Ben 10 is the combined property of Man of Action and Cartoon Network. No copyright infringement intended. Additional backstory after all these years is better than none, I suppose. Confirmed, Doctor Animo is and always has been his own worst enemy. Crappy father's day for those of you who don't have any or whose fathers are probably disappointed in how you turned out as a human being.
We join our family of lovable dopes at State U for another round of conveniently timed villainous shenanigans. Yes, back at State U that debuted in Clown College. Not only are they reusing background characters and scenes from episode to episode, they are reusing entire locations. Zombozo-Land takes place in Adrena-Land. Oh, sorry. Adrena-World. Renaming it makes it different. Hopefully we get brand new locales in season 2.
Whenever that is, HA HA. Right? 2018, likely. Enjoy the hiatus.
Grandpa Max threw open the door of the Deluxe Rustbucket Vehicle Playset, available now for $49.99 at your local Toys "R" Us, eyes wide with forced enthusiasm. "Oh boy! We're back at good ol' State U! And since the episodes aired out of order in the USA, it looks like we went back here way too soon. Oh well. I'm sure nobody cares." He waved his pennant while doing the traditional State Wolf howl. "AWOOOOOOOO! Go Wolves!"
Ben and Gwen wore the tired faces the audience at home must have been mimicking while trying to sit through the recent string of episodes up to the finale. Zombozo-Land wasn't that bad. Sort of meh. If you don't hate Billy Billions, Don't Lase Me Bro is passable. I already did Forgeti. But I could probably do it again because there's no law to stop me, providing I change things around.
This episode is pretty good once it gets going. I'm not saying that because it's an Animo heavy one, I swear. It felt almost like a real Ben 10 episode was supposed to feel. But shorter and goofier, more kid friendly and overtly cartoonish. With a terrible art style nobody likes. The funniest thing the reboot has done so far is make everyone who hated Omniverse's art style reconsider things in comparison.
And then there's Omni-Tricked. No idea when that'll air in the states. Surely you can find it online somewhere like the rest of us impatient jerks if you try hard enough. Cough.
Anyhow, have fun waiting for Season 2. Back to the half-assed story at hand.
"You kids don't look too excited," said Grandpa Max, noting his sweet adorable grandchildren's sullen expressions for once. "What's the matter?"
"We just got over that crazy clown Zombozo trying to mass hypnotize and rob the stadium and we're back here again," said Ben. "Feels a bit rushed."
"Well, yes. That's because the episodes are airing out of order. Clown College was episode 7. This one is 29. That's kind of the network's fault," said Grandpa Max. "And we don't know for sure what the true production order is. This show is a pretty big mess in every way possible. As if it was an afterthought tied into a new toy deal waiting to be pushed."
"Why did they wait so long to air Freaky Gwen Ben? That was episode 2 outside the US. Was it because the script was too noticeably ripped from A Change of Face?" Gwen asked, hands in her pockets as she leaned against the doorway. "It was Hex's debut episode too. They aired the more entertaining episodes before it. Like the one where he turned into a naga who looked bara enough to make Snapesnogger cry and menaced an ultra Cockney parody of J.K. Rowling."
"And a huge bunch of hapless neeeeeeeeerds," Ben said, nudging Gwen's arm while she glared at him.
Gwen stared mini knives at her cousin. She balled her fist. "I'll show you hapless."
"So you're not denying the nerd part," Ben said, smirking.
Maybe they pulled it back so they didn't get anyone's hopes up that Gwen'd be keeping what was originally Charmcaster's book of spells. That Hex had. That was lying on the ground, forgotten until the Hippie Vendor Lady took it and slapped a price tag on and hopefully sold to somebody worthy of it.
IT WAS $2.99, GWEN. That's a steal for something that powerful. But no, you had to have roller skates. Why are you so bad at decision making in this show?
Hope Charmcaster bought it and will debut in season 2. Season 1 got clogged up with too many shitty new villains when they should have stuck with the more classic faves. Fingers crossed. Someone needs to rescue the Grimoire of Archamada too. Why are all these ancient and powerful books of magic lying around being misused. Is that running gag or something.
"I wish Hex was in this episode," Ben mumbled, holding his head in his hands. "At least he tries to be a cool villain in this series. Unlike the others." He shook his fist toward the sky. "STOP TRYING TO MAKE REBOOT DOCTOR ANIMO HAPPEN! HE'S NOT COOL! NO KIDS WILL WANT TO BUY TOYS OF HIM! THE SHOW WILL PROBABLY BE CANCELLED BEFORE HIS FIGURE EVEN GETS RELEASED!"
There was a long silence as everyone pondered that possibility.
Reminder that alternative superhero toy and game based franchise Mega Man comes out in 2018. Just sayin'.
"Uh, anyway. Moving on to the rest of the plot." Grandpa Max pulled a flyer from his vest pocket. "My buddy Lester who's the only current returning member of our Fab Foursome invited us here to see an exhibit on rare animals. His character design has changed from the last time you saw him because different groups of artists draw for every episode, but pretend not notice or be bothered by it. Everyone gets a little off model now and then." His nose grew several inches wider and his tiddy chin wobbled, the nipple hardening due to a passing breeze. "Or a lot."
Ben and Gwen stared at their own deformed features, frowning, wishing they had human proportions instead of being fleshy and bulbous cartoony monstrosities. "We know," they said in solemn unison.
"I'd rather have a giraffe neck and a waist the size of a toothpick than this huge head, these gigantic eyes, and this little upturned nose," said Gwen. "It looks cute from a certain perspective. In three dimensions, it's disgusting. Just look at Ben's figure in the toyline! He looks like an alien but he's supposed to be human. Having him packaged next to Grey Matter is a good comparison."
"Hey! You have the same creepy oversized head I do, Gwen," Ben said, glaring at her. He raised his arm in front of his face. "Our arms and legs do kind of look like toothpicks," Ben said. "Made out of rubber." He wiggled his freakish limb, staring at it in dull horror. "It's like the bones don't exist because somebody didn't get into a decent art college, but CN hired them anyway due to needing cheap labor," he whispered.
"Now Ben, there's no way to confirm that," said Grandpa Max, making shifty eyes and hoping no one went to Tumblr where there's plenty of actual evidence that this is the sad but hilarious truth. "I'm sure the people who work on our show did the best they could with what little resources they were given to work with."
Whisper, whisper...The budget went completely into animating the fight scenes from Omni-Tricked. Wooooorth it.
"NO SPOILERS," Ben yelled to the sky, shaking his tiny fist.
Grandpa Max handed the flyer to his grandkiddies. Gwen grabbed it first and brought it close to her face for inspection.
"Surely with the main theme of this episode being animals there can't possibly be any one particular classic villain we all know and love to hate show up to do horrific experiments that will cause general chaos, as is his established villainous gimmick." He nudged the children. "Am I right, kids? Heh hahaha! Right?"
