A/N: The idea of this fic came to me when my TV randomly switched on by itself (yeah, in my house stuff like this happens). And I always loved imagining Itachi playing matchmaker.

Enjoy this weird Sasusaku and tell me if you liked it! Or if you didn't. Just... review if you feel like it.

Unusual matchmaking

Itachi loved his little brother. He loved him. He wished him nothing less than the best. But now he felt like strangling him. Why, you may ask.

He hated to admit it, but Sasuke was growing up as an ass. An utter and complete ass. At sixteen years old he drank, he smoke, he bullied other kids, and treated the last two people who actually spoke to him like trash.

And there was nothing he could do. Nothing.

Because, you know. He was dead.

A bus accident, and everything went black. Then white. Then black again. Then BOOM. Suigetsu's cocky smirk. Hm.

He didn't think he'd been so bad in his life, but if fish-face was there, then he was definitely in Hell. Obviously he'd returned in the living world as a ghost as soon as possible, if more to see how Sasuke was doing or to escape his friends he wasn't sure.

Anyway, there was nothing more he could do: he'd tried everything. From haunting his N64 (and making accidentally one of his few friends run away screaming about creepypastas... whatever that was) to writing on the bathroom's mirror with blood (okay, it wasn't blood, just tomato sauce). Nothing. The little shit shrugged all his attempts to talk to him off as pranks or casualties.

Because ghosts don't exist, do they? Itachi mentally mimicked, a sarcastic sneer on his face.

He growled in annoyance as his little brother shoved Sakura, the nice pink-haired girl he would've loved to have as a sister in law, away.

The idiot didn't even realize how much he cared about her. Because, yes. He did like her. He simply had an ego way too big to admit it.

And, as he looked at the two teens, an idea came into his mind.

An evil, evil idea.

And he loved it.

xxx

"Oi Teme! Bet you're too much of a scaredy cat to spend the night in there!" Smirked Naruto Uzumaki, probably the only male human being that could stand Sasuke, pointing at the supposedly haunted house. The raven haired boy raised an eyebrow.

"We both know you are the only scaredy cat here, Dobe."

"Then you refuse the challenge?" Grinned the blonde.

"Dobe."

"Teme is a chicken!"

"Dobe."

"Caaaaaw! Caaaw caaaaw!"

"DOBE."

"Chicken!"

xxx

Five minutes later, Naruto opened his eyes, confused about being asleep on the sidewalk.

What am I doing here?

He frowned, trying to remember what had happened. Then, his eyes widened.

"Eeeek! I got possessed!"

Itachi grimaced. Of all the times the guy had do develop a brain...

xxx

Sakura looked around nervously.

"Um. Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

"What are we doing here?"

"Demonstrating ghosts don't exist."

She turned to look at him. "WHAT?"

He entered the old house without a word.

"Does that mean you accepted that stupid challenge?" She shouted at the open door.

No answer.

"But why did you bring me with you?"

Silence.

"Sasuke?"

Nope. All quiet.

His pale face peeked out the shady place. "Are you coming or not?"

She sighed.

Why me...

xxx

"Wow... um, this place sure is... dark." a spider web fell on her head, and she grimaced. "And dirty."

"Not surprising. This place's been abandoned since at least a hundred years" Commented Sasuke, looking for a place where to put the sleeping bag without risking suffocation from dust.

A thunder rumbled outside, making Sakura gasp lightly.

He looked at her, an eyebrow raised in what Sakura was sure was the most emotional face he could manage. "It was just a thunder. Calm down."

She frowned. "I am calm. I just wasn't expecting it. I'm not afraid of thunders."

He shrugged. "If you say so."

"But I don't like this place anyway."

He smirked lightly. "Then you are scared, after all."

"What?! No!" she protested indignantly "just look at those couches, there are probably a million of diseases in there, half of which still unknown!"

"So what? We're not sleeping on the couches. I have the sleeping bags."

And then, Sakura noticed something.

"Sasuke."

"Hn?"

"You only brought one."

He looked on the floor. Then looked at her. Then at the floor again. Whoops. His ears became slightly pink in embarrassment, and Sakura sighed.

