Prologue
1
Hollywood Bowl - Los Angeles, California
September 1988
She had tried her best not to get star struck. She really had. But it was just impossible. Cee Cee had walked with her across the stage and up the stairs and Victoria had somehow managed to hold it together. She'd actually been able to talk to her like everything was just peachy keen and exactly the same as it had been before the show, but it had been very hard, because everything wasn't exactly the same. And to make matters worse, Cee Cee had still been wearing her costume from the last song of the concert. This fact had necessitated that Victoria will herself not to look up at her or else the little girl would have been forced to realize that the person who was holding her hand wasn't her friend, Cee Cee, at all but was instead this larger than life musical Goddess that Cee Cee had somehow managed to morph herself into while she was up there on that stage. The young girl couldn't believe what she'd just witnessed. The concert Cee Cee had let her watch from the wings had been just about the best thing Victoria had ever experienced. Suddenly, it seemed that Cee Cee had stopped being Cee Cee and had instead become this superhuman entity with the voice of an angel. How on earth could this divine diva have any use at all for little kids... especially ones who were as freaked out as Victoria now felt?
So, when Cee Cee entered the door with the big star on it and her name stenciled in gold letters, Victoria stopped dead. The door to the dressing room stood wide open, but the little girl didn't follow Cee Cee inside. Instead, she stayed behind in the hallway and peered in as if there was an invisible barrier that separated the room Cee Cee'd just entered from the corridor in which the young girl stood.
There were two big racks of sequined gowns and clothes that Cee Cee wore in her show in one corner. And, in the middle of the room, right across from the little girl, was a big make-up table with a mirror in front of it. Cee Cee (the Goddess version) now sat in a chair facing the mirror, which was encircled by little round light bulbs.
Mesmerized, Victoria gazed intently at Cee Cee's reflection... carefully studying her features up close for the first time since before the concert.
The face of the Goddess that was reflected in the mirror was the ultimate in perfection. The complexion was like strawberries and cream, flawlessly smooth and the skin looked as soft as the velvety petals of a rose. The high cheekbones were flushed with just the perfect tinge of rouge, the hazel eyes sparkled beneath long, luxurious lashes and the lids were smoky with just the right amount of shadow. The mouth was full and perfectly outlined against the rest of the face, the lips were a brilliant crimson color that somehow perfectly matched the mane of red hair, which was, of course, perfectly coifed. The Goddess looked like one of those old glamour photographs Victoria remembered seeing of movie stars from the '40s and '50s... people like Ava Gardner, Lauren Bacall and even Marilyn Monroe. Beautiful, yet not quite real looking. Like some kind of porcelain doll come to life. The Goddess in the mirror bore only a slight resemblance to the woman Victoria knew as Cee Cee Bloom... only the unmistakable nose and the familiar squint of the eyes betrayed the illusion. And, as Victoria stared at the Goddess, the Goddess stared back at Victoria.
"Well, are you gonna come in or what?", Cee Cee asked Victoria's reflection. But the child only continued to gape at her like she'd sprouted another head or two.
What the hell has gotten into her? This is all you need. Victoria to go and freak out on you now. You can barely hold yourself together as it is, never mind a 10 year old. Guess it would've helped your emotional state considerably if you hadn't had the brilliant idea of dedicating both "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "Glory of Love" to Hillary tonight. Almost didn't make it through them without bawling your eyes out. But, Hillary really did deserve a tribute of some kind. Looks like it really did a number on the kid, though. Well, of course, it did, Bloom, you stupid shit! Hill was her mother! Should've thought of that before you did such a inconsiderate thing!
Cee Cee turned around. "What's wrong, honey?"
As if you don't already know.
Victoria's eyes were glazed over. Not looking at Cee Cee, but looking through her like some crazy little girl version of a 'Stepford Wife'. "You...", she said, "you really are famous." When she said the last word, her voice had such a tremulous quality to it that it made the little hairs on the back of Cee Cee's neck stand on end.
Shit! This could not be happening.
Cee Cee smiled as warm a smile as she could muster.
At least she didn't mention your song selection. That was something. Still, though... seems like you managed to freak her out pretty good... poor kid looks like she's gonna just burst into tears right here in front of you!
"Just like Marilyn..." the child spoke so softly, Cee Cee she wasn't sure she even heard her correctly.
What!? Surely the kid didn't just say...
"Marilyn? As in Monroe?" Cee Cee almost laughed out loud at the very idea that she possessed any similarity whatsoever to the sex goddess of the century.
But, she thought she saw the girl give her a nearly imperceptible nod.
Oh God, how long have you waited to hear someone tell you that!?
"Well, gee...", Cee Cee cocked her head from side to side and her back seemed to straighten up almost of its own volition as she considered the notion. "What a nice thing to say." she replied, her lips sliding easily into her signature megawatt smile as she allowed herself to bask in the compliment's warmth for a moment. "You really think so?"
She turned her head and gazed over her shoulder briefly at her reflection in the mirror.
You wish! Back to reality, baby. You don't look a thing like Marilyn! Just get over yourself, Bloom. This kid has obviously lost it! Nice thought while it lasted, though.
Cee Cee sighed. "Well, in my dreams maybe, but thanks anyway, honey," she smiled. "And, as for being famous... well, yeah, I guess I am... kinda... But since when has that made any difference? I mean, I don't expect you to fall down and wet your pants or anything."
There was no reaction.
"Tough room.", Cee Cee mumbled under her breath.
The child's stare remained blank, vacant eyes fixated on some unseen point in the distance.