Ben frowned more deeply. "Yeah, whatever, Grandpa. I can't wait until Vilgax shows up even though the show keeps pushing my dumb resentment of tentacles that I never had before. Maybe I'll find out tentacles can be useful or something one day and it'll completely change my mind. But I doubt it. I still hate clowns, by the way. Hope I don't end up running into any more circus freaks in the near future."
"Bioenthusiast fair," Gwen said, observing the picture of a cartoony derping gorilla and an angry hyena with blood red eyes. And the reoccurring purple octopus or squid. Why are they all purple. They should be green. Her incredulous look turned to cheerfulness. "Wow. This actually looks like it could be fun for once instead of boring."
"Exotic animal petting zoo. Awesome," Ben said, trying to fake enthusiasm. He tried to grab the paper out of Gwen's hands. She held it away from him. "Totally sure nothing bad's gonna happen in a few minutes." He lunged and grabbed the flyer in his teeth and shook it with animal-like viciousness. "Grrr!"
"Oh Ben," Gwen said with a forced laugh, throwing her head back in an exaggerated manner, "you're a real beast sometimes."
Ben swallowed part of the paper by accident, choking on it.
Gwen was too busy fake laughing while rolling her eyes upward to care.
"Okay then. I'm gonna go walk out of the plot again and be captured by Doctor Animo. I mean, I'm going to find Lester and get our tickets for the exhibit that doesn't open until the afternoon."
Grandpa Max waved to the strange boneless noodle children with giant heads before he vanished off screen into the abyss.
"Okay, Ben. Let's go to the campus zoo exhibit despite the fact Grandpa Max said it doesn't open until the afternoon. It's like multiple people write parts of these episodes and tape the finished scripts together without checking to see if there's glaring inconsistencies." She smacked Ben on the back, causing him to spit out the wad of paper he had been choking on. "And stop hamming it up! This show has enough focus on lame physical comedy."
"Yeah sure," Ben wheezed. He rubbed his throat. "I've learned not to fight fate anymore. So whatever happens, happens."
Ben and Gwen walked past the random background characters doing fun college type things, not the aggravating real life stuff they don't show you because they want your parents' hard earned money.
"This looks like it could be it," Ben said.
"Not like all the big signs that say ZOO with directional arrows gave it away or anything," said Gwen. "Boy, the writing sure comes off bad sometimes."
Ben smiled crazily and crooked his head. "By sometimes did you mean...often?" His left eye twitched. He cracked his neck the other way. It made a sickly snapping noise. He rubbed it, regretting that maneuver. "Ouch. My brittle twig neck! Guess I do have bones in this misshapen body after all. Sucks for me."
"Who knew. I thought we were like those bendy toys," said Gwen. "I had assumed our bones were really wires."
A crowd of people screamed, fleeing the animal exhibit that wasn't supposed to be open until the afternoon, according to Grandpa Max. So why are all those people in there? Maybe they meant the animal professor wouldn't be there until the afternoon but everyone could look at the caged animals. Or maybe those little writing inconsistencies show through and pile up a lot more than the creative team would like the audience to notice.
"Huh. Maybe the exhibit was stupid after all," said Ben.
"Disappointment, how you sting," said Gwen.
A giant mutant hyena-man came lumbering through the open flapway of the tent. It was brown in fur tones and had grey fuzzy hair like a certain other character we've met in the past who's in this episode but hasn't shown up yet. Certainly that's a coincidence.
"Cool, a random muscle furry attacking the place! Disappointment rescinded," Ben said, thankful that the plot chose to jump right into the action instead of making things boring for two to five minutes of filler no one cares about. He grinned at the as of yet unnamed alien superhero watch. "Cue changey-fightey time."
"Please don't make me read this line of canon dialogue that makes me look like an idiot," Gwen begged as she held the chewed flyer in her trembling hands.
The were-hyena jumped around and growled in an attempt to be intimidating. Since this is a show aimed at younger children, however, it failed. There's not too much harrowing experiences to be had like in the original series. He couldn't do anything but kick over trash cans and growl while drooling in everyone's faces. Not like a razor-clawed mutant hamster that tore up a supermarket trying to maul Ben and company back in the day. Or a giant mutant seagull with deep-seated anger issues. Such wasted potential on interesting concepts. At least it looks neat. For the twelve seconds it gets to be onscreen.
The were-hyena kicked another trash can at Ben, nearly hitting him. Ben fell on his ass, startled and angry. Gwen helped him up like a good selfless cousin would.
"I am either a helpful accessory, or a useless hindrance," she said. "Please save me, season 2."
Ben growled, dusting himself off. "Hey! What gives? That could have almost sort of maybe kind of injured me a little if it had hit me!"
He smacked the Discombobulatrix with his tender little face.
"I know they're trying to sell the new toys to an increasingly smaller audience in an increasingly shorter time frame so they have to show off a lot as fast as possible, but this one isn't very accurate for the enemy I have to battle," said Upgrade. "Like always, I'll make it work because I'm great at adapting on the fly." He ran toward the nearby paved road. "And also there's a campus security woman riding a small vehicle conveniently coming this way. Thank goodness."
The security woman was minding her own business, not enforcing security on the campus too well or Animo would have already been sniffed out and detained before he got to enacting any of his schemes.
"Give me a break! There's only two of us here. They don't have the budget to animate an entire security force, much less the ability to write them acting realistically," she said.
Upgrade grabbed her repainted golf cart and threw her out of it, ignoring her frightened indignant screams.
"Sorry lady, I need this more than you right now," he said. He enveloped it and transformed into a suped up high speed shovel truck thing.
He scooped up the mutant hyena creature and carried it away from the worried crowd of people it was attempting to terrorize gently enough not to freak out the young children of the new target demographic. Meanwhile another show gets to beat the shit out of good guys and the bad guys with little discrimination for the sake of crude humor on a weekly basis and no one says a word about that being bad for little kiddies. Unfair.
"Into the trash with you, with all the rest of the garbage on this show," Upgrade said. He drove toward a garbage can.
As if to say "You first," the hyena-man slammed his claws into the ground, braking Upgrade by force before picking him up and tossing him into the air. Upgrade landed in some trash several feet away, then reverted.
"Okay, I brought that on myself," Ben groaned.
Gwen came running around the corner. "Ben! Don't stay in the trash too long or people will make jokes about how you belong there because they think this show is literal garbage!" She began to cry. "I can't take anymore of the horrendous yet bitterly truthful Twitter criticism. It's so mean! And truthful. That's the worst part!" She held a large tissue and blew her nose into it. "You can tell MoA's already investing in Mega Man for 2018. It makes my sad feels ache knowing we're old and out of style in spite of us being purposely created to appeal to the youth of today. Oh, fickle youth! Never satisfied! If you don't buy the new toys, you're literally killing us! Can you live with that?"
"Don't temp them, Gwen," Ben muttered.
Ben continued to lay face down in the trash, regretting his existence as a former beloved cash cow pop culture figure turned cheap semi-poorly received reboot that even the creators themselves are having a hard time justifying while smiling through their gritted teeth as they wait to air a show with a larger budget. I don't know. I've never been much of a Mega Man fan. Or Rockman, if you prefer. It's a much bigger, much longer running franchise. Goodnight, sweet alien powered prince.