"Do you want me to go picking the other?"

He grunted with a minimal nod, his pride wounded by the fact that he had forgotten such an important thing. She sighed again. Men.

She went toward the big dark door, and tugged at the golden pommel.

Tug.

...

She blinked. "It's closed."

"Well, duh. That's what doors are made for. Open it."

She shook her head. "No, I mean... It's locked."

Sasuke came over, and tried to open the door, probably thinking maybe she hadn't put enough force in the tug (at this Sakura mentally scoffed. Puh-lease, she was stronger than him and Naruto put together...).

After five minutes of useless attempts, the two teens gave up.

She frowned. "Who could have done this?"

"The Dobe. Who else."

She growled. Naruto. He'd probably locked them in to assure himself they wouldn't cheat and just pretend they spent the night inside.

When she managed to get out, he was SO dead.

xxx

Okay, so. They were locked inside a big, dark, dirty, creepy house for the night, it was raining like crazy outside, it was getting dark and they would have to share the sleeping bag. Fucking awesome.

It didn't help that he, one, didn't like creepy haunted houses, rainstorms and spiders (he was not afraid. He just didn't like them. To the point of occasionally yelping, but he just didn't like them. Uchihas were afraid of nothing), especially if all of them were put together and, two, didn't want to show that to Sakura, of all people.

He knew of the crush that she used to have on him when they were kids, and often comforted himself with the though that she still liked him, after all those years. After Itachi's death, it had been the only thing able to cheer him up a little. Tough, if she did actually still like him, she hid it well.

He wanted to avoid creating any possible excuse for her to turn him down. Girls didn't like scaredy cats. Or so he'd heard.

Then, another though hit him. One sleeping bag.

Either someone slept on the couches (and sure as hell he wasn't going to: he didn't want to wake up with cockroaches under his shirt), or they had to...

Mmmm, yeah.

Kami that would be awkward. Especially if he got any... unwanted reactions to her closeness.

What? He was still a sixteen years old guy, it wasn't so far fetched thinking it could happen.

And all because of Naruto.

The guy was so dead.

xxx

When the clock struck ten p.m, the two teens were starting to shiver.

Sakura turned to her companion of misery. "Ne, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn?"

"It's kind of chilly. Wouldn't it be better if we entered the sleeping bag? We would be warmer."

She looked surprised at him as the tips of his ears blushed slightly. Then he felt embarrassed about the thing too?

Weird.

I mean, after all he was... he never admitted it, but she was pretty sure...

Yeah, I mean, as he was... she hadn't thought he could feel embarrassed about such a thing.

"Hn."

Not without awkwardness, the two cuddled inside the thing.

Sakura blushed. When she was little, she often dreamed of founding herself in a situation like this: Sasuke had always been dreamy, even at twelve years old and, before the death of his big brother Itachi, he was also a pretty nice boy. It was only obvious she would develop a crush on him.

A childish crush on him.

Because, yeah. After how he treated her for four years, she'd finally figured out he was not interested in her.

And that he was...

Well, she had pushed those feelings aside. Although she still liked him, foolishly so, she'd decided it would be better for both if she quit being a rabid fangirl. Sasuke had more than enough of those.

She would be his girl friend, instead of his girlfriend. She would still be the most important woman in his life. Okay, that sounded creepy and stalkerish, but hey.

She frowned as Sasuke started fidgeting furiously, accidentally ending up just a bit' too close to her.

"Hey! Sasuke-kun, quit it! The fact that you're gay doesn't mean you can smear on me like melted cheese!"

Sasuke stopped instantly.

"What?!"

A booming laughter echoed in the house.

xxx

Itachi slapped his mouth with his hands.

Whoops.

He hadn't been able to stop himself. I mean, that was hilarious! Poor Sasucakes, the girl he liked believed him to be a bit' on the "fabulous side"! What was this? A shojo manga?

However, his laughter had set on edge the two teens, who were looking around in panic.

Damn.

xxx

"What was that?" Whispered Sakura, fear clear in her voice.

"What did you say?" Hissed Sasuke, although quite nervous himself. "I'm not gay!"

