"Lois, the doorbell" Peter shouted, as Lois frantically ran down the stairs to answer it.
"Hello Lois" Mort squealed as he walked in the door. "I brought you some Jewish-style pot-roasted brisket.
"Oh, thank you Mort" Lois smiled as she slipped the food in to the trash bin, trying to do so without Mort seeing.
Lois then turned around to see Peter, beer in hand, watching TV.
"Damn it Peter, we have company inside" nagged Lois.
"Fine I'll go in, but I don't know why we need to have New Years at our house this year" Peter complained. "Don't you remember how fun it was last year at Quagmire's house when he simulated being in Times Square"
The scene cuts to a group of Quahog residents crowded inside of Quagmires house.
"What the hell" Mort cried as something moved past his leg.
"I think that someone just grabbed my ass" shouted Bonnie Swanson, rubbing her lower back.
"Hey, where did my phone go" Peter exclaimed, checking both of his pockets.
Quagmire then ran back to his couch and sat down.
"See that was fun" he said to all of his friends who were squashed in the tiny room.
The scene cuts back to Stewie in his room, as Brian open's up his door.
"Hey Stewie, everyone's here and Lois wants you to say hi" said Brian, walking in to the room.
"Wait one moment" Stewie replied, attaching a couple of wires to a 7 foot tall machine.
"Woah, Stewie, what is this" asked Brian, open-eyed.
"I'm glad that you asked" Stewie responded "Remember when you said that all I do is whine and complain and I don't get anything done, well I want to make a deal, how about for our New Year's resolutions we switch bodies for one week"
"And what are the stakes" Brian questioned.
"If you realize that my life is harder than yours, I will make sure that Lois and the fat man don't put you down, and let you die on your own"
"And If you think that my life is harder than yours" asked Brian.
"Then you have to let me keep your Prius" Stewie answered.
"Ok, agreed" Brian said, shaking Stewie's hand.
Stewie then motioned Brian in to the machine and closely followed him. Stewie closed the door, flipped a switch inside and the machine began to cloud with a blue mist.
Back down stairs, many Quahog residents crowded around the Griffin's living room.
"Are you guys ready to watch the ball drop" Peter screamed as he turned the TV on.
"10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1"everyone called together as the ball dropped.
Everyone screamed and waved their hands.
"Happy New Year everyone" Peter smiled as he kissed Lois.
As everyone was celebrating, Quagmire had drugged Meg and carried her boy to the door. Joe noticed this and trailed after him.
"Quagmire" Joe screamed as he wheeled towards him.
Quagmire noticed Joe and ran faster with Meg on his shoulder.
As Quagmire ran Joe gained speed and could almost reach him.
Quagmire then dropped Meg's body and took off. The body stopped Joe's wheelchair, sending him flying in to Quagmire.
"You're going to jail Quagmire, I'm sorry that I have to do this" Joe said, smashing Quagmire's face in to the ground.
As Joe was arresting Quagmire, a passing car ran over Meg, sending her flying in front of the Griffin's lawn, in to a pile of manure that Brian had previously laid.
Adam West, who was walking by gasped at the sight of the mangled body.
"What a hideous lawn gnome" West gasped as he kept walking.
Back in the house, Stewie and Brian emerged from the machine, now in different bodies.
"It worked, it really worked" Stewie yelled in excitement. "Why do I taste penis and garbage?"
"It's better than what I'm stuck with" Brian snapped. "You crapped your diaper before we went in the machine, you douche"
"I thought I could give you a good luck present on the way in" Stewie smiled back.
The two walked downstairs to meet the guests.
Peter was drinking beer after beer, and was as drunk as anyone could be.
"Hey Lois, how about another kiss" Peter asked, as he grabbed Jillian and began tongue kissing her.
"Peter, you son of a bitch, get the hell off of my girl" Brian screamed, now in Stewie's body.
Everyone quickly turned to Brian and stared at him, including Peter who dropped Jillian.
"Uhhh, I mean damn you all" Brian rambled, as he ran back up stairs.
Stewie now in Brian's body picked up Jillian and walked outside with her.
The two stumbled upon Meg who was bloodied up, unconscious and covered in Brian's fecal matter.
"Woah, she's giving a whole new meaning to getting sh*t-faced" Stewie joked as he and Jillian walked down the street.
Joe then entered the Griffin house with Quagmire in hand-cuffs.
"What's going on Joe" Lois inquired as Joe wheeled in.
"It seems that Quagmire has drugged your daughter" Joe announced. "He was also dragging her limb body to his house, and most likely was going to have sexual intercourse with her"
"Giggity" Quagmire croaked, before being hit in the groin by Joe's police baton.
"The good news is that this pervert's going to jail" Joe continued "The bad news is that we don't know where your daughter's body is"
Outside, Meg woke up, wiped some of the waste off of her face and walked in.
"Where am I" Meg asked as she started to cry.
"Think fast" Peter screamed as he threw a bottle of beer at his daughter's face, causing her to fall down.