Eh, we've got another season. That's good enough. Unless those episodes are majority lame and forgettable too with a mere handful of entertaining ones thrown in here and there. Then we're completely screwed as fans. We've been regulated to one decent new alien per season, I guess. Remember when Ben 10 was all about the new aliens. Kinda miss those days.
"Roar," roared the hyena creature as it came running up to the kids.
"Oh no," Gwen cried. "I have no useful skills in this show yet. No karate, no judo, no magic, no snark, no cotillion, no retconned alien lineage, no actual Lucky Girl powers. All I have is a sometimes conveniently timed quick wit when the plot calls for it and never when it doesn't. Because when it doesn't, I'm reduced to a complete moron. And it sucks. I also have a brazen need to hurl myself into the face of death at inappropriate times. Almost like I can't stop myself when the plot calls for it."
Gwen held her arms out, putting herself between the beast and her beloved cousin hero, central figure and star of the show, generator of massive toys sales, and most important person in the universe, of whom her own existence will always revolve around.
"DON'T HURT MY COUSIN, YOU BIG MEAN FURRY BULLY!"
The hyena creature roared, giving her a face full of its hot, foul breath, lightly scented of pepperoni and onions.
Gwen put on her cutest face. "Pretty please with sugar on top?" She placed fingers to her dimples and giggled.
The hyena creature stared blankly. It groaned, clutching its head, like it realized it had been regulated to a brief cameo for the sake of demonstrating plot points and little more. It was never going to make it into the toyline.
"Rooooar," it roared to the sky. It bounded away.
"Can't believe that worked," Gwen said, trying to pull her trash cousin from his garbage palace. "Ben, get up! Us kids have got to chase after that vicious eleven foot tall monster in order to fulfill the Grossly Endangering a Pair of Young Children Because the Adults Are All Idiots quota on this show."
"No, Gwen. It's better this way," Ben said from beneath the trash pile. "Leave me be. I belong here."
"Ben, you know I can't! Without you I'll fade out forever. I'm a female character, remember? Female characters can't exist outside relation to males, except in designated countries. I can't exist on my own outside Asia!" Gwen prodded his foot with hers. "Now come on! There's more plot afoot. Afoot, ha." She noticed her left arm slowly being erased from existence. She kicked him in the ass. "BEN, GET UP!"
"Ow! Oh, fine." Ben rose from the trash like a magnificent phoenix made of old banana peels and crumpled dirty newspapers. He brushed off his pants and straightened, putting on a determined face. "Let's get this over with."
They ran to a set of buildings.
"The place got deserted real quick," Gwen said.
"Yeah, almost like they don't have the budget to animate any extraneous background characters. We've been over this before," said Ben. "I'm lucky I don't get glaring animation errors every time I go alien, seeing as that's got to be the most expensive thing to do overseas."
Gwen smiled and shrugged. "Hey, at least we weren't given flash based animation."
Ben turned, giving Gwen a disgruntled look. "Gwen. You do realize we probably would have been better animated with less errors and not as short changed on our budget if we were, right? See, that's the ass kicker," he grumbled as they went toward an open door with tell-tale scratch marks in it. "The fanbase screws itself over by complaining too much. We want more comedy! Okay, so the show's more comedy heavy and dumbed down to appeal to an even younger, supposedly hipper and trendier digital age social media addicted demographic. Cue the fart jokes and old memes. We don't want it to be flash animated! Okay, the show's budget is absolute crap because somewhat fluid digital animation takes far more time and money. And even then, no telling if it's going to look good or be full of errors when it comes back from Korea. So kiss your artistic complexities goodbye. Now your formerly award winning 22 minute action-drama-comedy show is 11 minutes of boring contrived off model forced meme reference inanity. You happy? And then they still compare you to Teen Titans Go!"
Ben gurgled after Gwen's hands grasped the neck of his shirt tightly, dragging him face to face with her, until he stood on his tippy-toes.
"Don't speak those filthy words, Ben," Gwen hissed, glaring into his eyes. She shook him. "We're not Ben 10 Go! Man of Action said so. We have dignity."
"...Where is it?" Ben whispered, collapsing to the ground after she released him.
It died in Fall 2014 when they unceremoniously burned off the rest of Omniverse at 6am after the toys stopped selling well enough. Let's hope this small line is doing better overseas than it will do here. I don't think even Omni-Tricked can save this series from falling into CN's action toon hate boner dumpster of deliberately sabotaged failure. But it's a start in the right direction for getting the show out of its rut with audience interest by reminding them of why they got into Ben 10 in the first place. Ass kicking alien superhero sci-fi action and drama. And cool toys.
They went through the door with caution. Something rustled beneath a sheet in a laundry bin.
"Gasp," Ben and Gwen gasped.
They went to the bin and ripped off the sheet, gasping again.
"Gasp!" they gasped, louder than before.
"Oh wow. How completely shocking. It is Lester, Grandpa Max's old college buddy. He was the mutant hyena the whole time," Ben said in monotone. He put his hands to his face in a silent Home Alone scream. "Because you didn't already suspect that when this episode was previewed on the UK website ages ago before it aired in the US."
"I already knew that. You could tell from the hair and fur color," Gwen said.
"No you didn't," Ben said, lowering his hands.
"It makes me feel better pretending I did," Gwen mumbled.
"I shall now explain in brief expository dump flashback form what happened to lead to this startling incident," said Lester. He inhaled deeply. "I was hammering the signs pointing to the zoo down when I saw this weird guy with goggles and a hardhat taking blood samples from some of the animals. He just so happened to be taking samples from the hyena when I confronted him and he fired a beam at me from his new weapon and I became a mutated hyena man and went on a rampage. I turned into a raging beast, losing my mind completely until Gwen here showed up and reminded me of my sister."
Ben blinked. "She reminded you of your sister by screaming in terror and whining about how helpless she was as a female character in a network decayed boy's action show?"
"No!" Lester shook his head. "She reminded me of how cute and innocent we were as kids." He climbed out of the laundry basket. "Anyhow...I'm just here for a brief cameo and my time's officially up, so I'll finish up here by saying thank you, Gwen, for saving me from what could have been a lifetime of mindless animalistic fury. And pooping on the ground. Which would have been awful since I was still wearing pants."
Gwen's eyes got wide with teary joy. "Wow, I actually did something for once and got acknowledged by a secondary character. Yay! Empowerment!"
"Don't get used to it. You'll be regulated back to damsel in distress or sidelined to obsequious cheerleader soon enough," Ben said. "Anyway, this sounds a lot like you know who."
"Don't say his name," Gwen said. "It gives him the egomaniacal man-childish validation he craves."
"IT'S DOCTOR ANIMO," Ben shouted, throwing up his hands. He folded them against his chest. "I can't help it. We have an author appeal quota to maintain. Doctor Animo this, Doctor Animo that, oooh, Doctor Animo!" He stuck out his tongue. "No one cares about that freak. We want Vilgax!"
