All Sorted

"Daniel Jackson, I want to get divorced." Daniel looked up from his work to finding Vala smiling broadly at him.

"Uh, excuse me?"

"I want to get divorced."

"Yeah, well much as this might feel like a bad marriage, we're not married. You know that, right?"

Vala sighed theatrically. "Aren't you uh-dorable. But truly, I need your help."

"I'm listening."

"As you may or may not be aware, I have a somewhat...colorful past when it comes to relationships."

Daniel snorted in response and Vala took a moment to glare at him before continuing.

"Now that I have turned over a glorious new leaf, I'd like to be single again."

Daniel considered for a moment, "You want to end your marriage to Tomin? I thought he took care of that."

"Oh, Tomin. Yes, that marriage is officially over. They don't technically have divorce there yet, but he did manage to get it annulled on the grounds of...well, on a lot of grounds apparently. But that's not the marriage I'm talking about." She smiled again, leaned over the desk and rested her chin on her hands.

"You have...another marriage."

"Well, let's just say that over the years I've involved myself in a few...marriages of convenience."

Daniel shut the book in front of him. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. "I'm sorry...how many exactly?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're not sure. How could you not be sure?"

"Well, there are some legal...issues. That's why I need your help. I'm not really sure how many of them...took. And some of them probably just sort of went away over the years."

"Wonderful. Can you...estimate?"

Vala sighed and looked down at the table. "At minimum, two."

"Maximum?"

Vala bit her lip. "Five-ish."

"Five."

"Between two and five marriages, yes. Don't look at me like that. Not all of them were even consummated!"

Daniel rubbed his forehead. "So you're a bigamist. Great. And what exactly do you need me to do?"

"I need you to come with me, visit my various spouses, and help me get divorced. You know, read the local legal code, sweet talk some judges, look extremely official, and so on."

"Keep your exes from murdering you..."

"Well, there's that."

"Okay, let's assume for a minute that I'm willing to do this. Why are we doing this? Even if those marriages are legal on the various planets on which they took place, they don't really affect you here on Earth."

"As I said, I want a fresh start. I've been through a lot in the last few years, changed and all that. I want to get rid of everything from my old life."

Daniel suspected there was something she wasn't telling him, though he admitted that might just be habit of his at this point.

"Well, we both have some leave coming and things are pretty quiet around here...when did you want to start?" He grimaced slightly as she rushed to hug him.

"Thank you, Daniel! I'll get permission from General Landry and then we can go asaps!"

"I think you mean..." She'd already run out of the room before he could finish, "ASAP." He sighed. As usual, there was trouble coming.

Three weeks later, Vala and Daniel were standing in the gate room, packed and ready.

"Did you get a chance to look over our itinerary?"

"You mean the list of five planets and a corresponding list of names? Yeah, great job there."

"That's all you really need to know. I've taken care of everything else. Also, I thought we'd go chronologically. You know, most recent marriage first and then we'll work backwards from there."

"I guess that makes...sense. So who's up first?" Daniel pulled out the single piece of paper and read it out, "'Beltrek on Caminar."

Vala grimaced, "Uh...that one might be a bit tricky."

"Really," Daniel said with characteristic sarcasm.

"Okay, quick primer - he thinks my name is Adolia and that I'm a professional zacktar player."

"A what player?"

"It's a kind of instrument. It has strings and bells and a pedal...I'm actually rather good. I sing, too. Anyway, I married him and then sort of...stole quite a bit of naquadah from him and took off a few hours after the wedding."

"Great. Why does this trip remind me of something..."

"Yes, it IS rather like that time with the bracelets. And see how well that worked out? You know, eventually."

"Sure, except for this time instead of just cheating and stealing from these people you've also manipulated them into marrying you and then abandoned them. Yeah, this is going to be great"

"Well, when you say it like that..." Vala was relieved to see Daniel, despite his obvious misgivings, continue up the ramp and walk through the gate. She scurried to follow.

That night, Daniel and Vala were sitting in the local tavern, having a drink.

Daniel took a long swig from his cup. He looked very tired.

Vala smiled wanly, "I thought you didn't really drink."

"I'm making an exception."

"Look, I admit, there were some unpleasant moments, but I think overall it went extremely well!"

"Vala, he tried to kill you. He tried to kill both of us."

"Just a little bit! Only for a minute! And then that rather nice new wife of his very thoughtfully put a stop to it."

Daniel was silent as he continued purposefully drinking. "Well, we were lucky he'd already had the marriage annulled in order to remarry. AND that you brought along enough naquadah to repay what you stole."