Okay, just when the hell did this turn into an episode of The Twilight Zone?
"I mean, I'm not that famous. Not famous enough for you to go all catatonic on me here, kiddo. Okay?"
The child's bottom lip was starting to quiver and Cee Cee was starting to panic.
Oh hell... say something to her... quick!
Shit, what?
No freaking clue!
But something! Dammit. Anything! Before she starts to...
"Uh... C-Come on in, honey. I know it does look pretty scary in here. But you know me, I ain't exactly June Cleaver."
"Who?"
"You know, Leave it to...", she waved the question away, "Never mind."
What the hell had Hillary been thinking of when she picked you for this gig anyway?
"Honey, if you'll come in, I'll let you help me take off this coat of paint I'm wearing. How does that sound?", she said, grabbing a wet sponge and starting in on the make-up that was caked all over her face.
"Paint?", Victoria parroted, still lost in Rod Serling-ville.
When did this happen anyway? She was fine just a second ago. Just a second
ago! You were telling her about how you and Hill met in Jersey and she was fine... now this? What the hell set her off?
"Yeah.", Cee Cee tried again, "This damned pancake make-up, honey. You and I
both know I don't get out of bed in the morning looking like this!", she gave the little girl what she hoped was an encouraging smile. "All just part of the grand illusion this business we call show, I suppose."
The little girl still seemed reluctant, but gave a small nod and took a cautious step toward Cee Cee, finally clearing the threshold of the door. Her eyes still glassy and unseeing.
Ahh! Progress! This is great! Now, just don't blow it!
"I really can't stand the stuff, though, you know. Makes me look like some kind of permanent resident of Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum or even worse, just a plain old garden variety mannequin! I don't even recognize my own self half the time with this junk plastered all over my face! But, with all these damned freckles of mine, I have to just layer it on like it's shellac or something. It's the only way to cover all of them up! Some times this having red hair thing can be a real pain in the uh... neck."
"Freckles!", the little girl seemed to perk up a bit. "Just like mine!" She was actually smiling now.
Thank God! This is working! Now just keep it going!
"Exactly like yours! And, hey, come to think of it, isn't it about time for another
"freckle count"? I can't even remember the last time we-"
"You're the best singer I ever saw!", the little girl suddenly blurted. She said it
with such awe and reverence that Cee Cee had to look around to see if maybe Ella
Fitzgerald had somehow mysteriously materialized right next to her or something.
Christ, that sounded just like Hillary! Just like her. She had that same fucked up crazy reaction. Like she didn't think you were real or something. My God, she even said the very same thing. That first time. In Atlantic City. When she heard you sing in the Sammy Pinker's Kiddie Show.
Cee Cee shivered as she felt goose bumps raise on the backs of her arms. Shit!
Deja Vu.
Victoria's cheeks were flushed and her eyes were wet with barely contained tears. Cee Cee could see that the child was actually trembling.
No! No! No! What the hell just happened? Everything was going so well! The freckle thing seemed to be working, she was smiling and everything. What now? More tears? Please, God, not that again!
"Shit, honey don't cry..."
Oh that was good, you schlep. Set a real example for the kid, why don't you?
"I mean, Victoria... Honey, please don't cry. It's okay. C'mon, it's me. Me. You know, dumb old Cee Cee. The one you reamed out on a daily basis at the beach house last summer.", she said. Then she laughed, "The way you're carrying on, you'd think I was the fuhh- udgingQueen of Sheba or something. Well, believe me, honey, I most certainly am not. So please... please stop crying."
Victoria nodded.
"Although...", Cee Cee said, "my manager did tell me once that I should become a Disco Queen."
A shy little smile made its way across the girl's face, "Did you?"
"Are you kidding? No. I fired the son of uhhh... gun."
Vicki grinned, "Yeah, Disco sucks."
"Victoria! I'm surprised at you.", Cee Cee tried to make her voice sound stern, but it was hard. What she wanted to do was laugh hysterically.
When the kid was right...
"Am I gonna have to wash your mouth out? Where on earth did you ever hear a word like that?"
Vicki blushed, "My mother.", she said and looked down at her Bass weeguns.
"Huh?"
"My mother, Cee Cee. She told me that when we were in a record shop and I wanted her to buy me your Disco Diva album."
"Oh she did, did she?"
Vicki nodded.
The next thing Cee Cee wanted to say was something along the lines of 'Well, no matter who said it, nice little girls shouldn't repeat words like that.'. But before she could get it out she had this vision of Hillary Whitney, the most prim and proper person she'd ever met, saying the word "sucks" and she found herself doubled over with laughter. It was kind of like Audrey Hepburn letting go with something like "muther fucker".
"Oh my God! Your mother said that?"
Vicki was incredulous. "Well... yeah. And she didn't buy it for me."
Cee Cee laughed. "I don't blame her, honey. I wouldn't buy it either. And I recorded the damn thing. But, if you play your cards right, you might talk me into letting you listen to it sometime."
The child's eyes lit up, "Really?"
Cee Cee nodded. "Yeah, sure."
Victoria rushed forward, throwing her arms around Cee Cee's neck with unbridled little girl glee. Cee Cee pulled her close and hugged her tight against her bosom.
She hadn't been expecting it, so Cee Cee was caught off her guard and for a second it startled her to find that she was a little bit misty eyed herself. "Honey, I think this is gonna be the beginning of a beauty-ful friendship."
"Good. Cause you really are the best singer I ever saw, Cee Cee. You're just... excellent."
Cee Cee laughed. "Oh really? Well, I guess I should count my blessings, at least you didn't say I was 'totally tubular' or something."