I also want Zs'Skayr. If they're willing to throw in more UAF and OV villains, bring back Psyphon and Doctor Psychobos.
"Anywho," said Lester. "I'm going to lay down for a while and try not to get PTSD from this deeply traumatic experience."
"Uh, shouldn't you get some medical attention or something?" Ben asked. "You did just get your DNA forcibly spliced with a spotted hyena. That's gotta have some kind of lasting side effects."
"Nah, I'll be fine." He walked away and out of the plot forever.
Ben and Gwen shared a glance. They shrugged.
"Okay, moving on," Ben said, waving his arms around. "Recycled dialogue reminiscent from Washington B.C. where I haven't learned the uselessness of wanting recognition for being a hero, an overall brutally stressful and thankless job, but I'm 10 and I don't realize it yet. This will fuck up my future for a while until I learn to have fun again. Depending on the timeline."
Gwen sighed. She slapped her cousin on the arm. "Oh, Ben. Stuff it with your crazy talk and let's go find Doctor Fur Fetish and kick his butt."
Ben rested his fists on his hips, nodding as he gazed into the distance. "I do like kicking butts."
"And speak of the Devil." Gwen pointed down an alleyway to a van parked in the street. "Look over there. A suspicious mobile animal hospital van with the door open."
They walked to the illegally parked van. It was not quite drawn to the correct perspectives. Really now, how cheap is this show's budget? Cars are scrawled blobs barely resembling vehicles unless they're made to be animated. Everything is flat. Lacking depth. I'm not sure that's an aesthetic choice anymore or they're trying to disguise the functional laziness of severely imposed network budget restrictions. You can do better than this, Nollan Obena. We know you can.
"Yup. Gotta be Animo," Ben said. "Complete disregard for the laws of human society and traffic regulations. Interesting they show him driving and he no longer rides around on his mutations except in that one boss level in Up To Speed. Maybe because it looks ridiculously stupid. Bet he doesn't have an up to date license."
"So did he steal these vehicles or rent them with the intention of never bringing them back because he's a lawless asswipe?" pondered Gwen.
"Who cares," said Ben. "It's not relevant to the plot!"
They stepped into the truck. Their jaws dropped.
"Oooh. Look at all the SCIENCE," the kids said in awe.
Behold, his methods of sci-fi far-fetched science which somewhat amazingly the writers are attempting to explain to the kids of today, unlike in the old series where he had the inexplicable powers of pulling Lego Genetics out of his ass and screw you if you wanted more detail in how or why. They were never explained with any deep detail. Because no one cares about the villains.
Weird they're trying this hard to establish some detail all of a sudden in the 11 minute reboot, of all things. There is not enough time.
"Whoa, that's a load of mad science packed in here," Gwen said. "Odd they're picking this otherwise low ranked in popularity starter villain to spend more time giving actual depth to than any of the others."
Ben picked up a set of blueprints, turning them this way and that. "Well, most of the other classics have already had loads of depth and characterization given to them over the past few series by different writers. I suppose it was finally Animo's time and he got lucky."
"Not really. This is a cheap reboot after all, and the writing is pretty awful at times," Gwen said. "Not to mention there's not enough time to establish anything so it has to be done in a rushed fashion. Maybe we'll get lucky when the writing team can't come up with anything else for his character and dumps him to focus on somebody else. I bet his action figure will end up on clearance first. HA HA, comically false depreciation of the author's favorite character." Gwen giggled, putting a finger to her lips.
"DNA converse module? Double you tee eff!" Ben struggled to read the pseudo-science of Animo's blueprints. His brain ached. "That's one for the fan ficcers. Ouch! This fake science is making my eyes go all spinny for the sake of a sight gag." He tossed it back onto the desk and rubbed his eyes.
"Hey, check it out." Gwen removed a framed photo off the wall.
OH MY GOSH, IT'S DOCTOR ANIMO AS A LITTLE KID OR POSSIBLY A TEEN BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO TELL AND NOTHING IS EXPLAINED IN GREAT DETAIL. LOOK AT HIM! SO NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!
And it's his dad. His canonical dad. We have beloved canon parent, named and confirmed. Ladies, start your angsty fanfics as to why his mother isn't around and how he spent all his years obsessing over following his dad's legacy as THE GREATEST FUCKING VETERINARIAN WHO EVER LIVED. Also it's sort of implied by this and Animo's own current age that his dad might be passed on, so there's that.
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
And now it can be interpreted at last here in this canon MoA themselves worked on that, no, Animo did not have a tragic abusive backstory with nasty violent parents that turned him evil. Shocking. He had a dad in that photo who obviously loved him enough for his son to develop a deep idolization and brought him into the profession and wanted him to follow in his footsteps but Animo couldn't because his dad was fucking named APOTHEOSIS and somewhere along the road Al developed a dark and highly unethical streak leading him from helping animals and furthering humanity's scientific knowledge like his dad to using them as biological weapons for his own benefit, generally fucking up the natural order and causing general mayhem whenever possible. Inhale.
Wow. Who expected to get all that out of a single 10-11 minute episode?
No one. Because no one but three people care about Doctor Animo. Possibly four. Ha ha, whatever. That gushing tangent aside.
"Whoa, it's an actual picture of young Doctor Animo," Gwen said. Fannish headcanons confirmed, he always had long hair. The red tinted glasses and the braces are a fun touch. "Look at him! What a nerrrrrrrrrrrrd!"
Ben raised a brow. "Red tinted glasses? Really? Exactly like his goggles. Weird. And did they have to have his shirt grey and pants brown like that's the only style of outfit he's been wearing since he was born? Again, kinda weird."
Maybe it's so the kids can tell right on first glance it's supposed to be kid!Animo without anyone explicitly saying it. Or lazy character design. Not sure. Who cares. CANON KID ANIMO! Adjust your headcanons and fanarts accordingly, people. Maybe Animo likes the red, grey, black, and brown theme and always wears it. He's been dressed like that forever. Let's all point and laugh at his continual dedication to awesomely poor fashion sense. At least OV took it to its full conclusion by giving him the lab coat. A green one. And it still worked.
"And how about his dad?" Ben continued. "He looks very fluffy and nonthreatening. I doubt he was the kind of smug egomaniac his son turned out to be. What the heck is his presentation supposed to be about?"
"I'd venture a guess it's something about communicating with animals," Gwen ventured a guess. Which leads to a new plausible headcanon that he had ability of influencing animals and passed it down to his son. Except he used his for good to become the world's greatest vet, and Aloysius...well. You know the rest about him. "Up for interpretation like everything else, it seems. Ten minute time limit blows!"
The fun part is for Animo fans is this adds a whole new level of fuck to his characterization.
This is not the way to go about maintaining your father's benevolent legacy, Doc. Your dad must be rolling in his grave. Or wheelchair, if he's somehow still alive. That would be far worse a scenario. My heart. It aches. So how 'bout that angst fic, guys? This is the one logical canon you get to exploit it within.
Thanks for this little scrap toss to the tiny mad science cult, Ben 10 2016-2017 writing team. It's appreciated. Now watch as I mangle it forever on for the sake of a parody.
