A/N: Just a little blurb I wrote at work while I was bored. There's not a lot of explanation for it, I was just thinking about how LSFRevan would have felt about dealing with Malak, especially considering how close they were implied to have been.
Now that... Revan... knew who she was, or rather who she had been, she was starting to remember things. It was never anything much, or anything useful... the memories were just small echos of her past. It was a damn shame she never remembered anything about the Star Forge, but she guessed that would be just too much to ask for.
No, what she remembered were ghosts of her previous life. It would drift through her head what Malak's skin felt like... or how his voice sounded before the synthesizer had been equipped... though she could not remember how he had lost his jaw. She assumed it had something to do with the war. Still, she remembered other strange things, like how hearing him angry growl angrily had amused her so. After HK had told her that Malak was the original 'meatbag', she remembered her former apprentice's snarl s clearly as though he were standing beside her.
She remembered other things about the Sith lord too. The locations of the calluses on his hands. What he had looked like with his shirt off. How heavy he felt when he was over her. How strong his arms were when they were wrapped around her.
They were confusing memories... she just could not imagine the situations in which they had been created... Well, she could, but she could not imagine herself now doing any of that. She supposed Mission was right... she really was a completely different person.
Had she loved him? She wondered that some nights when she lay awake in her bunk. She was sure, after speaking to him, that he had not loved her, but that did not mean her feelings would have been any different. Why else would she have taken him with her when she defected? True, he was a good fighter, and strong in the Force as well... but those could not be the only reasons. Or at least it did not feel like they were.
She wondered if she could do it, if... no, when the time came. Would she be able to kill Malak? If there was no other way to put a stop to him... and she suspected there was not... could she force herself to take his life? Or would the ghost of old feelings flare up, and stop her? She did not know... and she truly wished she did.