"What's that, Cee Cee?"
"You're asking the wrong person, kiddo. I'm completely clueless."
Victoria giggled. "Yeah, me, too."
Well, hot damn! An actual full fledged little girl giggle. Finally! Finally, it looks like it's going to be okay. Crossing fingers.
"So, I guess it just goes to prove that you're 10 and I'm 41 and we're both out of touch.", she said and smiled at the little girl. "But you know it's really kinda funny that you should say that about me. Did you know that your mother said I was the 'best singer she ever saw' the day we met in Atlantic City?"
Victoria took her head from Cee Cee's shoulder and looked at her. Really looked at her for the first time since before the concert Cee Cee'd just given. "She did?"
"Uh-huh. But, jeez, I don't know why I affect everyone that way when they first see me perform. It's really scary. People think I won't be me after they see me onstage for some reason. They don't realize I'm just the same old dumb broad I was 2 1/2 hours before. I don't understand it. But just cause I can sing pretty good, people think I'm a hero or something impossible like that. It's crazy."
"You don't just sing 'pretty good' Cee Cee, you sing... better than anybody."
"Yeah, yeah...", waving her comments away, "Enough with the compliments here, kid. Even my tit- uh, toes are blushing."
Vicki laughed. "Well, it's true."
"Yeah? I sure wish somebody would tell that Madonna gal that. But, thanks anyway.", she said and turned back to her reflection in the mirror.
"Oh, Cee Cee! Do you know her?"
"Who, Madonna?"
"Yeah!", Victoria said with unconcealed excitement.
"Sure. I've met her a couple of times."
"What's she like?"
"Well, actually, nothing like you'd expect. She was quite "proper" as my British friends would say. Even ladylike. Very well spoken and very intelligent and not at all a gutter mouth... unlike some people we all know and love!", she said with a wink.
"Really? Madonna? 'Proper?' I don't believe you."
"It's true! All that controversial stuff and the bad language and the sex talk, that's all just for show... to "shake people up" I believe is the way she put it. See, honey, everyone in show business is lying just a little bit about the way they really are... some lie more than others... people like Madonna and yes, even yours truly, are playing characters for the public. But, I'm sure you know all about that by now.", Cee Cee grinned.
Victoria looked at her pensively. "Well, I guess I can see what you mean. That's pretty bizarre, though."
"This is a bizarre business, honey."
Victoria considered this. "But, Cee Cee, to me, it seems that your image in the press is just about the same as you really are."
"Well, my public persona is closer to the real me than Madonna's, but there's still quite a bit of the real me that I don't ever show to the general public... only a select few of my closest family and friends really get to know the true craziness that is Cee Cee Bloom."
"And, I'm one of the 'select few'?"
"Yep! You sure are, kiddo.", Cee Cee said, then rolled her eyes. "Heaven help us both!"
Victoria laughed as Cee Cee went back to dabbing at her make-up with a wet sponge.
The little girl just sat and watched her for a long time. Her new mother. Cee Cee Bloom: Entertainer Extraordinaire.
Now that she thought about it, Victoria remembered that shortly before her mother had died, even in her weakened condition, she'd attempted to prepare Victoria for seeing Cee Cee perform live. Her mother had told her it would be something Victoria would never forget. That Cee Cee absolutely held her audiences in her "thrall" for two hours. It was a word Victoria had never heard and when she asked her mom what it meant, Hillary had just smiled and shook her head, "You'll find out.", she'd told her. And, of course, now she had "found out" just that. What Cee Cee did to a crowd was so indescribable that it was no wonder her mother couldn't put it into words. Neither could Victoria. It was just so incredible how Cee Cee, with her voice alone, was capable of doing so much to so many.
It was hard for Victoria to wrap her mind around everything she'd just seen and she realized she'd just have to forget about trying to tell Cee Cee just how much her performance had affected her. Not only her but every other person in the auditorium that night. Maybe Cee Cee knew instinctively, but Victoria didn't think so. It felt to her as if Cee Cee had been singing only to her and her alone. She had a command of the audience that was astonishing... like she literally held them... their very emotions... in her hand and it was at her whim whether they were laughing hysterically or sobbing profusely, but it was control that was given to her willingly and without hesitation. Mostly because, and this was even more amazing, it was as if Cee Cee had somehow allowed everyone inside herself as well... some kind of sharing of her very soul... a meshing of her being... her personality with the whole crowd. Victoria had never seen anything like it. Even though she was only 10, she'd been to plenty of concerts... her mom had loved music and had taken her to see many shows. From Madonna to U2 to Frank Sinatra to even Barbra Streisand (when she was very little), she'd never seen anything to even come close to what she'd just witnessed her "new mom" accomplish onstage in a mere 2 hours. Victoria couldn't believe how ignorant she had been of Cee Cee's abilities.
For one thing, she'd never really heard Cee Cee sing. Well, she'd heard her just fooling around at the beach house and she'd heard her records, of course. But she'd never heard her "live". And, the reality of it was unbelievable. She was perfect. Every note. Every word. Every syllable. She sang like it was the most important thing in the world. So urgent and so real. This was so much, much more than just a record; it was Cee Cee's whole being... her entire essence... projected to the heavens. The most emotional part of the show had come when Cee Cee had dedicated two songs to Victoria's mother... and they had both nearly ripped Victoria's heart out. But the thing that was so strange and wonderful and unique about Cee Cee was that emotional roller coaster thing she did with her audiences. She could just absolutely waste a whole crowd with a ballad and then literally turn on a dime and have that same crowd laughing so hard they were crying yet again, but for a whole different reason. It was like everything all at once... comedy and tragedy... yin and yang all coalesced together in the person of Cee Cee Bloom. Her favorite thing to do seemed to be to tell a bunch of jokes; some of them so dirty that Victoria didn't even understand them, some of them just straight ahead funny; then suddenly just drop everything, stop dead and segue seamlessly into a devastating ballad. It was fantastic and Victoria had never experienced anything like it in her life. She was awestruck. There was no way she could've ever prepared herself for this feeling.