"So where'd the glasses and braces go? Did he fix himself? And what about those freckles? Did they fade out over time?" Gwen stared at the photo, blushing. She involuntarily scrunched up her face, her body starting to tremble. "Awwwww, he's sooo cute!" she burst out. Her eyes went crossed and then rolled back in her head.
Horrified, Ben slapped the photo out of her hands. "Okay, Gwen. That's enough. Your ovaries are making you stupid."
Gwen gasped, shaking herself from the daze. "Whew, thanks. I can't believe I was getting a crush on a young doctor Animo." She dry heaved a few times. She put out her hand in front of her. "I'm okay. I just hate how that seems to happen whenever I get within fifteen feet of a male who isn't a family relation."
Ben finished spraying half an aerosol can of Westermarck Effect on himself. He tossed the can away and picked up the photo. "It's just something that happens to female characters, Gwen. Unfortunately for you. Back to the topic at hand, everyone's headcanons are wrong. His dad was a vet so Animo grew up with veterinary science and animals from working with his dad as established in this photo," said Ben, pointing to it. "Also that's where he inherited his big stupid sideburns and jaw from. Being ugly with stupid hair styles runs in his family. And so does eventual baldness. HAW!"
Ben threw the photo over his shoulder. It landed somewhere irrelevant to the current plot with a loud crash.
"If he's not here that means he's got to be hanging around the rare animal exhibit," said Gwen. "We've got to run all the way back there."
Ben groaned. "Oh, great."
So they did.
But now there was that other security guard hanging around out front of the tent, preventing them from accessing it.
"We need to get in there," said Ben after catching his breath.
"Sorry, kids. I've been set up by the plot to block your path for a brief amount of time," the nondescript Asian security guard said. "There's an animal on the loose so we closed the exhibit down. We didn't bother to cordon off the area or even check inside the tent to make sure nobody was tied up, being held hostage in there. It can't be helped. There's only two of us." He looked saddened and embarrassed. "And we're not good at our jobs," he admitted.
"So we've noticed," Gwen said, shaking her head.
"Hey, what luck! I saw the animal go that-a-way." Ben pointed far, far off in the opposite direction. "It was chewing people's faces off, leaving a huge bloody trail of mayhem!" He wiggled his fingers. "Ooooooh! Scary."
"Oh my God! How terrible! I'd better get out of here! Run, kids! Save yourselves!" The security guard ran off out of the plot, yelling into the distance. "I'm not a good authority figure, like all authority figures on this show have been presented so far! We're all incredibly inept at our jobs! Unless the plot calls for us not to be at the very end so we can arrest some random bad guy! Or at least drag them away, screaming. See you in the next five minutes!"
Gwen turned to Ben, mildly confused. "Again, that actually worked?"
Ben shrugged, wearing a look on his face I can't describe accurately enough in text, but it's funny and fitting. I swear, this show is its own parody. It is my guiltiest pleasure.
They walked inside and awed at all the rare animals you don't get to see outside of vague shapes or brief panning shots. And some of them are obvious silhouette copy-pastes. Oh, Ben 10 reboot. How you love the copy-pastes. These are all the rare animals that didn't get to be mutated with human DNA and form cool monsters because there wasn't enough time in the episode. Booooo.
"Gwen, if something actiony happens, you go find a safe corner to hide in while I go hero and get to be competent and brawl timelessly through the years in a children's show no matter what age demographic it's targeting because luckily I have a penis in these increasingly sexist times," said Ben.
Gwen's face turned red. Her little fists clenched at her sides. "Ben, I swear to God. If you keep rubbing that in!"
Ben mushed the sides of his face in his hands, grinning lopsidedly. "I'm sorry, Gwen. It's such an easy target. I can't help myself," he whispered.
They stumbled upon poor Grandpa Max, tied and gagged.
Ben looked unnerved. "Welp. That's somebody's Rule 34 fetish come to life."
"Oh, no! Grandpa," the children cried. They turned, pointing in each other's faces. "Jinx! Shut up! This isn't the time! Jinx! UGH, QUIT IT! JINX! STOP, YOU IDIOT! AAAH, THIS WRITING!"
They slapped their foreheads in unison. Yeah, that's one of those things that gets more irritating the longer it goes on. Like most of them.
"Come on! Our Grandpa is clearly in visible danger, and we still stand around doing the jinx thing?" Gwen said.
"Poor Grandpa Max gets held hostage more than you in this show, Gwen," Ben said.
Gwen smacked him on the back of the head.
"Ow! Hey, you're not supposed to do that to me anymore!" Ben's ears picked up a familiar musical cue. He looked around. "Oh, no. I recognize that leitmotif!"
"Haw," laughed the familiar voice of Doctor Animo before he stepped out from behind the cage Grandpa Max was seated against. "If it isn't the Tennyson tykes come to stop my villainous scheme of the week within an annoyingly constrained time limit."
He held up his new weapon, that ray gun from the first draft parody of this episode, officially called the Animerger. This reoccurring theme in the reboot is that he honors himself in some grandiose egocentric way wherever he goes. Even if he's not in the episode. Because he's Doctor Animo.
"How'd you like what I did to Lester? I'm going to do it to your grandpa here in a few moments."
"You'll never get away with it, Animo," declared Ben, fists raised.
"I wasn't done monologuing and making references to trivia from the OS pop ups!" Animo snarled at him.
Ben lowered his arms. "Oh. Sorry. Carry on then." He pulled out his smartphone to check the latest Tweets about the reboot. He grimaced. "As usual, not good. Oh well." He browsed the newest covfefe memes. "Ha ha!" he laughed loud and obnoxiously, wiping away a tear. "American media outlets suck such shit."
Doctor Animo cleared his throat. "As I was saying. I got the idea of this new device after I saw your watch in action. Which is basically what the Omnifacts pop up claimed when I first ever made the Transmodulator, only reapplied to here and finally spoken of in a canonical onscreen context." He held up the gun for all to see and cradled it tenderly afterward. "This is my ANIMERGER. It mixes rare animal DNA with human DNA and turns people into big evil bara furries." Doctor Animo developed an unsavory look upon his sinister face. "Those are the best kind of furries," he said huskily.
"Gross!" Gwen recoiled, frowning with the force of a million unified kink-shamers. "How dare you turn people into such horrible monsters against their consent," she cried. "That's so rude and problematic."
"They're animals, and they're under my control," said Doctor Animo, waving the Animerger threateningly. "And now I'm going to demonstrate how this works on my new test subject over there." He pointed it at Grandpa Max. "Say goodbye to your crappy poor man's Paul Eiding Gramps, children. And hello to something less unintentionally funny than the last thing I turned him into during Animo and the Mutant Ray. He's going to be the most popular bara furry of all time. Perhaps he'll turn into a more literal bear! Ha ha ha!"
Again, Doctor Animo's expression dipped into creepy lecherous territory as he pondered a furrier Max Tennyson, bound this time perhaps in leather.
"We'll never let you do that to our Grandpa, you fiend!" Gwen shouted. "Or Ben won't. I'm going to step back a few feet so I don't get hurt."