Vala scowled, "I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do that."

"Actually, I was surprised you did. I'd expected you to just run. That was kind of...good."

Vala smiled, "See? New leaf!" She pointed at herself enthusiastically.

Daniel laughed, "Yeah, I got to say...when Beltrek's new wife insisted that you play for them on the zacktar...it almost made it all worth it."

She waved a hand, "You have to admit, the singing was fine. I'm just a little...out of practice on the zacktar."

"She made you stop two bars in."

"Her standards are obviously ridiculous. And she was probably jealous."

"You made the baby cry."

"That baby was a snob!"

Daniel shook his slightly swimming head and suppressed a smile. He downed the rest of his drink. "Well, one down, four to go."

On the next planet, they discovered Vala's second husband had died of natural causes a few months before.

"Oh, how convenient!" Vala told the neighbor who gave her the news. The old woman looked taken aback.

"I mean, how convenient that you already know...because WE were going to tell YOU and now you already know so that's convenient...or something." Vala smiled with all her teeth. Daniel stepped in front of her and thanked the stranger for her help. The old woman walked away, shaking her head.

Vala watched the woman leave before whispering to Daniel, "This IS super convenient."

"Vala, a man is dead."

"Well, yes Daniel, but he was extremely old."

Daniel shook his head. "Of course he was. You probably hastened his death."

"Oh Daniel, don't be cruel. You don't suppose he left me anything, do you?"

Daniel put his hand on Vala's back and steered her towards the gate.

When they arrived on the next planet, they had to travel some distance from the gate to get to the correct town. On the way, Daniel tried to prepare himself.

"So...looks like this one's name is Berla. What can you tell me about him?"

"Um...well for starters...she's not actually a him."

Daniel stopped walking. "Excuse me?"

Vala slowly turned on her heel to face him. "Berla's a woman."

"You're married to a woman."

"Yes, Daniel, I'm married to a lot of people and one of them happens to be a woman."

"You say that like you're describing your bowling team."

"Bowling team?"

"Never mind. So why did you marry Berla?"

"What can I say? She was charming. Also I needed someone to help me upgrade my cargo ship. And by 'help me upgrade' I mean, pay to have my ship upgraded. We were only really together for a few weeks."

Daniel raised his eyebrows and suppressed a smile. "Right. So...you like women."

Vala rolled her eyes. "Look, out of five marriages, this is the only woman. I suppose you could say I prefer men four to one?" She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him. "It wasn't really a love match...is this a problem for you?"

He appeared to be lost in thought. "What? Oh, no. Not a problem. Just...interesting."

They continued on.

The next morning, they made the long walk back to the Stargate.

"Well, you were right. She WAS charming."

"Are you kidding me? She punched me in the mouth two seconds after she opened the door!" Vala ruefully raised a hand to the cut on her lip.

"Yeah, but you so had that coming. And she was really nice after you apologized."

"I suppose so, but that was a great apology. I earned the nice."

Daniel snorted. "That's not really how apologies work."

"Well, it was a good enough apology to convince her to come with us to the local magistrate and end the marriage. She was even willing to go through that ridiculous marriage-ending ceremony with the bowls and the branches and the handfuls of dirt. That's a pretty good apology."

Daniel shrugged, "It was a good apology. Very...honest." He looked at her and she frowned.

"I was being honest."

"I know, that's what I said."

Vala tilted her head. "Oh. I thought you were...never mind. It WAS nice of her to give us these little cakes for our journey." She pulled a tin from her backpack. Daniel immediately leaned over and grabbed them.

"Thank you! She made it very clear that these were just for me."

"I deserve them! Don't be a cake pig."

"You mean 'hog' and there is no way you deserve cake."

"Actually, I did meant pig." She stuck her tongue at him and he rolled his eyes.

Spouse number four, Artere, proved to be more of a challenge. It took them some time to locate him as he traveled with a group of entertainers. When they finally did find him, he reacted very differently than the previous three spouses.

Upon first seeing Vala, he rushed to embrace her. He even began to weep. It took three days to convince him to have the marriage contract invalidated. Vala spent most of the first day talking to him. Daniel stood outside the door, just in case. He mostly heard more weeping from Artere.

On the second day, Daniel talked to him.

Artere was initially suspicious; he assumed Vala wanted the divorce in order to marry Daniel. After Daniel eventually convinced him this wasn't the case, Artere began to open up. He told Daniel about how physically and emotionally scarred Vala was right after Qetesh, when they first met. Artere even knew about Vala's issues with her father and stepmother.