It was weird, though, Cee Cee seemed just like her old self now and she certainly wasn't treating Victoria any differently than she ever had. But on that stage, she'd been so regal, so refined, so elegant. It was hard for Victoria to switch gears from the diva onstage to just plain old Cee Cee again. Still, even with all the trouble she was having reconciling Cee Cee the Goddess with Cee Cee the "real person", Victoria understood that she was probably the luckiest kid on earth. This incredible woman, this... force of nature... was now going to be her mother. She got to spend the rest of her life with this magical, bigger than life lady who gave so much of herself to every single person who saw her perform.
And, it thrilled her to no end to realize she was going to get to experience... what was it Cee Cee had called it?... 'the true craziness that was Cee Cee Bloom' from now on til forever.
She was going to like this. Oh yeah, she was going to like this a lot!
Cee Cee stood up and gave herself a once over in the make-up mirror.
"Oh my God. What's wrong with this picture?", she asked.
"What?"
"Me. Just look at me. God, I'm getting so old! Look at those crow's feet, would you? Talking about Madonna, nubile little minx that she is, sure isn't helping matters. And look at that, I'm starting to squint. Damn. I hate it when I squint. I look just like Connie Chung."
"Who's that?"
"Never mind.", she looked down at her dress. "Well, I'm gonna needyour help to get out of this monstrosity of a dress, kiddo. So don't go freaking out on me again,okay?"
Victoria nodded.
"Good. By the time I get my old clothes back on, you'll really see what I mean about not being so faaaaab-ulous. Hey, maybe that's why Madonna is so popular. Sure, there's all that controversial stuff, but the fact is that damn broad looks good in or out of her clothes. The hussy. Funny how that works, isn't it?"
"Oh c'mon, Cee Cee. You don't look that bad."
"'That bad', huh? Gee, thanks."
"No, I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant. Anyway, let's hope we don't have to see all the damage up close and personal shall we? Suffice it to say that Harrison Ford isn't exactly beating my door down.", she said, then straightened her back.
"Here, unzip me, your highness."
Vicki caught the top of the zipper at the back of Cee Cee's evening gown and carefully began to slide it down. "Harrison Ford is married. I read it in People magazine."
"Oh? You read People?"
"Uh-huh."
"Well... Mel Gibson, then."
"He's married too. I read that in Us magazine."
"You read Us, too, huh?"
"Yep."
"Damn. Well, how about that cute bartender on "Cheers"? What's his name? Ted Danson."
"Married."
"Premiere, right?"
Vicki laughed. "Uh-huh. August issue. Sorry, Cee Cee."
"You know, this is getting really depressing.", she said, kicking off her six inch high spiked heels and standing flat footed in front of the mirror. With the shoes removed, she was only a few inches taller than Victoria herself.
"Wow, Cee Cee, you're so short!", Victoria said in amazement.
"Okay now, don't start with me, Victoria!", Cee Cee said, holding up a finger in the little girl's face in mock irritation, "You saw me barefooted all summer at the beach house and you didn't make any cracks or even seem to notice."
"I know I did, but I guess I just forgot and seeing you taking off those heels like that just made it so much more... obvious."
"Good word," Cee Cee said, "So, I was the runt of the litter, what do you want from me?"
"Nothing. I just think that it's really kinda neat how such a big, giant voice can come from such a tiny person."
"Oh, so it's a compliment?"
Victoria nodded. "Oh, of course!"
"Well, all right, then.", Cee Cee gave her a dazzling smile, "In that case, I'll let you by with it, kiddo.", she said, eyes sparkling.
Cee Cee turned back to the mirror and drew the burgundy velveteen gown off her shoulders then let it drop to the floor around her ankles where she stepped out of it lithely. She was wearing a lacy, white strapless corset and an ivory colored half slip underneath. The corset buoyed her breasts up like two large half moon shaped melons that jiggled effusively every time she moved. Victoria's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw the size of them.
Cee Cee caught her reaction and laughed out loud. "Oh, I forgot... the three of you have never been properly introduced.'" She looked down at her cleavage, "Girls," Cee Cee said, "meet Victoria." Then, she looked up at the little girl. "Victoria, may I present... 'the girls!'" She swiped her hand underneath her breasts like one of Barker's Beauties showing off a brand new washer/dryer on The Price Is Right.
The little girl was so dumbstruck, all she could do gape at the older woman's cleavage in wide eyed wonder, a silly grin making its way across her face.
"Oh, c'mon, honey, I know they do appear quite imposing upon first glance, but don't worry, they're relatively harmless. And, I promise you, they're completely house trained, so there's no danger of attack." she said with a hopeful wink. When there was still no response, she continued, "It's just this damned bustier, honey. It pushes them up so they look lots bigger than they really are. Not that they're nothing short of humongo even with no aid whatsoever from a support device heaving them skyward."
"I'm sorry, Cee Cee," Victoria said shyly, "It's just really hard not to stare."