Ben transformed into Heatblast. "GO, GO, HEATBLAST! WE REMEMBER UAF! But mostly the Word of God that kids have such short term memories that I needed to scream out the alien's names so they remember which ones I turn into so they can ask for the right toys. This is why we have just 10 aliens. Easier for those with oversaturation of media induced failed short term memory to keep track of. Well, 12 if you count...the spoilers. Anyway. I'm sorry. Blame Cartoon Network for this decision, not me." He threw a fireball at Doctor Animo. "FIREBALL!"
"Hey! That almost hit me," Doctor Animo grunted after swiftly dodging. "Luckily my tenacious old man spryness and endurance carried over from all the previous series." He fired the Animerger at Heatblast. "I don't know why I'm doing this like I assume it'll hurt or alter you in your alien form. Maybe it would. Who knows."
"You'll never find out because you'll never hit me with it," Heatblast said before punching him right in the face. "Hey, this episode kinda rocks. We get to exchange blows like a real battle. I get to fight you physically, hand to hand. Or should I say my flaming fist to your pathetic face! Bammo!" He then body slammed Doctor Animo. Heatblast danced around like a boxer, fists up. "Beating the shit out of this old man makes me feel young again. Like the year 2006 young. When animated violence and body horror was all over children's programming and the Moral Guardians weren't screaming about it like they did in the '90s."
"At least now you can make vague references or allusions to homosexuality and bisexuality in these new generation cartoons," Gwen said, running for cover. "Let's see how long that lasts."
Doctor Animo slammed into the derpy gorilla cage, frightening them away. He struggled back to his feet, rubbing his face.
"Ow! That hurt, damn it. How is that allowed for fighting me but nobody else? Why do I get beaten up so much in this franchise? Unfair!" He started running while dodging fireballs. "Stereotypical lines of dialogue quickly summarizing my character," he yelled in between shots from the Animerger. "Too bad I'm not a very good shot with this. Also why did they give me this travel backpack? Do I carry some of my mad science stuff in here or is it minor aesthetics added to my slightly new outfit. Either way, it's heavy. Stupid thing is slowing me down."
Somebody said, and I quote directly: They've got the backpack so they didn't have to animate his hair. And I swear to God if that's true, I'm going to get a brain aneurysm from banging my head against the desk.
"The entire budget went into animating squid tentacles," Heatblast said. "And I'm not talking about the ones in the aquarium over there!"
"I randomly wear the antennae hardhat and goggles," Doctor Animo said. "They don't seem to have any actual purpose this time other than pure aesthetics."
"More comedic filler dialogue!" Heatblast jumped up and went to punch Doctor Animo again, but missed. "Whoops. Looks like we used up the maximum fight moves allowed for the young children to witness. Darn. Just when things were getting good."
"I'm fine with this, actually," said Doctor Animo.
Heatblast started fake punching at Doctor Animo while Doctor Animo repeatedly fired his gun a few inches to the side from Heatblast's flaming head. They did this for several minutes before everyone realized how awkward it looked and cringed so hard they sprained their facial muscles.
"Aw, man. Suddenly this fight sucks. Okay, we're done here. Bam!" Heatblast slapped the Animerger out of Doctor Animo's hand. "Moving along."
"Noooooooo," Doctor Animo wailed dramatically, watching his greatest creation fly in the air. It landed on the floor several feet away.
Heatblast took advantage of the doctor's distress to shove him hard into the nearby aquarium tank. Harsh.
"BAM, SUCKAH! I might not have been able to punch, but the forceful shove quota wasn't filled yet. Loopholes!" Heatblast ran to grab the dropped weapon while laughing like a maniac. "You know he deserves more. He's an evil jerk."
"I'm still here," Gwen announced from her shameful corner of irrelevancy.
"Keep laughing, you obnoxious brat." Doctor Animo lifted himself up off the floor. He put all his weight against the squidtopus tank, pushing it. "I'll douse your candle once and for all."
The tank tipped over, getting Heatblast's little flamey feets all wet.
"Was that supposed to do anything except make me yawn with disinterest?" He noticed the octopi inside the tank sliming around his feet with their yucky tentacles. "EW, EW! Oh yeah. I forgot about my loathing of stupid tentacle things." He grabbed the Animerger off the floor and heated it up in his hand. "As punishment, I break your silly toy. Say bye-bye to all that hard work that probably took you months or years of exhausting labor, forever demolished in the blink of an eye, you psychotic loser nerd."
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Doctor Animo screamed. "You have no idea! Not to mention this thing was my pride and joy for misaimed reasons you'll discover later on." He burst into frantic squeals of hammy meltdown rage only the great Dwight Schultz could properly voice inside our heads as well as canon, shaking his fists. "MY CREATION!"
Gwen peeked out from her hiding spot. "Oh, I'm relevant to the plot again. Yay!" She inhaled sharply. "Ben, the thing's gonna blow! Get rid of it!"
"Huh? What was that, Gwen? I'm too busy gloating like a dumbass over here while posing so they can sell my toy. Did you know they're making vehicles based on the more popular alien designs instead of all the other characters from this series? Hyah hahahaha. Meh. They'll probably sell better than any of the new characters on this show nobody cares about."
He turned and noticed the blaster had become unstable, making a lot of weird imminent explosion noises. He fumbled with it before throwing it at Doctor Animo.
"Oh hell! Here, take it back!"
The Animerger fell at Doctor Animo's feet, seconds before going critical. Doctor Animo paused in the midst of kneeling over it right before it was going to explode in his face.
"I'm never going to admit I brought this on myself," he asserted.
The Animerger exploded, releasing all of the contained DNA mutagenic energy ray feedback fuckery at once. All on him.
OH, SNAP. DOCTOR ANIMO GOT MUTATED. We never saw that one coming.
Oh wait, no, we did because somebody pointed out how one of the European previews entirely spoiled it. Trailers always spoil. And they did indeed spoil everything interesting in this show long before it showed up in the US. They're doing it to this very day. Check out CN UK, kids. For all the hilariously embarrassing crap to come from this series before we reach the end. They put about 6-7 minutes of an entire episode up at a time. I'm not even joking.
That aside. This is still pretty awesome, if you're into that sort of thing.
"No it's not," Heatblast said seconds before he was punched into the wall so hard it cracked a fraction. "Ouch. I don't enjoy experiencing pain. I enjoy giving it."
And then Doctor Animo was a 9 foot tall snarling wolf-octopus-gorilla hybrid that looked sort of like a recolored version of one of the old Benwolf's rejected designs with back tentacles added to it and a different head. Wonder if that's a startling coincidence or not. This show is fond of reusing things from the OS. If it is, nice reference. If a simple startling coincidence, how weird.
Also he was completely out of his mind raging feral mode now. Yikes.
The Animo-Beast let out a fearsome roar, spit flying. He leaped at Heatblast and started swinging, snarling, snapping, slapping and punching. Not even Heatblast's biggest fireballs could make an impact on his beastly form. Doctor Animo was super powered by animalistic rage and massive musculature. He had become...a bara furry of the utmost fury.