Daniel was surprised Vala had confided in this man, and he watched Artere with increased interest. He wondered why Vala had married him. Had she loved him or had she used the truth of her past to further manipulate him? After all, she'd told Daniel about her experiences with Qe'tesh on their very first meeting - to gain his sympathy after kidnapping and beating him. He continued to listen to Artere, hoping to gain some clarity.

"Everyone told me to forget about her but I never could." Artere shook his head sadly. "She's so special, you know? Smart, strong, and so, so beautiful." He looked at Daniel for confirmation and Daniel shifted awkwardly, hoping Artere would continue without a response. He did. "She pretends to be tough and independent, but she what she wants is someone to accept her. I was that person. I can be that person again."

Pretends to be tough and independent? Daniel reconsidered how well Artere truly understood Vala. There was a long pause and Daniel placed a hand on his shoulder. "Artere...you clearly care about Vala and it sounds like you were there for her when she needed you, but she's never going to live here with you again. You need to move on...find someone else you can love." Despite his misgivings about this man, he knew the true cost of what he was asking from this man and he winced at his own advice.

By the next day, Artere was finally convinced that Vala would not stay with him. He agreed to invalidate the marriage. Vala and Daniel walked back from the magistrate's in silence.

"So...that one was...different." Daniel glanced at Vala. She had her eyes firmly on the ground.

"Yep."

"You okay?"

"Yep."

"Vala, can I ask you something very personal?"

"Go ahead, Daniel."

"Did you love Artere?"

There was a very long pause. "No."

Daniel felt a rush of something. Relief? Disappointment? He wasn't sure.

"At first, I appreciated how much he wanted to help me. But I don't think I ever loved him. He made me feel...weak." There was an edge to her voice. "I think he loved me because I had nothing and he felt he could help me, but I didn't want to have nothing anymore." She paused. "I went to P8X-412 right after I left him."

"The planet where you posed as Qetesh?"

She nodded. "I know it was wrong, but it least it made me feel...powerful. In control."

Daniel considered this for a moment. "I suppose I can understand that. Even though it was wrong, I guess posing as Qetesh was your own way at getting back at her, as well as everyone else. For the first time, you got to use her power for yourself." Daniel wondered why he could never resist the urge to lecture or psychoanalyze her. He also wondered why she put up with it.

They continued to walk on in silence.

The next morning, they made their way across a stretch of grassland towards Vala's fifth and final spouse.

"So! Last one, right? Are you excited?"

Vala didn't answer right away. Daniel nudged her, "Vala? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. But I think I should warn you. Xangus is a little different."

"Different...as in not human?"

Vala shot him an exaggerated eye roll. "No, he's human...but I mean the situation is different. I knew Xangus before I was Qetesh. We were definitely never married, but there's a very slight chance we're still technically betrothed."

"Betrothed sounds fancy," Daniel's smile faded as he remembered something. He stopped walking and put his hand on her arm to slow her down as well. "Wait...you told me once that you were engaged before you were taken as a host. Are you saying that was actually true?"

Vala's eyes lingered on the ground before meeting his. She bit her lip. "Technically? Yes."

"Why would you lie about having lied about something?"

Vala shrugged.

"You opened up to me...and then regretted it." Daniel considered in his mind all the other times she might have been just pretending to lie.

Vala rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't go all soft on me, Daniel. It's just a different situation. He might not even remember me. Of if he does..." She never finished and Daniel didn't press her.

Xangus was, Daniel thought rather uncertainly, the best looking of the group. He was tall with broad shoulders and dark hair going gray around the temples. He was probably about Daniel's age. Vala looked as nervous as Daniel had ever seen her, but she turned to give Daniel a look that convinced him to move a little farther away from the doorway. He walked until he was slightly out of earshot.

Daniel tried not to stare at them as they talked. Xangus looked cold and stiff. Vala looked tense. She was never invited into the house. As they were talking, a petite brunette came to the door. She looked at Vala and whispered something in Xangus's ear. A few minutes later, Daniel saw the door shut. Vala continued to stand there.

Daniel walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes, lovely. Okay, thanks for the closure and all that. It's been great." The comment didn't seem to be directed at Daniel. Vala turned and walked quickly away, forcing Daniel to run to catch up with her.

When they got to the Stargate, Vala didn't dial Earth. Daniel didn't recognize the address she entered.

"Um, Vala, whatcha doing?"

"Getting out of here."

"Okay, where are we going?"