"I know. I know.", Cee Cee said, waving her concern away with her hand, "And, it's perfectly okay, baby girl. You're forgiven. I mean, that is the usual reaction they get."
"I just... It's just... that I've never seen anything like them before."
Cee Cee grinned a huge grin that made her eyes crinkle up at the edges. "Few have, my dear.", she said. "I mean, you know, and lived to tell the tale."
Victoria giggled, "I thought you said they weren't dangerous."
"Oh, they aren't. Now. But back in their day, they slew quite a few good men."
Victoria shook her head, "I bet they did!" she said with a snort. "So, how do you keep them from... you know..." Victoria used her hands to make gestures in front of her chest as if she were spilling something into the floor.
"Overflowing? Bursting forth? Escaping?"
Victoria nodded, "All of the above."
"Well," Cee Cee said, making a show of looking around to see if there was anyone else lurking covertly in the room then leaning in and lowering her voice surreptitiously, "now, normally it's not a problem. If I'm wearing an evening gown and just pretty much standing still and singing, I can just wear a regular old brassiere and gravity takes care of everything. But, if I'm going to be moving around a lot and/or I'm wearing a gown or something that's off the shoulders, like the one I just took off, well then I have to wear some sort of foundation garment that is strapless... like this," she indicated the corset, "and, I have to put double stick tape on my chi chi's to avoid the show becoming a 'huge flop'. You dig?"
"A huge flop!", Victoria cackled, "Now, that's really funny!"
"Hey, don't laugh, kiddo. It actually happened to me once before and believe me when I tell you, it was not pretty."
"Really? During a concert?", Victoria said, trying to contain her giggles. "I mean, were you actually onstage at the time?"
"Oh-ho, yeah. Right in front of God and everybody!", she said with a roll of her eyes, "See, bending over is a major no-no with one of these damned push up corsets, but that's exactly what I, like a schlep, did the night I had the 'blow out'. It was while I was singing 'At Last', someone down in the front row decided to hand a rose up to me on stage and instead of just squatting down to retrieve it like I would normally do, for some crazy reason, Lord only knows why, I chose to bend over to take it from him and it was like Whoomp!", she leaned over in the mirror and pretended to let her breasts spill out over the corset's top, "There they were: 'The Boobs from 20,000 Fathoms'! Nearly smacked flower guy right in the face with'em!" she said.
"Oh no!", Victoria squealed.
Cee Cee laughed. "Oh yes!", she said, "God, I'll never forget the expression on his face either. Sheer terror! Poor guy never knew what hit him." She shook her head at the memory, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "It was so mortifying. And, of course, about five flashbulbs went off right in my face before I even realized what was going on... so I'm sure there scads of photos floating around out there somewhere to forever immortalize the most disgraceful moment of my life."
"Wow! What'd you do?"
"Well, I have two versions of what happened next, the whitewashed version I tell in public and a private more shameful version that reveals the quivering little blob of Jell-O lurking inside me which I tell only to those I love and trust implicitly."
"Oh yeah? Which version do I get?"
"Victoria, I'm crushed!," Cee Cee said, melodramatically sweeping her hand up to her brow in mock consternation. Then, she 'collected' herself and gave Victoria an inviting smile. "Which one do you think, silly?"
"The um... 'the quivering blob of Jell-O' one?"
"You got it!", Cee Cee beamed, "You get the real, honest to goodness, warts and all version."
"Cool!", Victoria said.
"Well, I don't know if I'd go that far, but here it is: When it happened, all I wanted to do was run off the stage crying. Of course, I would never admit to this in an interview or anything. But, I was so utterly humiliated and embarrassed and... just downright ashamed by the fact that number one, I had been dense enough to let it happen in the first place and number two, five jerks down in the front row had actually had the nerve to take pictures of the whole degrading display. I couldn't believe people could be so cruel. I don't think I've ever been that close to losing it onstage. I had never been that embarrassed in my life and there I stood, nipples to the wind in front of thousands and thousands of people. I had never felt so vulnerable. And, all those damned flashbulbs had completely blinded me. It felt like it had been five hundred instead of just five... I could only see a bunch of white spots in front of my eyes. I blinked and blinked, but it didn't seem to help. So, what I ended up actually doing was taking the rose from the guy, staggering backwards a few steps with my arm slung across my chest, like this," Cee Cee said, giving the little girl a demonstration, "You know, to try and cover up the ta-ta's as much as I could while retaining some shred of my decency in the bargain. Then, I turned my back to the crowd and tried to regain a little bit of my composure while getting everything back in its properly designated areas. All this while still trying to go on and remember the words to that dumbass song, mind you. I started swaying back and forth to the music and acting like I was sniffing the rose or something equally idiotic like that, then when I turned back around,... and yes, I was still singing that damned song... I had pretty much gotten myself back under control and I was able to continue on with the show as if nothing had happened. The vast majority of the audience never even knew about it."
Til those fucking pictures came out in the Enquirer the next week. But, let's spare the kid all that trauma, shall we?
"I can't believe you just continued the show after something like that."
"Well, it's like they say, honey, 'The show must go on'. And besides, I mean, what else could I do really, when every single person in the radius of the first five or six rows were in utter and complete shock from seeing 'my girls' make their debut all up-close-and personal-like? At that point, the only thing to do was to try to get their minds off the whole tawdry affair by keeping some modicum of decency and decorum and continuing on with the show in a relatively ladylike manner and with some small semblance my self respect."
"But, how did you do that, Cee Cee? How do you get over something like that and go on?"