"Boooooo," Gwen said disapprovingly, giving the thumbs down.
"Walking zoo, lawl," Heatblast said in his annoying cocky voice. "Ha ha, oh, somebody's more vicious and bloodthirsty than ever today. I guess you got up on the wrong side of the kennel. Barrage of stupid puns and such. My voice sucks. We all miss Steve Blum. You're gonna miss him even more when you find out who he's not voicing."
Animo-Beast punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground. He rebounded easily enough and continued lobbing fireballs.
"AAAH, THIS IS THE ONLY ATTACK I CAN DO," Heatblast yelled. "I did not come to this fight prepared." The Animo-Beast grabbed him by the arms with his tentacles. "Ewww! So nasty! I liked it better when you were a frail old insane man and I was kicking your ass as a genetically superior alien species."
Animo-Beast flung him overhead by the tentacles and smashed Heatblast into the ground. Repeatedly. Ha, violence quota reestablished.
"Ow," Heatblast whimpered. "Pain really hurts."
"Ben, you're not doing so good," Gwen observed. "I think your cocky smug attitude and bad puns just made the beast in Animo more angry. I can't blame him. He really hates you. The audience will too if you're not careful."
Heatblast took several dozen punches to the face. "Oh, gee, thanks for that Captain Obvious. Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW! How the heck can he move so fast on those tiny little wolf paws when he's that top heavy? The design looks STUPID! Animated pretty nicely though. Ow, ow! So what the heck do I do here? It's too hard for me to come up with a decent strategy when my brain is being bashed in by a crazed mutant abomination. Gwen, think for me! It's not like you do anything else in this show."
Gwen shrugged. Ben was right. "Maybe distract him with something?"
Heatblast pointed in a random opposite direction. "Uh, look over there! A distraction!"
That random direction happened to be where Grandpa Max was sitting, helpless and vulnerable.
Animo-Beast saw Grandpa Max. Snarling with an uncontrollable lust, he lunged toward the human bear.
"Not remotely what I meant. Ben, do something! Animo's going for Grandpa Max! And he's got that look on his face again! THE REALLY BAD ONE!" Gwen screamed while Grandpa Max struggled with his bonds. "We have to save him from a dark turn no one expected or wants to see in a fanfic based on this cutesy-poop kiddy series!"
Hope he's tied to the cage so he can't move because his feet are not tied in any way and that would not make sense otherwise. If a giant wolf-octopus-thing is advancing toward you with the intent of disembowelment or implied naughty fun times in the case of this parody and your hands are bound behind your back and nothing else, you get up and run. RUN, YOU FOOL.
Oop, no. His position changed during a cut away and moved entirely to the side of the cage.
"Grandpa, you do realize you can get up and run away from danger while I've got Animo distracted, right? Your legs aren't tied or anything and it's not like you're anchored to the cage. You even completely changed positions thanks to terrible animation consistencies," Heatblast said, grappling with the beast.
Grandpa Max cursed behind his gag, shaking his head. He yelled something about the plot not letting him move but it was too muffled to hear correctly.
Sensing more delicious vulnerability to be preyed upon, Animo-Beast turned to the shrill helpless female voice, letting out another vicious roar.
"Oh no! I've inadvertently become the damsel once again!" Gwen cried. She turned and ran, screaming while waving her hands above her head.
"Ha, told you!" Heatblast snapped his fingers. "Sweet, sweet validation. Mmm. Now I know why Animo craves it so much." He smacked his lips. "Tastes like candy."
"No, no! I mean...I'll lead him away to somewhere where he can be more easily fought and contained. You can thank me later," Gwen yelled as she left the tent with Animo-Beast in hot pursuit. She ran breathlessly to the football stadium. "Angel hair spaghetti legs, don't fail me now."
She got to the middle of the field and then she tripped.
Gwen lifted her face from the artificial turf, grimacing. "Are...you...serious? I tripped and fell during a dramatic chase with a vicious monster behind me? That's like the MOST TIRED CLICHED female character chase scene trope ever! And I wasn't even wearing heals, thank God."
"Vagina, Gwen," said Heatblast, appearing at the scene in the nick of time. He unleashed a distracting fireball at the Animo-Beast in order to save the poor be-damseled cousin of his from her predicament. "It's okay. I've gotten my second wind. And it's the climax of the episode, so I'll be able to beat Animo's furry fetish face into the ground with ease. Watch."
Animo-Beast let out a guttural howl and began beating the flaming shit out of Heatblast.
"OW, WAIT, WHAT?" Heatblast endured an extended pummeling the likes of which Ben hadn't received from Animo since battling his inexplicably enhanced roid-rage D'Void version in Alien Force. "I'm just glad I'm not timing out comically too soon. That would only add more injury to insult."
Gwen stood up and brushed herself off, sighing heavily. "I don't have anything else going for me in this season than being whatever the plot wants for me at any given time. Like now. Watch as I struggle to use my brain powers to remember how Lester was changed back from his mindless beast form by being reminded he's human." She scrunched up her face, grunting. Her eyes went crossed. She placed her index fingers to her temples. "THINK POWERS, ACTIVATE! HNNNNG!"
"Uh, Gwen? Less talky, more runny to go-getty that photo of Animo's dad!" Animo-Beast kept kicking the charcoal bricks out of Heatblast with every one of his mutated limbs. "HURRY!"
Gwen stomped her foot. "I was getting to that! You stole my significant part of the story, Ben! Thanks a lot. All I get now is a fetch quest."
"Gwen, please! I'm sorry I keep making fun of the way the show treats you as a secondary character and female character. But it's so stupid and laughable and I can't help it. Please forgive my sense of humor. This really hurts," Heatblast yelled.
"Oh, fine," said Gwen.
She ran back to Doctor Animo's mobile lab and looked for the photo that Ben carelessly tossed away back before it had become the plot's savior artifact.
"Where'd it go?" She looked on the floor beneath some papers and found a bunch of erotic muscle furry pinups stolen from various internet locations without cited sources. She cringed. "This must be where Animo gets the other 90% of his ideas from." After a thorough search, she found the photo. "Oh, good. Here it is."
She took her time walking back to the stadium, whistling.
Heatblast kept taking punches to the face, watching and waiting for Gwen to show up.
"Gwen, I know your tragically mangled characterization and reduced role as a hero and former main character in this series is pissing you and your fans off, but could you hurry it up a little?" he begged groggily.
"Suuuuure," said Gwen.
The watch started beeping.
"GWEN I'M GONNA TIME OUT! DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY WAY ABOVE A TV-Y7 RATING DEATH? YOU'LL FADE AWAY INTO NOTHINGNESS!"
"Okay, okay." Gwen ran and threw the photo to him.
Heatblast jumped into the air. Ben transformed back into himself and caught the photo moments before falling to the ground. He rolled over and held it up.