"To get a drink." She stormed through the active wormhole.

Daniel took a deep breath and followed her. They emerged at the outskirts of a town that Daniel had never seen before. He grabbed at Vala's shoulder and missed.

"Vala!"

"Look, Daniel, I'm going to get a drink. You can follow if you want or you can go home."

"Uh, okay, but you know we have drinks on Earth."

"Not the kind I want."

"Look, Vala, I'm not sure what just went on back there, but you are clearly upset. I think talking might be better than..."

"Daniel, shut up or get out."

Daniel shut up.

Two hours later, Daniel decided they should find a place in the village to spend the night. Not only did he still not know exactly where they were, he didn't enjoy the idea of bringing a drunk Vala back to the SGC. The tavern they were in had an empty room for the night and he took it.

It took him twenty minutes to get Vala up the flight of stairs. She'd had at least six glasses of a drink that smelled vaguely of turpentine and now, thoroughly intoxicated, she kept stopping on the stairs to tickle him.

"For the last time, Vala, it is not funny. Keep your hands to yourself and let's just try to get through this."

"Oh, I bet you say that to all the girls, don't you Daniel?" She started to tickle him again but pulled her hands away when he grabbed for them. She lowered her voice to a stern tone. "Okay, okay. Serious Vala."

It was actually still quite early when Daniel put Vala to bed. He certainly wasn't tired enough yet to sleep on the hard, cold floor of the room. Instead, he pulled a book from his bag and started to read. After about an hour, he heard a low moaning sound from the bed.

"Vala? Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not okay."

"Are you going to be sick?"

"What? No, I'm hardly even drunk anymore."

"Are you kidding me? You drank at least...never mind." Daniel rolled his eyes. "Can I get you something?"

Vala buried her head in the pillow and groaned loudly. "I'm so embarrassed."

"What? Why are you embarrassed? You're never embarrassed."

She shot him a look.

Daniel sighed. "Is this about Xangus?"

"It's about this whole stupid thing. All my stupid husbands and my stupid wife. I'm sorry, Daniel, I never should have brought you along." She sat up in the bed and she did indeed look impressively sober.

Daniel considered her for a moment. "But you got what you wanted, didn't you? Why would you regret it now?"

"Because I wanted...I thought I was so different, Daniel. Everything was supposed to be so different. But everyone's the same. I'm the same."

Daniel spoke up immediately, "You are NOT the same."

Vala looked at him. "How do you know?"

"Are you kidding me? The Vala I met a few years ago would have never done this. You confronted your past, you apologized to people you'd wronged, and you dealt with parts of your life I know it would be much, much easier for you to forget."

Vala was quiet for a moment. "Remember when you asked me if I loved Artere and I said no?"

Daniel nodded. "Was that not true?"

"No, it was true I didn't love Artere. But..."

"But you loved Xangus."

Vala shrugged, "I was so young. I'm sure I'd have been bored out of my mind and run off eventually, probably. But at first...I was devoted to him."

Daniel laid the book back into his pack. "Did you go back to him after Qetesh was killed?"

Vala laughed. "Well it was several years later. I went back to the village and got a less than warm reception. I saw him there...with Geeta."

Daniel was silent as he considered this. He pictured, not for the first time, what his own reaction would have been if Sha're had returned to him. It struck him that Vala might compare his faithfulness to her own past love. "Geeta. Is that his wife?"

Vala nodded. "I never spoke to him and I never went back. You know what they say...stone me once, shame on me, etc."

Daniel winced. "You went back today."

"I guess I deserve it then." Vala put a hand to her forehead.

Daniel took a deep breath. "You know, in a way, you and I aren't that different."

"Eh...excuse me?" Vala said, genuinely confused.

"Hear me out. We both lost someone we loved because of the Goa'uld. In a way, we're both still dealing with it. You...stopped taking love seriously. You started treating love and sex as a means to an end."

"Your flattery is overwhelming."

"Whereas I...put it on an impossible pedestal. I mean, it's been almost ten years since I lost my wife and I haven't gotten that close to anyone since."

"That's very sweet Daniel," Vala said quietly. "But I don't think what I had with Xangus compares to what you had with Sha're."

"Maybe not, but I don't think our reactions are really that different. And in a way, I envy you."

"You envy me?"

"Yes...you're so impulsive and quick-moving. It takes me a very long time to consider something. Maybe you make more mistakes but at least you're willing to take chances."

"You took a chance on me." Vala shifted on the bed to face him.

Daniel smiled. "Yeah, I guess I did. Of course, that was different."