"Well, I have to admit, I was just so freaking pissed off- uh sorry, I mean mad. I was just so mad that I couldn't see straight and I think that actually might be what saved me. At least, partially. I mean, I'd be damned if I was going to give those flash bulb freaks down in the front row the satisfaction of seeing me flee the stage in tears and let them have yet another opportunity to take even more humiliating pictures of me. So, I made up my mind to stick it out... come hell, hapless hooters or high water. I made it through the night, finally, and, like I said, most people had no idea the incident ever even took place. And, when all was said and done, I have to say that I did leave the stage that night with some scintilla of my dignity intact. If I'd just run off crying like I wanted to do, I couldn't have salvaged that or gotten any respect from some of the lovely people who wrote wonderful letters to me afterward telling me what a 'trooper' I was for continuing the show in the face of such an extreme 'wardrobe malfunction' and how they admired my fortitude and resolve. I tell you what, though, I certainly didn't feel like a 'trooper' that night."
Victoria looked confused. "Wait a minute, Cee Cee. I thought you said that only the people in the first few rows actually saw it."
"That's right, sweetie. The ones further back couldn't see but, of course, the ones in front, who did see, blabbed to the Press and pretty soon it seemed like the whole bleeping world knew about it."
"Really? That's weird cause I never heard anything."
"Victoria," Cee Cee said, taking the little girl's hands in hers, "Honey, you're only 10 years old. Believe it or not, kiddo, life did exist prior to 1978!", she said, eyes sparkling. "And, this happened long before you were even born, so I'm not surprised you haven't heard about it. It makes the rounds every few years or so, though, so I'm sure you'll hear something about it eventually. It's sort of become part of the Hollywood lore about me now. You know, one of the stories that surround celebrities who have been in the business for thousands upon thousands of years, like my own self.", she said, raising her brows and smiling at the little girl. "What my publicist would call the 'Cee Cee Bloom Mystique' or some such nonsense. I mean, it's kinda reached Urban Legend status now anyway. It was so long ago that no one remembers whether or not it actually even happened. But, I'm sure it'll make good fodder for a really boring Lifetime Movie some day."
"Oh Cee Cee, your life could never be boring."
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, kid, but I beg to differ. Anyhow, suffice it to say that I learned my lesson. From that time on, I started wearing the double stick tape and always squatting down to take anything someone wanted to hand up onstage to me. And, it may be a tad superstitious, but I've never sung 'At Last' in any show since then."
"That sounds like a terrible experience, Cee Cee, I'm just so sorry you had to go through all of that."
"It's okay, kiddo. Like I said, it was years ago. I had a rough time of it there for awhile after it first happened, but don't worry yourself about it, honey. I've been completely over it for a long time now."
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, old girl, who knows maybe in a hundred years or so you'll actually start believing your own lie.
"Well, that's good. And thank you for telling me the warts and all version. I'm glad you're okay now. And, if it makes you feel any better, I don't care what you say, Madonna has nothing on you!"
Cee Cee smiled, grateful for the change of subject. "Well, thank you for saying so, honey. And, maybe she doesn't have anything on me in the bazoom department, but as far as everything else goes, she outclasses me by leaps and bounds. I mean, other than these big old boobs of mine, the rest of my body, unlike Ms. Ciccone's, is a complete and utter disaster area.", she said.
"That's not true.", Victoria told her.
"Sure it is, kiddo, just take a look for yourself."
Cee Cee watched as the little girl forcibly cycled her eyes, which had been trained pretty much the whole time on Cee Cee's cleavage, over to look at the rest of her body, specifically the body make up she was wearing. It presented an interesting spectacle in its own right. Cee Cee's flesh was a light bronzed color where the dress had revealed skin, but the rest of her body was much paler. Her throat and chest were "tanned" in a wide angle shaped like the letter "V" down to the center of her cleavage, then the pancake ended and her skin was a milky white. There was a matching "V" of make-up that covered the top portion of her back and extended down to just above the back of the corset. Her arms were the color of alabaster from mid-forearm up. The corset was cinched in so tightly around her torso and waist that her flesh spilled out over the top of it on either side of her back.
She raised an arm and slapped at the flabby skin that hung from it with her other hand. "Did you know that once you reach thirty, your body decides it wants a life of its own?"
"Cee Cee, chill out. You don't look so old."
"I'm glad at least one of us doesn't think so.", she said and looked at herself once more in the mirror. "Well, now, doesn't this present a pretty picture? I look like the inside of a melted Almond Joy... with tits!"
Victoria took one look at Cee Cee's face and cracked up, laughing so loudly she had to cover her mouth with her hand to contain herself.
"Sorry.", Cee Cee said and rolled her eyes. "I can never pass up an opportunity for a boob joke. Glad you enjoyed it."
"Well... you do look kinda funny. All dark and white and... lumpy like that."
"Lumpy!", Cee Cee said in mock exasperation, "See there, now even you've deserted me."
"Well, it's true.", Victoria said with a snicker.
Cee Cee narrowed her eyes and gave her a fake glower. "Quick, hand me that robe over behind the door, before someone calls the "Fashion Police. And while you're at it, go ahead and shut it, too. I mean, we wouldn't want the stage hands to get an extra show now, would we?", she said with a wink.
Victoria did as she was told, then took the mint green robe with the fuzz around the sleeves off the hook on the back of the door and over to Cee Cee, who slipped it on over her underwear. Then, Cee Cee sat back down and went at putting globs of white cold cream all over her face and three plastic clips in her hair to hold it back from the goo.
"Cee Cee," Victoria said, tentatively, "I'm really sorry I kinda freaked out on you before."
