Summary: Buffy and Giles after he left for England in Season 6. Totally AU.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I wish I did.

A/N: Took a break for a bit, but now I am back and no this is not in third person, finally broke free of that voice in my head. Please enjoy with my blessings.

Rainy days, not many of those in the California desert, but low and behold we are having one. Actually this is the 6th rainy day in a row that we have had, any more rain and the basement might flood again, and right now my budget really cannot take that.

Its now been 114 days since Giles left and returned back to Bath. I'm not counting or anything, Dawn's been keeping track, I think she and Xander have a bet going about how long it will take Giles before he comes back, and the calendar that keeps track just so happens to be located in the kitchen on the fridge where I look at it every time that I go for something to drink. Days like today where it not only rains but it pours remind me of how much I miss him and how much I wish that he was here.

Right now I am enjoying the quiet the house is currently offering. Dawn is at school, while Willow is at the Magic Box and that just leaves me here alone. Kind of new metaphor for my life. Yes there is Spike who keeps appearing out of no where, since we kissed I kind of have been ignoring him, not so well, but hey I still try. So that's why I am home on a rainy afternoon alone, watching as the mailman walks the block in the rain delivering mail. Today there may be a letter from Giles in there, he and Dawn along with Willow have become pen pals of sorts and if I happen to open the mail before Dawn gets home then its no biggie, right?

I practically jump on the mailman as he goes to slide the mail through the slot on the door, but I will worry about that another time. Its been nearly 3 weeks since Giles last letter and I know that he usually responds pretty quickly, and since he hasn't responded yet I'm concerned, believe it or not he is still my watcher. Flipping through there are no letters only bills, those never seem to stop every month like clockwork they come for once I wish that they wouldn't.

Back inside I sit on the couch and get taken back to when Giles first retuned after you know I came back from the dead again. This small couch trying to fit his masculine frame, kind of cute. If I reach out I can almost feel him here still and touch him like these past few months haven't happened and that he is still here standing by my side.

"Hey Buff!"

"Xander, when did you get here?"

"A while ago, you seemed pretty out of it there. Something on your mind?"

"Oh nothing, just trying to figure out the bills for next month, you know those pesky things."

"Yeah, usually helps with the planning to open them."

"Right." I look at the pile of mail in my hand and realize that I haven't opened any of it, I was too lost in my thoughts of Giles to even open the mail. "I'm going to start working on dinner, I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."

"Ok, hey Buff!"

"Yeah?"

"Its OK to miss him, we all do."

"Yeah." I turn and walk away into the kitchen, getting the milk from the fridge I see that silly calendar and look at the number of days he's been gone. 114 days, how much longer can I last before I break down and call him.

I look at the stack of mail on the table in the hall, the letter from Dawn right on top, the letter from Willow right underneath it, two letters both from California, both informing me about Buffy and how she is coping. It was a very hard choice that I had to make in regards to leaving her and Sunnydale behind, but it was the choice that I made and it is the choice that I must live with.

In the beginning I used to answer, sent Dawn some money every once in a while to help around the house. I know that Buffy never knew and as far as I know she never once sat down to write me a letter or even pick up the phone and call. I do miss them all terribly, my children of sorts, all of them except for Buffy. Buffy was the only who wasn't like a child to me, she never could be given the responsibility that was bestowed upon her at such a young age.

3 weeks since the letters arrived, I cannot bear to open them, I want to if only to know that she is still alive and taking care of herself, but I don't because I know that once I read the letters I will want to pack a bag and get on the next plane to America. I left because Buffy needs to learn to stand on her own and she cannot do that if I return anytime there is slightest hint of trouble.

I walk outside and sit on the step, it's a quiet night, Spring is starting to set in the air, it's a brisk night not too cold, enough to remind me of California and Sunnydale and Buffy. Of late all my thoughts land on her, regardless of if I want them to or not. I grab a jacket from just inside the door, I don't wear it too often, but it suits its purpose by helping to keep the heat in on cool nights. Inside my pocket is a note from Buffy, I'd forgotten that I had even had this, then I remember when it was written, right before she defeated Glory and was trying her best to protect Dawn as well as the rest of us. Even as an adult, it was hard to contain all of that energy. I read the note and can't help but close my eyes and picture her there with me.

"Giles, will be late for training, had to go get Dawn! Promise we will work out today! See you in a bit! XXO Buffy"

That was before I lost her, sometimes I wish that it would have been me in her place, anyone other than her or Dawn. I curse Willow for bringing her back to life, and refusing to let her rest in peace. I walk inside and do the math in my head its about 2 in the afternoon there, Dawn and Willow would be at school and Buffy would most likely be at work. I won't call, I guess I should read the letters from the girls.

Nearly 4 months since I left and so much of me wants to return, if only I had a some sort of an indication that I should. One day hopefully soon I shall figure it out. Dawn's letter is first, hopefully it will brighten my mood.

Dear Giles,

Just got your last letter, seriously that was fast, seemed like only yesterday I sent it, if you know what I mean. Ok time to play catch up on everything. Willow and Tara are still not talking, Willow is trying to quit cold turkey the magic use but I don't think its going so well. Only time will tell. Xander and Anya are barely speaking to one another after well you know the whole non wedding deal. I really wish you had been there perhaps he would have said yes. Anya is being all quiet now and doesn't really talk much unless she is asking us to make wishes, but not sure why she wants us to make a wish.

School is good, not sure what the point is, but Buffy makes me go, so I have to. She's doing good too, I know that she is tired, working double shifts most days to make the ends meet. I think she tries to take a day off at least once a week, but sometimes she can't help how much she is working combine that with the slaying and well she's trying.

Willow and I have a calendar on the fridge counting down the days that you have been gone. 96 at last glance, sometimes I catch Buffy looking at the number and she goes blank. She misses you I just don't think she wants to admit it to anyone, I guess she feels then it would be real and she's not ready to believe that you aren't here anymore. Time for dinner, write soon!

Miss you!

Dawn

That child really needs to pay attention to her words, that American slang really has had a bad impact on her writing. At least everyone is alive, well is another matter, but nothing that I can do about it from here and certainly nothing that I can do about it tonight. Perhaps tomorrow my head will be clear and I can decide my next course of action.

A/N: So almost third person, but not quite, I hope that you like it just a little fluff of an idea that popped into my head and trust me I have more where that came from.