"Yeah, right... what about all the time you spend with Naruto? And the way you always follow his ideas and never mine when we go out all together? And the kiss! Should I remind you the kiss?" She snapped.

Before he could answer, another laughter echoed, making the two cringe in fear.

Sasuke looked at her. "Do not bring that kiss up. Never bring that kiss up. Second worse moment in my life."

"Then why did you have your lips sticked to Naruto's?" Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Nara accidentally bumped on him, and the Dobe tripped!" he tried to explain, the memory of the embarrassing moment making his ears burn like they could catch fire in any moment.

He yelped as the mysterious sound (it was not a laughter. The house was not hunted. Ghosts did not exist.) resonated again, and inwardly pressed himself even more to the annoyed girl.

"Sasuke-kun, please!"

xxx

Itachi couldn't stop himself. He wanted to play matchmaker, and he'd ended up assisting to a real-life romantic comedy! A hilarious one, at that!

One of his flaws was (yes, he did have flaws) that he, once started, sometimes simply couldn't stop laughing. When he was alive, at least he had the limit of how much air his lungs could contain. After death, well, he did not have lungs anymore, so...

Yeah, that sucked.

But, hey: could you blame him?

"Sasuke-kun, go-away! Mmmph!" She got cut off as the duck butt his brother called his hair covered her mouth.

Hilarious.

xxx

"What the hell is happening here?!" Sakura was actually frightened.

"I have no idea" Sasuke stood up "but I'm going to discover it." He offered her his hand. "Care to come? I don't think you would enjoy remaining here alone."

She accepted the hand sheepishly. "Mkay."

The two took the electrical torch and walked up the creaking stairs.

"The discussion has not ended yet."

Sasuke looked at her, surprised. "Huh?"

"Sasuke, really. You say you're not gay, but I've never seen you even looking at a girl, or talking -and I mean nicely- to someone who is not Naruto, not to mention you spend almost all your time with him. Do you think I'm an idiot?" She was looking at the stairs.

He was speechless. "I... I spend time with you" he murmured after a moment.

She smiled sadly.

"I'm grateful for that, but you do only when I'm with Naruto."

He stopped, irritation and consternation starting to flow trough his veins. Was this really what Sakura thought of him? That he considered her a third wheel? That he spent time with her just because she was the Dobe's friend? And, sweet goodness, did she really think he was into guys?! Guys like the idiot, no less?!

Couldn't she see that he liked staying with her? That he only thought of the Dobe as no more than a friend? That...

... That he...

... Liked her?

He liked her?

His eyes widened slightly, and he didn't hear Sakura asking "Sasuke-kun?" with a worried voice.

Yes, he did like her. More than just a friend. More than just a best friend. Damn.

He never expected to feel the same way toward the annoying girl he knew since elementary school, but there he was.

And now, she thought he was gay, and probably didn't like him anymore.

... Why did he have to be such an idiot?

He was annoyed.

Annoyed at him, and at that foreign feeling. He liked Sakura, he liked Sakura a lot, but had realized it too late. IDIOT!

"Sasuke-kun?"

The soft voice shook him out of his thoughts.

He looked in front of him. Sakura was gazing at him, worried.

"You okay, Sasuke-kun? You zoned o-"

And then Sasuke did something stupid. Really stupid.

He kissed her.

xxx

Itachi exited the mansion, a smile on his face.

Mission complete. Now time to welcome them.

xxx

"Oi Teme! Sakura-chan! What happened yesterday in the haunted house? I tried to open the doors, but-"

"Naruto, honestly" interrupted Sasuke, a smirk on his face. "I don't know if I should kill you or hug you."

Naruto cocked his head in confusion, and looked at his friend's intertwined hands. His eyes widened, while an huge smile appeared on his face.

"Took you long enough, guys. I was starting to think my otp would never become canon."

Sasuke and Sakura stared at the blonde, surprised by the unusual seriousness in his voice.

The weird aura disappeared as Naruto let out a squeal and glomped them.

"Finally! You need to invite me and Hinata-chan at your marriage!"

A/N: Hehe, le dork