Cee Cee chuckled. "You kinda freaked? If that was just kinda freaking out, I'd hate to see the full blown variety. I mean, I thought I was starring in a re-make of Night of the Living Dead and someone had forgotten to tell me about it there for a minute, kiddo!"
Victoria fake punched her in the arm. "C'mon, stop it! It's just that I don't... I mean I can't... really explain exactly. I mean, it's like you're two different people."
Where'd she heard that before?
"You know, honey, that's what everyone tells me.", Cee Cee told her, trying to shake off another chilly feeling of deja vu. Hillary had told her that very thing so many times. "If it makes you feel any better, though, I don't really understand it either and I'm the one it happens to. I have no control over it... I just get out there and it, whatever the hell it is, just sort of takes over." Then, she laughed, "A little like being possessed, I suppose."
"I guess!" Victoria smiled and shook her head.
"Yeah, and I thank God for it every day. I don't know what I'd do if I ever walked out on that stage one night and it wasn't there."
"Do you ever worry about losing it?"
"Oh, only about 152 times a day.", Cee Cee smiled.
Victoria laughed.
"That's why I have my back-up girls and all my musicians from the show join hands with me and form a little prayer circle before every performance. And, I ask the Big Guy upstairs to bless us all with a good show and thank Him for everything He's given me.
"You pray, Cee Cee? Really?"
"Hey! Don't look so shocked, honey. Of course, I do. Just because I'm in show business doesn't mean that I'm not thankful and aware of my Maker and all the blessings He's seen fit to bestow upon me. In fact, I'd venture to say that people in this business need to pray more than any other. And, I have to give the Lord His due. I mean, He blessed me with this voice of mine, among other things," she said, winking at the little girl and reaching out to muss her hair, "and the least I could do is thank Him for it."
Victoria giggled as she used her hands to smooth down the hair Cee Cee had tousled. "You know, Cee Cee, I think that's really great."
"Well, it may be a bit old fashioned, but it was the way I was brought up. Ma may have made her share of mistakes, but raising me to be an ingrate wasn't one of them."
The child's features took on a wistful look and for a second Cee Cee was mortified.
Way to go, you schlep! Mention your Ma when the kid just lost hers barely more than a month ago. Smooth move!
"My mother told me that you hold people in your "thrall" when you perform, Cee Cee.", she said and Cee Cee relaxed visibly, "I didn't know what that meant til tonight."
"Well, you're way ahead of me, kid. I have no clue what that means!", Cee Cee said with a chuckle. Then, she shook her head, "But, you know what? That sounds just like your mother. Typically, half the time I never knew what the hell she was talking about either!", Cee Cee flashed Victoria that brilliant smile of hers.
"That's one thing I always loved about my mother, she was so smart.", the little girl's voice sounded strained. Cee Cee knew it was hard for her to talk about this so close to it happening and all.
"Listen, honey, I wanted to say I was sorry if dedicating those songs to your mom made you sad. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I really didn't. It was just a spur of the moment thing and when I did it, I didn't realize how it might affect you... or me."
The child did a good job of holding back her tears. Cee Cee was very impressed.
"I loved what you did, Cee Cee. Thank you for doing that for her. I know she would've loved it, too."
The strength that this young girl was showing to Cee Cee now was astonishing... especially considering that just moments ago, she'd been in such a state just from watching her perform.
Guess you can never underestimate the power of a good unfettered boobs story!
"Thank you for saying that, honey. It makes me feel a lot better to hear that from you. I was only trying to pay a loving tribute to her. I only wish she could have been here to see it.", she said, her voice suddenly becoming gravelly.
"Oh, she was Cee Cee," Victoria told her, "I'm sure of it."
"You really think so?", Cee Cee asked, eyes shining.
"Of course she was, looking down from Heaven." Victoria said softly, "I could feel her."
"Really? You could?"
Victoria nodded. "Absolutely."
Cee Cee felt chill bumps raise on her flesh. "I knew it. I knew it! I mean, I thought it had to have been just me but, I knew I felt her presence, too. That's the way I sang those songs I dedicated to her... like I was singing them just to her on a personal level."
"She felt it, Cee Cee, I have no doubt of that. I'm sure she knew how much you wanted her to be there and that's why she came."
"What a wonderful thing to say, honey." Cee Cee inhaled deeply, trying her best to quell the tears that were threatening to break free any second. "Your mother was the best friend I ever had. I think she knew me better than I know myself a lot of the time."
"I'm so glad that she said I could stay with you, Cee Cee. You knew her better than just about anyone, too. If there's anybody who could tell me what she was really like before I came along, it's you."
Cee Cee could feel her bottom lip start to quiver so she bit down on it, hard. She was determined not to cry. If the kid could take it, she could take it. So she steeled herself... doing her dead level best not to tear up. But it was proving more and more difficult by the second. This little girl was just amazing.
"You know what, Cee Cee?"
"What?", Cee Cee asked as she tried to busy herself by going back to wiping at the goop on her face with the sponge.
"I think it's gonna work out alright for us."
Cee Cee turned with what she hoped was a playful, non-teary eyed look on her face. "Oh yeah? And why's that?"
"Cause I already love you, Cee Cee.", Victoria said, simply.
"Oh, Victoria...," Cee Cee said, her voice thick with emotion. "You do?" She blinked furiously, trying to keep the tears at bay for a few more seconds.
Victoria nodded. "Sure, I do, Cee Cee. But, please don't cry!"
"It's okay. I'm fine. Just give me a minute.", she said, struggling to retain control. "I'm sorry. I do this kinda shit- uh stuff... all the time."