"I don't know, Daniel. You saw something in me that no one else did." He smiled at her and she continued. "A few years ago the idea of staying in one place with the same people would have terrified me. Mostly because I'd assume I'd have already robbed and cheated you."

"Well in my case, you actually have."

"Exactly. And yet, here we are."

"Here we are." Daniel smiled at her and she held his gaze. Something about the expression on her face filled Daniel with a sense of realization.

"Wait, you did this for me, didn't you?"

Vala didn't respond. She looked away.

Daniel continued slowly. "I mean, partly for me. You wanted to show me why you are the way you are. To show me...you'd changed."

She was silent.

"Vala?" Daniel sat on the very edge of the chair and leaned towards her, trying to see the expression on her face. "I mean, I know you did it for yourself, but I think there's a reason you wanted me along. You wanted to prove something to me. Prove that you could be...honest."

Vala tilted her head and met his eyes. The evening light fell on her face, revealing dark, hopeful eyes.

"Is it working?" She said with a sad smile.

Daniel was uncharacteristically speechless. After a moment, he felt a strong urge to undo what had just passed between them.

"You know I already trust you, Vala."

"In some ways, yes."

This should be easy, Daniel thought. Why am I not making this easy? Yes or no, Daniel, he told himself. Yes or no.

"Look, Vala, tomorrow we'll be back in the SGC and things will look better. You can talk to Sam about everything that's happened. I know you two have gotten close." What the hell are you saying, Daniel Jackson? The question ran through both of their heads.

Daniel found himself nearly reaching over to pat her on the head, as though she were a small child or a pet. Instead he just sat there, awkwardly looking at his hands. From the corner of his eye, he could tell Vala had moved farther back on the bed.

"Right. Well, goodnight Daniel." Her voice was expressionless. She rolled over on the bed to face away from him. They could hear noises coming from the tavern downstairs.

"Would you ever get married again?" He blurted out, surprising both of them with the question.

Vala lifted her head from the pillow and turned to look at him again. "Why do you ask?"

"I just mean...after all this, after everything you've been through. Would you ever marry again?"

Vala exhaled loudly as she considered the question "Marriage was clearly a means to an end for me for a long time. I never wanted anything to last forever. But now I'm much more concerned about...what I might lose." She looked over at him as she said this. "So...yes. Under different circumstances, I would get married again. In a way, for the first time."

As she talked, Daniel moved from the chair onto the bed. He sat stiffly on its edge, not quite sure what he was doing. "I would get married again," he said, answering a question she had not asked. "I mean, obviously not right away but someday. I've been alone for a long time now. I'd like to feel that kind of devotion again, that kind of closeness."

Vala smiled. "You seem like the kind of person who should be married."

Daniel laughed a little. "Because I'm such a prude?"

"Because you're meant to be loved, more than anyone I've ever met."

Daniel was surprised and touched, both by the sentiment and by Vala's uncharacteristic frankness. He moved towards her a little on the bed and, uncertainly, took her hand.

"I think...I already am loved." It was a question. He met her eyes and a shiver ran through him. Still feeling a little unsure, he leaned in to gently kiss her. It only lasted a moment before he pulled back to consider her reaction. Her eyes were still closed from the kiss. She looked more vulnerable than he had ever seen her.

She opened her eyes and he grinned at her, pulling her in for a deeper kiss.

The following afternoon, they arrived back at the SGC. Daniel had never felt more self conscious. Everyone seemed able to tell that something had changed between him and Vala. Everything felt different to him, and he couldn't imagine it didn't show.

General Landry greeted them as they walked by. "How was the trip, Vala? Looks like you made it through alive."

Vala, who seemed far less concerned about hiding the changed state of affairs, flashed him a toothy grin. "Yes, sir! I'm officially not a married woman anymore."

Landry laughed and said, rather sarcastically, "Well, I suppose now that you're single you can really put yourself out there."

"Oh, I never said I was single." She winked, exaggeratedly. "But I do think you could say my love life is officially all sorted." She threw her arm around Daniel and smiled. He impulsively returned her smile and then quickly looked at the floor.

General Landry raised his eyebrows, noting that Daniel didn't shrug her off as he normally would. "Right...well it's good to have you back."

Daniel and Vala started to walk off when Landry caught Daniel's arm. Daniel had been dreading this moment.

"Jackson, a word of advice."

Daniel looked at him, expecting the worst. "Yes, sir?"

"Pre-nup." Landry walked away, chuckling at his own joke.

The end.