the other way." But alas, Zero had no sheckles to give. As he explained the situation to the Jew-maid her unusual happy Jew face turned sour. She hit Zero over the face with a rock.
He awoke in a sweatshop in China. He looked on the wall and the sweatshop and noticed that the sweatshop was called, "Jewish Mermaid's Sweatshop." It was a very uncreative name in Zero's eyes but apparently the authors didn't give a fuck about his opinion and because he decided to be such a dick to the authors Zero now has no penis. In fact, there was gonna probably be a bomb-ass James Bond fight scene and probably a sex scene but we're tired and we're done with Zero's shit. He's no fun to work with. He's such a mary sue. We have to give him doughnuts every five minutes or else he won't do the acting. What a fat weeb. Hitler was gonna be in it too, wearing a yellow polka dotted bikini. But NOOO Zero had to not allow fun.