She snatched a tissue from the box on the table and blew her nose.
"So, what you're saying is...", she continued, inhaling a deep, calming breath, "that you really do care about me?"
"Of course, I do, Cee Cee. Don't be silly! I've always loved you... from the very beginning. You are the absolute best!"
Cee Cee's brows raised and her wet lashes blinked once. "But, you–", she jabbed a finger in Victoria's direction, "I mean, even at the Beach House?"
"Sure."
"After all the hell you gave me?"
Victoria giggled. "Yep. I couldn't let you off so easy... I had to make sure you took good care of my mom."
Cee Cee shook her head and chuckled softly, "Well, I love you, too, honey," she said, "and I always have." She didn't do too good a job of keeping her voice from shaking on the last part. But, she did manage a smile, even though she could feel the dam finally starting to burst and the tears beginning to spill down her cheeks. At last, she gave in.
Let them come.
Her lashes were thick with Vaseline, but even that didn't stop the mascara from running down her face in several black streaks. Except for what the tissue had managed to wipe away, Cee Cee's face was still pretty much covered in cold cream, her hair was clipped up in a dangling, messy heap on her head, her nose was bright red from trying so hard not to cry and petroleum jelly covered her eyes. She knew she must've been a sight. But that didn't stop Vicki from bounding over to hug her anyway.
"Please stop crying, Cee Cee."
As soon as Cee Cee glanced over at their reflection in the mirror, she stopped crying... and started laughing.
Shit! It's "Beauty and the Beast".
"What's so funny?"
"Us. Oh God, us," Cee Cee said and pointed her finger at the mirror "Just look at us."
Victoria turned her head so that she could see both of their reflections. Cee Cee looked so ridiculous with all that white creamy stuff on her face and her eyes were black and greasy looking. And her bright red hair was standing straight up on the top of her head because of all the clips in it. Victoria, on the other hand, looked perfectly untouched, well, except for the huge smear of cold cream that'd somehow managed to lodge itself in her hair and on the cheek that was facing Cee Cee.
Suddenly, she was laughing, too.
To make matters worse, Cee Cee went into one of the songs she sang in her show... "I'm your Venus. I'm your fire. It's your desire."
After that she was consumed by a spasm of laughter that doubled her over in her chair. She had to lean over the arm to get her breath.
"Damn it, Victoria. I'm crying again and it's your fault."
"Hey, don't blame this on me... I'm not the one who put that stuff all over your face!"
Cee Cee was laughing so hard, she could barely speak. "And you...", she screamed, pointing at Victoria. "You were actually worried I was turning into freaking Marilyn Monroe."
"Yeah, you're right, Cee Cee how stupid of me. You do look like a complete schlemiel.", Victoria told her, looking quite pleased with herself.
Cee Cee stopped laughing and stared at the child for a moment, agape. "A schlemiel! Excuse me? Where the hell did you hear that word?"
"Where do you think?" Vicki teased.
That started the giggles again and Cee Cee pulled the little girl into her lap so she could give her a huge bear hug. "Well, you'd just better watch what you repeat that comes out of my mouth, young lady! Luckily, that was one of my tamer ones!"
"Well, it is true, you know... Schlemiel! Schlemiel! Schlemiel!", she squealed, and began inflicting a barrage of finger pokes to Cee Cee's gut.
Giggling, Cee Cee reached for the jar of cold cream on the table in front of her. Then, while trying to hold her own against the pokes, she went into her best Bugs Bunny impression, "You realize, of course... this means war."
In a flash, she had raked out a huge glob of the cream and smeared it all over Vicki's face.
"Oh, no you didn't!", Victoria cried, grabbing a big pouf filled with powder and slam dunking it into Cee Cee's cleavage.
Vicki jumped off Cee Cee's lap and said, "There! Now all you need is that "Agony of Defeat" guy from "American Sportsman" to ski down them."
Cee Cee closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath.
"Okay! That's it!," Cee Cee said like a declaration of war, "Nobody but nooooobody insults 'the girls' and gets away with it!" She searched madly for a weapon on the table behind her. "You, my dear, are dead meat.", she said and brandished a can of L'oreal Mega-Mousse in the little girl's face like a gunslinger.
And, before either of them knew what was happening, all hell had broken loose. Make-up flew everywhere. Glass bottles soared through the air to burst on the walls, tubes of concealer and liquid make up were squashed and ground into the floor by their feet. The noise level had risen so significantly that people outside the dressing room were beginning to wonder what was going on.
The wardrobe mistress finally found the courage to open the door and poke her head inside.
"Cee Cee? Everything okay in-", was all she got out before she was hit dead center in the face by an airborne pouf filled with white powder. She stood stunned for a second, her face looking for all the world like one of those mimes Cee Cee despised so much in Central Park. Then, quite suddenly, she sneezed one enormous sneeze and retreated back to the relative safety of the hallway.
Cee Cee and Victoria looked at each other with reproach. Then broke up into another swell of laughter that landed them on the floor in the middle of the little dressing room.
Cee Cee looked around at the damage they had inflicted.
The walls were blue and white and red with splashes of green and gold. The clothes racks had fallen into a mess of disarray on the floor. Cee Cee's "Otto Titsling" costume lay in a heap in one corner. The floor was slippery with globs of foundation and cold cream. A large bottle of Liz Claiborne perfume lay on its side on the table, the contents glugging methodically out all over the floor. A generous dusting of powder covered everything
"I think...", Cee Cee said with a grin, "we're in trouble."