"LOOK, DOCTOR ANIMO! Look here at your minor character development before it vanishes forever in memory for everyone but your tiny handful of creepily devoted fans. Excluding those two weird yaoi fanatics who pretended to like you for your hair and were just using you as an interchangeable female self-insert to engage in their freaky ex-boyfriend cuckoldry revenge fantasies. Running in-joke!"
Ben held the photo in the beast's face. Animo-Beast flinched. His red eyes locked on it. Specifically to the image of his dear old dad.
"This is the one actual canon in the franchise that allows you some briefly sympathetic qualities," Ben continued. "Like the fact that you once idolized and loved your father enough to keep this single framed photo of him around in this episode so we'd have some way to revert you back to your dumber and far less awesome human form, thank goodness. Stare deeply into this image of your farther and recognize what little humanity you have left inside your bitter malevolent soul!"
He shoved the photo closer, smushing it against the Animo-Beast's wet canine nose.
"Look, look, look!" Ben pleaded. "Heh. You're such a neeeeerd. I mean LOOK AT YOURSELF! TURN HUMAN AGAIN! As human as you, Doctor Animo, can possibly be. Get it? Because you act like a animal! Cruel, and not governed by the laws of civilized society, without following any known morals or ethics. And you probably chew with your mouth open and don't bathe often."
The raging beast inside Doctor Animo was quelled successfully by the photo.
Doctor Animo shifted back to his normal form, along with most of this clothing. It's never explained how exactly he and Lester transformed with some parts of their clothing intact and we probably don't want to dwell too long on any details going beyond nobody wanted to see naked old men in a cartoon for young kids so shut up about it, it's a cartoon. Chunks of his outfit and gear were missing, along with his shoes and pieces of his gloves that had been destroyed completely. Oh no. Not the boots and gloves. Now he's got to get new ones. And his legs were comically hairy while his arms were weirdly hairless. Also his leg hairs were about five inches long. Do people here not know how to draw leg hair correctly or what?
"This is the least amount of clothing you'll ever see me in since I was D'Void," Doctor Animo groaned, running a hand over his furry thigh. "Enjoy it while you can."
Ben and Gwen began dry heaving while covering their mouths.
"No one will, you goon," Ben said. "Well, anyway, now that that's ov-"
Doctor Animo slammed his fists into his lap. "I'M NOT DONE EXPLAINING MY BACKSTORY BASED ON THE PHOTO, YOU INFURIATING BRAT!"
Ben backed away. "Okay, jeez! So touchy."
"This is the only significant backstory related moment of depth I get in this entire series. Let me have it!" Doctor Animo cleared his throat. "The man in the photo is Apotheosis Animo." He left a dramatic pause in before adding, "My father!"
"Uh, we sort of interpreted that already when we saw the photo," Gwen said.
Ben quirked a brow, holding in a chuckle. "Your dad's name was Apotheosis? Was your whole family line a bunch of weirdos or what?"
"THE NAME HAS SIGNIFICANT MEANING." Doctor Animo clutched the air. The children sighed and went silent again. "Apotheosis: The elevation or exaltation of a person to the rank of a god. Two, the ideal example, epitome, quintessence. It means my dad was the greatest veterinarian who ever lived. But I felt all this pressure to try and live up to his all but impossible legacy so it kind of fucked me up realizing I really couldn't, you know. Not that I'd ever admit that. Then I created the Animerger. It was my greatest creation ever." He thrust his most accusing finger in Ben's face. "BUT THEN YOU FUCKING BROKE IT!"
Ben flinched as Doctor Animo put on the craziest crazy eyes he'd ever seen on a man before. He jumped back. "Whoa, whoa, hey! Slow down there, Doctor Daddy Issues! I broke it because it was a dangerous weapon and I had to, duh." Ben blinked a few times. "Here's the thing. Did you ever try something like, I dunno, maybe curing cancer in animals or something instead of trying to mutate them into horrible monsters that you use to do your evil bidding?"
Doctor Animo stared blankly for a moment. "Why would I do that?"
"Case in point," said Ben. "You're not even trying very hard to live up to your dad's untouchable legacy, are you?"
Doctor Animo let out an animalistic growl, shaking his hands in the air. "I'm a petty man with self-control issues and rampant egomania! Do you really expect me to do something selfless and good for either animals or humanity, like my father was able to do so easily?"
"You probably could if you tried a little bit," Gwen said. "And stopped being so evil all the time."
"NEVER!"
Doctor Animo lunged at Ben before those two security guards conveniently showed up in the plot to save the innocent children from being maimed by Doctor Crazy Face. They tackled Doctor Animo to the ground, pinning him while he struggled. They hauled him up in a secure hold. He couldn't break free with his normal feeble old man strength.
"We finally found the animal that was on the loose," said the Asian male security guard. "Turns out it was this freak of nature!" He turned toward the fourth wall and spoke ominously. "Turns out the most dangerous animal of all...is MAN!"
"Oh, shut up," Doctor Animo groaned, sounding annoyed.
"Okay, old timer, time to go to a nice padded room until the next extended cameo appearance you have," said the female security guard.
"AAAUGH! I WILL HAVE REVENGE ON YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY ONE DAY, TENNYSON! ONE DAY! PERHAPS IN SEASON 2! Maybe I'll actually get more episodes where I don't make simple cameos. AGAIN I USELESSLY VOW REVENGGGGGGGGEEEEEE BUT NEVER QUITE ATTAIN IT!"
"Maybe you'll never show up again while better villains everyone wants to see like Kevin and Charmcaster take your place," Ben shouted at him as he was dragged away, screaming and howling like an animal. It fits the theme of this episode. "Bye, loser!" He blew a raspberry.
"Whew. Thank goodness that's over," said Gwen. "So. Wanna go check out the food trucks on campus?"
Ben rubbed his stomach. "Do I ever! I'm starving."
They started to walk in the direction when Gwen felt a little strange.
"Huh. Why does it feel like we're missing something?"
They paused for several moments, trying to think before snapping their fingers and yelling, "GRANDPA MAX! JINX!"
They ran all the way back to the rare animal exhibit tent and untied Grandpa Max and removed his gag.
"Oh, thank goodness. Animo grabbed me right before I had the chance to use the restroom," he groaned. "Now let's all forget this traumatic incident and pretend like nothing happened!"
Ben and Gwen exchanged glances before staring at him questioningly.
"Uh...you sure that's a good idea, Grandpa?" asked Ben.
"Yes."
He ran to the restroom.
"So ends another episode that started out cool but got filled with annoying things that dragged it down in places," said Ben.
"Yeah," said Gwen. "But it was pretty okay."
"Very passable," said Ben, nodding. "Good fight scenes. Would watch again."
They walked out of the tent and reunited with Grandpa Max.
"Well, you kids ready to go back to Adrena-Land and fight some evil clowns?"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Ben and Gwen screamed in anguish.
Ben ran after the security guards who were trying to stuff Animo inside a detainment vehicle. "DOCTOR ANIMO, WAIT! COME BACK! I'LL FIGHT YOU AGAIN! ANYTHING BUT THE STUPID CLOWNS! PLEASE COME BACK FOR SEASON 2!"
Until the next time.